Hacker in Love, page 32
Am I sleeping?
Is this a beautiful, Hawaiian dream?
Nope. It’s real life, bitches! Courtesy of our generous hosts, the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Faraday.
It’s the first full day of Josh and Kat’s weeklong wedding extravaganza in Maui, and it’s already the best vacation of my life. This morning, Josh and Kat and all two hundred of their wedding guests were bussed to the top of a dormant volcano called Haleakala, where we were treated to a sunrise guided bicycle tour down to the bottom. When we returned to the resort, the whole group descended upon the resort’s massive swimming pool area for lunch, cocktails, and a bit of relaxation before tonight’s festivities. While some went to the main pool, Henn and I headed to the lazy river to float around in innertubes, cocktails in hand, with a group that included Kat, Josh, Reed, Jonas, Sarah, and a few of Josh’s and Kat’s respective college friends. And that’s where we’ve been ever since. In a few hours, it’ll be time to head to the suite to get ready for tonight’s luau and subsequent concert by 22 Goats—the rock band fronted by Kat’s little brother, Dax, and his two best friends, Colin and Fish. But for now, we’re soaking in the Hawaiian sun and enjoying our cocktails and everyone’s company.
“Bathroom break!” Sarah calls out next to me from her inner tube. I open my eyes and discern she’s talking to her husband, Jonas. Not to me. But her comment makes me realize my bladder is full.
“Wait for me, Sarah! I’ll come with you.” I try to extricate myself gracefully from my innertube, but wind up inelegantly capsizing. When I come back up, Sarah is cracking up.
“The Colombiana judge gives you a ten out of ten,” she quips when I reach her on the steps of the lazy river.
“It takes a lifetime of training to be able to do that,” I retort.
Laughing together, we head to a nearby restroom and then to a bar by the main pool for another fruity drink, which is when we notice Josh’s personal assistant, Theresa Rodriguez—T-Rod—sunbathing alone on a lounge chair.
“Hey, Tessa,” Sarah says as we approach her. Sarah gestures to two loungers next to T-Rod’s. “Are these open?” T-Rod says they are, and we make ourselves comfortable. Sarah says, “We were taking a bathroom break from floating around the lazy river and saw you lying here all alone.”
“Oh, I’m just hanging out, watching the dolphin show.” Theresa motions to the large swimming pool in front of us, where all four of Kat’s hunky brothers, plus their good friend, Zander, a muscular Black man with an infectious smile, are presently splashing around with a cute little girl. We watch the group for a moment and laugh when their game becomes clear: the little girl is a dolphin trainer and the Morgan brothers, plus Zander, are her pod of eager—and hot as fuck—dolphins performing tricks at her adorable command.
“Who’s the little girl?” Sarah asks.
“Coco,” Theresa says. “One of the Morgan cousins just married her dad.”
“Aw,” I say. “Those boys are so sweet to make Coco feel so included.”
“The Morgan boys are all really sweet like that,” Sarah says, and Theresa nods her agreement.
“Their momma must have taught them well,” I say. I’m thinking about Henn’s sweet mother, Carol, and how well she’s taught her son to be kind and gentle and thoughtful. Surely, if Henn had a cute little step-cousin-in-law who’d recently joined his family, he’d treat her with the same kindness these Morgans are showing Coco.
For several minutes, the three of us watch the dolphin show, commenting and laughing about this or that “trick,” as well as Coco’s infectious squeak of a voice. But when godlike Ryan Morgan places Coco on the ledge of the pool and coaxes her to jump into his opened, muscular, tattooed arms, we all simultaneously stop talking and gasp at the swoony sight.
“Oh my God, that was hot,” I blurt. “Muscles and tattoos and pierced nipples and a leaping, laughing little girl? Jesus God, I suddenly want to grab Henn and drag him to our room.”
Sarah snickers. “I used to have the biggest crush on Ryan.”
I flash Sarah a Scooby Doo “Bah-woo?” face, and she chuckles and shrugs. “Ryan’s gorgeous.”
No lie detected there. I return my gaze to the pool, where the hunky Morgan brothers are now throwing their tiny dolphin trainer to and fro like a beach ball, and ask, “How the heck did you pick just one Morgan brother to have a crush on? They’re all freaks of nature, just like Kat. Freaks, freaks, freaks. It’s not fair how much hotness is contained within one family. I feel like I’m watching that volleyball scene from Top Gun, only way better.” After the other two women agree with my assessment, I ask Sarah, “Does Ryan know about your old crush on him?”
