Arthur’s Mate; Robin’s Mate; Peter’s Mate; Joel’s Mate, page 23
Kiara smiled at the both of them. A lot of nervous smiling going around. When he walked in front, he did so stiffly, feeling very self-conscious of everything happening. Neither of them spoke much to each other during the walk back, but Kiara did utter low conversation with her daughter, which he was able to pick up good chunks of, due to his better than average hearing. Arlen’s sneering superiority grated on his nerves. Better to try and treat her as a part of the background, unless she insinuated herself otherwise.
“Got to be careful,” Arlen muttered, apparently addressing Leah. “This man may be your father, but we don’t yet know him...”
“That’s why we’re here,” Leah replied with straightforward logic. “To get to know him.”
Peter had to grin at that. Sensible kid. Still couldn’t quite grasp the idea that this was his daughter walking behind him. The concept scratched at his mind, lingering like a ghost of a suggestion, for something that needed time to be taken in, absorbed.
“Some bears as well don’t maintain a good control of their minds when they transform,” Arlen persisted. His boots thumped into the sidewalk and clumped up the dirt path through the copse of woods that eventually led to his house, far away from the lake, blighted by the image of the factory in the near distance as it belched out its fumes. Precisely why such lands were cheap. “So I’ll be here, just in case something goes wrong...”
“I’d thank you,” Peter said icily, not turning around, “to not poison her mind against me before we’ve even started.”
A sharp intake of breath greeted this remark, though he couldn’t be sure from whom.
“He does have a point,” Kiara said in her rich, warm voice. “You are putting a negative downer on this man.”
Thank you, Peter privately thought, feeling an odd surge of warmth towards Kiara. It dissipated instantly when Arlen opened her big, arrogant mouth to protest about something else.
All these fucking bear families were like that. If you weren’t them, you were worthless. And if you came from bad blood…
They continued bickering among themselves as the scenery dissolved into colorful oaks, beeches, and pines. The more impressive redwoods lay somewhere to the eastern side of Valor Lake, untouched by the encroaching advance of the factories. He breathed in the heady smell of wet earth, not yet dried from yesterday’s rains, and not far off from being pelted again. It wasn't quite autumn yet, otherwise the paths would be strewn with leaves. Small signs of bear activity displayed.`
Peter kept stealing glances at Leah, and noticed the little firecracker doing the same in return. At least she didn’t seem to hate him.
But she might once she found out the situation.
He swallowed the anxiety as best as able and led them past the rope swing hanging from the old sycamore, and made it up the rough, uncut grassy pathway to his cabin.
“Cabins owned by Marcas and his ilk,” Arlen spat from behind, and Peter half wanted to turn on her and lunge in his bear form. The wicked bitch knew he couldn’t do anything without proving her words right. He snapped at her, he would just seem bad tempered. He attacked her, he would prove he wasn’t a stable influence. He knew all this, but damn if it wasn’t tempting to just lash out.
“Perhaps if your people stopped taking all the best spots for themselves and being nepotists, then I probably would be living in an equally nice mansion as well, wouldn’t I?”
“Don’t bet on it,” Arlen muttered, and Peter ignored her all the way up to his dark brown wooden and stone woven cabin. He didn’t think it looked bad, actually. Rustic and charming, more like. Sure, maybe he didn’t have gold displayed in the windows or something, but he didn’t need fancy ornaments or a decent heritage to live his life the way it was meant to be lived.
“Home, sweet home,” Peter announced, bowing them inside after he turned the lock. He gave Arlen a rather hard smile and saved a more pleasant one for Kiara and Leah. Inside, he watched as they looked around his simply designed cabin, Leah and Kiara with an air of appreciation, and Arlen with her nose wrinkled, as if the whole place might have been coated in slime.
