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But if I told him, then he might decide I was a soiled woman. It was, after all, 1856. Wasn’t a woman supposed to be a virgin on her wedding night?
And if Samuel knew I wasn’t a virgin, would he still want to protect me?
I covered my eyes with my hands as I realized I was actually thinking about marrying Samuel.
How could I be thinking about marrying someone just two weeks after the tragic death of my fiancé?
What was wrong with me?
So many things.
The hormones.
The time travel.
The uncanny way that Samuel reminded me of Zach.
But no matter how much he might remind me of Zach, he wasn’t Zach.
And me having Zach’s baby changed everything.
Except maybe one thing.
I didn’t want to return to my own time.
I wanted to stay here. In 1856.
With Samuel.
CHAPTER 46
SAMUEL
I lay on a little loveseat in the reading room off what was supposed to be my room.
I have to either curl myself up to fit on the cushions or prop my ankles over the end of the sofa.
Neither one was very comfortable for any length of time.
It would do though, in a tight.
The Becquerels were being more than kind to me.
I think they missed their own children who had left home earlier than they had planned.
But I couldn’t stay here forever.
I couldn’t just move in with them.
I had to make a decision about Melissa and our future. Sooner rather than later.
Laying very still, I listened for any sound that would tell me she was still here. In 1856.
But she was a quiet sleeper. She didn’t breathe heavy and she didn’t roll around a lot in the bed.
I’d already gotten up twice, tiptoed to the bed, and peered through the mosquito netting. Both times she lay there quietly, sound asleep.
I needed to relax and trust the process.
She was here for a reason. And since I couldn’t shackle myself to her, I had trust that she would be here in the morning.
But deep down, I knew it wasn’t just my concern that she wouldn’t be there.
There was something troubling her.
Something that went beyond the veil of sadness that surrounded her.
As I stretched my legs out, propping them on the arm of the sofa, it occurred to me that there may be nothing I could do about it.
But what I could do something about was the very thing that Bradford had done.
I could take her away from here.
She had to want to go, of course. I couldn’t just kidnap her.
Without shackling and kidnapping, my options were limited.
I’d talk to her first thing in the morning.
Explain that she and I had a decision to make.
Not that there was much of a decision.
I had to go.
The question was whether or not she wanted to go with me.
I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard Melissa screaming.
Though I already knew she was having a nightmare, I was off the sofa like a shot.
Shoving aside the mosquito netting, I climbed into the bed and pulled her into my arms.
She wrapped her fists in my shirt and pressed her cheek against my cheek.
Holding her close, I tucked her head beneath my chin.
After a moment of holding her, I realized that she was still asleep.
She trusted me in her sleep.
Any lingering doubt I had was erased.
Whatever was bothering her, outside of traveling through time and having nightmares about the tragedy that had befallen her before we met, she and I would figure out together.
Tomorrow, I would start the preparations.
It was time for me to take her home with me.
And make her my wife.
CHAPTER 47
MELISSA
When I woke the next morning, Samuel was already gone.
I sensed it before I even got out of bed and peeked into the study.
My dreams had been a cacophony of my usual nightmares, but also dreams about Samuel.
Samuel and Zach were merging into one in my thoughts.
I stepped out onto the balcony and pressed my palms against the railing.
The soft breeze coming in off the river tossed my hair across my cheek. The same cheek that had I had landed on when I’d been thrown from the car.
They’d said I was lucky.
Luck was obviously in the eye of the beholder.
A young boy brought two horses around and looped the reins around a hitching post, distracting me from my morose thoughts.
He was the same boy I’d seen before.
Just before…
Just before I’d gone back to the future last time.
I wrapped my hands around the rails as though holding onto them could hold me in place in time.
I knew it didn’t work that way, of course. The house was the constant through time.
Past and future.
But it made me feel better to have something tangible to hold onto.
After he secured the horses, the boy saw me looking down at him and waved.
Putting a little smile on my face, I held up a hand. The boy grinned and took off running around the side of the house.
Smoke drifted up from the kitchen’s chimney, bringing the scent of breakfast with it.
My stomach growled and I pressed a hand against my waist.
Zach’s baby.
But even though Zach was the father, Zach could not be the daddy.
My thoughts snagged on that idea for a moment as I considered that.
Zach being gone didn’t mean that my baby wouldn’t have a daddy.
Thinking that way would do nothing but deprive my child of having a daddy in his or her life.
That would be wrong. And selfish.