“Hellz no,” Sarah replies. “I never said a word. I did tell Kat about it at the time and asked her to find out if maybe he was interested in taking me out, but she refused.”
“Why?” I ask, astonished. It’s not the reaction I’d expect from Kat, considering how much she loves both Sarah and matchmaking.
Sarah rolls her eyes. “Kat said Ryan would break my heart and then it would be weird at birthday parties and stuff.” She explains in further detail, concluding with, “Imagine how weird it’d be now if we had gone out.”
“Plus, think about the butterfly effect,” I reply. “What if dating Ryan back then would have somehow kept you from meeting Jonas when you did.”
“I shudder to think about it,” Sarah says. “Nowadays, Ryan feels like a brother to me—the same as Josh or Henn. He’s objectively gorgeous, of course—I mean, just look at him—but the minute I met Jonas, I instantly knew the difference between having a crush on a guy, even a massive one, and meeting the true love of my life. Once you’ve finally experienced true love, there’s just no comparison.”
At Sarah’s words, my heart floods with love for Henn—with certainty that he’s the love of my life. My soulmate. In fact, I’m suddenly realizing I’m ready for Henn to ask me to marry him when we get home. We wouldn’t have to have a whirlwind engagement like Jonas and Sarah and Kat and Josh did, and we don’t need to live together to be engaged. So, why wait?
It’s a surprise to be feeling this way, but there’s no denying it. Is my biological clock suddenly going off because of the giggling cutie pie playing dolphin in the swimming pool? Have I had too many mai tais today? Has this week’s dreamlike wedding extravaganza inspired me? Whatever has brought me to this point, I’m positive it’s real and what I genuinely want. I want to be engaged to Henn when we get home and then ultimately to have the kind of happy marriage Jonas and Sarah do. The kind Josh and Kat will undoubtedly have, as well.
I smile at Sarah. “You and Jonas are so amazing. Hashtag-relationship-goals.”
“You and Henny, too,” she replies. “I predict you’ll be following in Jonas’ and my footsteps before long.”
Am I that transparent? “Oh, for sure,” I say, and as the words leave my lips, I’m certain I mean them.
“Really?” Sarah says, sitting upright in her lounge chair. “Have you two talked about marriage?”
I feel myself blush. “Yeah, right after I caught the bouquet at your wedding, Henny and I talked about it. And a couple times after that, too. We’re definitely going to get married. The only question is when.” I explain that my sister is coming to UCLA in the spring and I’m going to live with her for at least a while. Also, that Henn has decided to start looking for a house in LA when we get back and has invited me to move into it with him, whenever I’m ready.
“Well, whenever you guys decide to get engaged,” Sarah says, “maybe Tessa would be willing to share some of her amazing spreadsheets with you. Before helping Josh and Kat with their wedding, she helped Jonas and me find some vendors quickly, too.” She smiles at Theresa lying next to her. “Tessa is such a superstar.”
We both look at Theresa, but she’s clearly distracted by the Morgan brothers’ shenanigans in the pool.
“Hey, T-Rod,” I say, prompting her to look at me and blink rapidly. “I keep noticing Kat and Sarah and Mrs. Morgan calling you Tessa. And yet it seems like Josh and Henn and all those guys keep calling you Theresa. Do you have a preference?”
“Tessa, honestly,” she says. “That’s what my friends and family have always called me.”
“Okay, then. Tessa it is.” I’m hoping she understands the subtext of my comment. Namely, that I consider her a friend. I don’t know Theresa—er, Tessa—all that well, but she was incredibly friendly with me at Jonas and Sarah’s wedding, and I’ve only heard good things about her from Kat. I think it might prove difficult for Tessa to fully relax this week, given that she’s a guest of her longtime boss and probably used to scurrying off to deliver on Josh’s every instruction, so I want to make it abundantly clear she’s more than welcome to join our friend group as a full-fledged member.
In response to my comment, Tessa smiles gratefully at me, which makes me think she’s understood my intended meaning and is grateful for it.
