Kreatos v’Tyrn is not one of those pleasant inspectors. He’s pretty fucking far from pleasant, in fact. The blue bastard is still holding into a century old grudge, the same one that got me assigned to Earth in the first place.

  I’ve been here for over two centuries… and he shows up the same week I have a human in my bed. Just my luck. He caught her scent, of course he did. The only thing I can hope is that he doesn’t recognize it as such. The scent of a human is an acquired taste, for sure.

  Kreatos leads the way, glancing back to flash me that cocky grin of his. The same one I wiped off his face the first day at the Academy. He wanted to prove himself, and so the young buck challenged me — the biggest guy on campus — to a duel. This was over two hundred years ago, back on the twin-mooned planet Trident.

  I knew his status. Son of the High Minister. A golden boy.

  I had to let him win.

  I didn’t.

  My pride got the best of me, and I absolutely wiped the floor with him. It took him three months to recover, but I never did. No, his father pulled some strings and I got expelled, arrested, and as punishment, got assigned to a class II planet; an undeveloped world with non-intelligent life.

  Earth.

  And by the stars, did I hate it here at first. Alone, without any of the Xera comforts I had always taken for granted. In my anger, I exiled myself to the coldest part of the world I could find and vowed to live and die alone.

  And yet… things changed. The years passed. I watched the inhabitants of this little blue dot live their lives… and I slowly grew fond of them.

  Humans are young and reckless in the grand scheme of things, but they also possess an unbreakable passion for life. They are kind, creative, nurturing. Far from the cattle the Council classify them as.

  There are many things we can learn from them, in fact.

  “It’s been a long time, Kreatos,” I growl. “What’s that fancy badge of yours say? Senior Chief Inspector? You really made a name for yourself, hm?”

  “If you’re trying to distract me with small talk, spare me. It will not work, Nikolax. I did not become Senior Chief Inspector by being easily distracted.”

  “No, you became that because you crawled out a high born vagina.”

  Kreatos whirls around, his purple cape twirling behind him. The hilt of the massive sword he’s got dangling from his belt glitters for a brief second. His icy blue eyes are fixed on me and filled with anger. “Everything I have, Nikolax, I earned!” He bellows.

  Seems I struck a nerve. Good,

  “Just like you earned all of this,” he says, gesturing wildly around him. “A low tech, abominable shithole!”

  He hasn’t forgotten. Oh no. The shame he felt from me knocking his teeth out still haunts him, I can tell. Getting rid of him won’t be easy.

  Of all the nights he could’ve shown up, why did it have to be Christmas Eve?!

  I’ve drilled my elves well, for this exact reason. As we speak they are working as quick as lightning to hide as much of our operation as possible. I just have to stall Kreatos for as long as possible. Not an easy task.

  “Come on, it’s not so bad. It’s not Xeta III, no, but I built quite a bathroom. With my own two hands. Want to take a look?”

  “Why are you trying to stall me, Niko?”

  Kreatos is as sharp as a tack. Always been. I have to a admit that he does have a lot of qualities well-suited for the endless bureaucracy that is the Council. I can’t imagine I once desired to work there, in that machine. I’d choose Earth a million time over before I’d ever set food inside the Academy again.

  Especially now that I have found Emma. My mate. My everything.

  I thought I cared for humans before, but those feelings pale in comparison to what I’ve got coursing through my veins now. This… this must be love.

  It is the one human emotion I have never properly understood — but now, it has got her lovely claws sunk right into me. My stomach flutters, my heart pounds, and my hands ache to hold my mate once more. I am intoxicated, I am drunk with love, I am… happy.

  At least, I was, before Kreatos showed up. If he so much as thinks about taking her away from me, I will snap his thick neck in half. We will be outlaws, and the Council will hunt us to the edge of the universe for that crime. We will simply have to travel further.

  Kreatos reaches for the handle of the door to my workshop, but I beat him to it and grip it tightly, as I turn to my nemesis.

  “You haven’t brought any Trident gin along, have you?” I ask. “I’m dying for another sip of that heavenly libation.”

