The Dance Tree, page 1
Dedication
For Katie and Daisy, who held hope for us when it was too heavy to carry alone.
Epigraph
Their fragile bodies are like the strongest gusts of wind, and the paths of creation, innumerable as they are, tell us that nothing and nobody is expendable.
FROM
The Beehive Metaphor
BY JUAN ANTONIO RAMÍREZ
Sometimes the body experiences a revelation because it has abandoned every other possibility.
FROM
Fugitive Pieces
BY ANNE MICHAELS
When I saw this spectacle, I wanted to live for
A moment for a moment. However inelegant it was,
It was what it might have been to be alive, but tenderly.
One thing. One thing. One thing:
Tell me there is
A meadow, afterward.
FROM
“A Meadow”
BY LUCIE BROCK-BROIDO
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
None Dancing
One
Two
Three
Four
One Dancing
Five
Six
Forty-Seven Dancing
Seven
Eight
Nine
One Hundred and Sixty-Three Dancing
Ten
Eleven
Two Hundred and Twenty-Nine Dancing
Twelve
Thirteen
Three Hundred and Fifteen Dancing
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Five Hundred and Eighty-Seven Dancing
Nineteen
Twenty
None Dancing
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
A Note from the Cover Designer
About the Author
Also by Kiran Millwood Hargrave
Copyright
About the Publisher
Strasbourg, 1518
None Dancing
She heard there was bread in the square. It’s possible it’s a lie, or that the loaves are so blighted as to be inedible, but Frau Troffea doesn’t care. The hope is nourishing as anything she’s had in her throat these past months. She went mushroom-picking with the others, laid traps to skin hares in the forests like Gyptians. Nothing. Even the animals are starved out after the Hungry Winter, this scorched summer. She brought home an un-nested bird and cooked it right on the ashes of their fire, chewed through its soft, shattering bones, chafing her gums until her mouth filled with iron and salt.
Her husband doesn’t know how she suffers, has never seemed to know hunger. He grows sinewy, muscles like ropes wrapping his arms. But she has it inside her like a child, and it grows and sucks and swells her belly, until she cramps with carrying the full weight of its gnawing emptiness.
She has started chewing off-cuts of leather. She has started sucking the ends of her hair, and contemplating the stray dogs with new attention. She has started seeing white lights hang before her in the air. Lately she can stir them about with her finger.
But Frau Troffea has not yet lost her mind, and as she stumbles through her city, she comes up with a plan. If the bread is burnt, she can soak it in the river until it softens. If it is rotted, perhaps others will have left it. If there is not bread, or if it is all gone, she can fill her pockets with stones and walk into the water, as some have done.
Women have been seen throwing their babies in so they can feed their other children. She would have done the same, had her children lived past infancy. The son that did is long hanged as a traitor. Samuel, one of hundreds sentenced in the place of their leader Joss Fritz, who melts into the Black Forest after each attempted revolt easy as snow.
The almshouses are overrun, the graveyards too. The end of the world is coming, from the streets to the churches they proclaim it. Geiler, the Trumpet of Strasbourg Cathedral, is eight years dead but his words are daubed on walls, echoed from the pulpits of the cathedral: There is not one among us who can be saved. The comet that dragged its fiery tail over the turn of the century and damned them is lifted from its crater and placed on an altar, but too late.
She prays as she walks, though her rosary is long gone, the clay beads cracking between her teeth like bird bones.
Frau Troffea swirls a thread of light through her fingers, soft as lambswool. Sweat runs down her lip, and her back, soaks the reeking cloth of her dress. The sun has seared the soles of her feet where she fell asleep outside a tavern at midday. The drink—it is new for her, and something they can ill afford—that alone is plentiful. Her husband has not come looking for her all night. Her feet are chafing on the cobbles, and it is good to feel them again, the blisters making way for new skin.
Her route takes her through the horse market, built when Strasbourg had a different center so that it would stand at the edges. Now there are complaints from the cathedral of the smell, but Frau Troffea likes it: sour and strong enough to coat her tongue. She opens her mouth, fills her lungs.
It has grown like an unwieldy beast, this city. In her youth it was fat off wealth, and so the fleas came crawling. Trade is long diminished but still there are new faces every day, dark faces amongst them like the devils were already here, flooding the hospital with their filth. The Holy Roman Empire is locked in battle with the Ottoman Turks, engaged in a struggle for their very souls. She cannot read but knows there are pamphlets about them, the Turks who threaten their empire, their homes. They are the enemy but they come anyway, claiming to flee the same hordes that fight for them.
Frau Troffea is vigilant against such lies.
She spends her days watchful for the infidels, sees them even in church though there holy incense burns thick enough to make your jaw lock. She checks her body each night for bites and signs of incubi, finds only bones grown harder beneath her melting flesh.
The market square is listless and sways before her. She searches the closed-up stalls, the dusty ground, the grates clogged with muck dried hard by heat. She smells the sweet and the shit of it, of her city, baking under the relentless, blessed, accursed sun. Her head is full of it as she searches, hands raking the dust, thick handfuls of dirt. She murmurs a prayer like an incantation, as though God would drop loaves from the sky. But nothing falls except heat on her back, her calves, the burnt soles of her feet, and she wonders again why her husband has not come looking for her.