A squeal of happiness pulls our attention. It’s Coco in the pool. She’s sitting atop Ryan Morgan’s broad shoulders while battling Keane and Zander in a splashing, chaotic game of chicken.
“Oh my God,” I say. “My left ovary exploded when the Morgan brothers played dolphin—and now my right ovary’s gone, too.”
“He’s so freaking hot,” Tessa whispers.
“Yep,” Sarah agrees.
“A man who loves kids,” I murmur. “Gets me every time.”
With a high-pitched growl, Coco pushes on Keane’s chest with all her little might, and the totem pole that is Keane and Zander topples backward dramatically into the pool. As Keane and Zander punch the surface of the water like sore losers, Ryan guides a giggling Coco to standing atop his broad shoulders like a cheerleader, his strong hands gripping her calves. Once he’s got Coco safely situated, Ryan takes his tiny teammate on a victory lap around the shallow end of the pool.
When Ryan and Coco’s victory tour makes its way to our side of the massive pool, Tessa, Sarah, and I applaud and cheer effusively.
“Hey, ladies,” a male voice says.
I look to my right and discover the source of the voice. It’s Reed Rivers. He’s standing before us, shirtless and in swim trunks. Good lord. At this rate, Henn is going to get a workout this afternoon.
Reed pulls up a chair and sits down, his dark gaze noticeably raking over the length of Tessa’s bikini-clad body before landing on me. He flashes me a polite smile—one that bears no resemblance to the wolf-like smolder he just flashed Tessa—and asks me how I’m liking my new apartment in LA.
“Oh, I love it,” I say. “Thank you so much for the amazing deal you’re giving me on the place. I can’t thank you enough, Reed.”
Reed replies to me the way he always does—by politely insisting it was nothing and I’ve already thanked him enough. “Congratulations on the new job,” he says. “When do you start?”
“A couple weeks after we get back from Maui. It’s yet another reason I’m indebted to you. Thank you for passing along my résumé. It’s my dream job.”
Reed mumbles something, but he’s obviously distracted by the sight of Tessa in her black string-bikini. I can’t say I blame him. She’s distracting to me, and I’ve never known myself to be sexually attracted to women before. But who wouldn’t want to tap that? Theresa Rodriguez is a supernatural, sensuous, head-turner.
When Reed’s gaze remains on T-Rod, I smirk at Sarah and tilt my head toward the lazy river. Obviously, Reed didn’t come over here to chat with me about my new apartment and dream job. He’s got something else on his mind.
“And what about you, T-Rod?” Reed asks. “Are you having fun so far?”
“Oh, yes. I’m having a blast. I thought it’d be hard for me to relax and be a guest this week, but as it turns out, it’s shockingly easy.” She holds up her drink by way of explanation and Reed chuckles.
Reed leans back in his chair, giving the three of us women a delightful view of his tanned, tattooed torso. “So, hey, T-Rod, I wanted to chat with you about the logistics for my surprise gift at the reception.”
“Oh, yeah, I got your text. Having that musician play shouldn’t be a problem. I’ve already got a crew coming for tonight’s concert, so I’ll ask them—” She abruptly stops talking when Josh and Kat, along with a small group that includes Henn, approach. Clearly, Tessa doesn’t want the bride and groom to overhear any details about Reed’s surprise wedding gift, and since I have no desire to be a cockblocker to Reed Rivers a second longer, I jump up, poised to blurt that Sarah and I will distract the oncoming group and lead them away.
Sarah beats me to the punch, though. “I’ll drag them to that bar over there,” Sarah says, leaping up. “Come on, Hannah Banana—help me lure them away.”
Oh, thank God. I salute Reed and wink at Tessa, before following Sarah toward the oncoming group. When Sarah reaches Kat and Josh, I can’t hear what she says to them, but whatever it is, it works. Suddenly, the entire group, other than Henn who’s stopped to wait for me, is now following Sarah.
“Hey, Peter the Great,” I say, taking his hand. He pivots like he’s going to follow the crowd, but I pull on his hand. “Nope. We’re not going that way.”
“We’re not?”
“I mean, we can, if you’d prefer to have a drink with our friends, rather than having some hot vacation sex in our bungalow.”
Henn doesn’t hesitate. “I think I’ll take door number two, please.”
