Tug, page 21
part #10 of Cerberus MC Series
“I said she’s sleeping.”
I recognize the voice as Scooter’s when Kingston opens the bedroom door, and we step into the hallway.
An angry Max is standing with fists clenched as he squares up with the other Cerberus man.
“I want to see her.”
“Nothing has changed in the last seven hours, Max. Let her rest,” Scooter insists.
A female whimper meets my ears, but in the darkness surrounding us, I can’t see past Scooter into his room. He looks agitated when he looks over his shoulder, but I can’t tell if he’s annoyed with Max’s interruption or whoever is in his room.
“Why is she upset?” Max questions.
“Because she’s fitful when I leave,” Scooter answers. “Let me get back to her.”
“This isn’t healthy,” Max says, but he seems resigned. The anger has drained from his body, leaving him slightly slumped and defeated. “She needs to face what’s happened, so she can begin to heal.”
“And she’ll do that when she’s ready.”
“She won’t ever be ready if you continue to coddle her. You’re only letting her get lost in her head.”
The whimpering grows louder, and without a word, Scooter steps back and closes the door in Max’s face.
“Who’s in there?” I ask Kingston, but I have a feeling I already know the answer.
Max told me last night that Mia was in the clubhouse, but it doesn’t make any sense to me that she’d be in Scooter’s room.
“Max,” Kingston says as he reaches his hand out for his friend, “let her rest.”
“She’s done nothing but rest for the better part of two weeks.”
“And we’ll let her continue for a month if that’s what she needs. She’s in good hands, and from her reaction to him, this is exactly what she needs right now.”
Head hung low, Max walks past him into one of the guest bedrooms down the hall. I’m unsure if we should follow him, but when Kingston heads that way, I follow.
“We need to talk,” Kingston tells him as we both step inside of the room.
Max is stripping off the sweats and t-shirt that he put back on after his shower, but there isn’t anything sensual about his actions. He merely picks up another t-shirt from an open suitcase in the closet and pulls it over his head before grabbing a pair of jeans and donning those as well.
“Then talk,” Max says after a long moment.
“I don’t think this is the best place,” Kingston observes.
I don’t add that this really isn’t the right time. Max is agitated, and the topic of conversation is too important and serious to have while he isn’t in the right frame of mind. I consider seducing him, getting him sexed-up until he’s a little more amenable, but I wouldn’t want to be manipulated that way, so I won’t do the same to him.
“Let’s go back to Jasmine’s apartment,” Kingston urges, but it’s clear by the look on Max’s face that he’s no more willing to leave the clubhouse now than he was last night.
“Whatever needs to be said, can be said right here,” Max says with a huff before sitting on the bed and crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child that’s about to get dressed down by a parent.
This isn’t how I wanted this to go at all.
Chapter 37
Max
Maybe it’s for the best that Kingston is going to tell me that he and Jasmine have decided to give their relationship a go. I have a million other things going on and focusing on the two of them will only be an added distraction I don’t need. It doesn’t stop the dread deep in my stomach, though.
They may want to fuck me, may want to add me into their sex lives for a little spice every once in a while, but eventually, I’ll be discarded just like the last time Kingston saw something more promising on the horizon.
Kingston’s eyes dart to Jasmine, and although pain fills his face, I know what’s coming. His hands scrape over the top of his head, and I can tell that he’s not taking any pleasure in what he’s about to say, even though he won’t let that stop him.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” he muses.
“I can go first,” Jasmine says as she takes another step into the room.
Kingston nods, taking the pussy way out as he steps around her to close the bedroom door.
“I really like…” she says to me, and for some reason, I take both of her hands when she offers them to me. “Really like both of you.”
She tosses a quick look back over her shoulder. Kingston gives her a quick smile but doesn’t encourage her to say more.
“I just…” she begins, but when she looks back at me, her eyes glisten with tears.
I cup her jaw, letting my thumb run down her cheek. I shouldn’t be comforting her. I shouldn’t be making it easier to walk away from me, but I can’t help myself. She’s an amazing woman, one of the most beautiful women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and walking away from her is going to hurt more than I ever imagined.
“It’s okay,” I assure her. “I understand.”
And I do, to a point. I’m all too aware of the draw Kingston demands just by existing, how easy it is to become enamored by him, to crave his affection like a drug. I went thirteen years without a fix, and it only took one shot, one look in his stormy eyes and I was once again relapsing back into his orbit.
The surprise is her. Jasmine tugs at me the very same way Kingston does, but the shocking need will be over soon enough.
“You do?” Jasmine asks.
“I do. I know how easy it is to fall for him.”
I don’t let my eyes roam to Kingston, the agony of losing him is already seeping in, and the last thing I want to do is let him know how much he still affects me.
She smiles down at me conspiratorially like we’re sharing a secret that isn’t obvious to anyone else.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” she confesses, and I can see the truth in her smile.
She’s been fooled just like I have been, but instead of warning her away, instead of reminding her that he’ll walk away from her just as he’s planning to walk away from me now, I can’t get my lips to move. While Kingston is around, he’s the most amazing thing the world has to offer. It’s the part when he leaves that’s the true bitch. I won’t deny her the time with him.
