Borderliners, page 21
Vince leaned over and took hold of my shoulders. ‘Someone broke in here? Do the police know?’
I stared, but he did not remove his hands. ‘I don’t really do police, Vince. I can look after myself. Don’t forget, in this case, there was no evidence of a break in and the only item missing was not something which belonged to me anyway, something I had, myself, stolen.’
He expelled breath through his teeth, sliding one of his hands up to clutch the back of my head.
‘I feel like I need to shake you, Elena. What do you mean there was no evidence of a break in?’
‘I mean just that. I suspect they may have a key.’
‘They?’
I flinched slightly. ‘I think you know who I mean.’
He let go.
‘That’s it. I’ve had enough of this. We have to get them out of the village,’ he said. ‘It’s late and you’re tired. Much as I’d like to stay…’ His eyes glinted behind a couple of thick strands of hair which had fallen forwards. ‘I’m gong to insist you go straight to bed. Don’t talk to anyone and don’t answer the phone. Above all, don’t go on any more of your walkabouts. I’ll be back tomorrow with a plan.’
He got up and I followed him to the door. I felt woozy and my head was beginning to ache. We stood at the door briefly before I opened it, and he took my face in his hands.
‘You have to take better care of yourself, Elena. Please.’
Then he turned on his heel and was gone.
Chapter 30
Click, click, buzz, the phone rang quietly, so quietly my heartbeat overpowered the sound as it purred in the distance. I let it ring for much longer than I could normally bear. Finally, a louder click and a voice came on the line, sharp and suspicious.
‘Yes?’
‘Kate? It’s Dr Lewis. I wondered if there was any update on Linda.’
‘Hello Dr Lewis,’ Kate replied, her voice softening a little. ‘She’s in hospital, she’s stable now, but other than that, there’s no news.’
‘I wanted you to know something,’ I said, lips suddenly parched and dry. ‘I think there may be a connection between Linda and some other patients of mine.’
For a moment I thought the line had dropped, or Kate had put the phone down on me, but then the voice replied, assuming its biting tone once more.
‘Why would you think that?’
‘I’m sorry, Kate. I’ve had some other patients in a similar position to Linda recently, and there is something which connects them all. It probably isn’t relevant. I can’t tell you who the other patients were. Are, I mean.’ I coughed, ‘but it might be.’
‘Look, Dr Lewis, my sister is very ill. We need to get her better. She came to you for therapy and it made her worse rather than better. So thanks, but no thanks for the meddling.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Not as much as I am. Now maybe you could get off the phone line. I need to keep it open in case Linda wants to ring me.’
‘Please, Kate. I’d like to help. Is there anything I can do?’ I persisted.
‘Why do you want to help us? What have you got to do with it?’ Kate replied.
I hung up and sat looking at the phone. I was shaking, my body awash with remorse as I saw myself through Kate’s eyes: nosy, interfering. But not only that, I saw someone who had not halted the chain of events taking place inside Linda’s mind. I hoped one day soon, Kate would be the bearer of good news, but I felt there was unlikely to be any. Still, hope springs eternal, I thought.
Frost coated the landscape outside. My hands, already chapped and frozen were curled into the sleeves of my tracksuit top as I picked up speed to banish the cold. Ears tingling, headphones on, I filled my senses with running beats to drown everything else out. As my heartbeat rose I struggled with my breathing to regulate it and allow my body to run on auto pilot whilst I took the time to think and meditate. Julia’s face floated around in my mind’s eye as I ran across hardened, once-muddy ground. The Tarot cards swam in next, the echo of their real-life counterparts all the more vivid as they took shape in my mind.
On the road home I met no-one, the sharp frost having delayed the day and banished many to the safe insides of their houses. When I passed Julia and Iain’s house their car was missing from its usual position at the front and the place looked shut up and empty. After getting back inside, I did fifteen minutes of yoga to steady my mind, before quickly showering and changing, firm in my resolve to visit Linda in hospital. I could guess which hospital she had been taken to and I would get access to her somehow.
