Release, page 10
“Maybe. It’s a good idea. But the spray mechanism isn’t as important as the viability of the antidote through atmosphere and it’s stability. People have to breathe it in for it to work. It can’t deteriorate in rain or humidity or bright sunlight. There are a hundred questions I won’t be able to answer, not even if I had years to work on it, but the basic things must be true for this to be a weapon against that horrible death.”
“Okay, I’ll work on the lab. I promise. We’ll find what you need.”
Her hand, the one that had touched his forehead, went to his arm, where she squeezed him gently. “I know. You’ll come through. That’s who you are. Only, don’t let the stress cripple you, okay? Remember that, despite the evidence, you’re only human.”
Another place, another time, he would have pulled her to him and kissed her until she couldn’t remember how to speak. “I’d better be going. Lots to do tomorrow.”
“Thanks for the meal. And the dessert.”
He smiled, nodded, headed out the door and up into the crapped-out building that hid her. Once he was finally at his car, he didn’t start it right away. He put his head down on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He wanted her. He wanted Omicron to burn in hell. He wanted so much, and his chances of getting any of it were between slim and none. Some nights, those odds were just fine. Tonight wasn’t one of them.
* * * * * *
Seth served her. He had to ladle the pasta onto the plate, put the ladle down, pick up the plate and take it to her, but he got it done with only minor spattering. It was just weird to have to think about something as simple as dishing out spaghetti. In the old days—
He stopped himself short. He’d never get anywhere if he constantly thought about what had been or what should be. His best chance of success was to be in the moment. Take the next step. Do the next logical thing.
“This looks wonderful,” Harper said, smiling at him as if he’d just painted the Sistine Chapel.
“It’s spaghetti.”
“That’s right. But it’s pasta, not ham and cheese. This is major.”
He gave her a scowl, then went back and served himself. He’d already poured them each a half glass of Chianti and put the garlic bread—store-bought, but heated by him—on the table. Too late, he realized that she probably would have wanted a salad. She hadn’t said anything, but still, she would have liked that.
He finally had his plate full and went back to sit down. She’d sipped some wine, but she hadn’t tasted the food. “Is something wrong?”
“No, why?”
“You haven’t eaten.”
“I was waiting for you.”
“Why?”
“Because I wasn’t raised by wolves.”
“Oh. Well. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
She twirled some pasta on her fork, and halfway through chewing she made a really great sound.
He took a bite himself. Not half-bad.
“Seth, it’s terrific.”
“My mother used to make this a lot. I think I got pretty close.”
“Close or not, it’s wonderful.”
He ate to cover his grin and hoped she didn’t see how much her praise meant. He’d wanted this night to go well, not just because it was good practice but because…Shit. He was getting ahead of himself and he shouldn’t do that. Just because she’d smiled. It could have meant anything. Seth had no real knowledge of Harper’s relationship to Karen. So it probably didn’t have a thing to do with Harper feeling proprietary about him. Or wanting there to be more than friendship. He couldn’t afford to assume a damn thing.
Only, it was hard to deny that she’d smiled an awful lot since she’d come home. Or that she’d touched his arm five times.
But there were miles between dinner and bed.
They ate in companionable silence. She finished everything on her plate, and he decided against seconds. It was almost nine when there was no more food to distract them.
Seth had no clue what to do. Did he say something? Touch her? Just lean over and kiss her? Mention that instead of taking her to the firing range, which he should have done, he wanted to take her to bed?
“I’m stuffed,” she said. “If you leave the dishes in the sink, I’ll get them in the morning. I’m just too tired to do them tonight.”
“No sweat. I’ve got it,” he said, cursing his own stupidity. Thank God he’d kept his thoughts to himself.
Harper stood, kissed him on the forehead, then headed to her bedroom without so much as a backward glance.
It took him a long time to gather the will to stand, let alone clear the table. But he did, one stinking dish at a time.
Chapter 10
There were no flies around the bodies. The air was still and calm, so there should have been swarms of flies at this deathly feast, but they were smarter than the humans who kept searching for someone, anyone, alive.
It was VX gas, it had to be. Nothing else was more deadly. They had all been killed so quickly. Their rigor showed their horror and outrage, clutching each other while everyone they knew fell into spasms, as foam bubbled from their mouths, as their eyes filled with blood.
Who had done this? Why? This was a small village of poor people, scrounging through their days to put bread or a chicken on the table. These were children. Babies.
She didn’t know, didn’t care, about the war. She wasn’t here to do politics. All she’d wanted was to treat people who had little or no access to health care. To teach the women how to save their children. To teach them all how to not get AIDS.
Nothing, not even the battle zones, had prepared her for this. She kept choking up, unable to see through her tears, but she didn’t want to wipe her eyes. She knew if it was the kind of chemical agent she suspected, it was inert by now. But she’d touched so many of their bodies. The lack of flies told her something was wrong, some signature of the gas lingered. And if she touched any part of her mucous membrane, she could be next.