Shame. He’d actually made an effort to tidy it and everything. Spotless counters, fluffy-looking blankets on the two three-seater sofas, fresh towel in the bathroom, hanging on the rack next to the shower stall…
“Wow, is this a real fireplace?” Leah piped up, peering at the grating that covered the coals stacked up and ready for winter. “Mom has an electric fire. But I’ve never seen this before!”
“Yep, kid. It’s a real fire. Wait til it gets to winter. Then it’ll be on all the time. Got a small crate outside where I store all the wood I collect in the forests for the fire as well.”
“Can I see?”
“Sure,” he said, before giving Kiara a cursory glance to see if it was indeed okay to take the squirt outside. Kiara nodded, following behind as he led Leah to the crate, showing her the half-full container of logs. He didn’t like them following all up on his ass, but he gritted his teeth and bore it. He shouldn’t expect to be trusted. He wouldn’t trust himself either in the same situation. But, man, did it suck to think that.
“Will I turn into a bear that looks like yours?” Leah’s bright blue eyes bore into him as he closed the container.
“Probably,” he told her, now crouching before her for a moment, “and I’m sure I will show you later what I look like. But for now, I like this set of clothes I’m wearing.”
A small flash of disappointment covered her features, and Peter wondered whether he’d said the wrong thing. Maybe he was just being lazy?
“Look,” she said, holding up her hand. Peter politely stared at it, watching as she forced through a small part of the transformation. It covered her hand, her wrist—a not-quite-there bear paw. But definite proof that the little girl possessed the powers of shapeshifting so revered by Valor Lake bears. That whimsical great bear spirit had quite calmly deposited a pre-teen girl onto his lap.
“Not bad!” Peter said. “I wasn’t able to do anything like that at your age. Interesting kid, aren’t you?”
The little girl’s face erupted in delight at the compliment, and he led them all back inside, giving them the tour of the rest of the rooms.
“You’re not bad with her,” Kiara said, just out of earshot of Arlen when they both went to inspect the little bathroom. “Keep it up like this and she’ll never shut up about you.”
I intend to, was his first thought, before having it followed by but I can’t. The ideological conflict swirled, blocking up his throat, so he only gave her a sort of floppy smile instead. Torn between mild pride and mild panic. And being this close to Kiara reminded him what he found attractive about her, too. Maybe he’d like sober and motherly Kiara far more, especially if she didn’t have angry and waspish Arlen hovering over her. “I know it’s not much, where I live, but I always thought I didn’t need much. Got a big place to roam out there after all, and bears don’t really care about houses when they’re shifted.”
“You can’t get paid very much,” Arlen interrupted then, making Peter glare at her and wish she would vanish. “If this is all you can afford. And living in one of his properties to boot...”
“Lay off him,” Kiara said, making Peter blink in surprise. “He’s let us into his home, he’s talking to Leah. That’s polite. Least we can do is to be polite back.”
Fucking right. “Thanks,” he said to Kiara, who had a little irritated glint to her eyes. Yeah, Arlen really was going on about it. And Peter was sick and tired of hearing that kind of shit from others. Just out of curiosity, he allowed his hand to “accidentally” brush hers, and she didn’t recoil or do any sudden inhales or anything, but her focus lingered on him a bit longer. Giving a kind of fiery confidence to his actions.
The hours seemed to tumble by. Leah continued to insist on seeing his bear form, and he finally relented, changing out of his clothes in the bathroom and wrapping a towel around his waist, before going to transform outside. His bear form sat on its haunches, allowing Leah to coo in excitement as she examined his shaggy, dark blond fur, and tried to reach up to touch his snout. He allowed the actions with benign grace, and in his bear form, he could definitely sense the potential in her. She didn’t have much of his scent on him, which made sense, given that they had never met before this.
This little girl, Peter thought, trying to let it sink in, is my child. Missing the diaper years, the screaming, the test of relationships… and if he accepted her now, it meant going into an arrangement with the mother.
Well, maybe it was time for him to do something else with his life. And what better opportunity than this?
After turning back into his human form and slipping into loose-fitting clothes, he took them into the kitchen for some drinks.