33
HENN
It’s Day Four of Josh and Kat’s weeklong wedding extravaganza, and I’m having the time of my life. How could I not, when I’m in paradise with Hannah and my best friends and every meal, cocktail, and entertainment has been arranged and paid for?
Already this week, we’ve enjoyed a jaw-dropping array of activities: a sunrise bike ride down a volcano, snorkeling, a helicopter tour of the island, a luau, karaoke, horseback-riding, kayaking, ATV-ing, relaxation by the pool and in the resort’s lazy river. We also watched a private concert in the resort’s club by Dax’s band, 22 Goats, that was so fucking awesome, Reed immediately signed them to his label. Verbally, anyway. Legal paperwork to come, apparently. And we’ve still got three days left! Plus, Hannah and I are going to Kuai for five days after this. Talk about a dream vacation. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relaxed and happy as an individual or as a couple. Hannah and I have been glued at the hip this whole week and loving every minute.
Today was the first time Hannah and I have spent any substantial time apart, actually, because Hannah had a spa day with the bride and a gaggle of bridesmaids. As Hannah did her thing today, I went parasailing over the ocean with a group that included Josh, Jonas, a couple fraternity brothers, and the two oldest Morgan brothers—Ryan and Colby.
I picked parasailing for today’s activity, instead of jet skiing with Reed and a group that included the boys from 22 Goats, because I knew Hannah wants to go jet skiing with me in Kuai. It turned out to be a good choice. My group had so much fun together, in fact, a sub-group of us—Josh, Jonas, Ryan, Colby, and me—headed to a bar at the resort afterward to throw back some pre-dinner drinks. That’s what we’re still doing now, a full hour later.
Currently, we’re talking about sex. Not specifically in terms of sex we’ve personally enjoyed. That’d be an awkward topic in this group, given that Josh’s sex partner these days is Colby and Ryan’s little sister. No, we’ve been talking about the fact that our generation seems obsessed with unlocking the mysteries of the female orgasm in a way our forefathers didn’t appear to be. We’ve all agreed that shift probably has a lot to do with the internet—the sheer volume of information out there now. We’ve also agreed it’s a frustrating thing that so much of the information out there is faulty, unreliable, or dead-ass wrong.
“I sometimes think Colby and I should do the world a favor and make an instructional video about this technique we came up with,” Ryan says. “Once we perfected it, we told the younger guys about it, and it worked like a charm for them, too. We’ve all gotten it so dialed in at this point, we call it The Sure Thing.”
Colby chuckles. “As Keane likes to say, it makes women have honey bunches of O’s.”
Everyone chuckles.
“I’d definitely watch a video about that,” I say. “And I’m sure I’m not alone. I bet it’d go viral.”
Colby scoffs. “Speaking for myself, I’ve got no desire to become the viral face of The Sure Thing. The guys at the firehouse would razz me about it till the end of time. No thanks.”
“I’ve got no desire to be The Sure Thing Guy, either” Ryan says. “I want to become a respected business mogul like Josh and Jonas here, not a fucking internet sex guru.”
“You know who’d make a perfect internet sex guru?” Josh says. “Keane. With that face of his and the crazy way he talks, he’d be a natural.”
Colby says, “Actually, it’d make perfect sense for a male stripper called Peen Star to talk about sex online.”
“Some of those YouTubers make bank,” I chime in. “Like, millions per year.” I don’t know Keane. I haven’t even chatted with the dude one-on-one this week. But Kat told me her younger brother turned to stripping after an elbow injury dashed his baseball dreams, and I’m rooting for him from afar to find his groove again.
Ryan chuckles and addresses his older brother. “Bee, you’re high if you think Keane has the attention span to run a fucking YouTube channel. That kid can barely remember to check his texts on a daily basis. Oh, and by the way, Keane’s stripper name isn’t Peen Star anymore. He recently changed it to Ball Peen Hammer for some reason.”
I flash Ryan a secret smile. The man’s a true gent. When Ryan and Josh called me recently and asked me to help extract Keane from a “stripper predicament,” we all agreed the situation was on a strict need-to-know basis, especially regarding my identity as the hacker who’d stepped in to help. Apparently, Ryan is so damned trustworthy, he didn’t even tell Colby about the situation, since I know for a fact Ryan knows precisely why Keane changed his stripper name.