  “I can imagine,” Kreatos says, a smarmy grin spreading across his face. “There is much, much you must miss from the core worlds.”

  “You have no idea, Kreatos. You have no idea.”

  “Your misery pleases me. Now, open that door.”

  “Why the rush? I want to savor this conversation. It gets lonely out here, you know. The elves are not great conversationalists. It’s been long, too long since I met someone with your… intellect.”

  It’s physically painful to suck up to the bureaucrat, but I’m doing it to save my mate, and save Christmas. That’s the only thing that keeps me from hurling.

  Kreatos’s face contorts, the scar under his left eye twitching. “Good. Like I said, your misery pleases me. Now open the fucking door.”

  I can’t stall one second longer without making him even more suspicious than he already is. My hand turns and I open the door to my workshop.

  Kreatos’s eyes go big, and my heart thumps wildly. “What’s the meaning of this?!” He bristles, gesturing at the assembly line.

  “A little hobby project,” I say. “To keep my mind from wandering too much. Like I said, it gets boring out here.”

  My elves are all lined up in a row, and they salute Kreatos in unison. I’m pleased to see they’ve hidden most of the Christmas themed things; the decorations, the bells, the lights, all the things that make the room festive. Now it is simply a workshop.

  “Why do you have so many of them?” Kreatos says. “That is not according to regulation at all. A Xera should possess three elves, max. You’ve got a small army!”

  “We were kidnapped by ruthless raiders from our colony on HNK3,” Sugarplum speaks up. “Nikolax was kind enough to save us, and we’re all decided to stay and repay out debt to him ever since!”

  Kreatos turns to me and raises his bushy eyebrows. “Is that true, Niko?”

  “It sure is. Why are you giving me that disapproving look? It’s not against regulations to host willing guests. Go ahead, look it up.”

  He pulls out a tablet and furiously scrolls through it. “Damn the stars, you are right. I still think you should have contacted the Council and arranged for them to be sent back, however. I’m counting that as your first strike.”

  “They are willing guests, Kreatos,” I remind him gently, but I know there’s no sense reasoning with him.

  “Hmpf. And this workplace, what is the meaning of this? This doesn’t look like a hobby. It looks fit for production on an industrial scale! Are you moonlighting? Selling wares without Council approval? Bypassing the mandatory safety measures? The workplace protocols? Ignoring copyrights? Flooding the core worlds with your illegal, untaxed wares? And I’m absolutely positive you’re not paying your elves a fair wage either! That’s strike two, three, four, fixe and six all in one. I’m shutting you down, Nikolax. Shutting! You! Down!”

  He’s swiping away on his tablet with maniacal glee, cackling to himself. The sight makes me sick to my stomach. I contemplate just knocking him out cold, dragging him to his ship and firing it into the sun when one of my elves speak up.

  “We are not workers, sir, we just create toys because we want to! None of this is being sold, and we don’t even want a wage!”

  “Toys?” Kreatos says. “Why would you make toys?”

  “Because,” I say. “They are fun. End of discussion.”

  An evil grin spreads across Kreatos’s face. “Ah, this charade has gone on long enough. Take a look at this, my old friend.”

  He tilts his tablet towards me, and my blood runs cold when I see the image on the digital screen. It’s an aerial photograph of my sleigh — with Emma straddling my lap.

  “Our deep-space telescope picked this up just the other day, and this spicy photograph ended up on my desk,” he says gleefully.

  Fuck.

  “You know what this means, right?” Kreatos says. He grabs the hilt of his sword and pulls it out of its sheathe. “You have broken the most sacred rule of the Council. You have committed a mortal sin. Not only have you interfered with the locals, disrupting their development, but you’ve had relations with one of them?! Do you have no shame, Nikolax? Consorting with these mere animals?”

  “Humans are wonderful creatures,” I say, my fists balling up. “There is much we can learn from them, Kreatos.”

  “Bah. Spoken like a true fool. The years in isolation have tainted your mind, made you feeble, weak, and stupid. No matter. I will put you out of your misery.”

