Because of You: Just Because Series, Book 1, page 3
He leaned down and took her lips gently, sweetly, but she refused to be patronized, treated with kid gloves. She was a living, breathing woman and she wanted him. Wanted him beyond reason, beyond care.
She reached up, gripping his hair in her fingers roughly, pulling his face more firmly to her. She opened her mouth and welcomed his tongue, before pushing it out of her way to explore his lips, his teeth with her own.
He moved his hands down to her waist, his grip stronger, more certain, more controlling. She was giving him everything her broken shell of a body had left to give, and she sensed he was more than ready to take her up on the offer.
His lips slid from hers, gliding along her cheek to her earlobe, down her neck. The whole time he worshipped her with his mouth, his hands roamed, finding their way beneath her T-shirt to her breasts. She groaned at the hot touch of his hands against her taut nipples, and he ground his hard erection into her pussy.
“God,” she gasped, his touches, his lips, his body pushing hers rapidly into overdrive. “More,” she demanded. “Please, Caleb. More.”
He continued his sensual assault and she fought to keep up. She shoved his hands off her body for a moment so that she could pull his T-shirt over his head. The image of his bare, sculpted chest was a visual treat, but she couldn’t make herself take the time to enjoy it. She was on fire, and her body was demanding that she take everything he had to give immediately. She leaned down, nipping at his small, hard nipples and he hissed with delight. His hands began working at the button and zipper of her jean shorts, shoving them and her panties over her hips, leaving her bare from the waist down.
Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she wondered what the hell she was doing, but that thought was quickly squelched by a single touch of his fingers against her clit.
“Yes,” she whispered hoarsely. His hand delved farther and soon she found herself roughly pushing her hips toward him, forcing the two fingers he plunged inside her deeper, harder, faster. She was cresting on the edge of an orgasm within moments, but she refused to come alone. Caleb had given her so much tonight. Without realizing it, he’d offered her an escape, a refuge from the mourning, and she wanted to give him back some small part of the incredible pleasure he was building inside her.
“You,” she demanded. “I want you.” She struggled to free his cock from his pants, her hands clumsily attempting to find his zipper. He helped her, and as soon as his erection was free, she gripped him, stroking the rock-hard, yet velvety skin.
He moaned against her mouth, taking her lips in a volatile kiss that blew every thought, every emotion out of her mind. Nothing, nothing on earth mattered at this moment, but this man, this feeling.
She vaguely heard the tearing of foil and glanced down in time to watch him rolling on a condom.
“Hurry,” she cried. She had only a second to react as he lifted her onto the counter and stepped between her outstretched legs. He paused as the head of his cock entered her. Looking into her face, his gaze locked onto hers, leaving her with the impression that he could see straight into her soul. No doubt he was giving her a chance to refuse.
“Hurry,” she whispered again and he smiled. A smile so sweet and kind, she felt tears prick at her eyes. Then he was inside her, hard and full and wonderful.
Together, they thrust against each other in a familiar rhythm that felt completely unique and new, and she was lost in the sensations, the wonder of the act.
She came far too quickly and was pleasantly surprised when he refused to give way to her climax.
“Not enough,” he spoke through gritted teeth and she knew he was right. This magic was too special to waste on a quick ending.
Harder and faster he moved, his hips pumping into her with a ferocity that should have hurt, but instead felt too astonishingly perfect to dispute. She welcomed each of his blows and when her orgasm came again, she screamed with the power, the force of the impulse.
She heard Caleb’s cries mingle with hers as hot jets of semen caressed her womb. He rested his head against her shoulder as she clung to him, too overwhelmed by the emotions inundating her to let him go.
After a few minutes, he slowly extricated himself from her tight clasp, and she felt him slide out of her. She missed his body the instant he left her.
“Oh hell,” he muttered. “Oh, baby.” He looked up at her with regret, and she sensed the word sorry on his lips.
“Caleb?” she asked, confused by his apologetic response to such a powerful act.
“The condom broke,” he said.
The second the words passed his lips, she recalled the feeling of his seed filling her.
“It’s okay,” she reassured him.
He seemed to ponder her words before grinning guiltily. “It is?”
She nodded and he leaned forward, kissing her so long and lustfully, she suspected they could spend a lifetime in the kitchen without ever taking a sip of their now-cold coffee.
“I’m clean, Jess. I swear it,” he muttered against her lips.
“Me too,” she answered. “I’ve only ever been with Tommy.”
He kissed her harder, and she couldn’t decide if he was trying to comfort her or to erase her dead husband’s name from her lips.
“Stay with me,” she whispered and again she was shocked by her words. She’d spent eight months’ worth of lonely nights in a cold, hard bed and just for tonight, she wanted to feel Caleb’s arms wrapped around her as she slept.
He nodded his assent before helping her off the counter and wrapping her securely in a bear hug. She wasn’t a short woman, but Caleb’s height, his broad shoulders dwarfed her in comparison and made her feel safe, protected.
Arm in arm, they walked to the bedroom. They helped each other finish undressing and crawled under the cool sheets together. She curled into his outstretched arms and immediately fell into the deepest sleep she’d had in months.
