Feather and Scroll (The Shifter Chronicles 11), page 11
Viktor frowned heavily. “That is cold.”
Jin shrugged. “That is war. We all signed up with open eyes.”
Viktor looked at his hands.
“I see what you feel for him,” Jin said. “It’s obvious to anyone with eyes. I caution you against making designs on him. He’s not free. And if you pursue him, it will distract him. Distractions lead to death. Or worse.”
Viktor struggled to digest Jin’s words. He hadn’t been certain Jin was capable of so many words strung together. Jin’s reasonable, factual tone was hard to argue against, no matter how much he wished to. He wanted Pan. He wanted to nest with him, and the realization that was impossible…. It hurt. It hurt a lot.
“I’m sorry,” Jin whispered. Viktor got the impression he meant it. “I know why you care for him. He has a big heart. And I know why he cares for you. It is for the same reason.”
Viktor snorted, his chest tight. His body was still one big bruise from that morning. By Phoenix, had it really only been that morning?
“I have been told I have a cold heart.” He thought of Natasha’s harsh words during one of their more abusive bouts.
“You were told wrong,” Jin said. “I know cold hearts, and I know warm ones. Trust me.”
Viktor looked up and stared. Then he smiled as the realization came. “I do trust you. You are odd, but I trust you.”
The grin came swiftly and then was gone. But it had been there, as had the humor in those black eyes. Though now his face was blank again, and he inclined his head.
“I will check on Pan.” He set his mug on the counter before leaving the room. Viktor turned back to the window. But he wasn’t looking outside. He was looking inward.
There was so much more to Pan than Viktor could ever have guessed. Pan was beautiful—his heart, mind, and body were works of art. Viktor and his hawk were in complete agreement. But if he wanted Pan, then Pan would have to leave the Agency, wouldn’t he? He’d have to choose. Now that Viktor knew the depth of Pan’s love for that organization, how long would it take for Pan to resent Viktor for making him choose?
Sighing deeply, his heart hurting, Viktor walked outside. The crisp afternoon air settled around him but gave him no comfort. He’d fallen in love with Agent Pan. From the moment Pan stepped back into his life, he’d been on a steady downward spiral. It shouldn’t have surprised him. But it did irritate him that Pan would never be his.
His hawk rebelled, screeching and flapping his wings angrily. Viktor scowled, his body tensing, his skin rippling. He argued silently with his hawk. Pan was it. If he couldn’t have Pan, there would be no other, and he would live the rest of his life lonely and cold.
Viktor closed his eyes tightly and lost the battle against hot, angry tears.
Chapter Ten
Pan drank coffee in the kitchen despite the late hour and felt mostly alive. He was sore, and his head and nose were tender, but aspirin took care of most of the pain. He still sported some colorful bruising along his eyes and the bridge of his nose. The rest of the pain he ignored as he was trained to do.
“Did you hear what Kirk said?” Pan asked softly.
Jin nodded silently, leaning moodily against the counter. They stood close, Pan looking out the window and Jin facing the other way, staring at the wall. Viktor had disappeared into his office after informing them they could raid the fridge if they were hungry. Pan wasn’t sure what he was going to do about him. He wasn’t all that sure what to do with himself and his stupid, intense feelings for Viktor.
“‘We need him alive,’” Jin said solemnly, repeating Kirk’s words.
Pan’s voice roughened. “Yeah.”
“Kirk meant you specifically.”
“Yeah.”
Jin looked at him. “Why?”
Pan took a deep breath before meeting his eyes. “You know why.”
While Jin was already a pale man, his skin grew whiter with worry, and his eyes turned grim. Pan could control animals. Arcas and the Knights experimented on shapeshifters—namely mind control experiments. They probably wanted to capture Pan alive and experiment on him. He barely repressed a shudder.
“Perhaps I could use myself as bait.” Though he didn’t want to.
Jin glared at him. “No.”
“Better me than the scroll.”
“No.”
Pan turned back to the window. “You don’t call the shots, Jin. I don’t have to ask for your permission.”
Jin’s expression grew sharper.
