Atlas, page 9
“Meatloaf and mashed potatoes?”
“Think she’s throwing in some mac and cheese too. And your favorite rolls.”
“She’s always trying to take care of me. You all do. I appreciate it, but this is something I’m going to have to work out myself.” I smiled, trying to take the sting out of my words. “But I’ll respect Ruth’s and the staff’s hard work and come to supper tonight.”
“Thank you, sweetheart. I’ll let your father know. I think Azriel and Giovanni would even come dine with us if they know you’re coming.”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
Atlas
“Ain’t ever been so uncomfortable in my Goddamned life.” Who the fuck wore a monkey suit to dinner?
“Quit whining, Atlas.” Alexi adjusted his cuffs and straightened his immaculate jacket. “If you want to see my daughter, you have to be able to function in her circles.” The snotty bastard looked all superior and smug. Had he’d been the pussy businessman badass wannabe he presented to the rest of the world, I’d have punched the motherfucker. But Alexi and his associates were as highly trained as any member of Iron Tzars.
I still wanted to punch him, but I couldn’t punish him for thinking I wasn’t good enough for his daughter when I knew for a fact he was right. “Ain’t whinin’. I know she’s way outta my league. Why are you trying to make me look like the worst possible person for her?”
Giovanni snorted. “Because you were the experienced one in that encounter. You took advantage of a woman under your complete control, damn the consequences.” I couldn’t argue. I’d been beating myself up over that very same thing since the last time I’d seen her leaving with her family. “She might not have been able to reconcile her feelings with the reality of the situation, but you could. You saw a woman you wanted, and you took her.”
“I know I’m a bastard, Alexi. I was a bastard to put her in that situation for any reason. I’ll even admit that I thought I could keep her safe but that my job was more important than one woman. But it didn’t take long for me to realize how fuckin’ wrong I was. As to what happened between me and Rose --”
“Bella!” Alexi snapped, lunging for me and grabbing my throat. He shoved me against the wall and got right in my face, teeth flashing. “Her name is Bella! Or Bellarose. You will address her as such!”
I let Alexi do what he needed. It wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done in his place.
“Come on, Alex. Let it go for now.”
“This bastard…”
“We know what he did. We also know Bella’s old enough to make her own decisions. As she told us, if she hadn’t wanted to do something with him, she’d have gone down fighting.”
Alexi bared his teeth at me again and shoved. Straightening his jacket once more, he turned his back on me and strode into the formal dining room.
The women were at the table. Alexi’s wife, Rose’s mother, Merrily, sat at the table with Rose. The two chatted lightly, if a bit more reserved than I’d have thought, and they didn’t seem to notice the group of men approaching them. Alexi cleared his throat, and the two women faced us. Merrily smiled warmly, Rose gasped sharply. Her gaze zeroed in on mine, and she looked me up and down. When she looked at me once more, there were tears in her eyes she seemed to be trying desperately to hold back. She swallowed and hung her head, taking breath after deep breath. When she faced me again, her face was carefully blank.
“Welcome, Atlas,” Merrily greeted. “Please sit down next to Bella.”
Rose glanced up nervously before putting her head down once more. Was she ashamed to see me? Did I misread the whole situation? Maybe Alexi had been right. She’d realize how incompatible we were and tell me to fuck off.
“Hi.” Rose breathed the word softly. Where she’d been so easy to read when I’d had her, now I had no idea what she was feeling.
“Hi, Rose,” I murmured, leaning in to brush her cheek with a soft kiss. “You good?”
Alexi snorted behind me. “‘You good.’ Very smooth there, Atlas. Can’t you string more than two words together?”
Rose trembled beside me, but she said nothing. She’d gone pale. It made my stomach turn to think she was so afraid of me. I knelt down beside her slowly so I didn’t startle her. I moved my fingers to her jaw and brushed the skin lightly. “Look at me, honey. Please?” As she turned her head to obey me, two tears tumbled down her cheeks. “Are you scared of me? Are you afraid I’d hurt you?”
