Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books, page 104
“Mr. Gillson,” she croaked, after a moment, tears slipping down her cheeks. “My father’s grave. He told me, Christopher.”
Mortician heaved in a breath, a pained expression on his face, and nodded to Johnnie. Val looked horrified and Digger just bowed his head.
“Told you what, Megan?” Christopher asked carefully, although he knew what she alluded to. They all knew.
She exhaled a sob and bit her lip, blinking furiously. “That it’s empty.”
Those three words hung in the air, all the ramifications behind them suspended.
Christopher closed his eyes, took a step toward her and stopped. “That little motherfucker told you that?”
Color swept into her cheeks and she glared at Christopher, her angry gaze touching each of them, as brutal as physical blows. “He showed me the papers,” she shouted.
“Calm down, Meggie,” Val ordered. “You having a baby.”
Sucking in a breath, she glowered at Val and regarded each of them again. Shame pulsed through Johnnie and he barely met her eyes when she looked at him. “You all knew but I had to find out from a stranger.”
They stayed silent, but Kendall spoke.
“Is it such a big deal?” she asked without a bit of sympathy, missing the import of Megan’s discovery.
“Shut up, Kendall,” Megan got out.
The dam had broken, the ugliness finally exposed, and she intended to let it all out.
“You don’t know anything about this, so stay out of it. You made your position clear at the funeral home. And when you told me I couldn’t do anything at the barbeque.”
Kendall and Megan would drive all of them fucking crazy. As sympathetic as he was to Megan’s revelation, he wouldn’t allow her to further distress Kendall. “Yeah, Megan, she made her position clear because you told her she was jealous of you and her little sister…” His voice trailed off as the rest of her words sank in. “What did you say about the barbeque?”
Hurt crept into Megan’s eyes, but she focused on Kendall. “And you wonder why I don’t like you.”
Kendall licked her lips and tensed, glancing at Johnnie.
Christopher reached for Megan and she went into his arms, sagging against him and sobbing her heart out. But she didn’t turn him away and she didn’t shut him out.
What could Johnnie do to have such an open relationship with Kendall? Choose her and leave the club.
The answer floated into his head and Johnnie tensed, unable to entertain that thought, unwilling to do so. It was much easier to focus on the drama enfolding before him. At Megan’s quieting.
Christopher swiped her tears away, grabbing the napkins Mortician handed him and pressing them to her nose before guiding her to a seat and crouching in front of her.
Johnnie stayed at the bar, watching as the rest of them flanked her.
“You…you got rid of him, didn’t you?” she asked in a trembling voice. “In the m-meat shack.”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Fuck me, Megan, what the fuck I was gonna say? Ain’t it bad enough I fuckin’ killed him?”
“Wh-what?” Kendall managed, but no one responded to her.
Megan sniffled. “Why’d you get the grave? For me or for you? Or for both of us?”
Christopher stood and shrugged, pacing in front of Megan. “You mostly. You loved the fuck outta Big Joe and you needed a place to grieve for him.”
She fell silent, blinking back her tears. She looked toward Mortician who nodded. She sighed and grabbed Christopher’s hand, laying her cheek against it.
“I’ve gone to his grave a lot these past weeks,” she began softly, kissing his palm, “took in his obelisk, the words a man amongst men. You do…you do such stupid things, Christopher, and you make me so mad.” She dropped his hand, sniffled and shuddered. “But…but I know you did what you thought necessary.” She swept them all with a glance. “All of you.”
Mortician patted her shoulder and withdrew his hand when Christopher gave him a warning glare. “Why you didn’t say something when Gillson first told you, girl?”
She rubbed her head, exhaustion ringing her eyes. “After Johnnie accused me of running to Christopher with everything? Besides, I’ve tried to deal on my own.”
Digger rolled his eyes. “Meggie, girl, since when you listen to any of us brain dead motherfuckers? You don’t even listen to Outlaw.”
“The biggest brain dead motherfucker around,” Val added.
“Fuck you, assfucks.” Some of Christopher’s tension eased from his shoulders. “Digger right, though, baby. Not only that, you tried to fuck me up with that fuckin’ bottle.”
She shrugged.
