Starbreaker: Volume 4, page 20
The brief spark of amusement that brought the two of them stalled out their downward spiral into anger and recriminations. It gave them the moment to think that they both needed. Sylvas spoke first, “I am sorry I have been taking you for granted. There has been… a lot to deal with, and I haven’t been giving you the attention you are due.”
I have also been dealing with the lot that you have been dealing with, in case you weren’t aware.
He brought his clasped hands up to press them against his forehead, as if it might forestall the headache that arguing with his own brain was causing him. “Can we please agree that you aren’t going to make any decisions like this again without us at least talking?”
That is a two-way street, darling. If I have something I want to say, I don’t want you filtering me out because you think you’re too busy.
Sylvas let his hands drop to his sides and met the illusory Mira’s eyes. “Agreed.”
That isn’t everything. I want other concessions, too.
There was a prickle on the back of his neck as she said that. Nothing to do with the anger that they’d both been fighting through, and everything to do with dread. He could still remember the sort of concessions that Mira used to force out of him. “I’m happy to discuss them.”
I want to have a conversation every once in a while, not just about work and what is going on, but like we used to.
It was such a small, human thing. “I would enjoy that.”
And I want you to treat me more respectfully, like you used to when I was alive.
It took a serious effort not to recall all of the ways in which she had treated him like a glorified servant during the time she was alive, but by focusing on the good times, few and far between as they had been, Sylvas managed it. “I’m sorry if you feel like I haven’t been as respectful. I will try to keep that in mind.”
And I want to steer sometimes.
He blinked. “Pardon? You mean—”
No, not the ship—that’s your personal obsession. I’m talking about your body.
Chapter 25
“For the duplication of the self produces ethical dilemmas as yet unthought of. Whatever is created is you, but only at the moment of its conception. After that moment, all that it perceives and does begins to differentiate it from you. It becomes its own person at the moment of creation, and that can be difficult for the average person to even grasp, let alone contend with. Imagine that you yourself were doubled right now. Do you imagine that one of your selves would willingly subsume their will to the other? Of course not. You would consider yourselves equals. But one of you is the original, and the other the clone.”
— The Clone, Liev Olcras
I want you to turn over control of it sometimes, Mira added without hesitation. I want to come out and play. I want to talk with your charming little friends and have some semblance of a life of my own.
This prospect was considerably more dangerous than remembering to include more honorifics in their conversations. “I don’t know how to do that.”
I’ve worked out all the mechanics of it, have no fear.
He wasn’t sure about that particular concession. The idea of giving up control of his body was terrifying, particularly given that he wouldn’t have any means of taking it back since only Mira understood the mechanics of the procedure. “Anything else?”
I reserve the right to make more demands at a later date, as and when I think of them. Oh, and I want to eat sometimes. I miss eating, and you do it all wrong.
Sylvas let out a surprised snort. “How do you eat wrong?”
You just shovel it into your mouth for nutrition. You don’t savor anything. This new fellow seems like quite the cook, and I mean to sample as much of his menu as possible.
Sylvas was a little uncomfortable with her flirtatious tone as she mentioned Hector’s ‘menu’, but he wasn’t about to sabotage their relationship over the prospect of some embarrassing memories that might show up later. “Okay, you can eat for us. And… I’m sure once I explain the situation to the others, they’ll be happy to talk with you sometimes.”
This feels somewhat more equitable. She paused for a long moment, then let out the ghostly equivalent of a sigh—something difficult to do when you don’t actually breathe. But in the interests of fairness, sometimes I will not have the time to explain my reasoning to you before we act, and I still need you to do as I say.
“So you need me to trust you?”
Well, you’ve been quite relentless in questioning the latest decision that I made. We can’t have that occurring in the midst of a scrap, can we?
Sylvas let the anger wash over him this time. As it turned out, integrating Strife into his self was actually going to be very easy. If he needed to access his anger, all he had to do was spend a few minutes with the hypocrisy of his ex-girlfriend. “It didn’t cross your mind that what you did today was going to break our trust? The trust that was absolute, right up until the moment that you did something dangerous without even talking to me.”
There was another long pause, where the illusion of Mira was so perfectly still it seemed like it had stalled, and then she finally spoke. I am willing to concede that this may be a problem that I have created for myself, yes.
Sylvas reached out to touch her cheek, only to find nothing there. No matter how real she may have looked, she only existed in his mind. “Mira, there hasn’t been a moment when I didn’t trust you with everything.”
She drifted back, out of reach. We also need to find you a girlfriend.
That choked him on his own spittle all over again. “What?”
You’re pouring all this emotional vulnerability into a ghost. I know that I’m charming, darling, but I am quite firmly not an avenue for your romantic intentions. Not only am I a mirror of you. I’m also a dead memory of what once was.
“I know that you’re…” He let out a groan of exasperation, covering his face. “Where did this come from?”
I felt your affection. Save it for someone who can use it.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my dating options are fairly limited at the moment, let alone a priority.”