Pan glanced at him. “Don’t think tying me up will stop me. You know I’m like Houdini with anything you can throw at me.”
A deep growl issued from Jin, and Pan turned to him with his own glare. “We have to end this before anyone else gets hurt. You know that. I’ll do what I think is best and will get the job done.”
Jin stiffened and pushed away from the counter. “No.”
Pan hissed out a breath and finished his coffee but continued to hold the mug. “They’d probably suspect a trap.” Though he still thought it was their best option. Jin’s heated gaze bore into him, and he shook his head.
“Fine, fine. Have it your way. We usually do.”
Jin leaned back against the counter, but his expression didn’t soften. They were silent for a few minutes before Pan frowned.
“Where the hell is Glory? Viktor said he contacted her and that she was on her way.”
Jin met his eyes, expression relaxing. “Should we call Odin?”
Pan tapped his fingers against the mug, considering. “No. With a master shifter on our side, we stand a chance of succeeding.”
Jin raised an eyebrow. It was all he needed to do.
Pan sighed. He dragged a hand through his hair. “I know, I know. She’ll want the scroll. But the Agency wants the scroll. I gotta tell you, Jin… maybe we should just let her overpower us and take the scroll to some deserted, abandoned part of the globe. Better yet, throw it into a fucking volcano for safekeeping. The damn things can’t be destroyed.”
Jin frowned deeply. “But if Arcas even suspects she or her descendants have the scroll, then they’ll still be targets. The point of the Agency taking the scroll is to remove the target from their backs.”
Pan slammed the mug on the counter. “You want to take on a master shifter? Cause I don’t. Neither does Odin or even Hera. We won’t win any points with shifters if we pick a fight with a fucking nigh-immortal shifter.”
“Nor will we win points if we let Arcas or his minions kill one of them.”
“So what do you suggest?” Pan shouted.
Jin pushed away from the counter and rounded on him. Before they could come to blows, Viktor walked in. From his expression Pan realized he’d heard most if not all the conversation. Pan scowled at him for eavesdropping.
The silence stretched for a tense moment before Jin spoke, his voice stiff. “I will check the perimeter. Viktor, perhaps you can tell Pan that using himself as bait would be detrimental, not beneficial, to our cause.”
Pan’s jaw dropped. Before he could say a word, Jin turned sharply on his heel and marched out of the kitchen. Surprise flickered over Viktor’s face before anger settled over it.
Even as he opened his mouth, Pan held up a hand. “Don’t. Just don’t. I won’t do it, okay? Not unless everyone agrees. Obviously you both would veto the idea. Leave it there.”
Viktor clenched his hands into fists. “Why would you be bait?”
Damn Jin! It never even occurred to him to lie. “Kirk told his men he wanted me alive. We think it’s because I can control animals. We know Arcas has been experimenting with mind control. I could prove useful to them.”
Viktor’s eyes darkened, and his skin pulled sharply along his bones. “The beast of rage.”
Pan had to love that intelligent mind. He didn’t have to put all the pieces together for him. Viktor now knew what he knew. If the scrolls unleashed a deadly beast that could infect and kill others, then whoever controlled the beast controlled the world.
Viktor said several words—probably curses—in Russian before saying in English, “They will not touch you.”
Uncomfortable and uncertain with such devotion, Pan looked away and stared out the window again.
Viktor silently got himself a mug but then changed his mind and went to the fridge. He pulled out a beer, opened the cap, and took a deep pull from it before standing next to Pan. He smelled good. Pan could feel his body heat from the mere inches separating them and acutely remembered those strong arms holding him.
As the silence stretched again, Viktor suddenly sighed. “Will you pretend you did not tell me what you did?” Viktor looked at him, his eyes weary. “Or pretend there is nothing between us?”
