Black Light: Possession, page 10
“Can I help you, pet?”
I yelped and spun around, colliding with the wall, hand on my chest trying to calm my racing heart at the disembodied voice. A shadow moved and Nathaniel stepped into the moonlight shining through the bathroom window. My exhausted body and mind chose that moment to expel all the shit I’d gone through over the last few months, and without warning I burst into tears.
“Fuck, Madeline, I’m sorry.”
I barely heard Nathaniel’s words over my sobs. Warm arms encircled me, pulling me close against his chest. I clutched his shirt like a lifeline, needing something to hold on to. I felt like I was drowning. Nathaniel shifted and his arms went beneath my thighs and then I was cradled against his chest, my arms wrapping around his neck while I bawled. There was a loud bang, like he’d kicked something. Then hinges creaked.
“Jesus, Nat, what did you do to her?”
“She was wandering the hall and I accidentally scared her when I was coming back from the kitchen. I didn’t mean to.” He sounded horrified.
“Come on, bring her in here.”
Nat carried me further into Joseph’s room and suddenly a light was turned on. Thankfully, my crying was easing off. I felt like an idiot. Even still I didn’t move away. I felt safe in the strong arms that continued holding me tight. Bed springs squeaked when Nat sat down on the mattress with me on his lap. I felt another set of hands petting my head and I knew it was Joseph. Their calming touch was soothing me like nothing else. I hiccupped one final half-sob and then took in a shuddering breath. I lifted my face from Nat’s neck and turned my head, resting it on his shoulder. My teary eyes met Joseph’s worried ones and I sent him a watery smile.
“I’m sorry I overreacted. I’m so stupid.”
“Don’t you dare talk to yourself that way,” Nathaniel’s command boomed through my chest. “This was my fault. I should have known better than to startle you like that, however unintentionally. I apologize.”
I merely nodded and scooted a little closer even though I was already practically plastered against him. He was just so warm. I didn’t want to leave his embrace. “I know this may sound silly, but can I sleep in here tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”
Joseph’s response was immediate. “Of course.”
Nathaniel stiffened slightly underneath me before standing up and laying me on top of the covers. “Here, I’ll get you all tucked in and I’ll see you two in the morning.”
I grabbed his hand, begging. “No. I need you too. Please don’t leave me.”
His expression softened and he palmed the back of my head, pressing his forehead to mine. “Don’t worry, pet. I’m here.”
I let out a relieved sigh.
“Come on, let’s get you settled.” This came from Joseph.
I shrugged out of my robe and handed it to Nathaniel. He carefully placed it on the chair and both men climbed into the bed, Joseph on my left and Nathaniel on my right. The light was turned off and the barest hint of moonlight filtered into the room. I rolled onto my side and curled up against Nathaniel who wrapped an arm around me. I reached back and found Joseph’s hand. I gave a sharp tug and felt him roll. His warmth was nestled against my back, and I was sandwiched between them. Everything was going to be all right now. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.
“Good morning.” I smiled sleepily at the man holding me tightly against him. I turned my head searching for his dark counterpart, but Nathaniel no longer occupied the bed. I pushed back the hurt and disappointment at his absence.
“Hello yourself, beautiful. How are you feeling this morning?”
I shifted. “Better than last night. I felt safe with you and Nathaniel.”
Joseph kissed my forehead. “I’m glad.”
I laid there quietly basking in this feeling of complete and utter awe that I was here, in this house, with these two men. I refused to acknowledge the circumstances, which brought me here. Instead, I was going to focus on the here and now. On my Dominants and how I planned on being the submissive they needed and wanted. Each day I was coming to realize more and more that maybe this wasn’t a dream or make-believe. That maybe this was something special. Something strong that would last longer than a brief moment in time.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Joseph glanced down sensing the hesitance with which I asked. “Of course. You can ask either of us anything you want.”
“When did you and Nathaniel start sharing women?” I snuggled closer to him avoiding eye contact, sighing a little when he brushed the hair off my forehead and stroked my face. My question didn’t come from a place of jealousy. I was genuinely curious about their dynamic.
“I think it was about three years ago. We tried dating women individually, but it always felt like something was missing from the relationship. Nat said the same thing. Like the ebb without the flow. Which, I know, sounds weird”—he gave a short, unabashed shrug—“but there’s a connection he and I have with a sub. It’s not sexual between the two of us. It’s just that a relationship doesn’t feel like it’s whole unless we’re both involved in it. Once we realized that, we stopped trying to find a woman for each of us and instead, concentrated our focus on finding the right woman for both of us.”
“I understand. Can I ask another question I’ve been a little curious about?”
Joseph tweaked my nose and smiled. “I already told you yes. There’s nothing we won’t tell you.”
I studied his expression. He was so earnest, so I forged ahead. “Why do you and Nathaniel live together? I mean, I know you’re best friends, but I would think you’d each have your own place.”
He nodded as if understanding my curiosity. “We used to live separately, but once we knew that only a ménage relationship would fulfill our wants and needs, it made sense to start making a home for when we found our partner. It works for us.”
The scent of coffee being brewed and bacon suddenly hit my nose and my stomach rumbled causing Joseph to laugh.
