Randall sighed. “Do I trust him?”

  Donovan tapped the side of his nose and winked. “You got it.”

  “I think I do.”

  “But you looked through his phone which tells me you're not sure that you do trust him. What makes you doubt your trust?”

  “The texts were from his ex.”

  “And?”

  “And...it makes me worry that he might go back.”

  Donovan nodded. “There it is. That's the fear you have to unpack.”

  “I hate it. I hate the way it feels. I don't like what it makes me do. How do you deal with it?”

  “I'm no expert, but I've always gotten rid of my fears by swimming.”

  Randall hummed. “That usually helps me, too.”

  “My father always told me that moving a muscle can change a thought. I've found it to be mostly true.”

  “And what happens if it doesn't work?”

  “Well, eventually, you'll have to face your fear.”

  Randall exhaled loudly. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  “So, what do you think you'll do?”

  “I think I'll get some more swimming under my belt and then head for his dorm room. I should tell him tonight.”

  Donovan smiled. “That sounds like a good plan.”

  “Are you going to stick around?”

  “Nah, I think I'm all done for the night. I'll catch you at the next practice.”

  Donovan stood up and held out his hand. Randall shook it with a grin, squeezing it slightly. “Thanks, dude.”

  “Any time. I'll see you later on. If not, tomorrow.”

  When Donovan was gone, Randall stared at the pool. He took a deep breath and dropped over the edge, diving down.

  Silence enveloped him. The water pressed in as he blindly swam to the bottom of the pool, folding his legs beneath him and placing his hands on his knees. He sat in this position briefly, allowing a few bubbles to leave his lips and float to the surface. He could hear them gurgling past his ears and feel them tickling his forehead.

  The lack of noise soothed him.

  So, I went through his phone...that was a mistake on my part just like Donovan said. Maybe if I had given Caleb time, he would have told me about Kyle bothering him. He frowned slightly, feeling a knot form in his throat. But what if he never did? What if I never knew about it and we just kept moving forward?

  A large bubble popped from his mouth and he looked skyward, following the air pocket all the way to the surface. When he reached the top, he gasped and let his body relax on top of the water. He floated aimlessly for a moment, listening to the steady drip from a nearby pipe. As he dipped, water clouded his hearing and he sighed.

  Everything became muffled. It gave him a different perspective, one that wasn't entirely silent but wasn't quite loud either. He invited it to stay a while to settle his thoughts.

  All right, I'll have to face him. He's probably expecting to see me tonight. After all, I wasn't there when he got back from his test and I haven't said much at all.

  He resolutely fixed his position and paddled toward the ladder on the other end of the pool, hoisting himself up slowly. He felt the water trickle down his legs and seep between his toes while he walked toward the locker room. He tugged his swim cap off and set it down on a bench next to his goggles, grabbing a few toiletries before choosing the first stall in sight.

  As he turned the knobs to his preferred temperature, he stepped under the stream of water. A sigh erupted from him, full of content. Although the pool water had soothed his brain, the warm water of the shower soothed his soul. He could feel the heat trickle down into his muscles, calming him into a relaxed state.

  He sighed again as he grabbed a soap bar and lathered up. He ran the bar over his skin and rubbed away the chlorine, feeling more refreshed by the second. When he rinsed, he let his head linger under the stream for a few seconds longer, focusing only on the warmth that lingered in his bones. He set down the bar of soap and reached for the shampoo, going through the motions of cleaning his hair before conditioning it.

  When he was finished, he shut off the water and reached for a towel outside the stall. There wasn't one there. He laughed and shook the water away from his hair, looking much like a dog that had just sprinted through the sprinklers. He stepped out from behind the cloudy curtain and went to his locker, plucking a fresh towel from the stack he kept inside. As he patted down his body, he felt like he was drying away his worries.

  He smiled to himself. Once I tell him the truth, we can move on. It'll make us stronger. I'm sure of it.

  He pulled on a fresh pair of gym shorts and a white t-shirt, then smoothed a hand through his hair. He grabbed his bag, set his swim cap and goggles on the top shelf of his locker, and shut it, making sure the lock was set. As he walked out of the locker room, he felt refreshed. He tugged on his sneakers and flipped the lights before leaving, listening to his sneakers squeaking across the tile.

  He glanced at his phone. An hour and a half had passed since dinner. Even though he hadn't texted Caleb about dropping by, he felt confident that it was the right decision. After such a long day apart, he really just wanted to be in Caleb's presence. It would surely fix everything.

  It's exactly what I need, he thought resolutely. I'm sure that's really all I need at this point. We'll talk and then we'll cuddle.

  He pumped his legs ahead of him, walking briskly through the courtyard and past a few buildings to get to Caleb's dorm. He noticed the lights in each window blaring out into the night, cutting through the darkness like knives. On either side of the sidewalk were a series of lamps that looked rustic, showering light all over his path. He stepped past the pools of light and watched his shadow darken inside them.

  His stomach did a flip. Part of him was still stuck in the regret of his decision. If he hadn't picked up Caleb's phone like that and nosily looked through it, he wouldn't be feeling the shame that was now rooted in his gut. He could feel it growing like a tree, roots digging down into his legs and making it difficult to walk.

