Punk Love, page 8
One day, Alex and I were on his bed, kissing until our mouths went numb, when he said, “We have a gig next month. Wanna come?”
“I mean, sure.” I played it cool, throwing a party from within. This was finally happening. A month and a half ago, during the picnic, I was still somewhat of an outsider. But now we were an actual couple. Things were different.
“Cool,” Alex said.
“Cool.”
“We’re going to warm up that German band,” he said.
“I know. Big deal, right?”
“Kind of.”
“Who knows where it’ll lead? Maybe a scout will discover you and make you big.”
“Fat chance,” Alex said, but he was smiling now.
“Still want to be a dentist?” I elbowed him with a wink. That German band, which shall not be named, was all the rage, and from what I’d heard, they were making good money, too.
He chuckled. “You’re a rascal.”
“You know it.”
On the day of their gig, Alex, Tom, Ryan, and Daniel had a huge fight.
Alex wouldn’t tell me what it was about, but Ryan was in a foul mood at school, and when I cut the last few classes so I could get dolled up for the gig (it’s called priorities, okay?), Ryan tailed me in his car while I walked home.
Yeah, he started coming to school with his car now. Probably because he had to drive to the town where Alex lived for rehearsals right after school every day.
“Hey,” he called out from behind his partially rolled-up window. I continued walking. I really didn’t want him to double park in the middle of the street and start talking to me, blocking everyone’s way. Ryan didn’t have the best reputation at school. People saw him as a bit of a prickly loner, and a stuck-up one at that. He was the kind of guy to make fun of the cheerleaders out loud, and be unnecessarily mean. But I learned many moons ago to make my own mind up about each person I meet. Too much fake news going around.
“What’s up?” I asked, my voice low, my head hanging down. I was still suffering from guilt over dating Alex, even though I had never, ever shown Ryan a sliver of interest.
“Your boyfriend is an asshole, you know?” He threw the words at me.
I sighed heavily. “Please don’t put me in the middle of this.”
“Why not?” he asked. “He wants to kick me out of the band, and you’re the only person who could probably talk him out of it.”
“Why?” I forced myself to ask, even though it wasn’t my problem. There was nothing I could do about it. This was inner circle shit I was not a part of. Besides, it was a high school band. It wasn’t like anyone was planning on making any money out of it. So what if they were going to warm up this German band? Alex wanted to move to the other side of the world to become a dentist, Tom was almost definitely taking over his family’s business, and I had a feeling Daniel was just waiting for everyone to stop making him come to rehearsals so he could finally dedicate himself to his true calling—smoking weed twenty-one hours a day while watching Family Guy reruns.
“No fucking reason whatsoever.” Ryan was still following me in his car. “He just…he just flipped on me!”
“That doesn’t sound like Alex.” I scrunched my nose, suspicious.
For all his faults, Alex was a pragmatic person. He wasn’t exactly known for his irrational decisions. Everything about him was calculated and thought-through.
Ryan snorted. “You would say that. He’s your boyfriend.”
“If you’re not going to tell me what happened, he will.” I stopped in front of his car. He killed the engine and groaned, closing his eyes.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I can’t help you,” I said softly. “I don’t have that kind of pull with Alex. Even if I did, you cannot expect me to ask him for shit when I don’t even know the story.”
The truth was, I didn’t know if I had that kind of power with Alex or not, because I’d yet to test my boundaries with him. Whatever I asked for during our relationship was well within the normal things girlfriends asked their boyfriends for—to choose the movies we’d watched, where I wanted us to eat, the odd favor here and there.
Of course, there was a nagging, tingly itch in my stomach. Something that dared me to see how far Alex would go for me. I knew he loathed Ryan. He thought he was a stuck-up, righteous guy who had his nose stuck in everyone else’s business, and above all, he really disliked him for rooting for us to break up. And—and this was solely my suspicion—for bringing Ainsley along all those months ago to seduce him days before we first went on our date.
