Loving a Rebel, page 13
part #1 of Glory, Montana Series
Eve patted Flora’s hand where it lay on the covers between them. “We are all quite convinced that is the only reason you don’t invite her along. Or any of us.”
She heard the teasing note in her sister’s voice but tried to pretend she didn’t. “You can all come if you like.” She knew she sounded peeved and her mood wasn’t improved when the girls laughed at her invitation.
“No thanks,” Eve said. And the others agreed.
Flora flipped over on her side determined to ignore their teasing. She had never been up close to a waterfall and the idea thrilled her. Did she like the idea of going with Kade? She admitted she did. He no longer criticized her or made judgmental remarks about her behavior. More than that, he had suggested she wear trousers for riding and Pa hadn’t objected. Nor had Ma. It didn’t make sense, but she wasn’t going to mention it and perhaps remind them of their oversight.
She was out of bed the next morning before the sky showed any sign of sunrise.
Eve groaned. “Go back to sleep. It’s still dark out.”
“I’ve got things to do.”
“Then go do them.”
“I will.” She tiptoed down the stairs and past Ma and Pa’s room. She paused outside Stella’s room, listening for any sound that indicated she needed something. All was quiet. She left the house through the back door, pausing to put on her riding boots. They had once belonged to Josh but thanks to Ma’s edict that nothing was thrown out—“It might someday be useful”—Flora had a good pair of boots.
Her insides dancing with anticipation, she pressed back the hurrah rising in her throat, went to the pasture, and softly called, “Dollar.”
He trotted to her and let her rub his head.
The sky went from black to grey to pink. The small, scattered clouds glowed golden. It was going to be a good day.
A few minutes later, she heard Ma and Pa in the kitchen and then Josie said something. The household was up. Flora went inside, quickly set the table, then stopped at the stove to judge how long before breakfast.
“Pour the coffee.” Ma indicated the bubbling pot and Flora carried it to the table. Pa always got the first cup and then Ma. After that, she made her way around the table, filling four cups for herself and her sisters. Stella still rested in bed, too weak to join them.
She sat. The others followed her example. Pa’s prayer was far too long. She much preferred Kade’s short ones.
It took time to eat and then Pa brought the Bible to the table to read the daily portion. Flora couldn’t have said what he read. As soon as he closed the Bible she jumped up, gathered the dishes, and took them to the dishpan, washing them with a haste that meant three sisters had to dry to keep up. As soon as she finished, she grabbed the lunch she’d prepared and dashed outside. Kade would be here any minute and she didn’t intend to keep him waiting. She sat astride her horse when he rode up.
“I see you’re ready. Been waiting long?”
“Nope. Perfect timing.”
His eyes flashed with teasing. She guessed he was about to ask if she missed him, but she didn’t give him a chance. She nudged Dollar and raced from the yard.
With a shout, he followed her.
She bent low over Dollar’s neck and urged him to greater speed. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw that Kade did the same. They raced for two miles and then he caught her. Of course, she might have let him do so. She looked at him and laughed. The sort of laugh that had built with each stride of her horse…that had been held in too long. Perhaps long before this day. She reined in, tipped her head back, and let the sound pour from her, coming from deep inside. Bringing in its wake a joy that filled her to such an extent that she couldn’t stop smiling.
He smiled, too, though perhaps with a bit of puzzlement.
“That was fun, wasn’t it?” It didn’t begin to explain how she felt. She wasn’t sure she could, but as they rode onward, she tried. “I don’t know when I’ve felt so free.” She waved her arms in the air to illustrate her point. “I’ve never before had anyone who would ride with me like that. Even Josh always made me stay back, as if I was a hindrance to him.”
Kade continued to cast puzzled looks her way. “You often feel like people are holding you back?”
She sobered. “I’ve never thought of it that way, but maybe I do.” Shifting so she could study his face, she asked, “How did you figure that out when no one else could? Ma just says I have always wanted to run.”
Their horses had stopped moving as Kade and Flora studied each other, their gazes locked. She couldn’t say what he sought. For that matter, she couldn’t say what she looked for. Only that she hoped she would find it. She shook her head at her foolishness and turned away from looking at him.
“Are we going to the waterfall or not?”
“I haven’t changed my mind,” he said with a degree of amusement.
“Nor have I.” Side by side they rode up and down the hills until they reached the place he had pointed out to her earlier. Hills rose to the right and the left. Rocky crags poked out from the dirt. The valley narrowed as they climbed. The incline grew steeper.
Kade paused and turned, indicating she should look behind them.
She gasped at the view. The land fell away from where they sat. “I can see for miles. Is that Buck River?” A darker green line indicated the trees that stood along the river.
“Yes. Amazing isn’t it?”
She drank in the view, filling her lungs with the fresh air. “It smells green.”
He chuckled. “Green is a color, not a scent, but I know what you mean. The air is full of new growth and the promise of good things to come.” He shifted in his saddle to grin at her.
Again, their eyes caught and held as if something fragile hung between them and any sudden movement would shatter it into a thousand pieces.
His smile faded, his eyes darkened.
