Guarding Your Heart, page 10
He watched her face carefully, seeing the wheels turn behind her intelligent eyes. Finally, she nodded, and he felt the weight lift off his chest.
“A couple of burgers and fries okay with you?”
She nodded again, this time her smile wide. He walked over to the counter, ordered two cheeseburgers to go, one without onions, then moved back to sit at the booth while she collected her belongings.
Her eyes were wide as they landed on him, and she asked, “No onions? You remember?”
Chuckling, he said, “Oh, yeah, Sophie.” Sobering, he added, “I remember lots of things.”
She sucked in her lips, no response coming. The server brought out the Styrofoam boxes in a plastic bag, and Callan paid for their meals while Sophie was still digging in her purse for her wallet.
“I got it,” he said, stilling her hands.
Her face scrunched adorably, and for a moment he was reminded of the same look she would give as a child when Philip said something that confused her. Not about to mention that to her, he just said, “I invited you, so it’s my treat.”
She stood and collected her satchels, and they walked out of the diner together, his hand resting lightly on the back of her coat. She looked up toward him and smiled but said nothing.
After he saw her to her car, he said, “See you there.” She offered a little wave before backing out of her parking space.
Tossing the bag into the front passenger seat, he climbed inside his truck. Thrilled that she had agreed to have dinner with him, even if it was burgers in his little apartment, he followed her.
On the short five-minute drive to her parents’ house, she tried to still the butterflies in her stomach. I’m going to Callan’s. Am I crazy? Arriving there before she had a chance to answer that question, she parked at the back of her parents’ lot. Alighting from her car, she smiled as Callan drove in right behind her, parking on the other side of the alley next to his parents’ garage. Just before she closed her car door, he shouted, “Bring your things over. You can show me what you’re working on.”
Nodding her agreement, she reached into the passenger side and grabbed her portfolio and satchel. Walking across the alley, she moved straight toward him, her gaze raking over his handsome body showcased in his uniform.
“This way to my castle in the sky,” he quipped, eliciting a giggle from her.
She walked up the stairs to the small landing at his door, waiting until he unlocked it. He swung the door open and motioned for her to enter. He was right behind her and reached his long arm to her side, flipping on the light. The room was large and open, a decent size living room on the left and small dining room and U-shaped kitchen on the right. There was not a hall, but an open door on the back wall exposed the bedroom, and she assumed the bathroom was through there as well.
The walls were painted a soft grey, and the dark blue sofa and dark grey chair in the living room gave the space a masculine, clean feel. The kitchen cabinets were painted white, and the countertops were grey. The floors were hardwood, and in the middle of the living room was a rug with a geometric pattern of gray, black, and blue.
He set the plastic bag on the counter. “You can put your things on the kitchen table if you want. I’ll be right back,” he said and disappeared through the door. A few minutes later he returned dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and socked feet.
He walked to the refrigerator and called over his shoulder, “What would you like to drink? I’ve got beer, water, or orange juice.” Turning to look at her, he said, “Sorry. That’s not really much of a selection, is it?”
She laughed and said, “A beer is fine, thank you.” She moved over to the counter and pulled the Styrofoam boxes out of the plastic bag. Glancing up, she saw that he was taking two plates from the dryer rack in the sink. “Unless you want to get fancy, we can just eat straight out of the boxes. That way you don’t have any plates to wash.”
Setting the two beers on the counter, he shook his head, grinning. “A woman after my own heart,” he said. “Are the burgers still warm, or do I need to nuke ‘em?”
“I think we’re good,” she said, peering into the boxes. “Oh, do you have any ketchup?”
He nodded and turned back to the refrigerator to get it, setting it between the two boxes. Walking around the counter, he hopped up on the stool next to her, his leg pressed alongside hers.
She felt the jolt of electricity and wondered if he felt it as well. He did not move his leg, and she loved the intimacy of having him close. She thought of the past and remembered she always felt that same electricity when they touched.
For the next several minutes they said very little, both enjoying the burgers and fries. Finishing, he wiped his hands on a paper towel and said, “They’re not as big as the pub burgers, but when you just want a quick meal, the diner can’t be beat.”
Nodding enthusiastically, Sophie agreed. “That’s why I was there tonight.” Leaning in conspiratorially, she said, “But don’t tell Katelyn, Aiden, or Brogan!”
“Oh, worse than that,” he warned. “Don’t you dare tell their grandfather, Finn MacFarlane, that the diner has good burgers!”
Laughing again, she relaxed.
Tossing their Styrofoam boxes and paper towels into the trash, he grabbed their beers and said, “Why don’t we sit over on the sofa, and you can explain your designs at the coffee table. That would be more comfortable.”
For the next half hour, she showed him the pictures she had taken of the inside of the house and then opened her portfolio to exhibit some of the designs she was working on.
“I’m going to ask a really dumb question,” he said, staring at her drawings. “I know you’re going to be filling the rooms with furniture and staging it so that it will look perfect for the magazine shoot. But what’s the difference between an interior designer and an interior decorator?”