* * *
Caleb felt a slight movement on the bed next to him and for a moment, he tried to figure out where the hell he was. Straining to make out the room in the darkness, he remembered Jessie and the kitchen. The bed moved again, and he glanced over to the naked woman lying next to him. She had her back to him, but he could see her shoulders shaking. He heard her soft, strangled gasp for breath, and his heart broke at the sound of her silent crying.
“Oh, Jess,” he whispered. “Please don’t cry, baby.”
He heard her sniffle, but she didn’t roll over to face him. “I’m not crying,” she said.
He turned and wrapped his arm around her waist. She stiffened for just a moment before relaxing in his grip, letting him drag her to him spoon fashion. “You regret this,” he said, shame suffusing him. They’d both been more than a little drunk, and he’d been an ass and a fool to take her so roughly. Christ, he took her on the damn kitchen counter.
“Oh no,” she said, looking over her shoulder at him. His eyes had adjusted to the dark, and he could see the wet tears clinging to her eyelashes. “I don’t regret this, really I don’t.”
“Then why are you crying?” he asked.
“I don’t know why,” she confessed. “God, Caleb. I’m such a mess. I can’t seem to make anything in my life work lately. My head is fuzzy, my heart feels like a two-ton rock and I honestly don’t know if I’m coming or going most days.”
“You’re grieving, Jess. All of that is natural, normal.”
“It doesn’t feel normal,” she spat out angrily. “It feels like shit.”
He leaned down to press a soft kiss on her bare shoulder and heard her sigh. “You’ve never been with another man. Don’t you think that may be why you’re upset?”
“I never thought I’d ever be with any man but Tommy,” she said quietly. “We started dating in high school and stayed together all through college. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
He tightened his grip on her waist, wishing he could take some of her pain away, wishing he could erase every sad, scared, uncertain thought in her head. “It was obviously too soon for you. I’m so sorry, Jessie. I don’t have any excuse other than to say I had a bit too much to drink tonight. I rushed you when I should have made sure you were ready for this. I’ve behaved like an ass.”
She turned in his arms and pulled his face toward hers with her hands. “Don’t say that,” she insisted. “Hell, don’t even think that. Tonight was wonderful, Caleb. You were wonderful and absolutely everything that I needed you to be. This sounds corny and is probably the world’s biggest cliché, but it’s me, not you. This last year has been twenty kinds of miserable. On top of Tommy’s death, I’ve been getting these stupid phone calls—”
“What phone calls?”
“Just a prank caller, and then some asshole mugged me a few weeks ago and I—”
“You were mugged?” he asked, tightening his grip on her. It was no wonder the woman was falling apart. Hell, he couldn’t figure out what was holding her together.
She grinned ruefully. “I’m starting to sound like a walking train wreck.”
He frowned, a growing feeling of concern tugging at his gut. “You need to be more careful, Jessie. Denver is a big city and I’m not so sure I like the idea of you staying there alone considering all that’s happened lately.”
“You’re starting to sound like Todd.”
“Well, then Todd is apparently speaking common sense.”
She leaned forward and kissed him lightly. “You’ve been so kind and patient. I can’t imagine too many men who would stick around when they wake up to hear the crazy woman they just had sex with crying over her dead husband.”
As she said the last words, her voice broke. He moved toward her and kissed her gently. “Shhh. Don’t be silly. You aren’t crazy. You just need more time.”
“Time,” she said with disgust. “If I hear that word again, I swear I really will go insane. Everyone says I need time, but time moves too damn slow and nothing ever changes.”
He chuckled at the ferocity of her words. He imagined that once Jessie’s mourning passed, she would be a force to be reckoned with. There was a powerful soul in her tiny frame. “I wouldn’t say that. You went out tonight and let yourself have a good time.”
“Yeah, but I had to think about having fun every minute,” she added.
“And you’ll probably have to think about it the next time too, but eventually, you’ll remember how to have fun without having to make the conscious effort.”
“Caleb, tonight with you, the party, the kitchen, it’s all been amazing, but—” She hesitated and he knew what she was struggling to say.
“But it’s not time for this yet,” he finished for her.
“I can’t do this. I can’t give you what you deserve. I’m only a tenth of the person I was a year ago and until I track down the rest of myself, I—” She stopped again.
He smiled sadly, aware that she was truly a one-in-a-million woman. She’d been warning him all night in little ways that tonight was all they would have. He respected her honesty and her courage.
“I understand,” he whispered, kissing her again, desperate to have one last taste of her before she disappeared from his life completely. They broke apart and he lay back, pulling her to his chest, relishing the sound, the heat of her soft, deep breaths as she fell back to sleep.
* * *
Jessie opened her eyes, squinting against the harsh sunlight and her throbbing head. “Shit,” she muttered. She glanced around the empty room, surprised to find she was alone.
Rising, she threw on her robe and walked out to the kitchen. At the table, she found a note from Caleb.
Jess,
Got an early call from hospital. ATV accident—bad one. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. Call me when you’re ready.
Caleb
At the bottom of the paper, he had scrawled his cell phone number. She folded the paper and considered picking up the phone right away. She missed him, but calling him now wouldn’t change anything. She’d merely drag him down with her into this murk and mire she called a life. That depressing thought was just taking root when a knock at the door distracted her.