Well, I won’t be happy until we’ve got you settled down with a nice girl, so I can criticize everything she does and point out how much better off you were with me.
He rubbed at his temples. “Maybe this paradigm was a mistake…”
Oh really, you think that deliberately forcing a split personality and then letting your residual guilt give it the form of your dead girlfriend might not have been the wisest course of action?
“What’s done is done.” Strife’s growl was there, just beneath his voice. It seemed to be constantly present now, even when he wasn’t basking in fury or battle. “And now we need to move forward.”
Very well, darling. You may go and inform your incompetent tagalongs that I am willing to play nice and be an obedient little housewife for the foreseeable future, and that I’ll be joining them for lunch tomorrow. I don’t suppose there’s anything pretty to wear on this wretched ship?
“Maybe we don’t dress me up like a doll when you’re taking control of my body?”
How else am I meant to make your punishment suitably mortifying?
Sylvas actually managed a laugh at the image she flashed in his mind, one of her old high-society ball gowns hanging limply off his body. Again, the laughter was enough to drive the anger back. To push it away far enough that they both felt like they could move forward again. He left the engine room without smashing up a single thing, and they both considered it an accomplishment.
Everyone else had made themselves scarce so he could have a screaming argument with himself in peace, though he could already hear that he wasn’t the only one. Hector might have retreated to his cabin, but the other two were bickering incessantly in the bunk, and that definitely influenced Sylvas’ decision not to go in there, instead knocking gently on Hector’s door.
It popped open, and Sylvas stepped over the raised threshold tentatively. Hector was sitting on his bed, surrounded by heaps of slates, books, and discarded clothing that made Sylvas want to immediately start tidying. “You got a grip yet?”
“We’ve come to a compromise. The problem… won’t happen again.”
“Compromise. First word that popped into my head, too.” Hector leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. “You and your stowaway have kissed and made up?”
Sylvas did not rise to the bait, even if the eidolon inside him desperately wanted a fight. “I genuinely thought that you would have known about Mira from the council’s briefing or I would have told you sooner. Just as the eidolon has been influencing my moods, I believe it has resulted in our… disagreement.”
Hector leaned back against a stack of what looked like hand-embroidered pillows. “Makes sense, I guess.”
“I’d understand if you didn’t want to return control of the ship to me, given what has happened. But I don’t believe we’ll see a repeat of what happened earlier if you did.”
“Let’s sleep on it, shall we?”
Oh, for goodness’ sake, let me talk to him.
Sylvas was extremely unsure of how good an idea that was.
I just want to make my apologies in person like a civilized human being.
“Mira… wants to speak with you, if that’s alright?”
Hector raised an eyebrow but nodded.
Being subsumed by the other personality in his head was not an entirely pleasant experience for Sylvas. First, he felt all of his senses fading, then his awareness of what was going on inside him until finally, everything was nothing. He only slowly drifted back towards awareness after a few moments of dizzying emptiness as he spiraled down into darkness. And even then it was… filtered. He could see what his eyes were seeing, hear what they were hearing, but it was all distant, like he was listening in from another room. He tried to move, tried to lift his hand up in front of his face, but his body was unresponsive.
Is this what it’s like for you all the time?
Mira was on the bed, perched on the edge of the mattress beside Hector, and from the position that their body had been contorted into, she was trying to coquettishly flirt. It probably would have worked better if the body she was using to coquettishly flirt was her own, rather than Sylvas’. “Oh, you simply must forgive me, darling. It was a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, and you shouldn’t hold the poor boy to account for what I did.”
“I’m more concerned about the fact that you came onto my ship and took over without anyone being any the wiser,” Hector replied, though Sylvas noticed that the accursed grin was back on the man’s face, and he seemed to be enjoying the company of Mira immensely. Perhaps because of the inherent comedy of Sylvas acting like her.
She rolled her eyes. “Well, if you don’t do your due diligence researching each of your new passengers, you can hardly blame them for that.”
Hector stared at her and asked bluntly, “You don’t think that these are unusual circumstances?”
“Darling, you have an eight-legged alligator camped out in your soul. I don’t know that anything qualifies as unusual anymore.”
Hector laughed so loudly it startled Sylvas, who was still becoming accustomed to his new audio-visual setup, but it just seemed to make Mira all the more delighted. He could feel the warmth spreading throughout her body as Hector laughed. Except, of course, her body was his body, and he did not care for it being used in this manner.
Mira, if you attempt to kiss Hector while controlling my body, I may have to throw us out of the airlock out of sheer mortification.
She tittered—a sound that absolutely should not have come out of Sylvas’ mouth. “Oh, Hector, you would not believe the naughty ideas that Sylvas is trying to put into my head. He’s like a little devil on my shoulder, telling me to do things with this body that I feel quite certain he’ll regret in the morning.”
The grin on Hector’s face became a little more fixed as panic set in. “Well, let’s not do anything that Sylvas might regret. It is still his body, after all.”
“Oh, forget about him for now. This is about us, darling. And I want to make sure that I’ve eased your worries. I promise not to do anything naughty again…” She leaned in closer to whisper, “Unless you ask me nicely.”
