Bloodline Divinity: An Urban Fantasy Academy Novel (Bloodline Academy Book 13), page 7
“This is my duty.”
“No, it wasn’t! This was forced on you.”
The word force triggered something in my mind. Hedge and bone magic collided, bringing with it a tidal wave of another power. One that knocked hard into my brain as though I were being hit by a sledgehammer.
My thoughts became a fiery blaze of billions of voices. All the snivelling and selfish desires of the mortal races. My brain itched as though it were on fire. I heard a billion voices all at once layered with the composite emotions. Fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, pride. I wanted nothing more than to pick up a stick and scratch until it stopped.
Unaware of my inner battle, Azrael persisted. “I chose this. I do not regret choosing meaning.”
I blinked because there was a part of me that was still listening. I just couldn’t seem to focus… “But you were in the garden…”
“I am in a garden now.”
I kicked at the grass. “This is hardly a garden and… argh!!”
The voices wouldn’t stop. Once they got in my head, I couldn’t seem to quieten them down. My breath quickened. It felt like my heartbeat was drumming in my chest. A moment later, someone reached inside me and was squeezing my heart with all their might.
Azrael dropped down in front of me. “Alessia.” I barely heard his voice. Sound was everywhere, to the point where I thought I was actually hearing with my eyes. Was there such a thing as magical synaesthesia? I’d learned about the simultaneous experience of stimuli when I’d visited Nanna.
Hear a name, see a colour.
Except in this case, it was hear a thought and another thought, and another, and another until you went crazy.
Azrael clamped his hands on either side of my face. He lifted my gaze to his. “Alessia. What’s wrong?”
Somebody slammed the heel of their palm against the side of my head. “Alessia!” It was only when Azrael caught my next swing that it dawned on me that I was hitting myself.
Unbridled rage washed over me. I screamed and did the thing I had managed to refrain from doing for seven years. I threw myself down onto the grass and literally had a tantrum. It lasted about three seconds before I curled into a ball and bawled my eyes out. All the while, the voices wouldn’t stop.
There were just so many of them. So many wanting to be thinner, to be prettier, to be smarter. Wanting the worst for somebody else and wondering at the same time if there was someone who was going to save them.
And over the top of it all, there were so many that just wanted it to stop. So many who were willing to accept the same silence that Astaroth did. So many who just wanted peace.
Silver-laced black magic washed over my eyelids. The same cool detachment that I always felt when I was swimming in the Sea of Souls poured over me. “Be calm, little one,” Azrael assured me. “These are not your burdens to take. Let them come. Don’t resist them. Accept that they need to be heard.”
It went against all my instincts to surrender. But I was close to foaming at the mouth, and Azrael’s voice was so soothing. Even though I wanted to strangle the heck out of something, I let the voices come.
They surged for a moment, gleeful that they encountered no resistance. My thoughts were a jumble of every stimulation in the world. The thoughts passed through me. I accepted and surrendered to them. Slowly, they trickled away.
I sat there in the soft grass, trying to get my breathing under control.
Bone magic rose inside its pool. It shored up the cracks in my mind and made my thoughts soundproof. The blessed quiet allowed me to take a few measured breaths. Ever the pessimist, I could still imagine that I heard the echo of the thoughts.
“Breathe, Alessia.”
Breathe.
I inhaled for four beats, held it for six, and exhaled for nine. Repeating the box breathing technique hadn’t really worked for me before. This time, with Azrael’s warm palm pressed to my cheek, I had something to redirect my focus.
That focus was death. Not the terrifying, empty death that most people thought about when they considered their own mortality, but a calm, peaceful place where nothing mattered besides…
“Azrael,” I blurted in surprise. “Is that love?”
His thumb pressed gently against my skin. “Of course it is, little one. Nothing can exist without it.”
“I can think of one thing!”
My vision was blurry when I opened my eyes to find a rueful smile on Azrael’s lips. “That is Astaroth’s biggest failing.” He exhaled softly. “Just look at what love has done for Lucifer.”