  But he could have easily just been exhausted from swimming. Practice had gone over by an hour and he had spent extra time in the pool. That meant he had missed his evening snack and he was hankering for something to fill his stomach. It might get rid of the awful feeling of impending doom that had suddenly made an appearance in his chest.

  After taking a deep and relaxing breath, he pressed on, listening to the night sound off its own special chorus. He swallowed the knot in his throat, preparing the apology repeatedly in his head.

  It was all he could do.

  Chapter Twelve

  Caleb

  “I shouldn't have to ask what you're doing in front of my room.”

  Caleb stood in the middle of the hallway, clutching his bag to his shoulder. It was the only thing keeping him from flying off the handle.

  “I just need to talk to you,” Kyle replied. “And you weren't answering your phone.”

  “I hardly had it on me today.”

  “That sounds like a lie.”

  Caleb huffed with frustration. “Well, I'm not letting you in, no matter how much you beg me.”

  “What if I offered a compromise?”

  Caleb frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I'll leave you alone from here on out if you just hear what I have to say. How's that?”

  He considered it—and he was shocked that he was even doing that much. Kyle had ditched him after two years together. It was an abrupt change that had catapulted him into a weird spiral, one that had led to Randall. If he could gain a sense of closure from his loss, it might widen the path for Randall and him. It could actually help.

  He scratched his chin. “I don't know. Harrison is supposed to be back soon.”

  “I won't be long. I promise.”

  “Any time you've said that in the past, it's always taken about three hours.”

  “Well, we're not in the past anymore, Caleb. We're in a bright and sunny future. I won't be longer than twenty minutes.”

  Caleb shrugged, adjusting his backpack. “All right, fine. But no more than twenty minutes, okay? I don't want Harrison getting the wrong idea.”

  “You know Harrison thinks whatever he wants. You shouldn't worry about him.”

  While Caleb unlocked the door, he rolled his eyes. He smelled Kyle's signature cologne—the one that had originally caused him to swoon—and he fought back the urge to reminisce on the earlier scenes of their relationship. He swung open the door and left it open. It made the room feel much bigger than it was.

  Kyle settled into a chair near Caleb's desk, drumming his fingers on the surface of the wood while waiting for Caleb to find a spot. Caleb frantically searched for something to do. As much as he wanted closure, he wasn't sure right now was the time for it.

  But when would be a better time? He was about to tell Randall all about Colorado and then plan his departure. Maybe it was a good time. It was possible that the universe was attempting to nudge him along.

  He glanced at Kyle. “So, say your piece.”

  “I wanted to start off with an apology about the number of messages I've sent you. When you didn't respond, I became frantic.”

  Caleb blinked a few times as he relaxed down into his bed. “Okay...”

  “And I think I acted like a child the night we broke up.”

  “You mean the night you broke up with me.”

  “Right—I did do that, didn't I?”

  Caleb nodded solemnly. “You did.”

  “I'm sorry about that, too. I think I was...getting scared. I knew you were applying for that university in Colorado and I wasn't sure what I would do if you got in. I know it's what you've always wanted, but then I started thinking about what I wanted.”

  “And what do you want?”

  “I want a family. I want to settle into a football career and have a house, maybe even a farm. I pictured those things when I thought about them and the person I saw myself with was you.”

  Caleb sat silently with his hands on his knees, unsure of what to say. As he licked his lips, he felt the air in the room shift. Cool air greeted his temples. It barely calmed him down.

  “And I saw more,” Kyle continued. “I saw us adopting a few kids and having a few dogs. Hell, with my salary in just a few short years, we could have a lot of land to ourselves.”

  “I didn't realize you were planning all of this.”

  “And I didn't realize you were taking Colorado so seriously. It scared me away, Caleb. I didn't want to run, but I wasn't sure what to do.”

  “You really hurt me, Kyle. You messed up my head. I thought we really had something together. I mean, we were together for two years.”

  Kyle brushed his long hair behind his ears, shrugging. “It got too real all of a sudden. Football has always been my life and then there was you.”

  “And I became a distraction.”

  “No,” Kyle whispered while shaking his head. “Then, you became my life.”

  “But all those messages...”

  “I was wrong to send them. I should have just approached you like an adult, like I am now. This is remarkably better than just trying to win your approval through a stupid phone.”

  Caleb closed his eyes as he let out a loud sigh. “I just don't get where all this is coming from. It just seems suspicious.”

  “Well, seeing you with someone else really made me jealous.”

  “Okay, but that's not my problem.”

  “It made me realize that I had let go of something really worthwhile. You mean a lot to me, Caleb. You really do. And I want to make things up to you.”

  Kyle's words began to fade as Caleb was taken by a flash memory. He remembered going to the beach with Kyle. It was the first time he had ever seen the ocean, ever witnessed the majesty of nature in all her glory. He had seen lakes and mountains, but he had never admired such a great body of water that seemed to go on forever. He had held Kyle's hand. He had squeezed it. He had thought of how they would last forever.