Mira, don’t you dare!
He felt her attention turn inwards towards him like a weight being pressed down on him. “Oh, hush up, Sylvas. The grown-ups are talking.”
“Alright, alright. I believe you aren’t going to cause any more problems.” Hector chuckled nervously. “I’ll reinstate Sylvas’ access on the ship first thing in the morning.”
“Oh, but, darling, that would leave me so bored all night with nothing to read. I might just have to pick his body up where he left it and take it out for another spin. To see if I couldn’t find something to entertain myself…” She laid a hand on his knee.
Hector jumped to his feet. “I’ll reinstate it right now. It was lovely to meet you, Miss Mira, but could I talk to Sylvas again, please?”
“Oh, that sort of talk might hurt a girl’s feelings. And you should know… I’m going to be around a lot more often from now on. We should really do our best to get along. For Sylvas’ sake, if nothing else.”
Mira, I swear!
He was flung back into control of his body with such force that he nearly fell over before he could stabilize himself. He ended up holding onto the front of Hector’s vest for balance before he could jump back.
“I’m me again. I’m back. I am so sorry. I didn’t know she was going to be so…” Once again, that rare moment arrived when Sylvas was at a complete loss for words.
Hector let out a long, low whistle. “You’ve been living with her in your head? All this time?”
“I’m afraid so.”
Hector patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. “You’re a braver man than I ever knew.”
And just what is that supposed to mean? Wait, let me back out, I want to ask him that myself.
However before he could do such a thing, Sylvas was left standing sheepishly in the corridor as Hector all but ran to the cockpit to reinstate him on the ship’s systems. “You know, if you’re going to behave like that every time I let you out, I’m going to have second thoughts about letting you out.”
Oh don’t worry, darling. That was just to get him to do what I wanted. I won’t need to come on quite so strong.
Sylvas laughed in exasperation. “Why is every woman on this ship obsessed with him?”
Come now Sylvas, you do have eyes, don’t you?
Chapter 26
“This universe is composed of infinite diversity in infinite combinations. Whatever collection of celestial bodies the mind can imagine can be found somewhere out there in the expanse of space. Anything that you can dream of is out there somewhere.”
—The Trouble with Telemetry, Silyn Blaithe
Sylvas was up before the rest of the crew as usual, positioned in the silver circle of command in the cockpit, sifting through the remnants of the information that Hammerheart had transmitted and using it to refine their search for the Consortium’s base. There were dozens of reported attacks on worlds that had reported Aion relics on them that the Empyrean knew nothing about and that the Hammerhearts had only learned about through their own extensive network of contacts outside of the government. Many of the colonies were somewhat distant from their masters in the Empyrean. It turned out that when you asked for volunteers to go live on distant worlds beyond the reach of the law, it tended to attract a certain type of person. Ones who were not terribly inclined to have the government involved in their business.
With those attacks and their own observations, Sylvas and Mira had been piecing together a map, narrowing down all of the potential bases of operations in deep space to even fewer than Mira had been able to the night before.
Something still isn’t right. None of the deep space asteroid fields are a good fit. She thought back to him.
Most of the information that the Hammerhearts’ spies within the Consortium had managed to dig up was out of date by many years now, cutting off not long after they became heavily involved in the transport of eidolons. But that had still provided some useful intelligence about where they were selling their ill-gotten goods. More black markets could be added into the equation, with the more favored ones being given extra weight in Sylvas’ calculations and the ones that were in decline being moved down the list. It was reasonable to assume that the Consortium had been using their base back then, too, even if the spies had never had access to it, so the places that they were shipping to from it would have still been the same, even then.
They were rapidly reducing the possibilities, but it still wasn’t enough information to make an educated guess where the Consortium base was hidden.
“You’re right. There is something we’re missing here.”
Strife shifted restlessly in Sylvas’ chest. It could feel their annoyance, but it was too distant to connect with. It needed more anger than mere irritation.
Mira highlighted some of the planets which they were still lacking information from. Not all of the places that had reported Aion finds but key ones in different locations.
If we eliminate these, discovering which have been hit and which haven’t, that should allow us to narrow in on our target.
“So we’re going to spend the day doing a tour of all the dead worlds the consortium has made. Delightful.”
“I believe that some people consider talking to yourself to be a sign of madness.” Malachai poked his head into the cockpit. “Although in your case, I suspect the madness predated the talking by quite some time.”
Tell him he looks very handsome today.
It appeared that Malachai had spent some time working on his wardrobe before settling into bed the night before. He had lost his uniform when they transferred out of the Ardent, the same as the rest of them, but while Kaya and Sylvas had been content with the standard-issue black bodysuits that Hector had brought on board for them, they were too casual for the necromancer’s tastes. He’d been performing some acts of transfiguration on them, combining the materials together into more formal attire. A collarless suit that hung longer in the back. It was still black, but Sylvas suspected that was more because Malachai preferred it that way, rather than because he couldn’t be bothered changing its color.