She got the feeling he searched deep into her thoughts, perhaps even went so far as to touch her soul. She’d never before experienced anything like it and couldn’t explain what it meant except it made her jittery. At the same time, an incredible calm edged into her very being.
With a gentle smile he reined his horse around. “Let’s go see that waterfall.”
They rode up and up. And then he paused. “Do you hear it?”
She stopped and listened. “A trickling sound. No, a hum.”
“A hum. I like that. Come on. We’re almost there.”
The path they followed was rocky and uneven. In a few minutes they dismounted and left the horses. Kade held out his hand and helped her over the rugged ground. They passed between two boulders and then before them lay the falls. A series of four steps and then a drop-off. He guided her to a rock bench and they sat. Silent and mesmerized.
The falls weren’t overly loud. The gray sheets of water were interlaced with silvery threads. Water dripped from the nearby rocks. Birds sang with abandon.
Flora couldn’t look away.
Kade nudged her. “What do you think?”
Her throat was too tight for her to be able to answer. She reached for his hand to grip it.
He chuckled. “I kind of thought you would feel that way.” He put an arm about her shoulders and squeezed her to him.
She rested against his side, content to be enjoying the moment without thinking of anything beyond this place of solitude. “It’s so peaceful,” she murmured after a bit.
He didn’t say anything, simply tightened his arm about her.
Flora might have sat there forever except her bottom was getting sore from perching on the hard rock. She pushed to her feet.
Kade stood too, and they looked into each other’s eyes. His dark and full of emotion. There was no need for words between them as they shared something deep and meaningful stemming from this place.
“I brought a picnic,” she murmured. “It’s in the saddlebag.”
They scrambled over the damp rocks, between the two boulders, and returned to the horses, where she took out the lunch. Her gaze went to the path they had followed to the falls.
“Do you want to eat where you can see the water?” he asked.
She nodded.
This time he led her on a different route, and they found a grassy spot where they sat with their backs to a rock. She opened up the sack holding the food and handed him a sandwich.
They ate in companionable silence.
“I have never experienced anything like this,” she said, hardly able to tear her gaze away from the falls. “It’s peaceful and yet so powerful. It echoes here.” She pressed her palm to her chest.
“Peace yet power. I like that.” He shifted to look into her face. “Amazing to think that we can enjoy both in our lives.”
She met his gaze. “What do you mean?”
He turned to study the waterfall for a moment then edged closer to her. “I remember the first sermon I heard your pa preach. He read a verse from the Bible about God’s yoke being easy, His burden light. At the time I wondered how that was possible. A burden is a burden. A yoke is a yoke. I don’t recall his exact words, but your pa said two things make them easy. The fact that God loves us and frees us from our sin. And that Jesus walks beside us so every burden is easy, every yoke light. It’s the same with peace and power. Or peace and freedom.”
She considered his words. Seems he and Ma were always advising her to seek peace. Could she have peace and freedom? Peace and—
Her thoughts stalled there. As always, she couldn’t say what it was she wanted. But rather than try and sort it out, she returned her attention to the falls. Maybe someday she would find the answer to her questions. Maybe someday she would know what the question was. But she didn’t want to ruin the peace she had found here.
“Oh. I have chocolate cake.” She had put the cake in a bowl and wrapped it tightly in brown paper to keep it from falling apart. She’d brought a fork just in case.
One fork? What was she thinking?
She uncovered the bowl to discover something that looked more like dry pudding than chocolate cake. “It was a nice slab of cake when I left home.”
Kade looked in the bowl and sniffed. “It smells good. I expect it will taste just as good.”
“I have one fork.” She held it up.
He took it from her before she could think. “Thanks.” He scooped up a forkful of cake and popped it in his mouth. “Good.”
She giggled. “You stole it.” She reached for the fork, but he was prepared and held it out of her reach. “Oh no, you don’t.” She was on her feet instantly. So was he and held the fork out to her.
“Here, your turn.”
But when she went to take it, he again held it out of her reach, laughing at her failure.
She stopped. Her arms fell to her sides and she stared at him. “I’ve done this before.”
“I know. Back at my house during the storm.” He waved the fork in front of her. “You’d think you’d know by now that I’m too fast for you.”
“It wasn’t you.” Tears leaked from her eyes, trailed down her cheeks and a sob erupted from the depths of her heart.
He shouldn’t have teased her. She didn’t like this game. Kade offered her the fork. “Here. Take it. I’m sorry for teasing you.”
She shook her head. “It’s not about the fork or the spoon,” she choked out.
“I don’t understand.”
Sobs shook her. Tears streamed down her face. Her distress sliced his heart into a dozen bleeding pieces. He pulled her into his arms and pressed her face to his chest.
“Flora, what’s wrong?”
She sobbed so hard she couldn’t speak so he held her, wishing he knew what was the matter and how to fix it.
“I shouldn’t have teased you.”
She shook her head.
“Then what?”
Again, a shake of her head and a gut-wrenching sob.
He pressed his cheek to her head and closed his eyes, feeling her pain in corners of his heart that had been locked up since the deaths of his father and brother. Maybe closing his heart had started before that with the many goodbyes to his mother.