If Lucifer could see me now, he would blow a gasket. My relationship with Azrael would always rub the devil like sandpaper.
“Lucifer was…is an archangel. Astaroth is the opposite.”
Azrael’s lips pressed together. “Just because something is evil doesn’t mean it doesn’t have the capacity to love.”
I couldn’t help scoffing. “That’s the very definition of evil!”
He shook his head. “That’s the definition of emptiness.” He pushed his hand through the mane of hair that swayed in the light breeze. “Which, I suppose, is the point.”
A point I was steadfastly trying to forget. “Astaroth wants to use me to destroy everything.”
“He has been that way for a long time.”
Suddenly, I had a burning question I had to unpack. “Why did you decide to take a piece of his essence? Surely you knew it would end like this.”
Something flickered behind those light blue eyes of his. It seemed to somersault him back across the millennia to a time when I wasn’t even an afterthought. “I was the only one who could take that burden.”
Before he had a chance to fully explain, a foghorn went off inside me. Angelfire burst in the air to the right before Kai landed deftly on the grass. His green eyes were aflame. “Blue!”
He took a single step forward, clocked the situation, and halted. “My lord.” Kai nodded at Azrael. He then turned to me. “Are you okay?”
Was I okay?
A glance inside at the bond suggested that things were back to normal. The pulse of my aura was no longer tarnishing the bond. Now that Kai was here, Azrael detached.
“I must go,” Azrael said. He teleported away without another word.
Kai’s expression was pinched. “Is it just me, or did he leave because I arrived?”
“It must be your winning personality.” I straightened myself up and was relieved that no more water came up.
The second I was on two feet, Kai was all over me.
“Hey!”
His angelfire was everywhere his hands couldn’t be. Which said a lot, considering his hands had already been everywhere at some point. I was about to snap at him to let me go when a terrible quiver stroked me inside the bond. My darker half whined at me, reminding me that his trauma stemmed from losing sight of the people he loved most. I could suffer through a little indignity to give him the reassurance he needed.
“I’m okay,” I said, as the frantic edge in his aura receded. Inside the bond, something slid back into place. Logic and pride replaced the gut-clenching fear. At the last minute, I held my gasp in check. As his emotions had settled, my sliver of the bond had peeked under the covers. Where I had expected to find paranoia and rage, instead, I felt a soul-deep reassurance. A knowing that when all else failed, I would fight for myself. And as the superficial edge of his trauma gave way, his aura evened out.
My eyes must have been wide, because Kai’s turned a deep, saturated green when he tipped my head up to meet his gaze.
“I…”
“You’re okay, Blue. You always will be.” He leaned down and pressed his forehead to mine. “I know I shouldn’t keep reacting.”
My fingers laced through his. “We’ll break the habit together.”
I will break both of you if you don’t return this instant, came Lucifer’s sickened voice in my mind. Kai’s grip on me tightened.
“We should probably go,” I started to say. Except I didn’t move. In fact, I slipped out of Kai’s arms like a mollusc and sank down into the grass. I wasn’t sure of the source of my apathy until Kai knelt in front of me. He placed his hand on my cheek.
“You know what Matthew would say to you right now.”
My vision blurred. “You’re not fooling anyone,” I told him. Locked tight inside his part of the bond was the scrap of his soul that was screaming uncontrollably at the loss of his friend. Hell, he was much better at compartmentalising than I was.
“I’m not trying to fool anyone, Blue. I’m so angry and sad that he’s gone.” Angelfire ringed his aura. It was the colour of sea mist. Almost as though he didn’t have enough energy to produce anything more right now. “But so is everyone else. I understand, though, if you need time.”
This was so not good. He had already known me better than anyone else in the dimension before the bond. Now all he needed was to blow a breath and any barrier between us slipped away. Behind this barrier, Kai knew that grief was helplessness to me. I was so averse to being helpless that I wanted to hide away so that nobody could see.