“This why we all fucking love you, girl,” Mortician chortled. “You not afraid. You tried to knock your husband the fuck out with no apologies because his fucking ass deserved it for kicking that chair. Fuck, if I had to go to the front lines, I would take you any fucking day.”
“Shut the fuck up, Mort. You knew, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, Prez,” Mortician said slowly, stepping back. “I called Meggie to talk to her about…something—“
“Fuck off, motherfucker,” Val called with a smirk. “You called Meggie to talk about Bailey. I call her all the time to talk about Zoann and get baby tips…” A red hue crept up his neck. “Never-fucking-mind.”
“The point is all you fucks call my wife for woman advice.” He looked down at Megan again. “Why you told Mort and not me?”
No answer.
He nodded to Johnnie. “It was because of what this motherfucker said, huh, baby?”
A reluctant nod to Christopher, then she admitted. “Partly. You’re dealing with the Torpedoes and, after a while, I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t want to hurt you and…and…I-I didn’t know what to do, Christopher.”
“First fuckin’ thing? Never listen to what no other motherfucker gotta say bout what the fuck you tell me. I ain’t keepin’ shit from you, so you ain’t keepin’ shit from me. That’s what makes us so fuckin’ good together, yeah? We fuckin’ friends.” He leaned and whispered something in her ear and Megan blushed to the roots of her hair. “Am I fuckin’ right, though?”
“Yes, Christopher,” she said, a little breathless and embarrassed.
“We was all on fuckin’ edge that night, but you ain’t act no different than usual. Just the way I fuckin’ expect you to act. Gettin’ shit out in the open. Keepin’ it fuckin’ real.” He nuzzled her neck and nosed her hair. “Actin’ like a wild, wicked little bitch and makin’ me love the fuck outta you even more.” He grabbed her by the neck and pulled her in for his kiss. “I been tense like a motherfucker, baby, and all that’s goin’ on. I don’t know what I woulda been doin’ if you kept your pussy from me.”
“God, Christopher,” Johnnie complained when Megan pulled away and frowned at him. “You have no fucking couth.”
“Yeah, Prez, maybe, you wanna take Meggie to your room?” Mortician suggested.
Digger snickered. “You about to forget we here and get her naked in front of us.”
Christopher growled and started for Digger, but Megan grabbed his wrist while Mortician slapped the side of Digger’s head.
“Fuck off, bitch ass. I ain’t gonna get my ass kicked because you making Prez remember old fuckin’ shit.”
Little Man started wailing and Megan tensed.
“Stay there, Meggie.” Val headed for the hallway. “I got him.”
“I need to check on Momma,” she mumbled, not stopping Val from disappearing to get Little Man.
“No the fuck you don’t. You been losin’ weight.”
“I’ve been having morning sickness,” she countered, resting her head on the hand propped up on her elbow.
“You didn’t fuckin’ have it so much on our honeymoon. It got real bad after all that bull-fuckin-shit went down here. A lot of it got to do with fuckin’ Dinah,” he snarled.
“Stress doesn’t give you morning sickness. Babies do,” Megan protested. “Anyway, Momma can’t be alone, Christopher.”
“Keep it up, Megan, and she ain’t gonna be alone ever fuckin’ again. I’m gonna put her somewhere to get her some fuckin’ help.”
Leaning back, Megan closed her eyes and shrugged. “Might be best. She keeps talking about Thomas and K-P and…and Daddy. Every time I see her, she makes me promise I’ll never leave her over and over again.”
“You givin’ her a lot more than she fuckin’ deserve, baby,” Christopher growled, taking the glass of water from Mortician who’d gone and gotten for Megan. “She left you on your fuckin’ own when your step fuckhead fuckin’ molested you. I still can’t forgive that bitch for that. Thomas stabbed you, almost fuckin’ killed you, and she kept fuckin’ yappin’ about where the fuck I buried him.”
“She’s my mother.”
“Yeah, well, when she could’ve been your mother she was failin’ you fuckin’ left and right. Ain’t forgot that bitch druggin’ my boy either. I’m givin’ you fair fuckin’ warnin’, Megan…”
Arrow walked in, interrupting Christopher, who narrowed his eyes at the man, not in challenge but in contemplation.
“I got a job for you.”
“What?”