Thrilled that he was interested, she said, “A lot of people use those two titles interchangeably, but they’re really not. To become an interior designer, you have to go to school for that. I went to the design school that was part of Virginia Commonwealth University’s Art program. It’s the art and science of understanding people’s behavior to create their functional space in a building or home. Interior decorating is simply furnishing or adorning a space. Now, interior designers will also decorate, but interior decorators are not designers.” Her face scrunched, and she asked, “Did that make any sense, or did I just confuse you more?”
“No, no, it didn’t confuse me. Actually, you made perfect sense.”
Once again, Callan was giving his full attention to her, and just like the previous evening when they had coffee, she was filled with warmth.
“In this case, I don’t have the owners of the house as the clients to let me know what their functionality for the space would be. My clients are The Dunes Resort, and they have set the parameters that they want it to be a space that includes the outdoor environment.”
Seeing his raised eyebrows and blank stare, she threw her head back and laughed.
He shook his head and chuckled. “So, beachy?”
“In a way, yes. But we don’t want to just regurgitate the same beach themes that you can find in any rental home in Baytown.”
“Okay, so none of the wooden signs that say ‘What happens at the beach stays at the beach’?”
Laughing again, she said, “Exactly. My design won’t be beachy cliché, but I need to bring in the color palette from the area, the textures, and the feel of the Eastern Shore and design each space cohesively.”
Flopping back on the sofa, he said, “I’m too simplistic for this, Sophie, but I’m impressed as hell with you.”
The warmth she had felt from earlier spread throughout her entire body, and she reached over, taking another long swig of the beer. The winter sun had set earlier, and the only thing seen outside the windows was the dark night. Standing, she was able to observe the back of her parents’ house. “It looks like my mom got home.”
Callan came and stood next to her, staring out into the night as well. They stayed side-by-side silently for several minutes before the whisper slipped from her lips. “Do you ever wonder…what if…” She shook her head quickly and turned to gather up her papers, hoping he had not heard her question, but her hopes were not to be realized.
He stepped over and stilled her hands by placing his much larger ones on her shoulders. “Yes, I do.”
She stared up into his face, her breath shallow, her heart pounding, and her mouth slightly open but saying nothing.
14
Callan kept his eyes on Sophie’s face, watching the myriad of emotions so readily visible as they passed through her eyes. Grief warred with uncertainty. Fear tangled with hope. He did not want her to pull away, deny what she was feeling, retreat into herself.
Pressing forward, he said, “It’s okay to think what if.”
She swallowed audibly and admitted, “It’s been ten years, and I still hurt when think about him.” Her head moved back and forth slowly as she added, “But I don’t really talk about him.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her why, but he did not want to break the spell of honest emotion by prodding for fear she would shut down. He kept his hands on her shoulders, fighting the urge to draw her nearer to him while lightly moving his fingers in an effort to help her relax.
“I… I know my parents, whose grief was unbearable, have learned to bear it.”
She sucked in her lips, dropping her gaze to his chest, and he wondered if she was going to pull away from him.
Instead, she continued, “I think…I was afraid to get to a point of acceptance.”
Her gaze jumped back to his, as though seeking what his response would be. He held himself steady, hoping that she could see his understanding of anything she was feeling. He slowly slid one hand up, curling his fingers around the back of her neck while his thumb gently caressed the line of her delicate jaw. “I think all those feelings you had, Sophie, are the same that a lot of us had.”
Her breath was still shallow as she asked, “Callan, he was your best friend. How did you deal?”
Terrified of breaking the spell, he nonetheless stepped back and pulled her with him, slowly lowering them to the soft cushions of the sofa. Keeping her close, he breathed easier as she acquiesced. He angled his body so that he was slightly facing her, his right arm around her shoulders near the back of the sofa and his left hand holding both of hers tightly in her lap. Sucking in a deep breath, he let it out slowly, gathering his thoughts. His stomach clenched in nervousness, wanting to be honest with her, and yet afraid she might not be receptive to what he was going to say.
Finally, clearing his throat, he said, “It was hard after graduation when we all went our separate ways. I knew that he had found new brothers-in-arms in the Army, just as I had found new companions in the Coast Guard. That didn’t diminish our friendship, but time and distance kept us from being as close as we were growing up.”
She continued to hold his gaze, and he detected no censure in her eyes, so he continued. “By the time my parents got the news to me, I barely had time to request the personal leave and make it back. It was surreal for all of us Baytown Boys to have been called back to attend his…uh…”
“Funeral,” she breathed, her eyes wide but dry.
Nodding, he said, “Yeah.” Sucking in another fortifying breath, he said, “I guess it didn’t really seem real. It was almost like we were all going through the motions, but it wasn’t really Philip that we were burying. I knew that for you and your parents…and for Katelyn, it felt very real.”
“When did it hit you?”
“When I saw your face. When I saw your grief.” He watched as her head tilted ever so slightly to the side, a question written plainly on her face. “I wanted to comfort you, and when I held you, it felt very real to me.”