“I thought we beat this out of you,” Kai said after a long time. His warm hand played with my hair, waiting patiently until I was ready to speak.
It surprised me when my mouth opened. “I almost lost him.”
“But you didn’t, Blue. He’s here, isn’t he?”
“I’m supposed to be a bone witch, and I let Astaroth take his soul.”
“You didn’t let him do anything. He’s an archdemon. What you are letting him do is keep you in limbo while you wallow in guilt. I know how that feels. How it can kill anything good. That’s what Astaroth is banking on. You told me once to move with you. Let’s move, Blue.”
I blinked up at him. “It’s been an hour.”
The way his eyes softened contradicted that statement. It had me pushing myself upright. I’d passed out, and I woke up inside the Sea of Souls. In my head, barely any time had lapsed. But that wasn’t how time worked in this dimension. How long had Azrael allowed me to rest so I could heal?
I took a gulping breath. “How long?”
“A week and a half.”
“Are you kidding? Why didn’t you come and get me?”
He sighed. “I couldn’t at first. We didn’t know where you were until Azrael informed us. Then I decided you were better off here. Things are in chaos in the dimension.”
“Why hasn’t Lucifer come to get me?”
He turned to stone.
“Kai.”
“Yes?”
I frowned, unsure what was making him clam up suddenly. Also, what was this gnawing in my gut suddenly that made me want to see Lucifer right this instant? It was then that something tugged at me in the bond. Something that said Lucifer had probably been trying to get to me for some time now.
“We should head back,” I suggested.
“No.” It directly contradicted everything he had just said to me.
“I’ve been gone too long.”
His aura bled into darkness. “True. But he doesn’t get to dictate your movements.” Stubbornness seeped into the bond. Any minute now, Lucifer would snap his fingers and drag us back.
The left side of Kai’s mouth tipped up. “He can try. But it won’t get him anywhere.”
“What are you talking about? He’s an archangel. He can do anything.”
Kai took a step closer. He trailed his hand over my jaw and down to my collarbone at the same time his angelfire feathered over the bond. “Not anything, Blue. Not anymore.”
It occurred to me then that Lucifer wasn’t patient. “Are you… blocking him from getting to me?”
He kissed me. Kai’s lips parted mine, his tongue slipping sensually into my mouth. I saw starlight in a wash of blue and green. In the back of my thoughts, I heard tiny footsteps against floorboards.
A single word bloomed in my mind.
Avah–
Eep!
I shoved away abruptly and took two steps back.
“Blue,” Kai whispered. He pinched the bridge of his nose, as though he suddenly had a headache. “What was that?”
“Nothing. Just residual magic that Astaroth left when he was controlling my mind.” Although, now that it was out in the open… “You wouldn’t by any chance be open to the idea of–”
“No. One hundred percent no.” He closed the distance between us again, locking my head in his hands. “Forget you even know the word.”
“But what if–”
“There is no if. Should we decide that’s what we want, there are a million other ways. A million other children who would need us.”
His vehemence struck a chord. “You think what I did to Lucifer was evil?”
It never even occurred to me. I saved Lucifer and managed not to kill anyone besides a part of myself. The outcome justified the means to me.
His hold turned supple. “You couldn’t be evil if you tried, Blue. But I’m not cool with anything you have to do that involves hurting yourself. There are no more parts of you to give.”
“Why is it so easy for everyone else?” I couldn’t help lamenting.
Kai cocked his head to the side. “If you think child rearing is easy, you haven’t spent enough time with them.”
Before I could respond, something slugged at me hard in the bond. I sighed. “Okay, no joke, we better go.”
He only relented because he felt my anxiety to be back. That made his lips press tight, but he didn’t say a word as we teleported back to the Stormhaven throne room.
The skin-peeling glare that Lucifer gave me was worse than any tantrum he could produce. It was nothing compared to the skewer of arctic ice that he levelled at Kai. Unlike me, though, Kai didn’t give two shits about how Lucifer felt.
