Sir John the (Mostly) Brave, page 4
“Uh, yes,” I reply. “Bring me my usual – and plenty of it!”
I make myself at home in my captain’s cabin. It’s a brilliant place. There are maps and globes, lots of curly swords on the walls, and best of all … a hammock!
Where is Hector? I hope he’s having as much fun as me.
I go to the porthole and pull aside the little curtain.
“AAAAAHHHH!!!”
Who is that mean and wicked pirate staring back at me, a funny three-pointed hat on his head and a natty blue-and-yellow scarf round his throat?
Oh, it’s me! It’s just my reflection.
“I am Cap’n John the Fierce and I’ll have you lot for breakfast,” I growl.
I grab a sword off the wall and dance round the cabin, saying things like “Shiver me timbers!” even though I’ve got no idea what me timbers are or why they’re shivering.
I launch myself into the hammock, bounce out of the netting, splat into the wall and plop on the floor.
“Everything all right, Captain?” says Peg Leg Reg, hobbling through the door with a large pot on a silver tray.
“Oh yes,” I reply. “Just trying out the old hammock.”
“Nice one, Captain,” he cackles. “Anyway, here you go, the captain’s lunch!”
Peg Leg Reg pulls the top off the pot.
“Live eels, Cap’n. Your favourite food before a battle.”
Oh dear, the plate is a moving mass of massive worms.
“Put them on the side, Reg. I’ll have them later,” I groan.
He moves a bit closer and darts his shifty eyes around to make sure no one’s listening. “If you don’t mind me asking, Captain, but any chance I can see your snarl?”
“My what?” I reply.
“You know, your horribly twisted face,” he grunts. “Only, I’ve followed you into battle many a time, but never got to see your snarl up close…”
“Oh, my snarl? Yes, it’s an excellent snarl, one of the best,” I chuckle. “Did you know I was snarling champion two years running?”
“Is that a fact?” he replies. “Go on then, just between you and me – show us your snarl.”
I twist my face and mouth into a really mean growl.
Peg Leg Reg stares at me. “That’s your snarl?”
Oh dear, I think my snarling powers aren’t up to much. I wasn’t really snarling champion; I was just trying to play my part.
“You want to know what I do when I give my snarl?” he replies. “I think of the horriblest thought – like I’ve just come face to face with a disgusting beast of the deep with wild hair and horrible breath!”
So I think of Hayley first thing in the morning.
“Oh, that is a superb snarl!” he says. “They don’t call you Cap’n John the Fierce for nothing.”
He’s right about that. They don’t call me Cap’n John the Fierce at all. They call me John Smith, and some other names I can’t tell you about. But this is much better.
I could really get to love being a pirate. I never knew there was so much to it. It’s not all about saying “Aaaargh”, you know. You get to say “Oooooh-aaaaargh” quite a lot too. And you get to gnarl and gnash your teeth and run round on the deck of the ship swishing your sword. There’s a lot of swishing, I can tell you.
It is a brilliant life being a pirate.
Johnny Smith is an experienced animation and live-action screenwriter. As one half of Sprackling and Smith, the comedy screenwriting team, he sold numerous original feature film scripts here and in Hollywood, including Disney’s box office hit GNOMEO & JULIET. He lives in London with his wife and children.
Scholastic Children’s Books
An imprint of Scholastic Ltd
Euston House, 24 Eversholt Street
London, NW1 1DB, UK
Registered office: Westfield Road, Southam, Warwickshire, CV47 0RA
SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
First published in the UK by Scholastic Ltd, 2015
This electronic edition published in the UK by Scholastic Ltd, 2015
Text copyright © Johnny Smith, 2015
Illustration copyright © Laura Ellen Anderson, 2015
The rights of Johnny Smith and Laura Ellen Anderson to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work have been asserted by them.
eISBN 978 1407 15502 9
A CIP catalogue record for this work is available from the British Library.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical or otherwise, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express prior written permission of Scholastic Limited.
Produced in India by Quadrum
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
www.scholastic.co.uk
Laura Ellen Anderson, Sir John the (Mostly) Brave