“Why don’t you head downstairs for some breakfast. I have a couple calls to make.”
He kissed me before I crawled out of the bed. I grabbed my robe off the chair and shrugged into it, belting it at the waist. Then I headed downstairs suddenly anxious to see Nathaniel.
Chapter 18
Nathaniel
I knew the second Madeline entered the kitchen. My body buzzed with her presence. I cast a glance over my shoulder. Fuck, she was beautiful.
She paused a second when she caught my eye. “Can I help you with anything?”
I waved her off and gestured for her to sit down at the table. “Thanks, but everything is ready. Have a seat.”
I plated the hot breakfast I’d made and walked over to where she sat sipping from one of the glasses of orange juice I’d already set out. I laid the plate down in front of her and smiled when she glanced up at me.
“Scrambled eggs and bacon are about the only things I know how to make that won’t kill you.” When I made to turn back to make my own plate, she laid her hand on my arm.
“I missed waking up to you this morning.”
I caught the hurt in her words. “I’m sorry. I had some work to take care of and I didn’t want to disturb your sleep. You looked so peaceful lying in bed.”
“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” The look in her eyes seemed to say that it had been a long time since someone had really taken care of her. It made me curious about the last Dom she’d been with. Even though she hadn’t confirmed he was one of the reasons she’d moved here, I knew it was true given the information she’d provided us at the beginning of this case.
I threaded my fingers through her hair and palmed the back of her head before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re an easy woman to take care of.”
Once my plate was full I returned to sit next to her. She took a few bites, but then pushed her food around on her plate.
“Food not to your liking?”
She jerked her head up and her eyes widened. “Oh no, I’m sorry. It’s delicious. I was just thinking.”
“Want to talk about it?” I set my fork down and looked at her with an expression I hope conveyed my genuine interest, because I really did want to know what was going on inside her head. Joseph was the patient and gentler one. Not that he was soft by any means, but he was better equipped to deal with… emotions. Emotions usually made me twitchy. But with Madeline, I was different. Or at least I wanted to be. I wanted to be the one she opened up to. To share her thoughts with. Her heart with.
When she hesitated, a single word spilled from my lips. A word I couldn’t remember the last time I spoke. “Please.”
“I was thinking about Vince actually.”
Ouch. I guess I should be careful what I ask for.
She must have sensed my hurt, because she rushed on. “Not like that. It’s just that when you said I was easy to take care of, it just reminded me of how hard Vince worked to take care of me and it always seemed like I was never satisfied, which makes me sound like such a selfish person. He did everything for me, was the perfect Dom, but it didn’t seem to ever be enough.”
“I don’t think you sound selfish. I think you tried everything to make your relationship with him work. Sometimes, though, no matter how hard you care or how hard you try, it just isn’t meant to happen. Some people are circles and some people are squares and no matter how hard you work to fit them together, it doesn’t match up. Circles have to find other circles and squares other squares.”
Madeline blinked and her tinkling laughter flitted through the room sounding like the sweetest song to my ears. “Really? That’s your analogy of why my relationship didn’t work with Vince? Because he’s a circle and I’m a square?”
“Actually, you’re not a square.”
“So I’m a circle.”
I reached for her hand and brought it up to my cheek. I turned my head and dropped a kiss into her palm. “You’re not a circle either.”
She swallowed and her voice was soft and questioning. “What am I then?”
“You’re a diamond. Flawless and perfect. Strong. Crafted and molded specifically for Joseph and me. Besides, you said it yourself. He couldn’t give you what you needed because he wasn’t us.”
Her eyes grew misty. Romance didn’t come easy for me and normally I’d feel awkward and insincere spouting crap like that, but in this case I meant every word. Joseph was right, Madeline was meant to be ours from the moment we saw her. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t known her. She possessed an inner spark that ignited every fuse inside us.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
“I’ve seen you in work mode. You’re… intense. Brusque. Terrifying at times. You give off this ‘I hate the world’ vibe. The only person who doesn’t walk on eggshells around you is Joseph. That first night at Black Light I saw the darkness inside you, and I just wondered what makes you so angry all the time.”
I was impressed by her insight. There was a darkness inside me, constantly trying to claw its way out. Joseph was closer to me than anyone. He was my brother. My family. The only one who could keep the monster on its leash. Until Madeline. She soothed the beast inside me. I knew my other colleagues thought I was an asshole, which was fine with me. I mean, I was an asshole, there was no denying it. The crazy thing was, no one had ever bothered to ask why. Except her and Joseph.
“Come with me.” I gently pulled her from her chair and led her into the living room. Once seated, I settled her onto my lap. She laid her head on my shoulder and rested her hand on my chest, right over my heart. I soaked in the comforting gesture. It wasn’t often I allowed anyone this close to me. Sex didn’t count. That was most often about fulfilling a physical need. This right here, this embrace, was about intimacy, and that superseded bodies coming together for pleasure by far. This was about connecting emotionally and mentally with our submissive. Our woman.