He held her tight. Sorrow this deep was a stinging thing.
Finally, she quieted. Her arms slipped about his waist. “Hold me. Just hold me.”
He was only too glad to do so. He widened his stance as she leaned into him.
“It wasn’t about you teasing me.” Her voice was thick from crying. “Remember I said it seemed I had done it before?”
“I remember.”
“Well, I did. It was with my big brother. He would play a sort of game with me where he put something on the table, and we would reach for it to see who could get it first. He always did, but it made me giggle.”
“A fun game. Josh seems to have played a big role in your life.”
“It wasn’t Josh. Eve said we had a brother. Timmy. He was a lot older than us, though I don’t remember exactly how much. I always thought I didn’t remember him. Eve used to get so angry with me and want to know how I could forget him. She said he took care of us after Papa died.” The words had a jagged feel to them, as if carrying shards of pain.
“Maybe it hurt too much to remember him.”
She jerked, pushed back, and stared up into his face. “Yes, that’s it.”
He smiled down at her, glad he could help her see what it meant.
She held his gaze as she continued. “He was gone. I realize now he went to get help for Mama, who was so sick. But we waited and waited for him. I remember how worried I got. I had to find him and tell him how afraid I was and then he would come home and tell me it was all right. So, I ran out the door. I ran as far as the gate but then Eve caught me and dragged me back. She said we had to stay and wait. But I was desperate to find him. I remember how badly I wanted to leave. I thought if I ran hard enough, fast enough, I would catch him. I was four. Little did I know how impossible it would have been.”
“What happened to him?”
“He died. The neighbors found him. I think he was thrown from his horse, though I can’t really remember. I’ll have to ask Eve.”
“Did she never tell you?” Kade couldn’t imagine why Eve would keep it a secret.
“I didn’t want to talk about it. Every time she mentioned Timmy, I shut my mind to her voice. Or I’d block my ears. Or run away. If she insisted on telling me, I would cry. So, she quit.
“He made me feel safe. And then he was gone. And I didn’t know if I would ever be safe again. Which is silly, because what could be safer than being adopted by the preacher and his wife?”
“Not losing those you love.”
“I guess you understand, having lost people you love.”
Tears had made tracks down her cheeks and dried. Kade rubbed at the trails with his thumb.
Her eyes widened. Her lips parted.
He studied her mouth. Slowly, giving her lots of time to let him know she didn’t want the same thing he did, he lowered his head and caught her mouth with his. He tasted the salty brine of the recent tears. He heard the sudden intake of her breath. Her arms tightened around him.
He’d only meant to offer her comfort, but awareness and longing filled him, surprising him with its depth. He had to force himself to withdraw for fear of frightening her.
But he was in no hurry to leave this place. He pulled her back to the grassy spot where they’d been sitting. Their backs rested against a boulder. He kept his arm about her, smiling as she leaned into him.
Would now be a good time to formally ask her to marry him?
Chapter 14
Kade had kissed her. And she’d liked it. But what did it mean? Surely it meant he was growing fond of her. Did she welcome that?
She grinned. It would be nice so long as he wasn’t set on making her reform.
He had drawn her down to the ground and kept his arm around her. She clung to him. Remembering Timmy had broken down a barrier she’d created in her mind. “I was always afraid to remember him,” she murmured. “I think I feared the pain.”
“I can understand that. How do you feel now?”
She considered the question. “It hurts. I suppose I will always miss him. Perhaps that’s why I clung so doggedly to Josh. I didn’t tell you, but I cried buckets when he left.” She gave a chuckle. “I made sure to do it in private.” She shifted so she could look into his face. “That’s why I’ve always felt the need to run, isn’t it?”
He smiled, his eyes dark and full of kindness.
She rested against his chest and studied the waterfall. “What’s the name of this place?”
“I haven’t told you. How neglectful of me.”
She heard the teasing in his voice and playfully jabbed him in the ribs. “Yes, it is.”
“Ow.” He captured her hand and she made no effort to free it. “It’s called the Cascades.”
“A pretty name for a pretty waterfall.”
A cascade of memories flooded her mind. “I remember Timmy chasing me and tossing me in the air when he caught me. He read to us before he tucked us into bed. I suppose that was only after Mama fell ill.”
“I’m glad your memories have returned.”
“Me too. I can understand why I shut them away when I was young, but I should have allowed them back long before this.”
“It sounds to me like they were locked up and you needed something to unlock the door.”
“Guess that was you.” She felt him stiffen as if surprised by her observation. “How does it make you feel to know you did this for me?”
“I’m happy for you.”
She heard a reservation in his answer and sat up to look into his face. “You don’t sound convinced.” His eyes were dark and searching.
“I just realized I have locked doors inside me as well.”
She waited for him to continue, sensing that he needed time to find the words. Perhaps even to discover what to do with those locked doors. She knew when he’d reached that point as his eyes softened and smile lines creased out from their edges.
“I have been so afraid of being disappointed by people’s actions and hurt by more death that I closed myself off to caring about anyone again.”