“You know,” Kiara said, now sampling some coffee he’d managed to rustle out of the kitchen. He didn’t drink the stuff himself, but the guests did. And he wasn’t some total slovenly wretch. “I really don’t understand this strange emphasis on family with you bears. Arlen makes it sound like you’re some disgusting leech, but here you are, looking all… unleech-like.”
Another one of those stabs of irritation. “I’m no more a leech than anyone else,” he said to her. In a twist of fate, perhaps, with some more luck ladled on top, he might have been living with her in a grand old place. “And it’s not like I chose to be exiled.” He directed a filthy glare at Arlen.
“Actually, why are you exiled? What does it mean, being exiled?” Kiara raised one of her thin eyebrows in interest, and Leah now tottered closer, curious, clutching her orange juice.
“You want to know? I have two words in answer. My parents.” He cast about in his memory what they said to him. Before they finally got sick and tired of the treatment. “My parents agreed with what Gilnes wanted. They agreed to help him build his factory. And the main bear families decided that if anyone wanted to side with Gilnes, then, well, they didn’t deserve access to the family lands or houses anymore. The Valor family—that’s the one I’m related to—they cast us out, cut off our access to their wealth, and let me suck up the consequence for it years later.”
Arlen’s gaze was still hard as he added, “I didn’t choose to be put in this position. I didn’t make my parents’ choice, but I was punished for it all the same. And then, when you grow up—the only bear shifters offering me a job were the same ones that were exiled. Clanless ones who have nowhere else to go, or no desire to leave the confines of Valor Lake.”
Something like consternation swept over Arlen’s features, but she didn’t say anything.
“That’s… that sounds awful.” Kiara rested a tentative hand on his shoulder, and he accepted it. Leah—he wasn’t sure how much the kid could follow, but she looked rather upset, too.
“That’s not fair on you, is it?”
“No, kid,” Peter said. “But life isn’t always fair. So you make do with what you have.”
“You still choose to make your bed with these traitors,” Arlen said then, apparently unable to let the whole sorry business go.
“Because you give us no choice,” Peter said with the trace of a growl. He noticed then Kiara glancing at her watch, looking slightly anxious, but not saying anything.
“Are you late for something?”
“A little,” Kiara admitted, appearing apologetic. “I don’t want to cut the meeting short or anything, but I do have some deadlines sort of slapping me in the face… it’s pretty volatile, working online.”
“You’re welcome to come again,” Peter said, a small stab of disappointment going through him. He thought they’d actually been getting on, and Leah certainly seemed to delight in being here. She couldn’t keep her hands off his stuff, all the little relics he’d managed to accumulate, such as a small bear toy he’d scooped out of the dumpster, inexplicably feeling sorry for the inanimate object. Fucking stupid, really, but he washed it, let it dry, and now it stood there on his mantlepiece, one eye missing. Rejected, but given a new home.
“I’d like to,” Kiara said, looking at Arlen as if daring her to disagree. “I want… if possible… I’d like Leah to get to know her father. Maybe… next week? Saturday?”
“Sure,” Peter said. He took a deep breath. “Well, I suppose we better get going then. I’ll take you guys back to the stop, okay?”
Leah’s face fell, but she perked up when Kiara promised they would try to visit him every week. For one moment, Peter wanted to say, no, you can’t, it’s not your decision to make, but in the same instant, he quelled the impulse.
He also wasn’t sure if he wanted them to visit, in a way. If the older families got wind of a woman and a child visiting him…
“Arlen, I need to speak to you for a moment alone,” Peter said to the older woman. She appeared surprised, before setting her jaw grimly and following him into his bedroom.
“What is it you want?”
“Arlen, have you told your family that this child is mine?” He was aware he danced on his feet, agitated with the thoughts inside.
“No. But I was asking around, trying to find Leah’s father. Because all bears want to know their children.” She gave him a rather contemptuous twitch of her lips.