  Kreator raises his blade.

  “Prepare to die!”

  Emma

  The minutes pass by ever so slowly. The raised voices in the distance make me wince, and the knot in my stomach grows tighter by the second.

  I have to do something. Just sitting here and waiting it out like a coward is not how I roll. After taking a few deep breaths and wiping my sweaty palms on my robe, I find the courage to tip-toe to their location.

  I catch sight of them in the workshop. Kreatos is arguing loudly with Nikolax, gesturing wildly as the elves look on, their long ears tucked behind them in fear. I feel ya, buddies.

  The alien stranger is frightening to look at. He’s got a big scar running across his face, and his black armor is decorated with more badges than I can count. Seems he’s mighty full of himself.

  Kreatos suddenly pulls out his sword, and my blood runs cold.

  “Don’t do this, Kreatos,” Nikolax says, his shoulders pushed back confidently. Is he not seeing the massive sword pointed in his direction?! “I have beaten you once before. I can do it again.”

  “That was centuries ago,” Kreatos snarls.

  “But it has left an impact, no?”

  “I will have my revenge, you low born bastard!”

  Kreatos rushes forward. He raises his sword and slashes towards my mate. Nikolax dodges the strike, but I can’t stand to watch this for one more second. I simply cannot see my mate get hurt.

  “Stop it!” I scream as I rush towards the pair of dueling aliens.

  “Ah, if it isn’t the sinful female in question,” Kreatos says. “Of course, it was your retched scent I picked up. You will die as well.”

  “Watch your mouth,” Nikolax says, his eyes narrowing with pure hatred. “Threaten my mate again and I’ll tear you limb from limb and beat you to death with your own arms, Kreatos.”

  “Stop, please!” I say. “There is no need for this violence.”

  Kreatos chuckles. “This man, if I can even call him that, violated intergalactic law. You are the proof of that human. The guilt is written all over your two faces. I will now exact punishment.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” I scream.

  The alien executioner stares me incredulously. “Excuse me? You dare talk back to me? These pitiful humans truly don’t know their station. I will enjoy cutting you down.”

  “Do you know who Nikolax even really is?!” I say.

  “A sexual deviant?”

  “He’s Santa!”

  “San-what now?”

  “Santa! Santa Claus! He’s freaking Santa Claus! You can’t kill him, not now, not ever, but especially not on Christmas Eve!”

  Kreatos lowers his blade and looks at me with a bemused grin. “What are you babbling on about, human?”

  I turn to Nikolax, my hands resting on my hips. “How about we show him?”

  “Show him what, exactly?” My mate responds, his balled up fists twitching. “Just let me fight him. I will win easily.”

  “No,” I say decisively. “No more violence. Show him the joy you bring to this world. The meaning, the pure happiness you bring. Around the globe people are sitting down for their Christmas dinners. Show him he the joy you spread, and it will change his mind for sure!”

  It’s simply got to. The bureaucrat may have ice coursing through his veins, but you cannot wander through the snowy streets and admire all of the lights and decorations, and smell the hot chocolate, the roasting chestnuts, and the cinnamon cookies and not feel festive.

  “A fool’s errand, but… why not. What do you say, Kreatos? Want to see what I’ve been getting up to these past two hundred years?”

  Kreatos snarls. “I want nothing more than to cut you down right now, you bastard, but… I am intrigued. If only to learn just how many crimes you’ve committed in your time here. Yes, I’m going to write the thickest, most comprehensive, most damning report the Coalition has ever seen! It will make me a legend, and you will live on in infamy. Posthumously, of course. Yes, yes I will join you. Show me all of the evidence, please, you filthy human.”

  Uhm. Giving Kreatos more ammunition is certainly not what I had in mind, but… at least I got the two aliens to stop murdering each other. For now.

  “Call my mate filthy one more time and I will make you swallow that sword whole, hilt and all,” Nikolax growls threateningly, all of his veins bulging with righteous anger. “You will refer to my mate by her name — Emma — or not at all. Understood?”