Ryan shook his head. “You’re so brainwashed by him.”
“What?” I lifted an eyebrow up. “How?”
“Never mind,” he said. A line of cars formed behind him. People were honking, dangling their fists out their windows. Most of them went to school with us. I wanted to kill Ryan for doing this somewhere public.
“You’re an idiot for dating him, and Lara? You’re about to get yours,” he seethed, driving away, leaving me in a cloud of urban exhaust dust.
That night, I showed up to the gig armed with fantastically combed hair, perfect makeup, and a leopard mini dress and ripped fishnet leggings (did someone say Peggy Bundy’s spirit animal?).
When Alex picked me up, he perked up as soon as I entered his car. He swung his head back, giving me an appreciative once-over peppered with a smirk.
“Well, fuck.”
“You like?” I batted my eyelashes, pretending like it hadn’t taken me five hours to make this look happen.
“Nope. I fucking love.”
It was the first time he said the word in my vicinity, and even though it was the general look he said he loved—not me as a human—butterflies still swarmed all over my tummy.
On our way to the venue, I tried to ask him about his fight with Ryan, but he caged in on me, and basically told me not to worry about it.
When we got to the club, Alex dashed off to start setting up everything with the band. I texted Jadie to find out where she was and we met out front by the black double doors of the place. She looked, as always, like she’d just walked out of a Vogue issue.
And next to Jadie was the bane of my existence, the woman who reminded me my boyfriend had a sex life before me—Ainsley.
Jadie flung her arms over my shoulders and squeezed me to her chest.
“So good to see you, Lara.”
“Same. You look amazing, J.” I smiled warmly at her, before turning to Ainsley. “Hi.”
Ainsley threw me a vicious smile.
“She’s dating Daniel now,” Jadie hurried to say, by way of explanation, throwing her thumb in Ainsley’s direction. “So I expect her to be on her best behavior. With Alex, anyway.” Another awkward chuckle.
“Cool,” I said, a little put off by Ainsley being in proximity to Alex again. Daniel wouldn’t care if Ainsley cheated on him with an entire marching band. I very much doubted he knew her full name. He wasn’t just chill, he was…I don’t know, borderline dead?
“We’re fucking happy together,” Ainsley said, overly aggressive about it. My eyebrows shot up.
“Good for you.”
Watching Alex play in a room full of people was exhilarating. I was so proud. He was so good. I mean, I always knew he was good, because we spent hours in his basement, him practicing, me watching him and wondering when I’d have the guts to sleep with him. But their songs were actually fantastic. The lyrics. The pace. Everything was on point.
Ryan looked like he was about to die on that stage. So solemn, so disconnected from the rest of the band, I thought it was pretty obvious he was the odd one out.
Jadie, Ainsley, a few others, and I were standing to the side of the stage, away from the clusters of sweaty people in the mosh pit. There were a lot of people in the mosh pit. Including, at one point, Tom himself, who crowd-surfed à la Iggy Pop.
By the time the German band got up on the stage, I smelled of cigarettes and lukewarm beer and other people’s BO. One of the bouncers opened the back door for the “girlfriends” to join the band.
Jadie ran and flung herself into Tom’s arms and kissed him hard. A pang of jealousy sliced me. Not because I wanted Tom to myself, no. Or because Jadie was literally prettier than a Victoria’s Secret model. But because they had it all figured out. Tom was going to stay here, and Jadie was going to stay here, and there were no obstacles in their future. They wanted the same things. The path was clear for them.
Ainsley swaggered toward Alex, not Daniel, passing by her so-called boyfriend and placing a hand on my boyfriend’s chest.
“You looked good out there.” She winked.
“Eat a bag of dicks, Ains,” Alex greeted not-so politely, shoving her hand away. He turned around, searching for me. When he saw me, he broke into a goofy, boyish smile. I walked over to him. He scooped me up in a hug, kissing my mouth urgently.
