2nd Generation Passion (A Promise of Passion Book 3), page 12
I texted Sara periodically throughout the day, and we talked on the phone at night. She had wrapped up her work at the BIC and was sad to see the internship end. I was happy she had found something that interested her. She’d decided to major in humanitarian studies. She planned to take more business classes, too, and work toward a minor in one of the business-related disciplines. I was glad she’d been able to make a decision about her path in college.
Ian helped her move into a single dorm room at Fordham. Fortunately, it was close to the city so she could easily get back for her doctor’s appointments. Dr. Hadley also knew a doctor near the university that Sara could go to if she ever had any complications with the pregnancy. That gave us both some peace of mind. Sara had a pretty hyper personality, and she needed to chill out more now, which was hard for her. It felt good to have a doctor nearby, just in case.
I felt funny going to the beginning-of-the-year parties. Not only was I not single, I was going to be a dad. It made me look at the whole party scene a lot differently. There was a part of me that wanted to act my age and go out, but there was another part of me that felt guilty because I knew Sara was staying in her dorm room. I had so many mixed feelings about everything. This wasn’t what I’d expected my junior year to be like. I didn’t resent her for being careless with her birth control—or not much. I’d never tell her, though. If I were really worried about her getting pregnant, I could have suited up as well. I didn’t want her to feel bad. I just had so many emotions that I wasn’t sure how to deal with them. It was pretty crazy to think that I’d be a dad before I graduated college. I needed someone to talk to objectively about what was going on.
The first weekend back to Yale is always a blast. One of my buddies saw me in the cafeteria and asked me if I was going to the big bash in the quad.
“I don’t know yet,” I told him honestly.
“Are you kidding me, Jay? It’s one of the best parties of the year. What’s wrong with you?” he asked.
“I don’t know. My girl is back at Fordham, and I feel funny partying without her.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s not like you’re married or anything. Besides, you don’t have to hook up with anyone.”
I didn’t even know how to respond to him. I had so many mixed emotions. “What’s going on, Jay? You seem so serious.” He wouldn’t let up on the questions.
“We’re pregnant. That’s what’s up,” I said quietly.
“Holy shit. I didn’t see that coming. No one ever told you about wearing your protective armor before the battle, huh?”
“Yeah, well, shit happens, you know? It’s been a lot to deal with. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything. So now you can understand why I feel guilty having a good time when she’s stuck at the dorms.”
“You think she really wants you to not have any fun? If she does, then she’s a selfish bitch,” he commented.
“No, she’s awesome. She doesn’t have a bitchy bone in her body. It’s me. She’s been so sick, and it just feels awkward having fun when I know she can’t.”
“Well, if you change your mind, let me know. Life doesn’t have to be over because you’re having a kid,” he said seriously.
“I know. And thanks. I’ll probably see you there.”
I did go to the kickoff party and had a pretty decent time. A few drunk girls threw themselves at me, but I didn’t pay them any attention. I loved Sara. And I knew I would love our baby. I had no desire to hook up with anyone. There were several kegs, a variety of shots floating around, and several fun bands that kept everyone dancing. I had a good time. And I didn’t feel guilty. Sara had told me to have some fun, and I did. I missed her though, and I called her when I got back to my room to tell her.
“Hey, sunshine, how are my favorite girl and our little minnow doing?” I asked her.
“I’m good, Jay. I’m trying to get ahead on some of the reading for the semester just in case anything goes wrong with the baby.”
“It’s good to stay ahead of your work, but why would you think anything will go wrong?” I asked her, concerned.
She took a second to respond, and when she did, her voice was quiet. “I don’t know. I just feel like I should be prepared for whatever, you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I guess. Did you finish getting settled into your room? I know you were dreading unpacking all your crap.”
“Well, now that I’m becoming a mom, I decided that I should try to be more organized. I cranked some music and got everything unpacked and put away. You’ll be very impressed.”
“I can’t wait to see you next weekend. Still want me to drive to Fordham to see you on Saturday?” I joked.
“That’s probably the stupidest question in the entire world. Of course I want you to drive up here. It feels like forever since I saw you,” she whined.
“Good, because nothing could keep me from you.”
“Oh yeah, I wanted to tell you one little thing that has changed since you saw me last,” she said coyly.
“What’s that?”
“The last time we were together, my boobs were starting to feel better. Now they don’t hurt at all. In fact, they are full of really intense feelings that I can’t wait to share with you.”
“Really? And are they still growing?” I liked how this conversation was going.
I could hear her chuckle. “I’m not sure you’ll know what to do with them. They’ve gotten very big and very heavy. And I finally felt good enough to go get a wax. I went this morning, so I’ll be all healed up by the time you get here. My body feels different down there as well. Believe me, Jay, all my parts are ready for you.”
It felt like forever since we’d had sex, and listening to her talk about her “parts” made me want her so badly. The added effects of the alcohol exacerbated the situation as well. I was sitting on my bed with the biggest hard-on known to man. The thought of touching her beautifully full breasts and feasting on her freshly waxed body was enough to send the strongest man over the edge.