Remembering my mobile phone was broken, I picked up my handbag and left the house, phoneless. I wondered if I should have told Vince of my plans, but shook myself at the thought. I was an independent woman, and a professional – if I wanted to check on a patient who was ill, why wouldn’t I? I really needed to see how she was for myself.
The hospital didn’t have a great reputation, and as I walked through the double doors leading to the psychiatric ward at the end of the corridor, I couldn’t suppress my revulsion at the place. It was dirty and soulless. God forbid one day I would finish up in such a place. I buzzed my way onto the ward and with my fingers crossed behind my back, I introduced myself. Just as I was doing so, I noticed a nurse on the other side of the nurses’ station rubbing Linda’s name out on a whiteboard above her head. As her colleague tapped on the computer keyboard I knew what she was going to say, and braced myself.
‘Linda Mason discharged herself earlier today.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m talking English, aren’t I?’
‘Sorry, I mean, when and why?’
‘Can’t tell you that. You’re not family.’
‘I’m her psychotherapist,’ I said, wondering if it would work.
‘Yes, I know who you are. I’ve seen your name before. But we’ve been told you’re not treating her anymore?’
‘Look, I’m also a friend and I have good reason to believe she shouldn’t have been discharged so early.’
‘I agree, but we can’t stop people unless they’ve been sectioned. She hasn’t been.’
I sighed, heavily. ‘No?’
‘No,’ she confirmed.
What was it with some of the consultant psychiatrists in these places? Sometimes I really wondered.
‘Any idea where she went? Home to family?’
‘No idea, sorry.’ She picked up a ringing phone receiver in front of her, leaving me standing at the desk.
As I left the hospital, I noticed Julia on the other side of the car park. I slunk in behind an off-roader and watched her as she entered the hospital. Checking my watch, I waited another ten minutes before clocking her exit, this time rushed and agitated. My heart leapt as I considered the implications. I had no idea how to contact Linda if I was correct in my assumptions, I just hoped she’d had time to get right away.
I waited for Julia to drive away from the hospital car park before starting up my own car and making slower progress back to the village, where my practice was awaiting me.
At lunch time, I went back to my house. Opening up my laptop, a new email sat waiting in my inbox:
Elena, what are you doing? I thought I told you to stay home and keep out of trouble.’
I wrote back.
Vince, I have to work. To do otherwise would be foolish. In the meantime, Linda has been discharged. Can you help me find out where she might be?
I drove back to the surgery for my afternoon patient list, beleaguered by hailstone which hurled themselves at my windscreen and the thought that there was still no sign of Tony anywhere.
Chapter 31
That evening a storm raged. Trees shed leaves which whirled round as if they were unable to find a place to fall and the wind howled as if it foresaw the pain it would inflict all around. The temperature had risen a bit, so after my afternoon surgery had finished I’d taken myself off for a long walk, letting myself in through the back gate when I returned. For a while I just sat on the bench in my back garden looking up at the sky, staying like that long after the heavens opened and the rain soaked into my clothes, plastering my hair to my face, shoulders and the back of my neck. I kicked my shoes off and let my bare feet dangle off the edge of the bench onto the ground. As the storm progressed and the torrent showed no sign of abating, I planted my feet into the soft earth beneath me, so that the mud squelched between my toes.
Lightning struck somewhere on the horizon, flashing across the sky like a jagged stab wound. Increasing in intensity and volume, thunder crashed and reverberated off the buildings and trees all around. My tears mixed with droplets from the sky and I couldn’t tell how long I’d been sitting there, considering what I had to do. Demons danced around in the shape of wild trees and shrubs which were being pulled this way and that by the wind. If there was a time when you had to decide something, it may as well be this, I thought. For a while longer, I just sat there and let it all wash over me: the village and its inhabitants, the bottomless pit of solitude I now found myself in, the lust and greed, the need for power and gratification.