“How’d we do?” he asked, putting me back on the floor gently.
“Amazing,” I groaned into another kiss. “You just became hotter. And I didn’t think it was possible.”
“Barf,” I heard a voice behind me.
Alex and I both turned around to see Ryan standing there, arms crossed over his chest, glaring daggers at Alex.
Tom immediately stood up from the couch, ready to dismantle the situation, and Daniel followed.
“Hey,” Tom said, “we’re going to have to take a deep breath here, okay?”
Alex shook his head, resolute.
“I’m not playing with him again. I said what I fucking said. You either find a new bass player or a new drummer. If it’s the latter, find a fucking place to practice, too.”
Tom groaned, but to my amazement, he wasn’t arguing with Alex on that point.
“I told you, Al, we need to find a replacement first.”
“And I agreed,” Alex said coldly. “No rehearsals until he’s replaced, though.”
Ryan made a move toward Alex, and Alex did the same. I slipped between them, raising my hands. “Whoa,” I hissed, the adrenaline coursing through my veins thickly. “Okay, let’s dial it down a notch. Anyone care to explain what happened here?”
“Yeah.” Ryan flashed his teeth to Alex, seething, “Wanna explain what happened, Alex?”
Alex stilled. His cheekbones turned pink. What the heck?
“No,” Alex said solemnly.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
What was he hiding?
What on earth was he hiding?
“Alex.” I turned toward him. My voice sounded stunned and hurt, even to my own ears, and I hated that Ainsley was watching this. Was he cheating on me? How much did I really know about his life at school? I knew where he was every single minute of the day outside of school, but for all I was aware, he could have been having sex with other girls left and right on school grounds.
Alex looked away from me.
“Look at me,” I hissed, stinging everywhere.
Oh, shit. I couldn’t believe it. The pain was too much. Too much to breathe. Too much to think. I wanted to… I didn’t even know what I wanted to do.
Run away? Lash out? Cry? All three.
Alex turned around and gave me a look that could freeze the sun.
“I said it’s nothing,” he snapped.
“Are you cheating on me?” I demanded, shouting now.
Everything stopped. Everyone ceased talking. Alex’s face morphed from annoyed and pissed to…what was it? What the hell was it? Shock?
“You are asking if I’m cheating on you?” he asked slowly, like I was an idiot.
I nodded, mortified and nauseous. From my periphery, I could see Ainsley was having the time of her life. She was leaning against Daniel’s shoulder with a smile, playing with her stupid, colorful, beautiful hair, watching the whole thing.
“No,” Alex said, steely. “Ryan said you were messing around with someone else.”
“What?!” I spluttered, so taken aback I literally stumbled backward from the impact of this bullshit. “Me? Messing around on you?”
Alex squared his shoulders, looking defensive all of a sudden.
“Flirting,” he amended. “Heavily flirting.”
I threw my head back and laughed. Firstly, with relief, because he wasn’t cheating on me after all. Then, with glee, because he looked jealous, but apparently, not jealous enough to confront me about it himself. Then finally, with shock, because this was complete and utter horse crap.
“Who am I flirting with?” I shot daggers at Ryan, who now had the courtesy to look embarrassed. He was beetroot red, staring at his sneakers, wanting to disappear. Good. This was a blatant lie and he knew it. He knew better than anyone else here I was not a flirt, and never had been.
“With…with Adam.”
“Adam?” I echoed. I didn’t know an Adam.
“Adam Greene.”
“Adam Greene,” I repeated blankly, tasting the name on my tongue.
Oh. Right. Adam Greene was on the basketball team. A junior. Nice guy. Painfully shy. Our mothers took fitness classes together at the local country club and were friends, so his dad sometimes picked me up when he taught him how to drive. Mr. Greene took both of us to empty parking lots to practice. This compelled me to talk to Adam at least once a day if I saw him at school. But Adam and I were not flirty with each other, and there was no way Ryan didn’t know that.