“Go down the hall and around the corner. Last door on the left. My mother-in-law in there. Megan need some rest. Go sit with her.”
“I’m not a fuckin’ bitch sitter, Outlaw.”
“It’s okay, Christopher.” Megan staggered to her feet. “I’ll go.”
Arrow glowered at Christopher, but, like the rest of them, couldn’t say no to Megan.
“Sit, Meggie,” he said gruffly. “Outlaw’s right. You need to rest.”
Nodding to the rest of them, Arrow disappeared down the hall.
Christopher smiled in relief, then pulled Megan to her feet. “You forgive me, baby?”
She thumbed his lips, her adoration clear. “Always, Christopher.”
“You and Kendall gonna try to fuckin’ get along?”
Whatever Kendall had heard in the past few minutes, the hostility and resentment always lurking in her eyes whenever she saw Megan had slipped from her gaze. Now, Kendall looked guilty. And she was guilty of how unfair she’d acted. They both were.
“I guess,” Megan mumbled without enthusiasm.
Christopher laughed. “Do it for Johnnie.”
Her gaze flew to Christopher’s, as startled as Johnnie felt. She gazed at Johnnie, then back to Christopher, and nodded. “Okay.”
“As for you workin’ behind the bar, ain’t fuckin’ happenin’. You direct the chicks whenever we have a function and you take care of every fuckin’ body like always. That’s all, baby.” He glared at Kendall. “I want some pussy, so I ain’t gonna fuckin’ get into Kendall tellin’ you you can’t fuckin’ help at a fuckin’ function here. I’m gonna let John Boy handle that.”
From Christopher’s look, Johnnie knew he expected him to confront Kendall.
“Don’t know how Kendall ended up behind the bar, Megan,” Christopher went on, “and I don’t give a fuck. That’s not somethin’ you ever fuckin’ doin’.”
“Okay,” she agreed, yawning and rubbing her eyes.
Christopher scooped her up into his arms and she leaned against him, trusting him to take care of her. With Megan in his arms, Christopher didn’t focus on anything else, not even goodnight to them.
“She’s so little,” Kendall blurted with wistful envy and the heart of the problem clicked into place in Johnnie’s head.
Undoubtedly, Megan had been jealous of all the attention Kendall received—amongst other things—but Kendall had fed the flames of the jealousy.
Chapter 15
Kendall didn’t feel like talking. She didn’t feel like touching. She didn’t feel like doing anything. If she wanted to be honest with herself, it shamed her how she’d misjudged that girl. Because of Johnnie. And based on her…on her looks…she couldn’t finish the thought. She’d acted with the same biased, bad behavior she’d always pinned on others toward her. Now, though, she didn’t know how to ask forgiveness, so she pushed it aside like she did everything else. Hopefully, Johnnie wouldn’t press her for a discussion about the confrontation between Megan and Outlaw and he wouldn’t take her up on her earlier offer for lovemaking.
As they walked into their room and turned on the lights, Kendall removed her shoes and headed for the bed, crawling in and curling up. Facing away from Johnnie.
He sighed. “We need to talk.”
“No.” Easy enough.
She knew what he wanted to talk about. More specifically, who. She wanted to continue with her charade and remain distant from Megan. Megan had been hurt and abused but befriending her would force Kendall to face her insecurities. She’d have to admit that she needed help to go forward with her life. That the more she tried, the more mired she became. She’d have to face the fact that she didn’t know how to cook a lot of different things because she’d hated food. Food had been the enemy to her. Her only consolation was she didn’t know anything about barbeque since she, her mother and little sister, hadn’t grilled food. She’d have to face how scared she was of never getting her shit together and how paranoid she was about losing Johnnie. He was with her because of their baby, so she wanted to keep him close and have him to herself to make him love her.
She couldn’t tell any of that to him. He’d know how fucked up she was.
“I’m sleepy,” she said into the silence. “Baby Biker and I need rest.”
“Kendall, sweetheart,” he crooned, stretching out behind her and pulling her into his arms. He kissed the back of her head. “I want to help you. Let me. Talk to me.”
“No,” she almost snarled and he stiffened. “I have nothing to say to you about your Megs.”
Sudden tension brimmed from him, whirling into the air and wrapping around her.