She shook her head, reaching out to my suit jacket. She patted my chest a couple times, like she was testing a hot surface. When she finally settled her hand still against me, her breathing came in pants, and she took great gulps of air. Then she dissolved into tears.
“Atlas!” She gasped my name as she threw herself into my arms, clinging to me as if her life depended on it. “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry!”
“Honey, what in the world? I’m the one who owes you an apology. You did nothing wrong.”
“It wasn’t your fault. And I don’t regret it! I just… I don’t want…”
“Honey, if you aren’t comfortable with me being around you, I get it. I’m sure you’d rather forget we ever met, and I don’t blame you.”
“You… you wish we’d never met?”
I winced. Not at all. Obviously, she did. Should I be honest with her or say something to push her away? I knew what Alexi wanted me to do, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I wished I hadn’t met her. Because it’d be a Goddamn lie.
“You really do wish we’d never met.” Her voice was flat and somehow disconnected.
“Not at all, baby. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I just hate it had to happen the way it did. You deserve better all the way around.” I trailed my finger along her jaw. “You’ll always mean the world to me. You can always come to me with anything. I’ll always be there for you.”
“You don’t want me to stay with you. What we talked about…”
“Honey, I meant every word. But this is your choice. I think you know I’m not the kind of man to lie to you. Not when I put you under my protection. So when I told you I’d always be with you, I meant it. However you’ll have me.”
“Sit down, Atlas.” Alexi, the bastard, wasn’t ready to let me off the hook. “It’s been hard on her since she got home safely. You’re making it worse.” When I shot him a look, he shrugged before continuing. “If you were the right man for her, you’d have kept any unpleasant conversation to yourself until after dinner. Like a civilized person. You’d have no idea how to function in her world. She deserves better. Someone who won’t be an embarrassment to her.”
“Daddy, Atlas could never be an embarrassment to me.” She spoke softly. Almost as if she were afraid of Alexi when I knew she wasn’t.
“He’s a roughneck, Bella. Not even an officer in the armed forces. He’s one of the lowest ranks there is because he has no education.”
“That doesn’t make him stupid, Dad. He figured out how to keep me alive. He listened to me and respected my evaluation of the situation and used it to his advantage when he could.” Again, her voice was soft and subservient. This didn’t seem at all like my Rose. My Rose followed my orders, but she had fire. Strength. Fierceness. She was a warrior as strong as any I’d ever known. This woman seemed too afraid of disappointing her father to make a strong case.
“Of course not, dear. But it means he’ll never fit in with your social circle.”
That seemed to take Rose aback. “Social circle?” She shook her head. “What social circle? I don’t have a social circle! I’ve been in school and in training, trying to make you proud --” Her voice broke, and Alexi looked shocked, as if he had been expecting anything but the reaction he got.
“Alexi. Back off.” Merrily put a hand on her husband’s shoulder as she looked at me. “Bella feels a…” she glanced at her daughter briefly, “…certain connection with you, Atlas. She’s young and hasn’t been out in the world much. We’ve always been so protective of her, I guess we pushed her away. We don’t expect you to feel the same connection she does. I don’t think she expects it either. She just wants you to know she’s wanted to talk with you since it happened.”
“No one said I didn’t feel the same way, Mrs. Petrov. I talked to a friend. She asked me if I’d have pursued Rose if we’d met under different circumstances. The only answer I had for her was yes. Absolutely. Had I known she was your daughter, I’d have gone about it a different way. Getting an audience with you through Sting or El Diablo. But I’d still have wanted to see her again.”
“Why didn’t you call in your team the second you realized who she was? Hell!” Alexi scrubbed a hand over his face. “You should have called a halt when you realized you had an innocent player in the crossfire. No matter who she fuckin’ was!”
“He tried, Daddy.” Rose looked up at her father, a small flash of something of the woman I’d grown to know over a few short days. “I insisted I’d do whatever he told me to. Follow his rules if he didn’t call off his mission. I didn’t want my life to be more important than the lives of so many others. Especially when there was a good possibility we could pull it off without putting me in unacceptable danger.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make, Bella. He knew that.”