“And imagine my surprise when I realized I feel the same for you.”
My head tilts. Did she just say—
“Don’t look so shocked,” Kingston says as he walks up behind her and places his hand at her back. “And while she’s confessing, I have disclosures to make as well.”
“What?” It’s the only word I can manage right now. This isn’t going where I expected it to go at all.
“We want to be together,” Kingston says. “I want to be with you and her.”
“I want to be with you and him,” Jasmine adds.
“What?” Still, nothing is computing.
“The three of us,” Kingston clarifies. “Together. Me with you and her, and her with me and you. You with both of us.”
His eyebrows shoot up like facial expressions will help me understand easier.
“I thought you guys were here to tell me that you’d decided I was the third wheel, and you wanted to let me know.”
Jasmine’s hand goes to her throat, and right in that second, it’s abundantly clear that this was never their intention. “What gave you that idea?”
“I just thought—”
“Still haven’t gotten rid of that self-esteem issue, I see,” Kingston grunts. “You’re going to have to work on that.”
My jaw clenches with the need to shove him to the floor and show him just how strong my self-esteem is with a couple of blows to his face, but he’s actually right on the money with his assessment.
“D-Do you not want the same?” Jasmine’s lower lip trembles, and it makes me want to kiss her pain away.
My heart is pounding behind my rib cage, and I can only imagine the trauma this one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn of events is causing my body.
“Together?” My eyes dart between the two of them. “You both want all three of us together?”
The tears threatening to fall from Jasmine’s lashes finally crest, and the sight of her doubt running down her face is enough to destroy me. It makes me realize that I’d do anything in this world to keep her from feeling pain, and somehow that’s just as strong as the love I’ve always felt for Kingston Jacks.
“Shhh,” I purr, wiping at her tears with the tip of my finger. “Don’t cry, sweet girl.”
“Can you answer the damn question?” the ever impatient Kingston mutters.
Having known me for so long, no matter the distance, he’s still more than capable of reading my thoughts long before they leave my lips, but after the near heartbreak I just suffered, I plan to make him sweat it out.
When I lower my head to collect my thoughts, I don’t miss the straining erection in his jeans. He knows what my response will be, and he’s already gearing up to celebrate. My own cock stiffens with anticipation, and my mouth waters for him to fuck my throat. Add in Jasmine, and we’ve got one combustible combination that I may never get enough of.
The only problem is I can’t be selfish. I can’t let the lure of them and their promises of not only sexual fulfillment but the perfection of having the emotional side of them as well lead me astray. I’m in New Mexico for my sister, and as appealing as the bonus of the two of them while I’m here is, I know my stay will eventually come to an end. Being selfish right now will only hurt everyone in the end.
“This will never work,” I tell them when I lift my head to look at them.
“Not funny,” Kingston spits. “This isn’t the time for jokes.”
Jasmine freezes, standing stock still, the tremble in her hands the only clue that she’s reacting to what I said.
“Starting something with the two of you—”
“This started long before now,” Kingston interrupts.
“When Mia is ready, we’ll be leaving New Mexico,” I remind him.
“You don’t have to go. We can find a way to make this work.”
“Please?” Jasmine begs, and it kills me to see new tears flooding her eyes.
“It’s not possi—”
A knock at the door seals my lips.
“Max, we still need—” Dominic opens the door and sticks his head inside, but the sight of his daughter once again alone with two men narrows his eyes. They flare with anger when Jasmine turns to face him, and he sees the tears on her face. “I don’t like seeing you cry, baby girl.”
The warning is clear in his tone, and I’m sure he’s ready to kill us both when she takes in a shuddering breath.
“I’d ask you to explain,” Dominic begins, “but all of you are grown. I’m here if you need me.”
The last part is meant for his daughter, but I can read between the lines. The man would be willing to do whatever she wanted, dole out whatever punishment she can think of for me hurting her. I’d deserve every bit of it, but I also know that hurting them now will be less painful than if I allowed this relationship to grow only to leave later.
“I hate to interrupt,” Dominic says with his eyes back on me, “but we still have those maps and shipments to go over.”
Kingston turns back in my direction, accusation in his cold glare. I’ve been lending a hand to Cerberus since I came back from Florida. Mia sleeps a lot, and their normal logistics guy Blade has undergone some type of procedure that’s left him incapable of working.
“Sure thing,” I answer him as I stand from the bed. “Be right there.” Dominic nods before stepping back and pulling the door closed.
“I don’t fucking think so,” Kingston spits as I stand and try to walk past him. “You’re not leaving until we talk about this.”
“We’ve already talked about it,” I remind him. “You guys made an offer, and I turned it down.”
I hate the mocking tone of my voice, but it’s the only shield I have for the pain inside of me.
“And it’s just that easy for you?” He grips my arm at my elbow, but I welcome the pain. It’s a tangible distraction from the gut-wrenching agony in my heart.
“I have to go.” I rip my arm from his grasp and walk out of the room.