“I need a favor from you.”
“Favor? You need a favor from me?” Arlen appeared almost speechless with indignation. Her glasses slipped further down her nose, balancing precariously on the edge.
“If—if I accept Leah and Kiara fully, they’ll be exiled like me. Leah will be in my position.” He swept a hand over his forehead, not really sure where he was going. His heart hammered rapidly, and he fully expected this woman to keep snapping him down. “Is there—is there any chance you could pretend… she wasn’t my child? Not—not tell the families she is? So she… she could have… a better life.”
He expected Arlen to explode with laughter and scorn at these words. Instead, the woman pursed her lips, saying nothing for a long, horrible moment. The silence continued to stretch, along with his nerves, until she finally cleared her throat.
“Regardless of what I think about you, I do appreciate what you say about the child. She had… no choice in her father.” Arlen looked him up and down, her glasses still a millimeter from slipping. “I won’t tell the Maguires who the father is. But they will need to know if she’s going to end up staying in Valor Lake once the transformation is complete. And she’ll need to visit the bear spirit to be inducted.”
It was more than Peter expected, and he nodded gratefully. “Thank you.” It was a stay of execution for her. A few more months, maybe a few more years before people would find out.
“I’ll think on it further.” She swept past him without another word, as if finding it difficult to be in the same room with him for long.
The squeezing knot in his stomach lessened slightly. Kiara didn’t need to worry about exile. She wasn’t a bear. But to a bear, to be cut off from all the best spots, from visiting the bear spirit, from being involved in the community and starved of contact with all the main family members…
Not to mention businesses just refusing to serve, and jobs locked up for him… it sucked, being an exile. It left him nowhere to turn to but the enemies they exiled his family for. It left him susceptible to blackmail, and blackmailing others.
Whatever blackness tainted his heart, he at least didn’t want to see any offspring of his end up in the same situation.
They deserved better than that.
Chapter Five – Kiara
They actually managed to keep up the meetings. Aside from missing that one time because she got slammed with a threat from one of her clients, she had managed to keep up weekly visits for two straight months, always for a few hours in the afternoon. These almost holiday-like visits certainly helped endear Leah to her father more. And now Arlen only showed up occasionally, because she said she needed to be around as “diplomacy” from the main bear families.
Kiara’s little apartment felt wretched somehow, wedged in the pale gray city with the uniform trees planted by the sides of the roads in an attempt to give the place some color and fresher air.
Seeing Leah get excited at the thought of going through her first full transformation, the heavy, weighty importance these bear people seemed to place on their bloodlines—it made Kiara feel left out, somehow. That her life didn’t have the kind of purpose she wanted it to. It reminded her that she started off with grand aspirations in her life but let them all fall wayside when she had Leah. Everything funneled onto Leah, and somehow, all these years had slipped by. All these years, and nothing to show for them other than a child who wanted to get to know her father.
Easier to be kept awake sometimes at night with dreams of failure and lost aspirations, than to sleep soundlessly, excited for what each day might bring.
She didn’t entirely know her place with Peter, either.
He seemed friendly enough. Her mind still attempted to wade through the mire of lost thoughts to recall that fateful night, but she conjured up nothing, frustrating her to no end. She liked the smiles he gave her, the kindness that sometimes displayed in his eyes, which tended to vanish whenever someone tried to breathe a word about Maguires or Valors or Witsels and all those stupid family surnames that apparently meant you were special in Valor Lake.
She saw in Peter’s face the anger of wasted opportunities, a wasted life, and it made her feel even more inadequate with her situation. She saw him look at her daughter with something like regret, even as he attempted to play games with her.
And she definitely noticed he didn’t want to take them out for walks together, unless Arlen was there.
It felt like in a way he wasn’t quite committed to the idea of having Leah around, and certainly not Kiara. She should be grateful he even wanted them to come around at all, she supposed.
She just wished she knew her place in the whole sorry situation.