“Christopher has gotten Megan straight.” His tight voice contrasted with the understanding tone a moment ago.
“More like she got him straight,” she snorted.
He released her, moving off the bed. Away from her. She curled up tighter.
“Jesus, Kendall, get off your high fucking horses. You had all of us against Megan. For what? Because you’re too goddamned blind to see you’re amongst friends. You’ve managed to vilify Megan when even she reached out to you. Stop comparing yourself to her. You. Are. Not. HER.”
She wilted against the pillow, tears falling from her eyes. Anger surged through her and she wanted to fight and throw things and call him a stupid fucker. Or storm out. Or…or…something. But defeat stole everything else.
“If you want her so bad, fight for her,” she told him, without heat. “But you know Outlaw would kill you, so you’ll settle for me.”
“I don’t fucking believe you. Settle? For you?” She flinched at his ugly laugh. “I don’t have to settle for anyone, Kendall. Least of all you. You want to know why I’m with you?”
“Because I’m pregnant for you. Because I’m in trouble. Poor, pitiful Kendall.”
“If you feel that way, then you’re the one who’s settling. Why the fuck do you want to be with someone you feel puts you second?”
“You don’t put me second,” she flared. “You put me dead last. Behind Megs and Christopher and your club. Your brothers. Your obligations. If you can fit me in, then you think of me.”
“Do you honestly fucking believe I’d sit at that fucking bar, not speaking to almost anyone, for anyone else? I can barely take a fucking piss without you making me feel like I’ve deserted you and thrown you to the wolves.”
“You would’ve done it for Megs.”
“Fuck Megs!” he roared and something smashed against the wall. “I’m so fucking sick of hearing about fucking Megan, I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself. Let’s try to put this into fucking perspective once and for fucking all. Then I expect you to get the fuck over it and move the fuck on.”
Kendall glanced over her shoulder.
“Did I fucking love her? Yes,” he gritted, pacing. “Do I still love her? No. I clung to my time with her just because I’m such a stubborn motherfucker. I didn’t want to let her go. I fucked up with you, Kendall. I know that, and I’m sorry. But, believe me, I wouldn’t babysit any one. Yet, I’m doing it for you. There’s no girl I would’ve bought fucking clothes for. Or let live in my fucking room with me.”
“All that’s trivial, Johnnie. Where it counts? You don’t do. Moving away from the club. Defending me no matter what. When Outlaw told me to leave the meeting, you gave a perfunctory objection on my behalf then stayed silent. When Mortician said I wasn’t the prettiest, you didn’t say you thought I was.”
“What the fuck? Are you out of your fucking mind?”
She stood up, sick at heart. He didn’t understand her at all and never would. “No. I’m very much in the present.” Her tone was as shaky as her insides. “This isn’t working between us. You’re mean and callous, expecting me to be someone I’m not. You can’t even tell me you love me. You can’t promise me you’ll eventually leave the club—“
He choked, his eyes widening, his skin going pasty white before flushing red. “You’re right,” he snarled, a vein throbbing in his forehead. “I am expecting you to be someone you’re not. A fighter. Shame on fucking me for wanting the woman I met. The one who’d preferred walking away from me if I didn’t kiss her.”
“My entire life has changed since then.”
“Yes, it has and I wish I could make it all better. Take all your pain away. But it happened, so we deal with it. We work through it. You can’t divert attention from one discussion and bring up another or refuse to address the issue at hand.” He clasped his hands in front of his face and contemplated her. “Do you want me to say I love you? I can’t. Circumstances threw us together…what…?...thirty six fucking days ago?”
His nostrils flared and she didn’t know how to stop the direction of the conversation. She hadn’t meant for this to happen. She just wanted his complete and utter loyalty.
He rubbed his neck. “I’m…Later, today, Kendall, I’ll start looking for an apartment for you and have you out of the club as soon as possible. You won’t have to worry about Spoon. I’ll have guards for you.” He turned and headed for the door, but paused. “I…Kendall…” He heaved in a breath. “Do you want to know if I imagine spending the rest of my life with you? Yes. Can I fall in love with you? Yes.” He opened his mouth to say something else, then shrugged. “I’m truly sorry it turned out like this, gorgeous. Have a good night.”