Her voice, still whispering but now raspy with emotion, said, “And I pushed you away. God, I’m so sorry—”
Shaking his head, he said, “Get that out of your mind, Sophie. You had to do anything and everything you could to keep yourself going.” She did not reply, and he continued, “You asked me when it hit me, but I have to confess that after the funeral, when I went back to my station, it still felt very unreal. It felt as though I would get an email from him sometime telling me what was going on. Eventually, the rest of us came back to Baytown at different times. Brogan came home to run the Pub, and then a year later Aiden joined him. Mitch and Grant had their own law enforcement careers and made their way back a couple years later. Zac did the same thing.”
“But you, Callan. You stayed in the Coast Guard.”
He felt his heart squeeze as her simple statement gently prodded him to look back at the first time he re-upped. I really didn’t know what else to do. But, in my heart, I knew Philip would be disappointed in me.
“Why would he be disappointed in you?” she asked, her brows low, and a crinkle appeared on her forehead.
Blinking, he realized he had spoken out loud. Giving his head a slight shake, he said, “I… I never really thought about it before. When my first tour was over, I had no idea what I wanted to do besides the Coast Guard, and honestly, I didn’t want to come back here and not have him be here. But I should have come back to take care of you. I should never have allowed you to push me away and deal with your grief alone.”
She dragged in a ragged breath and said, “Callan, Philip would never have been disappointed in you.” She dropped her gaze to their hands clasped together in her lap, and added, “But I know how you felt. I couldn’t stand the idea of being in Baytown without him.”
She lifted her gaze up to him, and asked, “What changed? Why did you put in for the Baytown Coast Guard station?”
“When I re-upped the second time, things had changed. The other guys had come back to Baytown. My dad had some health issues—”
Eyes wide, she rushed, “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. I remember my mom telling me, but…” sighing, she added, “I removed myself so much from here...I haven’t been a very good friend.”
“Sophie, don’t take that on. You’ve been struggling with the loss of Philip as long as the rest of us have, and it was made worse because he was your brother. Don’t take on more guilt.”
The heaviness seemed to lift from her face, and she said, “So that’s why you came back.”
He nodded, giving her hands a squeeze. “It’s just that I was, well, I was ready. I wanted to be close to my parents. I wanted to be close to my childhood friends. Hell, I wanted to be close to their parents. And, I wanted to be back in Baytown. I’d been overseas, I’d done tours. I had accomplished what I set out to do, which was see more of the world than just this little town. I did it. So when the opportunity came for me to put in for this Coast Guard station, I jumped at it.” Chuckling, he added, “As you can imagine, it wasn’t hard to get. This isn’t exactly a sought-after post.”
Her lips curved into a smile before she laughed along with him. “I’m sure. When I told…uh… someone that I was coming back here for several months, they couldn’t believe it.”
A squeeze on her hands brought her attention back to Callan, and she lifted her gaze back to him.
“Can I ask you a question? It’s personal, and you can tell me it’s not my business if you want,” he said.
“Callan, right now, I can’t imagine anything you could ask me would be considered too personal considering what we’ve been talking about.”
Nodding, he explained, “Yeah, but this is a little different.” Exhaling a fortifying breath, he said, “I was chatting with your dad a while back, and he mentioned that they thought you were going to be getting engaged soon.” He watched as her shoulders slumped, and he quickly added, “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it. I shouldn’t have asked—”
“No, no, it’s not that,” she said, shaking her head. She was quiet for a moment, appearing to gather her thoughts, and then said, “It’s really not that big of a deal. I was dating someone for a while, but eventually, it became evident that he wasn’t who I thought he was. Or maybe I realized that I wasn’t the person I wanted to be when I was with him.”
Dark brows lowering, Callan asked, “Who did he want you to be?”
“He wasn’t happy when I quit the job at the agency to start working for myself, even though he knew all the reasons.”
Rearing back, his eyebrows shot upward. “I don’t understand. First of all, it was your choice, your career. But second of all, why wouldn’t he be happy for you to take that amazing leap?”
She barked out a laugh and said, “Amazing leap? He considered it a step in the wrong direction, a risk that I should never have undertaken.” Shrugging again, she said, “Sometime, if you want to know, I’ll tell you the whole story. For now, let’s just say that this opportunity in Baytown came at a good time in my life.”
“Sophie, I’m here. Anytime you want to talk, you’ll always have a listening ear with me.”
“I remember that about you,” she said, her smile mixed with a little sadness. “You always were the best listener.” Looking at the time on the TV, she said, “This has been lovely, Callan, but I really should get home. I need to spend a little time tonight getting some more things ready for my first full day on the job tomorrow.”
He stood, and with his hand still holding onto hers, gently pulled her from the sofa. He helped her gather all her papers back into her portfolio and said, “I’ll walk you down.”
Laughing, she said, “I don’t think I’ll get lost since I’m just through the backyard.”
“Let’s just say I want to walk you to your house.”
He carried her portfolio and satchel, and together they went down the steps, across the alley, and through her parents’ backyard. Stopping at the door, they stood facing each other, the silent night filled with emotions swirling around them.