  “Yes, yes,” Kreatos says as he sheathes his sword, waving my mate’s threats away. “Less talking, more damning evidence, please. Let’s go.”

  Emma

  The world passes by hundreds of miles below us, the thick snow making the world a white blur. The reindeers are working their butts off as we race towards my little home town. It’s the coziest place in the world. If the Christmas tree at town square or the hot coco at Joe’s Java don’t warm his heart, absolutely nothing will.

  I just hope we get there in time. Nikolax still has to deliver all of the packages — tonight! — and instead of hauling presents, we’re taking this awful, stuck-up alien for a sleigh ride.

  Nikolax grabs my hand and squeezes it encouragingly. “Do not worry, my human,” he says as he softly presses his lips against my forehead, wiping a few stray snowflakes from my cheek at the same time. “Everything will be okay. That’s my Christmas promise.”

  Kreatos glances down. The snowy plains have come to their end, and we’ve now reached civilization. Lights spread out as far as the eye can see. My eye anyway, perhaps these Xera can see a lot more…

  “Hm. Humans are more advanced than I anticipated. I assumed they would be living in mud huts and all that,” Kreatos says.

  “The class II rating is deceptive,” Nikolax says, “if not flat out wrong. They are emotional beings, yes, but also highly adaptive, and they are advancing at light speed. I think they’ll be ready to join the Council within a millennium.”

  Kreatos chortles. “Unlikely.”

  “They will surprise you,” Nikolax says. “You will see. When I first arrived they hadn’t even achieved flight; now they’ve been to their moon, they are planning expeditions to Mars, they’ve got satellites close to reaching the edge of this solar system. How long did that take us, Kreatos? A mighty long time.”

  “Hm,” Kreatos growls, clearly unhappy. “That is… impressive. Sure. Are you certain you or those elves of yours didn’t push them in the right direction?”

  “I did absolutely no such thing,” Nikolax says. “All their inventions are their own. You can study their designs if you so wish, they are human in every way.”

  “Perhaps I will. Now tell me about this ‘Santa’ and this ‘Christmas’, human.” Kreatos pulls out his tablet and stares at me impatiently.

  “Uhm, okay. Where do I even begin? Christmas is the best time of the year. It’s a time when families come together, when we take a break from work, from all of our worries, and just relax. Everyone is back home, they have dinner together, attend church, and of course, there are the presents. Oh, the presents!”

  I gush and gush, and tell Kreatos exactly what Christmas means to me and to my family. Everything. He listens attentively, furiously taking notes as I spill all of the beans.

  “You see how much pure joy Nikolax brings to the world?!” I say. “He’s a true hero, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “And a dangerous criminal, as far as I’m concerned,” Kreatos says. “Luckily, my opinion is the only one that matters. You’ve systematically interfered with this world, and with its structures for centuries, Nikolax. What is your response?”

  “Emma gives me too much credit,” Nikolax says as he spurs the reindeer on. “The true magic of Christmas is not in the presents — it’s in the humans themselves. It’s love. It’s family. It’s humanity.”

  “You do make it a little magical, though,” I say.

  “Nonsense. The tradition existed before me, and it will exist after me. I’m just playing along, helping those who need it the most, helping the poor, the hungry, and the needy to have a wonderful Christmas. Bringing a smile to kid’s faces. That’s all I do. Nothing more.”

  “So you admit to interfering with human lives,” Kreatos says, his tongue poking out as he takes copious notes. “Understood.”

  Nikolax stares ahead, his lips a thin line. I’m not sure if I’m only making thing worse by blabbering on about how what a hero he is… but I can’t help it. He is, and if the Council want to punish him for it, well, they’ll have to take me as well!

  “I am intrigued, though,” Kreatos says. “I have younglings as well. To see them smile… it is a good thing.”

  “You do? I never thought a career-obsessed bastard like yourself would go for that sort of thing,” Nikolax chuckles.

  “Yes, it is a surprise, is it not? They are 24 and 45 years old.”

  “Ah, still younglings,” Nikolax says.

  “Yes.”

  “What?” I stammer.

 

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