Love Deserved, page 1
Copyright © 2019 by Kelli McCracken
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
* * *
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover art by Clarise Tan with CT Cover Creations.
To all my readers, especially those that love the fluff and the angst.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Epilogue
Afterword
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Contact Information
Also by Kelli McCracken
Chapter 1
~Mia~
Five and half months. That’s how long I had until I delivered mine and Ayden’s child. I wasn’t sure I could do this alone. Deep down, I knew I had no other choice. I didn’t want another one. This child was my future, but Ayden…
Yeah. Him. What would I do about the man I fell in love with?
“I found the perfect dress.” Glancing away from the window, facing downtown Phoenix, I spotted Andi passing a row of dress racks. My best friend approached with swift strides, holding a striking pale blue gown by its hanger. “What do you think?”
I smiled. “Try it on. Let’s see how it looks.”
As she rushed off to the fitting room, I chuckled. She was looking forward to our annual masquerade ball this weekend. Whenever we were kids, we always wanted to attend the Halloween party my grandfather had started years ago. That feeling never changed for Andi. She loved dressing up as much as she loved parties.
I was just grateful the dress I found last month still fit. Glancing at my waist, it relieved me to know I hadn’t begun showing yet. I only had another month before Ayden returned from the tour. Before he did, I had to decide whether to remain at Music Haven or leave until the baby was born.
Tapping my phone, I opened my planner app and studied the dates on the calendar. My time was almost up. Was I strong enough to have this conversation with Ayden? Did I want to remain apart from him or reconcile? A lot of it would depend on his attitude when he returned. I hoped he would give me space and not bombard me with a million questions.
At least he hadn’t sent a bunch of texts since he and the guys departed. I expected him to. He left believing I had cancer or some other serious illness. I regretted not telling him the truth before he left, but I knew he wouldn’t go if I did.
He needed this tour to finish boosting his career, and I couldn’t stand in the way of that. I wouldn’t make him choose between his child and his dreams. I wasn’t like my sister. If Ayden wanted to be with our baby and me, it would happen because he loved us, not because I’d trapped him in a relationship.
I moseyed around the boutique that I always used to purchase gowns for the staff at Music Haven, as well as Andi and me. The dresses blurred as I thought back to my last conversation with Ayden. I lost count of how many times he had pleaded with me to forgive him or how close I’d come to granting it.
Had Izzy’s nurse not come to inform him my sister wanted to see him, I probably would have told him the truth. Even if Ayden had followed me outside instead of doing what my sister wanted, I might have revealed the news. Unfortunately, neither scenario happened. Maybe Ayden was right. We shouldn’t be together.
If that was the case, why did I get pregnant? Was the universe screwing with me?
“Mia, where did you go?” Andi called my name as she stepped out of her dressing room. I walked closer to get a better view, and when I did, I gasped. “Wow. You look beautiful, Andi. Stunning.”
“Thank you.” She spun toward the triple mirror to observe herself. As she played with the mask on her face, she finally tugged it away. “I wish Bentley was here to see me. It sucks that he and the guys can’t attend the masquerade ball. He has been looking forward to it.”
“It was out of my control. Chin up, my friend. I’m sure he will be around next year.”
Andi bit her lip and stared into the mirror. “I hope so.”
Her response made my face burn. Even though she wouldn’t admit it, I felt like she still blamed me for Breaking Silence’s absence. Had I been managing their band, their tour dates may have been negotiable.
“Are you wearing this gown and mask?” I asked, hoping to erase the dark cloud that hung over her.
“Yes. This is the one.” Her hand glided down the dress as she did a final spin. “I’ll need to change so they can place it with the rest of our order.”
“Sounds good. I paid the balance. I’ll locate John and tell him it’s time to carry everything to the car. When you’re finished, I’ll be outside.”
Andi gave me a thumbs-up before disappearing into the fitting room. On my way out the door, I waved goodbye to the boutique owner. Just being outside helped settle my anxiety.
The black Mercedes that brought us from the private landing strip at the airport was sitting a few parking spaces down. My driver, John, noticed me right away. Once he approached, he collected the bags in my hands.
“Allow me, Miss Brooks.”
“Thanks, John. Andi will be out in a moment. Would you mind taking these bags to the car before you head inside to help Clarissa and her staff with the items we ordered?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you. I’m taking a walk and getting some fresh air.”
He nodded before carrying the bags to the car. As I drew in the crisp morning air, the wind blew around me. Leaves scattered across the sidewalk, but I focused on the windows of the shops.