She had to know what she was doing to me. “Are you trying to make me uncomfortable?” I asked her.
“Me? Never,” she said demurely. “I just don’t want you looking at any of those hot and horny freshmen.”
“The only hot and horny person I’m interested in is you. And now my parts are extremely engorged and the thought of waiting another week to see you is becoming more painful by the minute.” I loved the fact that we could talk openly about sex. It was fun and kept things exciting.
“Maybe there’s something I can do to make you feel better,” she said seductively.
Whoever said phone sex wasn’t satisfying had never had it with Miss Sara Jensen. She made sure my sexual frustrations were satisfied before we hung up the phone. I could listen to her talk dirty to me for hours. She told me to lie down and close my eyes. When I heard her turn on her vibrator and heard her breath quicken, I knew I was a dead man. She slowly and descriptively talked me through a jaw-clenching orgasm. When I closed my eyes, I could imagine making love to her. Her voice was that good.
31
I finished settling into my dorm room that Sunday. After sleeping in the room Saturday night, I realized I wanted to move some of the furniture around. It was actually a good-sized single with a private bath. A private bathroom was key, because I was still throwing up every once in a while. I’d decided that I was going to hide the pregnancy as long as possible. I didn’t want anybody to judge me. I still hadn’t gained much weight because I was throwing up so much, so Katharine and I had taken care of the matter for now by going to Bloomingdale’s for some funky, oversized tops and larger sized leggings. Dad, Emily and I decided to skip Toronto this year. Riding in a car made me too nauseous. Besides, Martin wasn’t keen on Emily going away for the weekend.
I thought it would be difficult saying good-bye to my dad and Katharine, but I was excited to start working on my major now that I’d finally made a decision. I’d changed my classes online earlier in the month so I could focus on a humanitarian degree. I’d even signed up for another business class. I had spent some time with the director at BIC, and she’d explained how the donations were collected and how the money was allocated. The business part of their organization interested me more than I thought it would. Dad suggested I take a few business classes because it would help me with the administrative side of the corporation. It sounded like a great idea to me.
There was a party on our floor the first night. I put some juice in a glass with a straw and a lemon, so it looked like a real drink. Nobody ever questioned me about it. A lot of people were drinking beer, but I was never a beer drinker. A few kids were doing shots, but I just told them I had an early class and I didn’t want to be hung-over. Maybe I could still have some fun after all. The music was loud, and we were dancing like crazy. It was kind of fun watching everybody get drunk and silly. I enjoyed being a spectator for once. It was a first, but it was amusing as hell. In fact, it was almost more fun. Yeah, maybe this could work.
I called Jay around midnight to say goodnight and tell him I’d survived my first party and actually had a really good time. He sounded happy for me, and that made me smile. He knew how much I liked to party and how nervous I’d been about coming back to school, so I knew he was relieved that I’d figured out a way to be a part of the fun. It was definitely easier now that I wasn’t puking all of the time. I also didn’t look as run down and pale as I had earlier in the pregnancy. One drunk girl asked me if I’d gotten my boobs done over the summer. I told her that the new bombshell bra by Victoria’s Secret was really the bomb! She accepted my explanation as gospel.
I had always been a free spirit kind of girl, but things had changed. It wasn’t just me anymore. I had a baby and a baby daddy to worry about. It was crazy to think that peeing on a stick could change your life so drastically. My whole outlook was changing. I’d never felt so focused on doing well in school before. I felt inspired to get my grade point average up and make everyone proud. I knew for a fact that I wanted to work outside of the home when I graduated. I never wanted to be dependent on a man like my mom was on my dad. Her only ambition was to look good and spend my dad’s money. I wanted to be more like Katharine. I really loved the work that the BIC did, and I could totally see myself working there after I graduated. It felt amazing to have a plan.
Monday morning came quickly, and I was off to class bright and early. I threw up first and choked down some pretzels before I left my dorm room, but I still made it to class on time. That in itself felt like an amazing feat. I pledged to focus in class, get all my assignments done right away, and be prepared for whatever life was going to throw my way. Man, did I sound like a responsible adult or what?
Jackson also sounded super busy. He was taking more classes than normal so he could graduate early. I gave him so much credit. Yale was such a hard school, but he was a really good student, and I knew he could pull it off. It made me love him even more to know that he wanted to finish early and get a job so he could support us. Even though both of our parents were wealthy, we felt funny just accepting handouts from them. It was something we had talked about and agreed on. We both wanted to secure jobs as soon as we got our degrees.
I talked to my sister at length about my encounter with Monica. She was disgusted by everything our mother had said to me, and she reminded me that we were better off with our dad and Katharine in our lives. Although I agreed with her intellectually, Monica was still our mom. It was so hurtful that she could discard us like an old pair of shoes. It would probably have been easier to accept her absence if she were dead—although, in many ways, she was dead to me. Boy, that was a horrible way to think about your mother. But it was how I honestly felt sometimes. I just wished things had been different; the child in me would always be hopeful that she would have a change of heart and discover that she really loved and cared about Emily and me. No matter how grown up I became, I knew I would always hope that she would find a way to love us.
