Golden Crown (Arthur Academy Book 2), page 18
“Paxton?”
He sighs, dropping the forced mask and adding, “We need to talk.”
It was some time later when I heard the soft knock on my door. Paxton had told me he needed to wait until he could come by which was when the halls were clear. He at least wanted to talk to me, so I was more than grateful that he was wanting that at least. It made me nervous, but I was thankful that he still wanted to see me. Hopefully he’d let me explain. After the reveal tonight I was almost expecting him to brush me off again like when our relationship had started. But I was still unsure about how he was going to react to everything. I didn’t even know how I reacted, when I could still barely process it all.
I unclick the door, and let him slide in behind me. I’m careful to ensure the door is locked before I turn and see him remove the hoodie and ball cap like the last time he came over. But this time, there was no playful look in his eyes, or promise of intent. He looked sad, burdened but still, utterly breath-taking at the same time.
“Hey,” I murmur, as his glum eyes look up at me. He stares at me in silence for a moment, before he sighs heavily frustrated, and looks away.
“Hendrix, what happened tonight is…”
“I know.” The nervousness inside me, causes me to interrupt him and with my stomach in knots my hands twist in front of me. “I know what you’re going to say. I should have told you. I should have told you everything, but I was just… I was scared Pax. And I wasn’t scared for you to know about it, about me, but I was scared for you to know that I didn’t regret it and what kind of person that made me. Because, I don’t regret it. What happened. Because that night, it was either going to be him or me that saw the sun rise the next day, and I know it’s selfish, and I know it’s horrible, but I’m relieved that it was me. I’m glad he died Pax.”
I let everything spill out of me in case I didn’t get another opportunity to do so. I wanted him to know the truth in this moment before he decides to walk away. I don’t even realise my eyes are on the floor, or that he has stepped closer to me until his hands take mine to stop their frantic movements. His warm hands tightly grasping mine like they were his very lifeline.
When in reality, they were mine too.
“It’s okay Hendrix. I know.”
My eyes rise to his slowly.
“You… what?”
Now it’s his turn to look determined yet unsure.
“I’ve known about your past from the first day you came here. I’ve known about you the entire time.”
I didn’t respond straight away. I needed time to process what he was saying, and if I was angry about it, unsure, or even relieved – I didn’t know yet.
“You’ve known?”
He nods, his hand slowly leaving mine as I continued to process it.
“I’ve always wanted to know who our elite group let attend here. I hated how my father brushed over things because he always had an agenda. I couldn’t afford to be blindsided. Ever. I didn’t know then that you would…” he pauses, like he can see my head still running through the information he was giving me.
“Then why, why have you never said anything? Why have you never asked me about it?”
“Because I wanted you to tell me on your own terms. To let me in when you were ready. I know you’ve told me that you trust me, but I guess, I just needed to really know that you did.”
I shook my head. “I do trust you Pax. But that life and what happened to me, was a part of something even I didn’t want to acknowledge. To think about that night when I became the darkest version of myself just to survive. I couldn’t…” I pause, glancing to the floor. “I couldn’t risk you looking at me differently. Like I was capable of that. A monster. I told you I’m not the perfect girl you think I am.”
He tugs my chin up so I’m looking into his dark brown eyes.
“Trust me, I’ve known monsters my whole life. You’ve seen him in form tonight, and you aren’t one Hendrix. You’re not.”
My heart thumps loudly hearing those words, that I too, had uttered to him days ago.
Two stories.
Two completely different stories were somehow so woven into one, that the pull I felt for him was something beyond words. I’d always known it, but as we stare right into one anothers soul the connection was like a wire pulsing with electricity that I felt from the tips of my toes to the finest of hairs on the top of my head.
“Pax…” I whisper, a soft sob escaping.
“I swore to you that I would never let anyone hurt you again, and I meant it.” He takes my cheeks in his large hands and presses his forehead to mine.
“Hendrix, I lov…”
“I love you,” I interrupt, wanting to say the words that were trying to burst out of me. Words, until this day, I wasn’t sure I was capable of. Words, I had never truly felt before. I don’t let him finish what he was going to say in words, but he finishes them regardless when he captures my lips with his. Intense passion and desire lit the room as we hold each other as tight as we possibly could. My entire front was plastered to him, as he holds me so tight I was sure to bruise. But I held on just as tight in the hope that I made my mark on him too.
“Since that first damn day…” he whispers, his lips moving against mine. I reluctantly pull back, before his finger traces my swollen lips. “I told you, you needed to be careful.”
I shake my head. “Careful?”
“Of who you collided with next.”
Flashes from that day in the hall on my knees and my bags contents sprawled on the floor as I scrambled to contain them. My eyes had trailed up the formidable frame that was Paxton Reed. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I continued staring at him. So much had happened since that day, that I knew in my bones, I would collide with him for as long as he’d have me.