Rose opened her mouth like she might argue, then glanced at me, and her shoulders slumped. Whatever she’d been going to say died on her lips.
“Alexi,” I stood, glaring at the other man. “I’d like a moment alone with your daughter. Please.” Adding on the please made me want to puke, but I did it willingly. I needed to talk to Rose. To figure out what was going on inside her pretty head.
“Like hell,” Alexi snapped.
“Alexi, stop.” Merrily’s voice rang out clear but sounded more chastising than angry. “They went through a lot together. If Bella is willing to be alone with him, it’s up to her.”
Alexi looked at his wife like she’d grown two heads. “You can’t possibly be serious.”
“I am. Now, Bella? Do you want us to give you some privacy for a bit while you sort things out? If you don’t, we won’t abandon you.”
“I know, Mom. Yes. I’d like to be alone with Atlas for a bit.” She looked up at her dad. “And I mean alone, Dad. You make Giovanni put his bugs away. This is private.”
“Baby…” He scrubbed a hand over his face wearily. “Fine. Thirty minutes.” He glared at me. “Not a second more.”
“Alex…” Merrily sighed. “As long as she needs, Atlas. But we’ll check on you in ten minutes. If she wants to leave, I’m taking her out. If not, you’ll have until she calls a stop to it.”
I raised my chin in thanks to Merrily. Alexi scowled at me. “I didn’t agree to this.”
“No. You didn’t.” Merrily tugged him out of the room. “As her mother, I’m making an executive decision on this. She’s not all right, and he’s the only person who can help her understand their relationship.”
Alexi pointed his finger at me. “You only get one shot. After that, I make you disappear.”
“Understood. Sir.” And yeah. “Sir” was harder than “please.”
* * *
Bellarose
I’d only thought I’d been scared before. Sitting there with Atlas kneeling in front of me in my parent’s formal dining room was even worse. This was a man who could shatter me so easily. I wanted to tell him how much I’d missed him. How I needed him in so many ways. But I didn’t want to look like some girl with a teenage crush. It was so much more than that. At least, it was to me.
When the door to the dining room closed, Atlas pulled me to him, sitting me on his lap when he settled on the floor. The dam holding back my tears finally burst. I sobbed like my heart was breaking. And maybe it was. I’d experienced the most terrifying time of my life. At the same time, I’d experienced the most profound and beautiful pleasure I’d ever conceived of. How could I hate one and love the other when the terror made the pleasure possible?
“I’m sorry, Atlas. I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. I’m sorry I didn’t make more of an effort to talk to you. But you’re dad’s right. I’m not nearly good enough for you.”
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Atlas!” I was still crying. Couldn’t seem to stop crying. “I can’t not have you in my life, but I can’t see you with another woman either.” I clung to Atlas, burying my face in his neck and inhaling deeply. I needed to take him into my soul so I could always have him.
“Honey, you never have to worry about seeing me with another woman. You’re all I want or need. Remember I told you we’d table the relationship discussion?” When I nodded, he smiled gently at me. “Well, it’s time to have it. Now tell me the truth. Do you want to see if we’re right for each other? Because I think you’re perfect for me.”
My tears, which had started to slow, overflowed once more. “Me too. I want you, Atlas.”
“You’re dad’s right about one thing. I’ll never be able to give you everything he can. I’ll never be able to give you everything you deserve. But I swear, I’ll love you and adore you for the rest of my life.”
“You can’t know that you’ll always love me. What if you grow to hate me?”
“Then you remind me why I love you. You smack me in the head. Or, better yet, go get your daddy. He’ll beat some sense into me.”
I couldn’t help the small laugh that burst from me. “Are you sure this is what you want? To try to make a life together?”
“It is, baby. I think I knew way before the first time I kissed you. I think you had me with how fierce you looked holding that tire iron.”
“There’s something else.” My heart was pounding now. I was really about to tell Atlas my secret.
“Tell me, baby.”
I took a breath. “Remember when you asked me if I was on birth control?”
