“What, Matt? You would have told me to stop feeling that way? I know you’re a control freak and you like to think you rule the world, but you can’t tell me how to feel or what to think.”

  “I know that.” Matt studied his face, and now—like so many times before—Gage got the feeling his brother wanted to say something.

  Gage wanted to push, wanted to scream at Matt to just spit it out, but how far could he take this discussion before he took it too far? This was the closest the three of them had come to a real, honest talk in over a decade, and even as much as it hurt, Gage didn’t want them to leave.

  Don’t leave.

  He really was a fucking head case.

  “What does Mom have to do with your feelings for Penny, Gage?” Conor asked quietly.

  Gage shook his head. He knew, but he couldn’t say it.

  “You loved Mom,” Matt answered for him. “She was your whole world when we were kids. The video games, D&D, comic books…the two of you loved the same things, spent hours together.”

  “That’s true,” Conor chimed in. “I loved Mom, more than I can say, but she wasn’t just Mom to you. She was your best friend.”

  Matt agreed. “And in the way of young sons, I’d venture to guess she was your first love. I can remember when you were in first grade. You insisted you were going to marry Mom when you were a big boy.”

  Conor grinned. “Yeah, that tracks. Sometimes I was jealous of your relationship with her. Not enough to put a bookmark in The Lord of the Rings and play Guitar Hero all the damn time, but still…”

  “Mom was beautiful. Inside and out,” Gage said.

  “She was. But none of that answers my question,” Conor pointed out, looking from Gage to Matt.

  “Did I ever tell you the last thing Mom said to me?” Gage asked, perfectly aware he hadn’t. He hadn’t told this story to another living soul.

  Both his brothers shook their heads.

  “It was Christmas break, right after New Year’s. I wasn’t supposed to go back to school for another week, but one of my buddies had gone back early and was throwing some big-ass party. I decided to cut my trip home short so I could go, the idea of getting wasted with my friends and fucking some blonde sorority girl taking precedence over family time.”

  Gage closed his eyes and rubbed his brow, the next part hard to remember. “I’d packed up my shit and was standing by the front door. Mom had made all these plans for us for that last week, an Indiana Jones movie marathon, a video game night, a couple new recipes she wanted us to make together. You know how she was when we came home from college.”

  “She always had big plans, a way to make every single day special, different, fun. I think she needed those plans to…” Conor paused.

  None of them finished that statement. They all knew. Mom struggled to keep her dark feelings at bay. It helped her to plan fun things. It was like she had to schedule her happiness in order to find it, because feeling joy didn’t come naturally to her.

  Conor continued talking. “That same holiday, she’d planned a Lord of the Rings movie marathon with me, found out my favorite author was doing a book signing a couple hours away. She had a whole list of ideas for us. But I was invited to go to California with my best friend’s family right after Christmas, so I asked for a rain check.”

  Matt sighed. “We can all play the blame game if that’s what you think will help. I was no better. I was already working here by that time. Dad was putting me through my paces, piling more and more onto my plate. I can remember putting Christmas dinner in my planner and only allowing two hours for it. Scheduling it like it was just another meeting. I was worried about that too because Dad had only scheduled one hour for dinner.”

  “I didn’t know that,” Gage admitted, wondering how the three of them could have let so many years go by without talking about this. About her.

  “What did Mom say to you?” Conor asked, leading Gage back to his story.

  “I was saying my goodbyes, in a hurry to get on the road. Like missing five minutes of some stupid party would be the end of the world. Mom hugged me, and she had tears in her eyes. She said, ‘Don’t leave.’”

  “Jesus,” Conor whispered.

  “I left. And then…she left.” Gage swallowed heavily.

  “Gage—” Matt started.

  “The thing with Penny started as a bet over a stupid video game. She wanted to reinvent herself with a makeover. And with lessons.”

  “Lessons?” Conor asked.

  “In seduction…sex. She asked me because she knew I didn’t tie any feelings to the act. She just wanted a tutor in how to flirt and fuck, and as king of the heartless playboys, I fit the bill. Last Friday was supposed to be the final lesson.”