It wasn’t until I spotted cream-colored fabric in one window that I stopped. My feet seemed to become part of the concrete, denying me the ability to move them. Instead of walking away, I studied every inch of the bassinet, admiring the satin ribbons and lace woven around it. A large canopy of the same material towered above the top. It looked like someone had made it for a princess.
As splendid as it was, it left a kink in my heart. The bassinet was hauntingly familiar. It resembled the one from my dream, the same one I had before I found out I was pregnant.
The dream was vague, but I hadn’t forgotten how panicked I felt when I heard the baby crying. Ayden had appeared beside it, and he was upset. When Izzy showed up with her baby in her arms and forced Ayden to leave, it crushed me.
It wasn’t the part of the dream that disturbed me the most. It was the moment I approached the crying baby when Ayden appeared again. He had asked me why I had done something to him, but I didn’t understand what he had meant.
Dreams rarely made sense. Yet now that I was thinking about it, the message was obvious. At least, I thought it was. Was my dream a premonition of the future? Had some higher power tried to warn me I was pregnant and that my sister would be there to ruin everything?
You’re it for me, Mia.
Ayden’s words haunted me. I wanted so much to believe them, but after his actions the night my sister miscarried, I wasn’t sure I could. Maybe Ayden wasn’t meant to be in my life. Maybe we crossed paths so I could provide him with what he always desired—a music career. Perhaps he entered my life to give me what I always wanted… an heir. Now I had one, and Ayden’s band was gaining success by the day. Had our purpose in each other’s lives ended?
No. This was me trying to convince myself I should keep Ayden at a distance. I still believed he loved children, and he truly wanted his own. It was obvious he didn’t want to have them with my sister. He’d told me he hoped one day we would have a family. Yet one question remained on my mind.
What if Ayden didn’t want kids this soon in our relationship?
~Ayden~
* * *
An icy sensation covered my body as I jerked into a sitting position. Each labored breath I took did little to clear my mind. I focused on my surroundings, my eyes finally landing on a familiar face.
“Dude, what the hell?” Bentley’s brows drew together as he studied me. “You having a nightmare again?”
Nodding, I turned my back to him and sat on the edge of the hotel bed. “Where the hell are we?”
“Kansas City. We got in late. You were out of it when we walked upstairs. I told Jason you wouldn’t remember us helping you into this room.”
“Then stop feeding me alcohol after each show.”
“It wasn’t me.” Bentley tapped his chest when I turned to look at him. “Ryan’s the one who keeps refilling our drinks. If you sipped them, he wouldn’t be able to refill them as fast.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t complain. I want to be drunk. It helps me forget.”
Bentley mumbled something incoherent while he dug through his suitcase. Water ran in the bathroom as steam filtered from behind the door. The clock o n the nightstand said it was noon. I had slept most of the day. It was becoming a habit, but it was better than dealing with the constant pang in my chest.
The sheet and comforter fell away from my legs as I adjusted my boxers and walked toward the fridge. After grabbing a bottle of water, I looked at Bentley. “Do you have anything for a headache?”
He nodded. Shoving his hand back into his suitcase, he dug around before he removed a bottle of pills. Then he grabbed his clothes, tucked them under his arm, and tossed the bottle to me on his way past. “Just throw them back in the suitcase when you’re finished.”
“Are you heading somewhere before the show tonight?”
“Yeah.” Bentley set his clothes on the bathroom counter, then faced me once more. “Jimmy and Alex from Dark Souls invited us for wings and beer. They want to take us to a local pub. It’s one they visited the last time they were in Kansas City.”
“When were you planning to tell me?”
Rubbing his face, Bentley shook his head and looked at me again. “Dude, I tried to get your ass out of bed for three hours. You missed our rehearsal earlier, but I covered for you. I told Doug his shitty takeout last night fucked up your gut. You can’t keep doing this shit.”
I raised my hands to my side. “What?”
“You know what I’m talking about. I knew before we left for this tour that you would be impossible. You’ve proved me right.”
I lowered my hands until they slapped against my legs. “Excuse the fuck out of me for getting my heart ripped out before we left. You still have a girlfriend. Mine wants nothing to do with me, and now she’s sick.”
The muscles in Bentley’s face twitched. Then his nostrils flared. “Andi said it’s nothing for you to worry about. Mia will be okay. Everything will work out.”
“I can’t trust that. Everything in me is screaming that something is wrong. Reverse the roles, man. What if it was Andi?”
His shoulders slumped a second later. “You’re the reason Mia asked for a break. You brought this on yourself, Ayden. Now you have to deal with it.”
“Kinda hard when I keep having all these fucked up dreams.” Storming back toward the bed, I pivoted and walked to the window instead. I stared at the city, trying to push the dream from my thoughts.