Pan closed his eyes a moment before setting the empty mug down. “I’m not pretending anything, Viktor. I’m trying to come to terms with it. I’m trying to understand things.” He took a deep breath and turned to face Viktor squarely. “I’m glad I told you about my childhood. And it helps you understand that I’m not free. I have a job. A purpose that I can’t give up.” Even as his heart squeezed with pain, Pan shrugged jerkily. “Besides, now you know I’m not a sure bet. Not in the long run. I’ve worked out most of my problems, but I’m still damaged.” He forced himself to stare straight into Viktor’s eyes. “I honestly don’t know if I can be in a committed monogamous relationship. Even with you. And I don’t want to hurt you.”
Viktor set down his beer and placed his hands on Pan’s shoulders. “I am not asking you to be anything but what you are. I trust you. I value honesty, and I know you do as well. But I cannot change how I feel.”
“Viktor—”
“You sell yourself short. You are a good man.”
That simple statement, the confidence and surety of the tone, rendered Pan speechless. He’d been called many things, both good and bad throughout his life, but never had any of the compliments ever equaled Viktor’s words. He’d never been called a good man. He suddenly wanted to live up to the image Viktor had of him. But he didn’t know where to start. He wasn’t a good man, not in the sense Viktor meant.
Not knowing what to say, Pan shook his head.
Viktor frowned. But before more could be said, Jin appeared.
“Two are approaching. They aren’t knights.”
On cue someone knocked on Viktor’s kitchen door. Obviously irritated, Viktor walked to open it. Pan snapped out of his daze and grabbed Viktor’s wrist before he could open the door.
“Are you crazy?” he said through gritted teeth. “Look out the window before answering the door!” Despite Jin’s reassurance, they couldn’t afford to take any chances.
Viktor scowled but did so. “It is Glory.”
Pan stepped back, trying to quiet his racing heart.
Viktor opened the door, and a tall, slender woman appeared. Striking blue eyes exotically tilted at the corners beamed out of a regal face, complementing her bronze skin. Hair several shades lighter than her skin was twisted in a conservative bun at the nape of her neck. She had a monumental presence, filling the small kitchen. Pan got the sudden feeling of insignificance he tried to shake off. He was acutely aware of his bruised face.
She wore a light-blue pantsuit, reminding Pan of a businesswoman, a CEO come to check on her factory workers. Such was her immensity that Pan barely noticed the man behind her. While she was a goddess, the man behind her was… ordinary. He was certainly gruff and grizzled, looking like a warrior who had seen and done much. But he was dressed no less regally than her, yet his full black beard, bushy eyebrows, and bald head covered with tattoos contrasted starkly with his wardrobe.
“Glory,” Viktor said respectfully. “Ivan. Welcome to my home. This is Agent Pan and Agent Jin. Pan, Jin, this is the master shifter Glory and her mate, Ivan.”
Pan smoothed his expression into respectful charm and took her offered hand.
“It is an honor to meet you, my lady. And you, sir.” He shook Ivan’s rough, callused hand. Ivan was obviously sizing him up, and his hard face gave no indication what he thought. Glory, on the other hand, smiled in genuine warmth. That surprised Pan. He’d expected…. What had he expected from this master shifter?
Jin greeted them silently, inclining his head and taking the offered hands. By not one twitch did he reveal his true feelings. Only Pan knew his partner was knocked on his ass, same as him.
Glory turned to Viktor. “It is good to see you, my son.” She hugged him fiercely. Viktor hugged back just as tightly. “I am glad to see you well.”
Pan couldn’t place her accent, but it certainly wasn’t Russian.
She pulled back and turned again to Pan and Jin. “It is a pleasure to meet children of the fae. I have watched the Agency’s deeds over many years with interest. You certainly have disrupted a good many of Arcas’s plans. I couldn’t be more pleased with your progress.”
Pan tried to hide his surprise, but he knew he failed when Glory raised an eyebrow, her mouth creasing in a smirk.
“You think I don’t keep an eye on the doings of my children and the Agency? I have lived a long time, Agent Pan. Long enough to know how events far removed from each other in time and place can influence crucial events of the present and future. All things are connected. You know this.”
Pan nodded. “Yes, my lady.”
Glory waved a hand. “Please. Glory. I am no one’s lady.” Ivan grunted. She beamed a smile at him, and the love in her eyes was bright and everlasting. “I am your lady, of course, my wind.”