  Conor leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “What happened?”

  “I took her to bed, but it wasn’t her lesson. It was mine. Because…Penny taught me how to make love that night. You see, while she hasn’t said it, I know she’s in love with me too. So when it was over and we were lying there, side by side, she put herself out there. She’s a hell of a lot braver than I am.”

  “What did she say?” Conor asked.

  “She said, ‘Don’t leave.’” He closed his eyes briefly. “Guess you don’t have to be a genius to figure out what I did.”

  “You left,” Matt said. “Those words…they triggered you, and you left.”

  “Yeah. And even knowing that, I can’t make myself go back to her because…”

  Matt wouldn’t let him stop there, finishing for him, making him face all the hard truths. “You’re afraid of loving her.”

  “I…” Gage blew out a long, slow breath.

  “Because you’re afraid you’ll lose her.”

  Matt didn’t ask a question, so Gage didn’t respond.

  “Do you trust Penny, Gage?” Conor asked.

  He leaned back and thought about that. Because it wasn’t just the love he’d been afraid of. In a lot of ways, that was the simpler of the two things to give Penny.

  God knew she was easy to love…with her kick-ass gaming skills and dance moves, the adorable way she talked to her cats like they were human, her easy smile, quick wit and sarcasm, and her unique sense of style—that he’d stupidly, foolishly fucked up.

  It was just as he told his brothers. He was in love with Penny.

  Trusting her though…that was going to be a hell of a lot harder. And not because of a goddamn thing she’d done but because he was apparently fucked up, and he hadn’t realized just how much.

  He could feel the weight of Conor’s and Matt’s gazes on him, waiting for an answer. He wished he had one to give.

  When the silence drifted too long, he declared defeat by simply shrugging in response.

  “I’m sorry, brother,” Conor said. And for the first time, Gage felt that connection that had been lost for so many years ago, reforming.

  He gave his younger brother a ghost of a smile. “Thanks.”

  Of course, bridging the gap with Matt was going to be much harder, if his scowl was anything to go by. Not that Matt made it easy, falling silent, as was his way when he was finished with a conversation.

  “I fired Connie today,” Matt said at last. “I was able to confirm that she was the one who’d sent Penny’s resume to John Kelly. Apparently she’s friends with someone in his HR department, who didn’t realize Connie’s intentions were malicious. She had access to Penny’s personal identifiable information, and she used it. Definitely grounds for termination. When faced with the proof, she was forced to confess. She didn’t take your rejection well. Security escorted her out a few hours ago.”

  “Is she going to be a problem?”

  Matt shook his head. “No. I took care of it. She won’t bother you again.”

  There was a lot left unsaid in that sentence.

  Gage had seen his brother in action when someone was perceived to be a threat to Russo Enterprises. Matt was ruthless, brutal, and he took no prisoners.

  But it wasn’t the company he’d been protecting this time. It was Gage—and somehow, he sensed Connie had gotten a thousand times the usual level of ruthless and brutal.

  God help the woman.

  He wasn’t sure if he was grateful or sorry he hadn’t gotten to see it. The word bloodbath drifted through his mind.

  “Thanks,” Gage said.

  Matt nodded once then rose. “Very well. We’ll leave you to your work.”

  It was on the tip of Gage’s tongue to retort with “that’s it?” Because as far as interventions went, this one sucked. Matt hadn’t offered him one ounce of advice or given him a clue where he was supposed to go from here.

  Conor gave him a crooked grin. “Come by Chives tomorrow around one. I’ve got a new chef, want to see what you think of his food. We’ll have a late lunch and a couple of drinks. I’ll even pull out the good bourbon.”

  In addition to his nightclubs, Conor ran two high-end restaurants in the city, soon to be three apparently, if his deal with supermodel Harper Branson went through.