My own eyes burn with tears when I hear Jasmine begin to sob.
Chapter 38
Tug
“H-he s-said n-no,” Jasmine sobs.
Each tear that drenches my shirt, each painful cry from her lips makes me want to tear him apart.
“He didn’t,” I assure her.
His eyes spoke his truth even as his mouth told his lies. I know Max. I’ve known him for longer than I’ve known everyone else in my life short of my abusive father. He could never lie to me, although he’s tried a hundred times.
“I heard him. He doesn’t want to be with us.”
She clings to me tighter, as if she’s afraid I’m going to let go of her. What she doesn’t know is I won’t take his lies at face value. I won’t let him walk away from us with the flimsy excuse about leaving town. If I have to persuade his family to uproot and move to New Mexico, I’ll move mountains before I let him leave us. He doesn’t get to walk back into my life after being dead for so many years only to leave me again. I won’t allow it.
“He’s focused on Mia and her recovery.”
“As he should be.”
I hold her tighter. This woman’s capacity for selflessness astounds me every day. She will be the glue that holds us all together; now, I just have to figure out a way to ensure that happens.
“Let me talk to him.”
Her head is shaking before I can finish my thought.
“We need to do everything together. We have to be united.”
While I agree with her, I know what it may take to convince the bastard that our plan is the best one. I don’t imagine she’ll be too thrilled with the techniques I may have to deploy for that to happen. I recall her cringing in the airplane hangar when I punched him, and it may take more of that to make him see the light.
“We should go. We need to give him a little space,” I tell her as I stand from the bed and encourage her to stand.
“I don’t want to leave him,” she whispers.
“I don’t either, but we won’t get anywhere by being underfoot. It will only agitate him and make him dig in his heels. I know Max. Let him think about what he’s turning down. He’ll come around.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“I won’t let that happen,” I assure her as I guide her out of my room.
Several people look at us when we walk through the living room, and I’m sure they all want to know why she’s crying and why her bloodshot eyes lower when we walk past. She doesn’t want to speak to them, so I hold her tighter against my side and walk her right out the front door without a word to anyone.
The ride back to her apartment is quiet, both of us thinking about Max’s rejection. I refuse to focus on what it would mean if he sticks to his guns and continues to reject a relationship with the two of us. I don’t know that Jasmine and I would work together alone, but I’m willing to try, even with the heartbreaking loss of Max.
My fingers grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. I’m beyond pissed, beyond wanting to evaluate the reasons for him hurting us.
When Jasmine’s hand finds my thigh, I give her a quick glance. A small, sad smile only pulls up one corner of her pretty mouth, and I know she’s the one trying to calm me, trying to reassure me that things will work out exactly how they’re supposed to.
By the time we make it inside of her apartment, exhaustion has once again settled in my bones. With my past and my childhood as it was, I learned early on that in order to keep the will to go on, I must fight the feelings in my chest. Depression would be so easy to settle into, but once again, I refuse to let it grab hold. Although if I think about it, we’ve both been depressed to a point the last couple of weeks. Max is an integral part of what we are, and without him, nothing makes sense.
“Happy New Year,” Jasmine says, brushing a quick kiss to my lips.
With discovering Max at the clubhouse, I’d forgotten that it even was a holiday. We were all asleep before the clock even got close to striking midnight, but if today is any indication of how the year will be, I want a do-over.
“I’m so tired,” Jasmine whines as she beelines for the sofa.
Before she can drop down on the cushion, I grab her shoulders and turn her to face me.
“Let’s go do something,” I urge.
“Like what?” She doesn’t sound the least bit enthused by the suggestion.
“I don’t know.” My shoulder hitches. “We could go for a bike ride.”
That would mean going back to Cerberus to get my bike, and the draw to go after Max would be too strong.
“It’s too cold outside.” She shivers as if just the thought makes ice form in her blood.
“We could go shopping,” I offer.
“I hate shopping, and the after-Christmas masses will be out in droves. No thanks.”
“We could go to that diner you like and have a late breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry,” she argues.
“Yet, you haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. Come on. Get changed and let’s go eat.”
She huffs, but thankfully, she heads to the bedroom. I follow her, needing to get out of the clothes I wore yesterday as well, but I find her just standing in her closet staring at her clothes like she’s never seen them before.
“We can’t focus on what we have right now.”
I walk up behind her and press my lips to the back of her head. She leans her weight against my chest, and I wrap my arms around her middle. She’s utter perfection in my arms, so we just stand there for a few long moments while we embrace. I need to fix this for her. I need to fix this for myself. I can’t get the look in Max’s eyes out of my head. He was right there, ready to accept what we were offering, but he backed out at the last minute. It’s just part of who he is. Max has always put others before him. He put his family before him instead of going into the Marine Corps with me. We could’ve left our small town together and been happy, but his dad relied on him. His path was chosen long before he had the ability to make a choice himself. Selflessly, he gave me up to live up to his legacy. Only he gave that up too, spending the last ten years in the FBI instead of walking the path his dad wanted.