I was excited that I only had one week of classes before Jackson came to visit for the first time. We talked randomly throughout the day, but I needed to see him. Talking on the phone made me even lonelier for him. I didn’t tell any of my friends at school that I was pregnant except my roommate from last year, Lily. She couldn’t believe it, but she promised to keep my secret. I knew she would be the kind of friend to check up on me regularly and follow my pregnancy as it progressed, and I was glad I had someone to turn to. We had become really tight last year, and I’d forgotten how much I liked hanging out with her. It felt good to have an ally. It was an exciting time in my life, and I needed to share it with someone. Lily was comforting to have around, but, more than anything, I needed to share this experience with my boyfriend.
The first week went better than I expected. The business classes weren’t as scary as I’d thought, and I loved the humanitarian ones. I felt confident that I had made the right decision declaring my major. As the week progressed, I felt less scared about the semester. Dad had always said I could do anything I put my mind to.
Friday nights were a big party night at both schools. Jackson said his hall was having a big shindig, and so was mine. His plan was to come see me when he got up Saturday morning and stay until Sunday night. I couldn’t wait to see him. I told him there was a beer pong tournament on our floor, which was easy for me to get out of since I didn’t like beer. He said that his hall was having a tequila-inspired poker tournament. That sounded interesting. The plan was to have fun as individuals and reunite the following morning. I couldn’t wait to see him!
32
I found myself budgeting my time very carefully. It was going to be a busy semester, and there was a lot more at stake now. I added exercise and regular meals as part of my schedule, so I didn’t get run down. I made sure I didn’t drink too much on the nights I had an early morning class so I wouldn’t oversleep. I was determined to excel academically and finish Yale one semester early. After a pretty intense week, I was looking forward to a fun night with my friends.
Some of the guys had created a coed poker schedule for the night. I looked over it and saw that Wendy was playing in the tournament. Wendy was a chick I’d hooked up with once last year. We’d been pretty hammered, and she’d kept hitting on me, so I went with it. I don’t remember much about the night, but it obviously meant a lot more to her than it did to me, which made it very awkward to be around her. One of my buddies told me that she’d had her eye on me for a while before we hooked up. She bugged the crap out of me for weeks after we messed around, even though I kept telling her I wasn’t interested. I’d told her as clearly as I could that I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with her, but she couldn’t seem to get the hint. She was cute enough, I guess, but she was annoying as hell and totally not my type. I could never see myself dating her. Every time I saw her at a party, I tried to ignore her, but she fawned all over me like we were dating. There is nothing more unattractive than a desperate girl.
There was a keg and several handles of tequila in the common room where we all convened for the tournament. There were about thirty of us playing, the music was jamming, and everyone was psyched to have finished our second week at Yale. As soon as I sat down, I could feel someone’s eyes on me. I looked up and saw Wendy from across the room, but I tried to ignore her as much as possible, even though she kept staring at me.
I had my share of talents, but playing poker wasn’t one of them. The more I lost, the more shots of tequila I was expected to take. By midnight, I was trashed. Things were getting fuzzy, and I knew I had to stop drinking. I was exhausted from a crazy week, and the tequila sent me over the edge. I excused myself and stumbled to my room. I was able to get my jeans and shirt off and collapse onto my bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
My last thought as I fell asleep was of Sara. I was so excited to see her the next day, but I knew I had to get some decent sleep and sober up before I went anywhere. My plan was to drive to Fordham as soon as I woke up. I told her I would set my alarm, but I’d forgotten to do that before the tournament, and I was far too drunk to remember afterward. Intoxicated as I was, I found myself dreaming of her, which had happened a lot since I got back to Yale.
At first, I dreamed about her beautiful smile and her infectious laugh. She was standing at the end of my bed staring at me. I was excited that she came to see me at school; I felt so happy. Then she was giving me that sexy look that always meant she wanted to fool around. I could feel myself getting aroused as she pulled the covers off my body and slid my boxers down my legs. Before I could respond, she had her mouth on me. It felt amazing—the best dream ever. She devoured me in a way she had never done before. It didn’t feel like the way she normally sucked on me, but it was fantastic. As I was about to explode in her mouth, I could hear myself saying her name and thanking her for going down on me. That is when I heard a strange voice interrupt my dream: “Shhh, Jacky. It’s me. How does this feel, baby?”
I sat up with a jolt and shook my head, trying to get the tequila-laced cobwebs out. I looked up and saw Wendy, not Sara, on my bed. I shook my head again, hoping I was seeing things.
“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled at her.
“C’mon, Jacky. Don’t tell me it didn’t feel good. You were so close. Let me finish, baby. You know you want me to,” she said seductively.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I didn’t invite you into my room, and I sure as hell didn’t give you permission to go down on me. My God, you’re pathetic.” I stared at Wendy in utter confusion and absolute disgust. I swung my legs off the side of the bed and covered myself with the sheet. “I cannot believe you would barge into my room and do that to me—you seriously need to get the fuck out of here!”