  He opened his eyes. “How would you make things up to me?”

  “I'll do whatever I can to make this right. I'll double down on our dates and give you whatever you need. I'll even skip a practice or two if it means I get to be with you.”

  “And what if I need something you can't give me?”

  Kyle laughed nonchalantly. “I can always provide for you. Don't you know that? I'll never give up.”

  “It didn't seem like that at the beginning of the semester. It felt like you were avoiding me.”

  “In a way, I was, but not on purpose. Football really takes up my time.”

  Caleb sighed. “See, I don't think it would work with you being a football player. I don't think that's the life I want.”

  “And what kind of life do you want?”

  “I want something calm, clear, and simple. I want consistency. I want to be able to come home at the end of the day and see the person I love waiting for me.”

  Kyle reached for Caleb's hand. “I can do that in between seasons. It won't be so bad. You'll see.”

  “And what happens if you get bored while you're traveling? I just don't feel good about it, Kyle. I don't think it would work.” Caleb withdrew his hand. “Besides, I've got something nice going on now.”

  “You mean with that swimmer? I mean, you're just trading one jock for another. It's not really much different than me. Why settle for him?”

  Caleb shook his head. “I think you've said enough, Kyle.”

  “I really haven't said much at all.”

  “No, you've said plenty. All I'm hearing is you back-peddling to make up for a mistake that you made. I didn't end things with us. You did that.”

  “And I'm sitting here, prostrating myself before you, admitting that I made that mistake. What more do you want?”

  “I want you to leave.”

  Kyle stood firmly and crossed his arms. “You think you can just throw me out like that?”

  “I can and I will.” Caleb pointed to the door. “Just get out of here and take your lousy apology with you.”

  “I should have known you wouldn't have accepted my apology. I'm only human, Caleb. I stumble just like everybody else, but you act like you're high and mighty.”

  Caleb scoffed. “That was a pretty big stumble to try to make up for.”

  “Do you think your new guy will do all the things I've done? Will he apologize like I have?”

  “No, his apologies would be much more sincere than yours.”

  Kyle fumed, his face filling with crimson heat. “You don't mean that. You know I'm trying, Caleb. You know me better than anyone else.”

  “I know Randall more than I know you. I've known Randall since I was a kid and he's never once challenged me the way you have. Sure, he's made me frustrated, but he's never made me angry. You've made me angry.”

  “He won't like you leaving, you know.”

  “That's really none of your business now that we're through.”

  “He'll probably ditch you. And when he does, you know where to find me.”

  “I won't go looking for you—that's one thing you can count on.”

  Kyle huffed as he headed for the open doorway. “I'm willing to bet you will. You always come running when there's a problem in your life.”

  “How dare you come up here and try to tell me how I'm going to handle things!”

  “I don't need to tell you when I already know it's what you're going to do!”

  “You have absolutely no right saying those things to me. If you were really here to apologize, you would do better than accusing me of being a runner.”

  Kyle laughed. “And isn't that what you are, Caleb? A runner? You always came to me when you couldn't solve anything yourself.”

  “You're lying—that's not true!” Caleb's eyes welled with tears. “And what about you breaking up with me? You just said that you were running away because you were scared!”

  “But I came back to solve it, didn't I? I came right back to fix it.”

  Caleb shook his head and pointed again at the door. “Just...get...out!”

  After a moment of silence, Kyle jetted from the room. He hastily disappeared and left Caleb sitting in a pit of emotions, the same ones he had been trying to avoid since Kyle had initially approached him out on the green. He folded his arms across his chest and sank back down into the bed.

  He sniffled. “God...”

  The light from the hallway was too bright. All the usual sounds of the dorm seemed deafening and he rose to remedy it, shutting the door hard. The sound of it snapping shut echoed in the room.

  Just as he resumed his position on the bed, he heard a knock.

  “I told you to go away!” he shouted while rising back up. “Don't ever come back, Kyle!”

  There was a pause followed by a low voice that said, “It's Randall.”

  Sniffling, Caleb rushed to the door. He whipped it open and fell into Randall, feeling the weight of everything releasing in the form of frantic sobs. Randall carried him back into the room and set him on the bed, kneeling in front of him.

  “You're here,” Caleb sobbed. “That means everything is going to be okay. I already feel better.”

  Randall looked grim. “About that...”

  Caleb wiped his face. “What do you mean?”

  “We have to talk.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Randall

  As Randall scooted back to take a seat, he studied Caleb. The man looked utterly torn. His eyes were red, and his cheeks were swollen from crying. It made Randall want to dash away from the whole situation and move to another state.

  But he didn't move. He remained seated. “So... what was that about?”

  Caleb snorted. “The ex-jerk just tried to get back into my good graces by giving me a sorry excuse for an apology.”

  “Why in the world would he try to do that?”

  “Because he was jealous of us. I can't believe I even had to explain how he did me wrong. It was like he had no idea that he hurt me.”

  Randall dropped his gaze, guilt blurring the edges of his vision. “Did you invite him over?”

 

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