She stepped over a young woman with long braids, and her foot landed on something small and soft. She looked down to find a bird. A pigeon. Next to the bird was a boy clutching a toy truck. His red eyes were open, staring right at her.
She gasped. And then she was in her room, in her bed. Disoriented, she struggled to the side of the bed, reached for the lamp switch. And then she looked toward the door. It was open. She never left it open.
“Harper?”
The low male voice belonged to Seth, not the men who’d killed the village. The relief hit her so intensely that the tears she’d held back in her dream came out with a sob.
The side of her bed dipped and his hand was on her shoulder. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, unable to speak. She hadn’t cried in so long, not even when the nightmares tore her apart. It hurt her throat, she sobbed so hard.
Seth pulled her closer, and she leaned against his chest as she abandoned herself to her weeping. She didn’t care anymore. What she’d seen had mutilated her as badly as the bullet had maimed Seth. She simply couldn’t hold it in any longer.
His hand rubbed her shoulder, his breath brushed her neck. He whispered soft words, trying to calm her, but nothing could. At least she wasn’t alone. He was here, he was warm. Strong. He was a warrior and she was safe with him. At least for tonight.
She’d never been one to pray, but she found herself pleading to not die like that. A bullet would be better. Anything would be. She just didn’t want to die like those people.
“Shh,” he whispered again.
Her sobs had turned to intermittent hiccups and her tears didn’t burn quite so much. She wished she had a tissue, though, because she was soaking his chest. His naked chest.
Her hand went down to his thigh, and, yes, he was in his pajamas. Had she awakened him all the way down in the basement? “I’m sorry,” she said between sniffs.
“For what?”
“Waking you.”
“You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep. I heard you cry out.”
She used the back of her hands to wipe some of the moisture from her face. “It’s okay. You can go back to bed. I’m fine.”
“You call this fine?”
“It was just a nightmare.”
“Harper, you sounded like you were going to die.”
She sat up, grateful as hell she hadn’t turned on the light. “I was. In my dream.”
“You want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “No. I want to forget about it.”
“What can I do?”
She smiled. He was so big and tough, yet his voice sounded like a boy’s. “Nothing. Really. I’m good. I’ll just get some tea, then go back to—”
“You won’t do anything. I’ll bring you the tea.”
She sniffed again, unbelievably happy he was there. “Have you ever in your life made tea?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I have. You like yours with a little honey, right?”
“I do.”
“Okay. You wait right here. I’ll be back in a flash.” His hand left her shoulder and his arm abandoned her back. She was alone again, only not quite as alone as before.
Was he the answer to her nightmares? Normally it took her hours to come down from the shaky terror, but not tonight. And tonight had been the worst she’d ever had. Maybe they’d go away completely if he slept up here. In here. In her bed, so she could feel his solid chest and his soft breath on her neck.
She shifted in the dark, her thoughts dipping into a whole different kind of rescue.
If she asked him to stay for the night, it would be perfectly understandable. And if they touched, well, it wasn’t that big a bed.
She had no desire for tea. Just for Seth to come back.
He wanted exactly the same thing, but he had to do this right. He boiled the water, let it cool for one minute, poured it into her big mug along with her favorite apple-spice, then waited, the seconds ticking slowly inside his head, until it had steeped for four minutes. It could have gone five, but screw it. He got the honey and gave her one teaspoon of the stuff, stirred it, then headed tentatively back to the bedroom.
He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he saw it was still dark in there. If she’d turned on the light, he’d have been in big trouble. Damn flimsy pajama pants.
It occurred to him that he wasn’t the least bit worried about disguising his stump, but he’d very much like to have a heavy pair of Levi’s to hide his hard-on.
He slowed even more as he got to her door. If she was sleeping, he’d back out.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m awake.”
“I wish you weren’t,” he said, lying through his teeth. “But maybe this’ll help.”
He got to the bed without a mishap. The closer he got to Harper, the clearer she became. He wasn’t certain it was all because of his eyes adjusting to the dark. He’d pictured her just like this, waiting for him, so many nights, so many early mornings, that he could paint in all the details. He wished she hadn’t had the nightmare, though. And that she’d given him any reason to think she might like him to stay.
She took the tea, sipped it. “Perfect,” she said. “How would you feel about spending the night here?”
He couldn’t have heard that right. “Pardon me?”
She patted the bed next to her. “Sleep with me. Please.”
If he hadn’t had a hard-on before, he would’ve gotten one just from hearing those words. As it was, his condition did grow more serious. But she’d said sleep, and that’s probably all she’d meant. So he shouldn’t get too excited.
Wait. Too late.
“Uh, Seth?”
“Yeah.” Shit. His voice had broken. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yeah.”
“If you don’t want to, that’s all right.”
“No, no. No. No.”
She did a little throat clearing of her own. “I’m making you nervous.”
“No. Well, yes. But it’s okay.”
“Get into bed. That’ll make things a little easier.”
He nodded, then went around to the other side of the bed and slipped under the covers. It did make things easier. At least his dick wasn’t sticking out like a tent pole.