She is crying, but she is not ashamed. The tendrils of light swarm about her like flies, heavenly and reveling, raveling her in their soft threads and weave. Her hands are full of earth and excrement; her fingernails itch and she wants to peel them off.
The light tickles her beneath the chin.
Frau Troffea tilts her head back, looks at the sun until her eyes fill with white. The light swirls about her like a cloud, buffeting her gentle as a wind-knocked sail. She picks up her foot, then the other. Her hips sway. She parts her lips in ecstasy.
Beneath the blue and burning sky, Frau Troffea lifts up her hands, and begins to dance.
One
Lisbet arches her foot, braces it against the wooden bed frame until the cramp subsides. Her eyes are sticky with sleep: she scrapes it away. She could lie here another hour in this early quiet, but this is precious time, and confined. Today Henne’s sister Agnethe will return from the mountains, and all will be changed.
Henne lies with his back to her, his cotton undershirt dampened to translucence, his skin pink at the neck, a scar puckered starlike beneath his hairline where an empiric cut out a mole that would not stop growing. She turns her head to watch his breath. She could press her hand between his shoulder-blades, feel the work of his breathing hum like the skeps—but it is impossible, a distance too far to span. In their earliest days, she touched him always: her hands on his forehead, plucking chaff from his hair, stealing kisses behind his mother’s back. Those tendernesses are past, now.
Her toes curl themselves again and she levers herself upright with a hiss. They have long discarded the sheet, are sweating into straw like horses, and a trickle works its way down her back. She wants to pull off her nightgown, walk through the forest to the river, and roll in its mud like a pig.
She heaves herself to her feet, crosses to the window. A few bees drowse past the shutters, and she wonders if they recognize her out of her silk and wicker, can smell her sweat sweet with the honey they give.
The light itself seems bunched and thick with heat. Agnethe will return from her penance into a dismal summer. No air comes to stir the skin-stretched shutters, nothing moves at all except the bees and the pain in her leg, unfurling like thorns along its length. She catches her lip between her teeth, bites just hard enough to hurt, to turn the focus of her pain from there, to there. Inside her, the child stirs, and she watches the shadows flicker beneath her nightdress like minnows. Still there? Good.
She clasps her hands beneath the mound of it, lately grown too large to encircle at its widest point. Two months left. She has never got this far before, this large. She strokes her thumb against the taut skin and paces until it is no longer like walking on hot shards of glass. She manages eight turns of the room before the mattress rustles.
“Lisbet?”
She paces.
“Lisbet. Stop.
“It’s hot.”
She can only make out the glint of his eye, his teeth when he talks.
“A beer?”
“No.”
“You should lie down. Rest.”
She grinds her teeth. She tried that in her earliest pregnancies, though his mother argued, wanted her up and moving before her confinement, to speed it along and be strong. Henne overruled his mother’s wish the first and second times, and Lisbet spent the latter days lying in their bed like a noblewoman, or else sitting at the kitchen table while he fussed and soothed her, feeding her milk dumplings drizzled in honey with his fingers.
They were hopeful, then, and even after the sixth they’d heard worse from the women at church. And now they are five years on from the milk dumplings and she has nothing living to show.
Sophey blames her, Lisbet can tell. She repeatedly calls Lisbet a slattern even though she is dedicated to the bees, telling her daughter-in-law how she worked the fields before birthing Heinrich, milked cows before Agnethe.
“This is why Henne has strong shoulders, and Nethe strong arms.”
Agnethe. Nethe. The name is almost mystical to Lisbet, mythical as those strong arms, or the jaw she is said to share with her brother. Soon enough Lisbet will see if it is all true. Sophey and Henne’s mentions of Agnethe in the first years were so sparse they were easily swept aside, and any questions Lisbet asked were brushed off too. Lisbet always had the sense of entering a room another, dearer person had just exited, as though Henne went searching for a wife to fill the space at their table Agnethe had left. Ever a harbinger: her birth circling the comet’s, her arrival stalking Agnethe’s departure, her bloods chasing her mother’s madness. A bee butts the shutter. She taps back.
Even Ida, so good at making Lisbet feel like she belonged from the first moment of her arrival, will only edge around the boundaries of the truth about Agnethe, giving her no answer beyond the facts. “She has been at a nunnery, in Mont Sainte-Odile, paying penance.”
“But you were friends,” Lisbet would push, with a sensation like pressing on a bruise, braced for envy at the thought of Ida loving another friend as dearly as she loves Lisbet. “You must know what sent her?”
But Ida, for all her wide eyes and childlike gaiety, is a master equivocator, and always led Lisbet past the topic and onto the new, more pleasurable grounds of gossip—Herr Furmann’s latest indiscretion, Sebastian Brant’s gambling debts—until Lisbet forgot why she cared, and Agnethe was once more only a shadow pinned to her back, glimpsed less and less.