Bentley’s steps signaled his approach, but I didn’t face him. “What the hell are you dreaming about, anyway? You still haven’t told me.”
No, I hadn’t. I didn’t want to now. Still, maybe talking about it would help. Since we left for our tour two months ago, I tried to keep what happened between Mia and me private. It was my problem, and I was dealing with it the best way I could.
“I keep having this dream that I’m in this room, and I hear a baby crying. When I find it, I go to it, but Mia always shows up. She blocks me from the crib and says it’s too late for us and she’s with someone else. Before the dream ends, a guy enters and removes the baby from the crib. Then he pulls Mia to him, and I see his face.”
“Who is it?” Bentley’s forehead scrunched together. The longer he stared at me, the more pressure I felt to answer his question. I didn’t want to tell him.
“It isn’t just the dream that’s messing with me. It’s the fact that something was wrong with Mia before we left. She could have cancer, man, and I’m not buying Andi’s story. She knows something is wrong.”
“Ayden…”
“What?” I grumbled.
“Who was the guy in your dream?”
Avoiding him as long as I could, there was nowhere else to turn to escape his question. I finally exhaled. Saying it would make it feel like it was true, but I did anyway, and I hated every syllable that passed over my lips.
“It was Darius Stone.”
Chapter 2
~Mia~
Will you go with me? Check yes or no. Well, maybe text yes or no. I can’t make checkboxes.
I read over D’s text one more time, and it made me chuckle just like it did the first time I read it. If anyone else saw the message, they would think he was asking me to date him, but I knew what it was about. Tonight’s party, the one I would leave for in a few minutes.
Last week, when he first asked me to be his date for the evening, I assumed it was a joke. Then he brought it up again this morning. I told him I didn’t know if I would be there. My stomach was in knots and I had no energy.
One of the pregnancy books I read said fatigue was normal during the first trimester, but I just entered my second trimester. Why wasn’t I feeling better?
Pushing the thoughts aside, I tapped my phone screen and typed a reply to D. My finger hovered over the send button for a moment. After I pushed it, I bit my lip, somewhat regretting my choice.
Yes.
I had no reason to not go. Since he came back into my life, Darius had been protective of me. That protective side of him increased after I passed out at the hospital. Once Ayden left for his tour, D checked on me every day. He made sure I was eating, and that I didn’t work late.
My phone chimed when he replied with another text.
Perfect. I’ll see you on the dance floor. I’ll be the one wearing the black and red horned dragon mask. Let’s have fun with this. We’ll keep everyone guessing who’s under the mask.
Laughing out loud this time, I shook my head and typed in another response.
Your voice is very distinct, D. Do you plan on not talking?
As I waited for his response, I slid on my heels, pulled my mask over my face, and stood from the side of the bed. One glance in the mirror and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The scarlet-colored dress was striking, but the sheer midriff had me paranoid. I didn’t look pregnant, and the lace covered my skin, but it made me self-conscious.
Another chime drew my attention back to my phone. I glanced at it this time, noting that D’s response was short and to the point.
My lips are sealed.
Then I’ll see you on the dance floor around eight, Mr. Stone.
See you then, beautiful.
His last text caused my cheeks to flush. The whole time we were dating, he used to call me beautiful. It was his pet name for me, kind of like some people call each other babe, dear, or honey. Even before we started dating, when he was a pompous jerk and his compliments sounded more like insults, he still called me the same thing.
The memories tugged at my heart, as if thinking about Ayden hadn’t hurt me enough. I was supposed to be using his time away to decide if I wanted to resume our relationship when he returned. He was supposed to do the same. I was unsure if he was, but I knew one thing. He didn’t have to think about how his decision would affect our baby.
I did.
Yes, it was my fault he didn’t know. I realized that and accepted the repercussions, but it didn’t make my decision any easier. Neither did loving him. He may have left thinking I hated him, but he was wrong. It’s why his departure hurt so much and why I couldn’t tell him goodbye the day he got on the tour bus. If I’d spoken to him before he left, I knew I would have told him I was pregnant.
A knock on the door sent my thoughts scattering. As soon as I opened it, Andi’s smiling face greeted me. Then her eyes trailed over my dress. Her mouth fell open as she whispered one word.
“Whoa.”
“Thank you,” I teased.
“You look amazing in that dress. I still can’t believe you’re—”
“Watch it,” I warned her.
“Sorry.” She readjusted her mask as she waited for me to close the door and join her in the hallway. “No one is in this building to hear us, so don’t worry.”
We made our way out of the condo, stepping into the cooler air. The sun was setting behind a valley toward the west. It warmed my skin, but the breeze had me regretting my decision not to bring my wrap. At least it would be warm inside the arena.