  Gage nodded, touched by the invitation. “Thanks. I will.” Then he recalled Penny’s comment about Toby and Rich. He’d been a shitty friend the past couple of weeks. “Mind if I bring a couple of buddies along?”

  Conor shook his head. “The more the merrier.” Then he left, stepping around Matt, who’d paused at the threshold.

  Matt stood there for a moment then turned to look at Gage. “You weren’t to blame for what happened to Mom. And contrary to what you think of me, I know there’s only one person I can control in life, and that’s myself. The same goes for you. Figure out what you want then find a way to get there. No one is stopping you or holding you back—not me, not Mom, not Dad. The only person blocking your path right now, is you.”

  Gage leaned back in his chair, Matt’s words resonating with him long after his brother had taken his leave, as he considered his next course of action.

  He had a decision to make.

  Was he going to get out of his own way?

  Or not?

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Working late again, I see.”

  Penny looked up from her computer, bleary-eyed, exhausted. She blinked a couple of times, her contacts drier than the Sahara. They must have affected her vision because there was no way Matt Russo was standing next to her desk. She’d worked at Russo Enterprises for six years and she’d never seen Matt in IT. Not once. He’d declared this department Gage’s domain and steered clear.

  “I, uh…yeah,” she replied stupidly.

  “It’s Friday night. Most of the employees were sneaking out of here early, ready to get a jump on their weekend.”

  Penny could attest to that personally. Gage had called Toby a couple hours earlier, inviting him and Rich out for lunch at Chives tomorrow with him and his brother, Conor. From that point on, work ceased as her two sweet, clueless friends stressed out over what to wear.

  No wonder the three IT gurus were so tight. They were birds of a feather, social misfits, all of them failing to learn simple things like how to fit in because they’d spent all their formative years studying how to level up instead.

  She’d offered advice, revealing that she’d been to the Enigma before, another swanky Russo establishment, though she didn’t admit it had been with Gage.

  Once they’d gotten over their shock—assholes—that she’d been inside such a cool place, they’d grilled her relentlessly, seeking out every bit of information. Penny had answered all their questions patiently—and in great detail—because, while Gage had told her what to wear the night she’d gone to Enigma, she really hadn’t been prepared for a lot of the rest. She’d ordered the same drink as Keeley, and followed Liza’s lead on how to stand and flip her hair and survey the room casually.

  And none of that had mattered, because she’d still fucked up with the dancing.

  While she was sad that clearly she’d lost Gage as a friend, she was grateful that he’d listened to her in regard to Toby and Rich, not tossing them over with her. Of course, it sucked to be the one thrown out, because that meant Toby and Rich were going out tomorrow afternoon—with Gage—while, as was the norm, she’d be home. Alone. With her cats.

  The fact that she had plans tomorrow night—the dreaded birthday party—offered zero consolation at all.

  “Penny,” Matt prompted.

  Shit. She’d drifted into outer space again. In front of her boss.

  “Sorry, I’m, uh…I’ve been reviewing code for vulnerabilities and remediating it. I was hoping to make some headway before calling it a night.”

  Matt nodded. And then, God help her, he pulled Toby’s rolling office chair from his desk closer to hers and sat down.

  Were they going to have a real chat? About what?

  Oh my God.

  He knew about her and Gage. He had to. It could be the only explanation for this unheard-of visit.

  “I must admit, I’d admire your work ethic,” he said.

  He’d said as much at her annual review a couple of days earlier.

  “Thank you.” Penny searched for something to say. Maybe if she could come up with some random yet fascinating conversational topic, she could distract him from…whatever the hell it was that had driven him down here.

  She’d heard through the office grapevine that Connie in HR had been fired and escorted out of the building today. If the same was about to happen to her, at least it was after hours, so there would be fewer witnesses.

  Small comfort, but still.

  “So, um, are you going to Chives tomorrow with the other guys?” she asked, barely able to hide her slight wince.

  Yeah. Great way to distract Matt on the subject of Gage.

  Start a topic about Gage. Jesus Christ.

  Matt shook his head. “No. I wasn’t invited.”