“My parents divorced when I was ten. Two years later my father remarried. For the first year of their marriage, everything was fine. Denise mostly ignored me and my dad let her. He half-heartedly tried to encourage her interest in getting to know me, but he mostly gave up when she didn’t put forth any effort. She wasn’t cruel, but she didn’t try hard to be nice. That was until my dad started traveling more often for work. Once a month he’d have to stay overnight in New York. Suddenly, she was making my favorite meals on the nights he was gone, letting me stay up past my bedtime, and asking me about my day. What we were studying in school. How I was doing in football practice. Then she started asking me if there was any girl I liked and if I had a girlfriend.”
I sensed a shift in Madeline’s posture and a change in her breathing. There was a new tension to her. I ignored it and continued speaking, my eyes unfocused on anything in front of me.
“My mom wasn’t really in the picture so I soaked up the attention Denise was finally starting to show me. It was three months after my fourteenth birthday the first time it happened. I’d gone to bed around eleven and I was just about asleep when there was a light knock on the door. She came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.”
Madeline raised her head and my gaze darted quickly to her face. I could see the dawning horror in her eyes. The pain. Pain for me. She pressed her finger against my lips trying to halt my words.
“Nathaniel, you don’t have to.”
I kissed her fingertip before placing her hand back on my chest and covering it with mine. “It went on for almost a year. During that entire time I felt powerless. I didn’t tell a single soul, not even my best friend. One night my dad came home unexpectedly after his business trip had been cut short. Denise started crying some sob story about how it was me who’d initiated the entire affair. I denied it, of course, but my father didn’t believe me. He threw my clothes in a bag and tossed it outside onto the front yard, screaming at me to get out of his house. I knew nothing would change his mind, so I got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. A year later my father tracked me down, begging me to forgive him. Apparently he’d discovered Denise attempting to seduce a neighbor kid and realized how wrong he’d been.”
“Did you?” Madeline asked softly. “Forgive him, I mean?”
My voice was steely. “I punched him in the face, breaking his nose. Then I told him to go to hell. That was the last time I ever saw him. Shortly after that I went to college and got my Bachelor’s and Master’s in criminology. When I graduated, I went to work for the state corrections system before deciding I wanted to join the FBI. I wanted to be the kind of person who helped victims. It wasn’t long before I grew jaded and cynical, mostly at the system. The injustices I’ve seen in my lifetime would haunt your dreams. Hell, sometimes they haunt mine.”
Madeline caressed my cheek. “Have you had counseling? That’s some heavy stuff to deal with. It really does help to have someone to talk to. I’m not just saying that because of my job either.”
I shrugged. “I passed the psych eval. That’s all I care about. Honestly, I enjoy the darkness inside. It’s been a part of me so long, it’s like a long-lost friend. I’d be an entirely different person without it.”
Her lips drew down into a frown and I knew she wanted to say more on the topic, but she resisted. Instead she asked a different question. “How did Joseph make his way past your defenses?”
“With my charming wit and personality.”
I merely chuckled while Madeline whipped her head around with a startled noise at Joseph’s interruption.
“You scared the crap out of me,” she scolded him.
He smiled a little too innocently as he strode into the room and set his computer bag on the floor next to the coffee table. Then he collapsed, exhaustion evident in his entire body, into the recliner next to the couch where Madeline and I were sitting.
“Sounds like I walked in on a deep and interesting conversation. You’re wanting to know how I weaseled my way into this a-hole’s life? Pure determination I tell you. Our friend Nathaniel here was the meanest, most ornery motherfucker I’d ever met. Imagine my horror when we were assigned to work on a case together. He made my life hell, I tell you.” Joseph let out an exaggerated sigh of despair.
“You were a wet-behind-the-ears rookie I got stuck with. I was the one who was dying. Slowly and painfully. You were like this goofy puppy who excitedly pissed everywhere. Annoying little shit.”
He flipped me off. “I was annoying right up until the moment you got shot.”
Madeline gasped, her eyes tracking my chest searching for a bullet hole.
“Back shot. We were making an arrest on a member of the Gambino family when the man’s wife pulled out a damn gun. I remember the sound of gunfire followed by excruciating pain and hearing Joseph yelling my name, but after that, it’s all a blur. This time I truly was dying slowly and painfully. Next thing I know, I’m waking up in a hospital room with tubes and wires coming out of my entire body and this guy”—I jerked my chin in Joseph’s direction—“asleep in the recliner on the other side of the room.”
“We’ve been best friends ever since.” Joseph replied smugly. “Probably because I’m the only one who puts up with his crabby ass.”
Chapter 19
Madeline
I loved watching the banter between the two of them. There was so much brotherly love and trust there. In the back of my mind, I’d been waiting for signs of jealousy or hints that a ménage relationship wasn’t really what they wanted. But seeing their ease with each other and how they treated me made me realize that this was real. Nathaniel was right. Vince and I just hadn’t fit together. There wasn’t anything wrong with either of us. It was just that the pieces of us that were needed to feel whole didn’t match up. I wasn’t the right sub for Vince and he wasn’t the right Dom for me. Instead of feeling sad about it, I was actually happy, because it led me to Joseph and Nathaniel. I’d fallen hard for them.