He grinned immediately. “I do. You sayin’ I got one more claim on you? ’Cause, now that I know you’re carryin’ my kid, I’ll have to keep you close. Ain’t lettin’ you outta my sight, woman.”
“Do you promise, Atlas? Really promise?”
“Yeah, baby. I do. I swear I’ll always keep you close.”
When my mother knocked softly on the door and entered, Atlas still sat on the floor, holding me in his arms. He rocked back and forth, trying to soothe me.
“Atlas? Is she all right?” Merrily stood by the door, giving us privacy but keeping in clear sight of her daughter.
“She is. We both are. I need to talk with you and Alexi, ma’am. It concerns the two of us.”
“You’re delusional if you think there’s a ‘two of us.’ Bella is nothing to you.” Alexi pushed his way past his wife and into the room.
“Afraid you’re wrong, Alexi. I know you hate me and, like I said before, if I were in your position, I’d hate me too. But I will cherish her and protect her with everything in me for the rest of my life if you’ll give your consent for us to give this a go.”
“Absolutely not!”
“Alexi. Stop being an overprotective idiot.” Merrily made the statement with a flippant wave of her hand, like she’d just dismissed her husband’s objections because they were silly. I winced. This wasn’t going to go well. For me. Everyone with a brain knew Alexi would never tell his wife she was being silly, so if he argued with her, he’d hurt her feelings. Which meant he was in a no-win situation, which gave him one more reason to hate me. “Bella is an adult. She can make her own decisions.”
“She’s not ready for a man like him, Merrily. He’s a good man at heart, but he’ll chew her up and spit her out!”
Merrily grinned. “I’m pretty sure I had that exact same thought about you when we first met, dear.” Alexi shot her a look but didn’t respond. Wise man.
“It’s up to me to adapt if he tries to chew me up,” Rose said, still clinging to me. “If he has to be what I need, I have to be what he needs, too. I promise, Dad. We’ll work it out.”
Alexi looked from his daughter to me and back several times. When he brought his focus back to me, his features hardened. “Again, Atlas. You’re nothing to her. She’s nothing to you. You were forced together under extreme circumstances. It created a false sense of intimacy --”
“Alexi, she’s everything to me. She’s also the mother of my child. That makes her mine. But it also makes me hers.”
“What?” He barked out the question. “What do you mean she’s the mother of your child? Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”
“Afraid not. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I don’t regret it. Only the circumstances around it.”
Alexi was silent for a long time, just staring at me. Sizing me up one more time. “Just because you knocked my daughter up doesn’t mean you get a hand in my money. You don’t. I’ll take care of Bella and her child, but you don’t get one red cent.”
“All right, that’s enough,” Merrily snapped. “Too far, Alexi.” Her husband ignored her and continued.
“She’s got your brand on her, you know.” Dad’s gaze narrowed. “Burned into her skin.”
“I know where you’re going with this, Alexi. It’s already arranged. The second we get back to the Iron Tzars compound, it will be done. As to your money? I have no desire to take from you. I’ll give Rose everything I can on my own. I may not be able to give her all the material things you can, but I’ll give her all of me. My love and protection. Her and however many children she wants to give me. You can’t buy love.”
“You’d better. As to the other, I expect visual proof. I also expect you to give her everything she gave you.”
“You can count on it, sir.”
“Are you done, Alexi?” Mom didn’t look happy. In fact, she looked like she wanted to stab her husband with a dinner fork.
“You knew this had to be done, Merrily.”
“Atlas just told you you’re going to be a grandfather, and you’re acting like you’re ready to kill him.” Mom looked like she was just shy of stomping her foot like an angry toddler. “Think about what he said and the impact it’s about to have on your life, Alexi.” She raised an eyebrow. “Grandpa. I think I like that better.” She smirked before turning back to us. “Come now. Let’s eat. You have a little one to feed and, if that child is anything like you were, you’re about to have days you only wish you could eat.” Mom smiled and reached out a hand for me. I went eagerly. Atlas stood and helped me into my chair before taking his own seat.