It took Pan a moment to understand the endearment. Wind. Birds. Flight. Apparently Ivan was the wind beneath her wings. Pan glanced at Viktor, who stared at him intensely. Uncomfortable and guilty, Pan quickly looked away.
“I sense something has happened between the time Viktor called and now.” Glory glanced at the three of them. “Please enlighten me.”
Between the three of them, they managed to update Glory and Ivan on recent events. Pan and Viktor obviously left out the more intimate details.
“Then Natasha is not here?” Glory asked.
Viktor shook his head. “I sent her and Tommy to a safe house. They are well. I talked to her a couple of hours ago.”
Pan startled at a sudden ringing. It took him a moment to realize it was a phone. Viktor frowned and looked at Glory for permission. She nodded. Pan couldn’t say why he felt apprehensive, but he did, and it grew as Viktor left the room to answer his office phone.
Viktor answered the phone on the fifth ring. “This is Viktor, how may I help you?”
“Hello, Viktor Orlov. I’ll tell you how you can help me. Put one of those traitorous agents on the phone and go back to whatever egg you hatched from.”
Viktor’s blood turned to ice. He recognized that cold, cruel voice. She’d been with Kirk when they captured him as his hawk. Blonde and skinny. Her tone perfectly illustrated her distaste at speaking with him. But how did they find out who he was?
“You have the wrong—”
“Don’t play me for a fool, monster!”
Viktor flinched at her scream.
“Put one of the fucking agents on the phone! Or would you like your pathetic little shack burned down with you inside?”
A hand suddenly touched his arm, and Viktor nearly jumped out of his skin. He spun around, the phone still against his ear, to find Pan staring at him with emotionless eyes.
“Easy,” Pan said quietly. He held out his hand.
Viktor swallowed hard. While he didn’t want to talk to the insane woman, he was also reluctant to hand her over to Pan. He had an all-consuming urge to protect him.
“Viktor,” Pan said. “This is my job. I’m trained for this.”
Jin, Glory, and Ivan appeared at the doorway. Viktor blew out a breath and handed over the phone. Pan held up a finger to all four of them before tapping the speaker button and setting down the receiver. Pan kept his eyes on Viktor’s face and spoke to the maniac on the other line.
“This is Agent Pan.” His voice was amazingly calm and clear. “Which knight am I speaking with?”
“Fuck you, Agent.”
“All right, Knight Fuck You. How can I help you?”
Viktor crossed his arms over his chest and watched.
“You know what we want,” Knight Fuck You said.
“Sorry, but you should know mind reading isn’t my ability,” Pan said. “You’ll have to speak plainly.”
“Be a smart-ass all you want, but you know we have you cornered.”
“Do you? Huh. I don’t feel cornered.”
“We know about those stupid kids and that Boris has the scroll.”
“Then why don’t you come and get it?”
“Don’t think we won’t, you disgusting little—” Someone cut her off, and there was a short murmured discussion before a man took up the conversation. Kirk.
“Agent Pan, all we want is the scroll. We won’t harm anyone if you simply hand it over.”
Pan leaned against the table, his eyes still on Viktor. “You see, Kirk, I just can’t do that, and you know why. And as for you not hurting anyone… well. We know how much a knight’s promise is worth. Nothing.”
“You seem to think this is a negotiation. It’s not. We will take the scroll one way or another. But causalities bring in the authorities, and I don’t think either of our organizations wants that kind of publicity.”
“If I give you the scroll, what does that gain me? A few more days, months, or even years of life? Then what? I get to live to see your genocidal leader paint this world with blood? No thanks. I’d rather fight and die and make sure I take as many of you assholes with me as possible.”
Viktor’s eyes widened, and worry weighed down his gut. He was seeing Pan for who he truly was: a fearless, balls-to-the-wall soldier who would run into the line of fire if that was what the job demanded. It was scary and admirable and made him want to protect Pan all the more. But he couldn’t stop Pan. So he would join in and fight by his side. He would wade through the muck to help him.