Seven years’ penance. Lisbet has tried to sound out the depths of such a sentence, weigh its particular gravity. She wonders how things will change, now another body will be in the house. Agnethe’s is not the presence Lisbet has prayed all these years for. They were certain a child would arrive well before Agnethe’s banishment was through, maybe two or three as happened for Ida, their small faces scrubbed clean, their tiny fingernails full of wax from learning the bees. Lisbet closes her eyes against the vision, a sound escaping her, each lost child an excavation into her body and her heart. Into the gap she has portioned off at the table will step a full-grown woman, washed of some sin no one will name.
Henne sits up with a groan. She can see him rubbing his eyes in the low, slatted light, his skin cream in the darkness.
“Go back to sleep,” she says, harsher than intended.
He throws off the tangle of the sheet from about his ankles, and stands, becoming more solid in the gloom. She has always liked his sturdiness, the square block of him firm from his work at the forest, the tracery of scars from the bees at his wrists, from before they knew and trusted him. She desires him still, though he does his duty after every failed birth with his eyes closed. Now, he sees her watching him and turns away to dress.
She opens the shutters, wafting the bee back toward free air. The trees cover everything, edging up to the boundary of their scraped-out farm, where roots must be hacked and cleared in an endless battle. Already there is light above them, purplish as the streaks on her belly. Dawn arrives right into their room, though there is never time to watch it come.
Heaviness lands on her shoulders: Henne’s arm, arranging a shawl. It is the most he has touched her in days, weeks perhaps. He withdraws just as fast. She shrugs it off, catching it and bundling it over a chair.
“Too hot.”
He sighs. There was a time when he found even her complaints charming. He would chuckle, call her schatzi, sweet one. Hadn’t she been standing at this window, newly married and complaining of the cold, the first time he put a baby in her? If she stands here long enough perhaps he will remember, will hold her. She hears him pissing into the pot. The baby shifts.
She waits until he is done before turning, her belly knocking the window frame. “I’m going to walk.”
He holds the pisspot. “I’ll come.”
She shakes her head, already slipping on her thinnest dress, stinking from constant wear. She feels the familiar hum inside her, the desire to go to the bees and her tree, to be alone there with her babies before the day begins. “What if Agnethe arrives?”
His shoulders stiffen: she hears the hitch in his breath. He is worried about his sister’s return. In their earlier days perhaps she could have asked him why. Now there is such a chasm between them she dare only skirt the pit of it.
“She will not be here for hours. It is treacherous to descend the mountain before light, and the abbey is a day’s ride.”
He has pulled on his clogs before she has forced hers over swollen toes. When she presses the puff of her ankle, the mark stays like her body is fresh clay recently pulled from the ground. He opens the door and they move silently through the dark house, and out into the yard.
Lisbet feels the air stick to her like dust, and she follows Henne with reluctance. He empties the pisspot, and has brought the last of the stale bread from the kitchen. He throws it to the chickens as they pass the coop.
The dogs lie slumped in the center of the dirt yard. The small one, Fluh, is new and fierce and yaps like she is caught in a bait trap every time she sees Lisbet. Ulf, the wolfhound with matted fur, she minds less. He came to them as a pup, not long after she did, and does not jump up at her, or bite at her skirts.
Fluh scuffs the dirt around her, burrowing deeper in, but Ulf heaves himself to his feet and trots to catch up with them as they open the gate, pass the buzzing cones of the skeps with their wakening bees, and enter the forest.
The ground is all shadows, and Lisbet lifts her feet as though wading. The flies gather around her ears, but she cannot bear to let down her hair in the soupy heat. No sound but them breaking crisp leaves, dried early off the trees, and her breath already ragged.
Henne is walking a little ahead, turned slightly sideways to fit down the narrow path. He does not ask which way they should go: he leads and she follows behind. His hand trails and she wonders if he will mind her taking it. But then he lowers it to Ulf’s head, and she rests her own on her belly instead.
They push upwards to the bluff, the closest thing to a view in this furrowed part of the world. She imagines them pressed down as seeds beneath His thumb, planted irreparably deep, and walks faster, overtaking Henne. On clearer mornings, when the wind pushes aside the miasma that hovers over Strasbourg most days, she can see every notch on Notre Dame’s spire.
“Lisbet?” Henne is beside her, his hip butting hers. “Slow down.”
She begins to tell him she is fine, but a wash of faintness sluices down her back, blessedly cold.
“Careful.” Finally, he loops his hand about her waist. She leans against him until the path stops leaping with little sparks. Still he holds her, and she closes her eyes. A sigh escapes her lips, and he releases her as though she had screamed. She stumbles, catches herself. “Come, home.”
They are still more than a dozen paces from the summit. She used to run up it in the first months of their marriage, and be back before Sophey noticed her gone and her chores left untended. She feels lumpen and stretched, wishes she could have come alone, taken her time, gone to the tree. But now the sun is up and Sophey will be too, readying for Agnethe’s return. Lisbet lets Henne lead the way back to the farm without complaint. At the skeps she moves to put her hand on the gate, but he nudges her on.