Kai caught me around the waist and pressed me against his chest. Since there were a whole pack of shifters in the room, Kai let out a low growl that rolled across the stage and the seating area. “Mine,” he said.
“Beg your pardon?” I hissed. He just winked at me and sauntered off to find his seat amongst his Neanderthal friends. Max and Sophie both grinned jovially at me. Durin pumped his brows.
“What are you looking at?” I snapped at Griff.
He had his elbow propped on Durin’s shoulder. Though he didn’t say anything, his black orb eyes were crinkled at the edges. “The mistress of House Pendragon, apparently,” Griff laughed.
The shifters rumbled along with him.
Lucifer rose to his full height. Pure malevolence saturated the bond for a millisecond, only for angelfire to smash it to smithereens.
Kai’s brow arched at Lucifer. Black coiled inside of me. An insidious wrath that had nowhere to go besides in my direction. “Look what you’ve done, scion of mine,” Lucifer seethed.
What had I done?
The budding smile on Angus’s lips revealed it to me. One of the biggest problems we had besides Astaroth was how we would contain Lucifer if, by some miracle, we survived. While they were confident in my ability to persuade Lucifer to be reasonable, I was also his scion.
Kai was not. So very not.
And now the supernaturals had the insurance they needed.
8
That was fine with me. “Play nice,” I told Lucifer.
“Do not forget who it is that is stopping your destruction,” he hissed back. “Where have you been?”
I slumped down on my usual chair at the base of the stage. Lucifer was up on his ostentatious throne. Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. He clicked his fingers, and I hurtled across the stage. My butt planted in a chair not unlike his. A little throne of my own made of blue sapphire. Arching from the back were a pair of blue wings.
I deflated with exasperation. “Don’t you think this is a bit on the nose?”
“This is your place.”
I felt Kai was about to open his mouth and threw him a warning look. “I was with Azrael.”
Lucifer leaned forward. “Speaking of useless seraphim, where exactly has he disappeared to?”
“He said he needed to reap souls that were backing up.”
Lucifer grumbled. “If he can’t do his job–”
“Be fair, Luc,” Raphael admonished from amongst the Nephilim in the crowd. “You must see that the numbers of human deaths have increased since Astaroth’s return.”
Giselle eyed Lucifer darkly. “Wasn’t it your job to keep the humans safe?”
The devil lobbed her look back at her. “I can keep the humans from being influenced, or I can keep us all from being snapped out of existence. Pick your poison.”
As always, all eyes landed on me for the truth. I slumped in the chair. A hard-ass chair that was digging into my back. Crystals did not make comfortable furniture. “He’s right,” I said. I diluted my statement by sliding off the chair and onto the stage. “If Lucifer doesn’t hold back Astaroth’s will, the archdemon will destroy us.”
“What are you doing?” Lucifer asked me.
“It hurts.”
“Beauty is pain.”
Not this again. “Don’t we have more urgent things to worry about?”
“We do,” Angus said. He ploughed on even though Lucifer opened his mouth. “We’ve had reports from all the watchtowers. The humans are being overrun by aether demons.”
Annoyance fermented in Lucifer’s part of the bond. He didn’t enjoy being overruled. It made him clam up with resentment, even though I knew he had more insight to give. For some reason, I reached out and placed my hand on the top of his boot.
They are not worthy, I seemed to hear him say in my mind.
Really, I said. Do you think they are less worthy than the angels who should have had your back? I reminded him of that moment during the fight with Astaroth when the supernaturals had converged around him. Even though they would be no match for Astaroth, when it came down to it, they had chosen to protect him.
It was self-preservation, Lucifer reasoned.
Call it whatever you want, my lord.
He didn’t want to admit any kind of connection to the supernaturals. It still hadn’t clicked that he had protected Nanna and the supernaturals of House Hastings more than once. Or that he was protecting all of them now.