“Come in,” she called out.
Todd staggered in, bleary-eyed and definitely the worse for wear. She tried to hold back her amusement and failed, giving in to her laughter.
“Oh yeah,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically rough, “laugh it up. This isn’t funny. This is agony. Why didn’t you stop me?”
She shrugged. “You were having fun.”
“Christ, I don’t think there’s enough fun in the world to justify this hangover.”
“Why are you out of bed so early then? Go sleep it off.”
“It’s your fault I’m not in my bed. I crashed on Jacob’s couch last night. I was staggering back about an hour ago when I passed Caleb on the path. I actually crawled into bed and tried to sleep, but you know me. Curiosity won out. What the hell happened between you two?”
She sat down in the kitchen chair and gestured for him to join her. Once he settled, she leaned her head back, closed her eyes and sighed.
“I slept with Caleb.”
She expected an outburst, a loud exclamation, something noisy and dramatic, which was why she was so surprised by the silence that greeted her. She slowly dragged her eyes open, even more shocked to see Todd smiling at her.
“Did you hear what I said?” she asked.
“I heard you,” he answered.
“And?” she said, frustrated by his unusual reticence in expressing his opinion.
“And I think that’s great.”
“Great?” Her voice sounded too loud in the tiny kitchen. Then she felt her shoulders droop and her fears came falling out in a rush of words. “You don’t think I betrayed Tommy, that I was wrong to hop into bed with another man so soon? Tommy’s only been gone eight months. What the hell was I thinking? I barely know Caleb. Does this mean I’m a slut? Don’t you think—?”
“Now wait right there,” he interrupted her. “You are not and never have been a slut. Hell, Tommy was your first and only lover before last night. And no, I don’t think you were wrong to invite Caleb to your bed. I’ve watched you drift away from me, from life these past few months, and I was so afraid I’d never be able to get you back. Last night, you laughed, you danced, you sang and you opened your heart enough to let a kind man love you.”
She winced at his use of the word love, but he waved her off. “I don’t mean you’re in love with Caleb and I’m not saying he’s in love with you, but I know you, Jess. You’re not the type of woman who hops into any man’s bed. You and Caleb talked last night for hours at the party and I watched you let go of some of that damn armor you’ve wrapped yourself in these past few months. I’ve known Caleb for years. He’s a nice, honest, decent guy and there’s no way I would have let him walk you home if I hadn’t known he’d take care of you.”
“I didn’t bring him back here with the intention of having sex with him.”
“I’m sure you didn’t, but the fact of the matter is you needed last night, kiddo. I have a feeling you’ve turned a corner and whether you see Caleb again or not isn’t really the point. You’re letting yourself live again. You didn’t die eight months ago. Tommy did.”
“I know that,” she whispered.
“No, Jess, I’m not sure you do. At least, you didn’t seem to before last night.”
She considered his words. Had she checked out the night she found Tommy’s body? Had she been hiding, playing dead, wallowing in Tommy’s death rather than moving on? She’d blamed the mugging, the phone calls, the irritating feeling she had of being watched for her escape from society. In her mind, she had a mystery to solve and that thought had consumed more and more of her time. But had she been using that as an excuse? A reason to stop moving forward with her own life?
Last night with Caleb, she’d felt as if she were coming to life again, or at least, out of hibernation. It had been wonderful, freeing, and she found it difficult—no, she found it impossible—to face the idea of returning to the coldness, the loneliness that had plagued her for months.
“So what’s the plan?” he asked.
“I’m moving here,” she said, the words flying from her lips without thought, and she realized that was another decision she’d unconsciously made during the previous evening.
“For Caleb?”
She shook her head. “No, for me.”
“And this investigation into Tommy’s death?”
She considered Todd’s question. She knew he thought she was grasping at straws, trying to make something out of nothing. For months, she’d been so sure, but now? What if his death had been an accident? What if the mugging and the prank calls were nothing more than that? What if in her grief she had created this idea of a crime, just as everyone suspected?
“Maybe it’s time to accept that I may never learn the truth of his death.” Even as she spoke the words, she fought to believe the wisdom of them. Common sense said it was time to move on, to start living again, but her sense of conviction, the tiny voice in the back of her brain that wouldn’t let her rest disagreed.
He grinned. “I would like to go on the record as saying if you’d given me the news that you were moving here any other day, I would be screaming my head off and dancing you around this kitchen. However, as my head is about two minutes away from exploding, you’re just going to have to take my word for the fact that I’m happy as hell.”
She laughed. “Yeah, well, I’ll trust you and you’re forgiven for not dancing. Seems to me you did enough of that last night.”
“Don’t remind me. I have a feeling the only reason I’m not crying in agony over the pain in my legs is because my head hurts worse.”
She stood up and pressed a soft kiss to his brow. “You have been an amazing friend to me these past few months. I don’t think I would have survived without you.”
Todd shrugged and offered her a sad smile. “Tommy wouldn’t have wanted you to be so miserable, and he wouldn’t have wanted you to spend the rest of your life alone and in mourning.”