And Zach wouldn’t want that. He would want me to not only take care of the baby, but to make sure his or her life was fulfilled.
Even if that meant having a daddy other than Zach.
And being back in time changed everything.
There was only way I was going to survive in 1856. And that was to take a husband.
Fortunately, I had found Samuel. A man who reminded me so much of Zach.
A kind man who looked at me as though he liked me.
And he’d stayed here and waited for me to come back. So he had to feel something for me.
Now all I had to do was to figure out whether or not to tell him about the baby.
And if so, when.
I didn’t have to decide right now.
I had time to figure out what was best.
But I had a feeling there wasn’t going to be an easy answer.
Then I heard men’s voices below me.
They must have stepped out onto the veranda below.
“You have to do what you think is right,” an older man said.
“I don’t have any doubts about that,” Samuel said.
“You sound a lot like Bradford.”
“Yes sir,” Samuel said. “I know.”
CHAPTER 48
SAMUEL
Once I decided to take things into my own hands, everything started to fall into place.
Melissa could have ridden with me on my horse, but Daniel was kind enough to lend me a horse for her to ride.
He said he had so many horses, thanks to Bradford’s temporary diversion into horse breeding, that he wouldn’t even miss it.
One less mouth to feed, he’d said.
I honestly couldn’t tell if he was joking about that or not.
Didn’t matter. It was a kind and understanding gesture.
I would never be able to repay the Becquerels for their kindness.
Thanks to them and their rip in time, I had found Melissa.
Daniel understood completely why I needed to take Melissa away from here. And he agreed with my decision.
With the horses ready and everything settled with Daniel, I went upstairs to rouse Melissa and get her ready to leave.
Daniel knew there was a possibility that Melissa might want to stay here so she could get back to her own time. He’d made sure I understood that she could stay here.
It was very generous of him.
Melissa was in the study, sitting at the writing desk.
My journal lay open in front of her.
She quickly closed it when she saw me at the door.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I don’t mind if you read it.”
If she was to be my wife, I wanted her to read it. To be part of every aspect of my life.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I had no right.”
“Melissa,” I said, going to kneel in front of her. “It’s okay.”
“I was just looking for…”
I took her hands in mine and kissed her palm.
“Melissa,” I said, my gaze locking onto hers. “You don’t have to apologize or explain.”
Her chin trembled and she put her arms around me. I pulled her onto my knee and held her close.
“You’re so kind,” she said, her voice barely audible against my shoulder.
“Melissa,” I said. “I want you to come with me.”
She pushed back enough to look into my eyes.
Her deep green eyes looked at me with a mixture of surprise and curiosity.
“Come where?”
I realized with a start just how important it was that she agree to leave here with me. If she said no, then we’d have no life together.
But if she said yes, then we could be together for the rest of our lives.
“To my home,” I said. “I’m living with my father right now, but we can get a place of our own.”
Her lips curved into a smile.
“You’re asking me to live with you?” she asked.
It was one of those odd turns of phrase that she used.
“Yes,” I said. “We can be married.”
“Is this a proposal then?” she asked. Her tone was teasing.
I instantly realized my mistake.
I hadn’t asked her to marry me. I’d just asked her to come away with me.
“Melissa,” I said, my heart racing. “Will you marry me?”
She swallowed. Then nodded.
“Yes?” I asked, feeling such an overwhelming sense of emotion.
She nodded again, then bit her lip as she smiled.
I pulled her back into my lap, but instead of tucking her head beneath my chin, I put a finger lightly beneath her chin and lowered my lips toward hers.
Her eyes fluttered closed as her lips parted.
I kissed one corner of her lips, then the other.
Then I pressed my lips firmly against hers.
And in that moment, the world faded away and time stood still.
I felt as though our souls touched.
CHAPTER 49
MELISSA
When Samuel kissed me, my world shifted.
Everything else faded away and there simply was nothing else.
I fisted my hands in the soft cotton of his shirt.
He smelled like tobacco and soap.
My heart was beating so fast, I wondered if he could feel the blood racing through my veins.
I wanted time to stand still. For this moment to last forever.
I knew how fleeting life was. How fragile.
And I wanted to hold onto him. For nothing to change between us.
I’d known it was wrong to read his journal. It had been different when the journal was hundreds of years old.
But now that it belonged to Samuel. In the moment. It was suddenly private.
I’d wanted to read the love letter again. The one that read like it had been torn out of my heart.
But I hadn’t found it.
After looking carefully, I’d decided that it was no longer there.