“This tea really is perfect. Just the way I like it.”
“My mother likes her tea like that.”
Harper’s hand touched his side. “Tell you what, let’s not talk about mothers right now, okay?”
“Sure. Okay.”
She laughed so quietly he felt as if he was eavesdropping. “I appreciate you doing this for me,” she said, her voice still low. “I’ve been having these wretched nightmares for months. They’re all pretty much the same.”
“Kosovo?”
“Serbia, actually. The day I went into the village.”
She didn’t have to tell him which village. There was only the one that really mattered to them. The one that someone in Omicron had decided had the most expendable citizens. The one they’d used as the testing ground for their death gas. “I’d forgotten,” he said, “that you were there first.”
“I wasn’t alone. But, yes. I was the first to see.”
“Jesus,” he said, barely able to imagine the horror, even after all he’d seen and done.
“Yeah.”
“You’ve been dreaming about that every night? How can you even face going to bed?”
“It’s not easy. Why do you think I work so hard at the clinic? I try to exhaust myself.”
“But it doesn’t work.”
“It gets me to sleep. It just doesn’t keep me asleep.”
“Have you thought about seeing someone?”
She laughed. “Now how come it’s so easy for you to ask me that, and when I try to ask you the same thing—”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m a stubborn ass. You’re the one with the brains.”
“I don’t know what a doctor would do. Of course I’ve read everything I can about night terrors, but I’m not sure what’s happening to me fits. I think there may actually be a couple of solutions.”
“What?”
“We take down Omicron and make sure that gas is destroyed completely, along with how to make it.”
“Or?”
“This.”
“What?”
“You. Here. With me.”
“Oh.”
She put her tea down on the bed stand, then turned to face him. He wished he could see more, especially her eyes. But he didn’t want the lights on. Not yet.
“I think I should make myself clear. I’m not asking you to be my boyfriend or anything. But, hell, who else am I going to turn to? It’s been pretty crappy for the both of us. So why not take some comfort where we can?”
He thought for a long moment, trying to phrase this right. “So when you say comfort…”
There was that tiny laugh again. Only this time, it was followed by a not-so-tiny kiss.
Harper leaned into him, then parted her lips. She didn’t know if it was the lateness of the hour or the aftereffects of the dream, but she wasn’t in the least interested in beating around the bush.
She’d known Seth for a long time now, and aside from the fact that he still hadn’t forgiven her for saving his life, he was, down deep, a really good man. She didn’t have to lie to him about a damn thing. She didn’t have to promise him anything either. They were both on the edge of disaster every single day, and frankly she’d rather not go out alone.
Not to mention he was, when not being a horse’s ass, hot as hell.
He hadn’t done much since she’d gotten him into bed, and frankly she was getting a little concerned. And then—boom—he rose to the occasion.
He brought his hand to her neck and held her steady, not forcing, not hurting, but she knew he meant business. What had a second ago been cool, vaguely pliant lips became a mouth on a mission.
He plunged his tongue into her as if she were the last safe place on earth, and his moan was that of a man who’d found heaven.
She’d never been kissed like this before, as if she was a goddess or a movie star. She’d known passion and she’d known that red-hot heat of having to do it right that minute or die, and yet this was that squared.
How long had it been since he’d gotten laid? Not that she was going to interrupt to ask. But, damn, it must have been aeons, because holy crap.
His lips left hers for a moment to explore her neck, which should have given her a chance to catch her breath, but the effect was the opposite. He electrified her, stole every bit of the air from the room, and when he nipped, then licked the sensitive skin under her ear, she shivered all the way to her toes.
She wrapped her arms around his back, mostly so she could feel more of him. He had such an incredible body. Bless the U.S. Army for its training. She must remember to send a fan letter to the guy in charge.
His hand left her neck to glide down her back. She was still in her sleep shirt, but not for long. She let him go, pulled back and tore the stupid thing off.
Seth, a quick learner, maneuvered his pajama bottoms off and tossed them to the floor. He pulled her back, but she put a hand on his chest. “Wait.”
“Why?”
“Condoms.”
“What about them?”
“I have some in the bathroom.”
“I don’t care.”
“You also don’t get pregnant.”
That stopped him. “Oh, right. Where in the bathroom?”
“You stay here. It’ll be faster if I go.”
He nodded. In the faint light that came through her window she could see his pout. It was as sweet as it was silly, as she’d be right back. But, just to give him something to do, she threw back the covers.
There he was, all buff and naked, and she thought about turning on the light so she could see him better. But then he could see her better, so no. But what she did see was pretty amazing.
To say he had an erection didn’t give him nearly enough credit. He might not have been the biggest guy she’d ever seen, but he certainly was the most enthusiastic.
She took his hand, put it on his cock and said, “Amuse yourself. I’ll be back in a sec.”
Before he had a chance to react, she was out of the bed and hurrying to the bathroom. Unfortunately she had to turn on the light in there, as it was pitch-black. She closed her eyes, flipped the switch and waited until her eyes had adjusted.