For one thing, I wasn’t a flirty person, full stop. It just wasn’t my thing.
For another, I was ninety-nine percent sure one of the reasons handsome, athletic, brilliant Adam was so shy was because he was struggling with his sexual identity and was unsure how to tell his parents.
So. Yeah. No way.
“You know I’m not flirting with Adam! He is a family friend,” I cried out. “We small talk. Mostly about how much it sucks to have parents who have barely any time to teach us how to drive. How the hell did you reach that conclusion?”
But it was a moot point, and a totally unnecessary question. Ryan couldn’t have believed the vicious rumor he had started. Ryan reached that conclusion because he wanted to reach it. He made up a narrative, and I wasn’t going to stand in his way. He was a liar, and if I was being honest, deserved to get kicked out of the band.
“Don’t pretend like a day passes without you giving him attention,” Ryan muttered. “You’re always around him, all over him. You rush to him first thing when you see him. It’s blatant, and pathetic.”
“He never sits with anyone!” I roared in frustration, throwing my arms in the air. “You’re such a liar. You know Adam and I are just friends.”
“It’s fine,” Alex said quietly. “I believe you. Which was why I didn’t ask you about it. But I don’t want to work with him anymore.” He tilted his head toward Ryan. “He’s a snake.”
“Well, tough luck, because I’m staying. You should want me to.” Ryan laughed. “So I could tell you when Adam finally gets lucky and fu—”
Ryan did not, in fact, get to finish this sentence.
Alex punched him square in the nose.
Ryan staggered, hitting the couch and falling on top of it, holding his nose. There was blood. So much blood. It was the first time I witnessed someone getting punched like that. Weirdly enough, everyone kind of stood there, almost loitering, staring at the scene quietly, no one making a move either way.
Alex walked over to Ryan. He was seething, buzzing with energy I had never seen on him before. He wore it like a crown. A formidable, quiet rage.
He stared down at Ryan.
“You’re out of the band. And you’re out of my life. Spread one more rumor about my girlfriend and I’ll make sure your nose is the least of your worries, asshole.”
I learned a very important lesson after what happened with Ryan.
It was a good lesson to learn, especially at that age.
You cannot strong-arm people into doing things. Even if those things were something as simple as not spreading lies to make themselves look better.
Was I a perfect friend to Ryan? No. Absolutely not.
Was I cheater, a flirt, a girl who was out for attention? Also no.
The truth is always in-between, in the gray area. Most ordinary people are not completely good, or completely bad. They’re just…people.
Two weeks after that gig, after it was all done and dealt with, after Ryan got the royal boot from the band, and had been gone from school for three consecutive days, I walked through the school gates.
Paulina greeted me at the entrance, shoving me back with all her might, her face pale with panic.
“No. You can’t go in there. Come with me.” She grabbed my arm and dragged me to a coffee shop across the street. I stumbled all over my feet, trying to catch her brisk steps—and my breath.
“What’s going on?” I asked sleepily. I tried filing through the different reasons for me to get in trouble, and came up empty-handed. For all my need to look rebellious and edgy, I was about as risqué as extra-soft tissue paper. There was that one time a hottie senior jock set the gymnasium on fire and I witnessed the whole thing and kept my mouth shut, but that happened when I was a freshman. He no longer went to this school, and besides all that, half the freaking school basically saw him do it. What else could I get in trouble for?
“You’re in deep shit, missy. Like, knee-deep.” Paulina flung her blonde hair to one shoulder. She did not mince words, that one.
Pauly planted my ass on a seat outside the coffee shop, went inside, got us two iced coffees, and shoved one in my hand.
“Drink. You’re going to need liquid courage to get into school after I’m done filling you in.”
“I think liquid courage is more, like, alcohol and stuff.” I sucked on my straw noisily, fighting my gag reflex. Oat milk always tasted funky to me, but it tasted especially funky in iced coffee. “What’s happening? Why are you so upset? I’m about to be late for econ, FYI.”