  “Oh.” Penny considered that. Apparently, Matt had been with Gage the one time she’d been at Enigma, according to Liza anyway, so it wasn’t like they didn’t get drinks together. “Why not?”

  This time, she didn’t manage to hide her wince at all.

  Matt grinned, something she was fairly certain she’d never seen before in her life. It was the first time she’d ever considered him…handsome. He was usually too stern, too serious, his eyes dark, his expression uninviting. But relaxed and smiling? Wow.

  Of course, Gage was still way hotter, but the Russos definitely had good genes.

  “Because I’m a humorless bastard,” Matt replied easily. “And my brothers don’t usually consider hanging out with me a good time.”

  “Yeah. Humor is hard,” Penny agreed. “Hey, you know, I gave my dad a joke-a-day calendar one year for Christmas. Maybe you should look for one of those. Then tell your brothers a joke whenever you see them. Break the pattern, you know?”

  “That would certainly be one way to break it.”

  “If jokes aren’t your thing, you could go the trivia route. The same year I gave my dad the joke calendar, I gave my mom a Jeopardy one. She texted me and my brother the day’s question every night. Although maybe that isn’t a good idea, because it usually ended in warfare. My brother and I are competitive as fuck, and we engaged in more than a few arguments when one of us forgot to phrase the answer as a question or we felt an unfair disadvantage because of bad cell service.”

  Aaaaand that was a lot of useless word vomit.

  “Shit,” she cursed. “Did I just say fuck? Um…God. Sorry about that.”

  This was why she should stay in her head.

  “I’m familiar with the word fuck…as well as the word shit.”

  Wait. Was Matt Russo making a joke?

  “I do like trivia,” he admitted. “Though I’m not sure there would be much of a competition if I started something like that with Gage and Conor. Conor is a walking encyclopedia. I blame it on the fact he’s read every book ever published.”

  “Seriously? Wow. What a nerd,” she joked, delighted—and somewhat awed—by Matt’s loud burst of laughter.

  “Yes, he is. Gage is too, of course. Just in a different way.”

  Penny narrowed her eyes playfully. “If you’re insinuating that playing video games and D&D twenty-four seven, or cosplaying at Comic-Con—I rocked it as Poison Ivy, by the way—makes you a nerd…”

  Matt held up his hands in feigned surrender. “I’m not the one who dubbed this department the nerd circle. I believe that was your coworker Toby’s doing?”

  Penny sighed. “Yeah. It was. And yet he’s going out tomorrow to some cool restaurant for fancy-ass lunch and drinks, while we’re…”

  “I’m probably going to be at work,” Matt said.

  “I was thinking of working out this weekend. And by workout, I mean Beat Saber ’til I drop.”

  “Both very good ways to avoid real life.”

  She couldn’t tell if the last part of his statement was a confession or a condemnation. Either way, she couldn’t argue with it. She’d been with Russo Enterprises long enough to know that Matt didn’t have any more of a social life than she did. At least she could say she’d had one briefly with Gage. But now that the lessons were over, she was struggling to follow through on them.

  Not because her self-esteem had vanished but because her desire had.

  She wanted to be with Gage, not with David, not with some as-of-yet unknown suitor, and all the pep talks in the mirror in the world weren’t going to change that fact for a long time.

  Regardless, she felt as if she should at least defend herself.

  “I’m not completely avoiding it,” she said. “I’m actually going to a party tomorrow night. My birthday party,” she tacked on to the end, struggling to infuse her tone with any enthusiasm.

  “Happy birthday,” Matt said.

  “I’d invite you but—” She shut up fast.

  Matt chuckled. “I wouldn’t ruin your party that way. I suspect the guest list is rather Moretti heavy?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. It is. I wish I understood why… I mean…you’re a nice guy. I just don’t get…”

  “Nice is a subjective term.” Matt sighed. “One that I don’t think too many people in the world would use to describe me. And they would be correct,” he added, his expression hardening, halting her from arguing that point.

 

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