My heart was weary, so I slept.
I can only have been out for a few minutes, but when I woke up I felt as if I had fallen into a deep, black pit and dropped out of the world for a brief period. I got up feeling entranced, dragged along by instinct which pushed me back into the house, dripping wet and cold. I walked through the living room to the dining room where I greeted the sideboard like an old friend, running my wet hands along the wood before resting them on the lock.
I paused before crawling across to the piano and pushing my right hand underneath its heavy, wheeled base. Dust had gathered on the laminate flooring beneath, causing me to cough as I groped about. Eventually my hand closed on a small metal object which I pulled out. Returning to the sideboard, I inserted the key in its lock and opened the door to reveal, not cutlery, glasses or plates, but files. I pulled out a black file box labelled ‘Patients’ records’ – the title itself a red herring – and straightened up to put the box on my knee. Checking its contents quickly, I nodded and got up to march straight to the front door with the box under my arm. I was making for Julia and Iain’s evening prayer group, instinct telling me they’d be there.
In the meeting hall Julia was standing at the front of a small congregation. Motionless, her arms were raised, her eyes closed and her face lifted. From my position at the back by the door, I could guess at the drill. The assembled group bent their heads downwards and I imagined them peering into the darkness of their own private universes as they waited for Julia to begin speaking.
In a low but clear voice, she began: ‘We are mere mortals. We know that many of us in our community are sick and infirm but we are not the Healer. That is a divine right.’ She paused, opened her eyes and looked straight over at the back of the assembled crowd, where I was standing, before continuing. ‘We don’t know why so many of our brothers and sisters of the village have died before their time over the years, but we do know this: that we must have a genuine desire to be at one with the divine forces of the world. Many of our kin did not.’
In the silence that ensued, Julia remained with her eyes closed, face aloft and hands outstretched. This was the moment and I plunged straight in, my voice bouncing off the walls and my eyes reflecting the faces of surprise which greeted me, their communal shock rising to greet me like a tidal wave.
The silence tensed.
‘Julia,’ I said. ‘You say that only the divine can heal, but frankly, that’s irresponsible. But let’s say you’re right. What happened to your so-called brothers and sisters wasn’t due to a lack of healing. Instead, they were pushed over the edge by something else. Take Linda, for example,’ I looked round to see that all the people around me now had their eyes open. Most of them were looking at Julia. ‘Linda is very unwell.’
Julia stared over. Iain had come down from the pulpit to join her and they stood shoulder to shoulder, at the front of their congregation who stared unblinkingly over at them like rabbits in headlights.
‘Today, fate brought you to this community, Elena,’ Julia replied, and the people collectively let out a breath and a great sigh rippled around the room.
‘I have no interest in joining this community.’
There was a pause in which Iain stroked his top lip and a woman at the back dropped her umbrella. Weak sunlight filtered through the modest windows, and the whole set up seemed fake, second rate, nothing like the grand, stain-glassed, Gothic churches of my childhood.
‘I call on the Spirit to call out your demons!’ Julia cried and threw herself to the floor babbling, sobbing and wailing, grasping at her chest as she did so. Iain threw himself down shortly afterwards, as did several members of the congregation, until soon the whole room was alive with writhing form and motion. Once the tension in the room had reached fever pitch, Julia ran over to me and grasped at my dress, which I wrenched back from her.
‘She colludes with demons!’ A breath in, and she continued whilst the collective babble dimmed to a mutter. ‘She will not send them to us! She thinks she can heal them alone! Little does she know. Little does she understand. For we cannot exist without each other, we cannot be healed without the holistic therapy of our Charismatic Community!’