I didn’t know what that meant—that words on a journal couldn’t just disappear.
But they had.
Instead I’d found something else.
I’d found an entry dated this morning.
Melissa St. Clair.
Exhibits signs of nostalgia. Nightmares. Sadness. Staring in a daze.
Likely experienced a tragic event.
Also possible that she is with child.
If Samuel knew that I was pregnant he still asked me to marry him, then I truly had nothing to worry about.
He moved back and smiled at me.
“We’ll be happy,” he said.
My thoughts froze.
We’ll be happy.
No.
That wasn’t possible.
Couldn’t be possible.
“I have to go,” I said, pulling away from him and standing up.
He was still holding my hand, but I tugged it free and started to run.
I didn’t even know where I was going.
I just needed to get away.
Running through the bedroom, I opened the door and stepped out into the cool, dark hallway.
The darkness was a stark reminder that I wasn’t in my own time.
I ran down the stairs, hesitating when I reached the foyer.
The grandfather clock began to chime.
“No.”
I covered my ears and ran blindly toward the front door.
Throwing open the door, I ran outside, across the veranda, and started down the road that led to the river.
I didn’t get very far, though, before I couldn’t catch my breath.
I stopped and leaned against one of the old oak trees.
Its bark was rough beneath my hands, but I laid my cheek against it.
And the tears started.
I cried so hard I could barely breathe.
And I couldn’t stop.
I slid to my knees and crouched on the ground.
We’ll be happy.
Such a simple phrase.
But not the words normally said when a man proposed.
Yet they were the very same words that Zach had said just after he asked me to marry him.
CHAPTER 50
SAMUEL
By the time I realized what had happened, Melissa was already down the hall.
I’d never seen a lady move that fast.
I got to my feet and followed, but by the time I got to the top of the stairs, she was already heading outside. I caught just a glimpse of her as she dashed through the door.
By the time I got to the front door, I saw her running ahead along the dirt lane that led to the river road.
Mon Dieu.
Where was she going?
Wherever it was, she was moving quickly and it was going to be hard for me to catch her.
Then she stopped and leaned against one of the huge oak trees.
I jogged down the front stairs and started down the road toward her.
At the sound of a dog barking, I glanced away for just a moment.
It was only a moment.
But when I looked back, I couldn’t see her.
A deep feeling of dread stabbed me in the gut.
I kept moving forward, but she wasn’t there.
And I knew.
She was gone.
No. She was too far from the house.
The time travel only happened around the house.
I slowed my pace as I walked beneath the huge oak trees with branches so big and heavy, they dipped down, almost touching the ground.
The silver moss gravitated toward the older trees, leaving the newer ones bare.
I speculated that the older trees had different minerals that the moss was attracted to.
But that was just my scientific mind trying to distract me from what I knew was the worst possible scenario.
Reaching the first large oak, I walked all the way around it. The trees were wide enough that a girl as small as Melissa could easily stand behind one of them and not be seen.
I didn’t suspect that she was hiding from me. I just thought maybe she had stopped and leaned against one of the trees to rest.
As I walked toward the next tree, I replayed the last few minutes, trying to make some semblance of sense about what had happened.
I had stolen a sweet kiss from her.
Then I had asked her to marry me.
And she had said yes.
But then she had quite simply looked at me as though she no longer saw me. As though I was a stranger.
Then she had dashed off so quickly I barely knew what was happening.
What had upset her so much that she had suddenly dashed off? And with no direction in mind?
I stopped and stared toward the river.
If I was right and she was with child, that could explain everything.
I’d heard tales of women having all sorts of reactions to finding out they were with child.
But I hadn’t said anything about that. I didn’t even think she suspected.
We’d gone to agreeing to getting married to her dashing away.
And now she had vanished.
She had vanished back to her own time.
Even though I knew there was no need, I walked the rest of the way to the river, circling the oak trees.
If anyone had seen me, they would surely think I’d gone mad, walking along the road, circling the big oak trees one by one.
But I didn’t care. My heart was heavy.
I was just minutes away from taking her away from here.
But I was minutes too late.
Melissa had vanished from my life.
When I reached the river, I sat down and watched a steamboat loaded with people make its way along the river.
I’d hoped to take Melissa on a steamboat one day.
It wasn’t anything like her ships that went into the sky, but I’d thought she might enjoy it, nonetheless.
And before long, after the baby came, we’d begin working on making a baby of our own.
But now everything was over.
I had to return to my father’s home emptyhanded.
No wife.