I looked around, aghast. Why had I come here alone? The still faces of the villagers watched, waiting to see what my next move would be. I opened my mouth to say something, but stopped as the door swung open to reveal Vince and Emma, followed by Paul, Giles and several other members of the village council. As people stole looks towards the commotion at the entrance, the room came alive with rustling, small coughs and whispers as they took advantage of the break in the tension. Julia had her hands on her hips and was staring across at the group who were now standing, arms crossed, by the door, assessing their options.
‘What do you want, Vince?’ asked Julia in a hushed tone which intimidated the congregation into complete silence once more. ‘If you’re here to make trouble, you aren’t welcome here.’ She glared at Emma who wore a wide smile, unperturbed by the threatening tone.
‘Well, it’s not a social call, I’ll give you that,’ retorted Vince, moving in to the centre of the hall whilst Emma stayed by the door with the other council members. ‘You might think you own this village and all the people in it,’ he gestured around him. ‘But there are those of us who have been here longer than you. And we don’t buy this. Any of it.’
He turned to speak directly to the congregation, but Julia had shut her eyes and had begun to pray again, wailing in a relentless monotone with her face thrown back and her palms facing upwards. Vince raised his voice above the din. ‘I know what’s going on here, and if you think about it, so do most of you.’ He paused to take a quick look around. ‘Let’s not pretend. Nobody talks about it but you all know about the people who have taken their own lives, don’t you?’
Several sets of eyes bounced from Vince to Julia to Iain and then back to Vince again. ‘Anyone here suffering from depression, feeling down or lonely? Or worse? Maybe you got on the wrong side of her?’ He turned to stare at Julia. ‘Maybe you refused to pay into her community fund or did something she didn’t like? Or you committed the cardinal sin of talking to outsiders. I don’t like the New Age shop any more than any of you, but I wouldn’t actively stop anyone from going there. But she does, doesn’t she? She stops you from talking to people she thinks are a bad influence, keeps you from mixing with people who won’t join the community. Do you know why? Because she wants to keep you under her control.’ He paused to look around the room before lowering his voice to a growl. ‘And the more people she has under her control, the more of this-’ He raised his hand and rubbed his forefinger and thumb together, ‘-she has. And she likes the power too.’ He turned to look at Iain, raising his voice once more. ‘In fact, they both love the power. Don’t you mate?’
He scanned the room again. Iain was on the move, striding round from the front of the assembled group to Vince’s position at the back. He put his hand on Vince’s arm. ‘Look. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’
Vince threw him a look of disdain. ‘Not until you hear me out. And if you know what’s good for you, you will.’ He shook Iain off and raised his voice to block out the sound of Julia’s low key, insistent chanting. ‘Dr Lewis has been having trouble for some time. Your leaders here certainly know how to make a person’s life difficult. And there’s nobody whose life they want to make a misery more than someone who could potentially expose them for the charlatans that they are.’ He looked at Iain and then at Julia, who had finally stopped chanting to stare over at him with renewed vigour.
‘Yes, that’s right. You heard right. You are nothing but a bunch of charlatans. You prey on people who are vulnerable, who are unwell. I don’t like what goes on here but until recently I thought anybody stupid enough to buy the rubbish you peddle got what was coming to them. But now? Now you are causing irreversible damage to the entire village. People committing suicide? Strange rituals in the woods? Oh yes, don’t worry, we all know about your little secrets! But you’re getting greedy now aren’t you. Over half the village inhabitants must be members - how much money does that earn you, I wonder? I bet it’s a pretty penny. But the way you’re going, soon there’ll be nothing left of this village. People who have no money will have even less. Others will fall ill. These people don’t have your best interests at heart, they don’t care about you.’ Vince was looking directly at Julia now. A couple of women in the middle of the room had sat back down on their chairs. Another was crying quietly whilst the woman next to her had put on her coat and was pulling her towards the door.
‘You are upsetting my people,’ replied Julia, her voice hard and her eyes glinting. ‘As is she,’ she said, pointing at me. ‘You are merely envious of my community, of the joy we spread. All you can do is drag people from the path! That is not your right and you will surely be punished for this.’