“I have no regrets Pax.”
He takes my mouth possessively in his once more, before he says.
“Neither do I.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Paxton
I’d been wound so tight these last few days from dealing with my father, keeping an eye on Rivers issues and worrying about the events that were to come to pass in the coming days, that I was more on edge than I’d ever been. So many balls were still juggling in the air, and it was more than taking a toll on me not to drop one.
I had more to lose now.
Not being able to see Hendrix as much as I’d like was also adding to that strain because when she was safe in my arms, the whole world slipped away.
She was my escape.
My sanctuary.
I’d never thought it possible to feel that way about a girl before, but there’s a connection between us beyond anything my mother could’ve taught me, or my father would’ve beaten out of me. But as I get lost in her hazel eyes - I willingly drown in her. The Paxton Reed I’m supposed to be ceased to exist. It’s just us, and I squeeze her body tightly to mine because I never want this feeling to end. I don’t ever want her to leave, and I want to protect her from every dark monster she has ever had to face.
Flashes of my mother in her facility try and invade my thoughts, as she was the only other person who I knew loved me more than life itself. But like my entire life had been disappointment after disappointment, she too, had left me.
But not Hendrix.
I wouldn’t allow it.
When her chest leaks a contented moan, my entire body wants her as much as my soul does. I loosen my grip on her, worried that I may have bruised her, but when I catch the need in her gaze that mirrors mine, I know she feels the exact same way I do.
She told me she loved me.
And fuck did I love her too.
I tug her with me when I walk backwards towards her bed until I fall to a seated position after my calves hit the edge. She stands over me and settles between my thighs and her hands find their way into my hair. I can’t help but close my eyes when I relish the feel of her fingers gliding through the strands. Her tiny fingers, smoothing out my worry lines I know I have on my forehead as my brain just never seems to switch off completely. There was an openness between us now, that felt like everything was out in the open - well everything that mattered anyway - and I wanted nothing more in this moment than to hold the girl who had my heart in the palm of her hand. I wrap my arms around her hips and tug her forward, my hands settling on her pert ass and my entire body wanting nothing more than to strip her bare to show her how much she means to me. But that will come. I need to talk to her first about what happened tonight. I need to make sure she’s okay.
“I need you to know that you’re safe here. Whatever happens with what went down tonight, your new life and scholarship is safe. It won’t be taken away from you now.”
Her thoughts convey so many different emotions on her face while her hands still blindly massage my forehead and slide through my hair.
“And what about Austin?”
The crease between my brow folds in as I ask, “Austin? I mean it’s true he didn’t know about your entire past, but he understands. I know he will.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not the only thing I’m worried about.”
I tilt my head, watching her nibble away anxiously at her lower lip and finding it hard to keep focused on what was troubling her and not replacing the movement with my own lips.
“l mean, I can imagine what he must be thinking about everything, about me,” she mutters. “But whenever we are in a position to actually be together Pax, what does that mean for Austin?”
The sincerity in her voice literally guts me when I understand what she’s asking me. But my girl feels so much for others that it makes me want to wrap her up so she never has to worry again.
“He knows what he’s doing. Don’t worry about Austin.”
“But I do Pax. What he’s doing for you, for us, means he won’t be given a choice now. I don’t want to be responsible for taking anyones choices away from them.”
I pull her even closer to me when my hands wrap around her and I rest my chin against her stomach. I look up at her.
“I owe him so much for helping us, and I promise you that I will make sure he gets what he wants when the times comes. I don’t want you to worry about that.”
She seems to think over what I said, before she asks, “Do you promise?”
I nod, pressing a kiss on her stomach as she cups the side of my head.
“And about your father….” she starts, causing me to look back up at her. “Why does he hate me so much? The way he revealed my past like that. It’s like he thinks I would be capable of hurting someone else. Of hurting you…”
I shake my head. “Don’t let anything my father says get to you. He’s manipulative. He knows exactly what he’s doing with every move he makes. He wants you to worry, to over-think and to be concerned. But trust me, he won’t get close enough to even try and hurt you again. I won’t let him.”
“But…”
I press my finger to her lips to silence what she was about to say. “Please just trust me. Whilst I don’t know every detail, I know enough about your life to know you are the strongest, yet most caring person I know. You were in a situation, a fucked-up situation that only the strong survive. And you did what you had to to survive it. You’re my strong, beautiful, capable girl, that I love with my whole black heart Hendrix. Do you hear me? You may have said it first, but I’ll always be the one to say it last. I fucking love you.”
She leans into me and kisses me, pouring her entire soul into it. I’m not sure how long we stay wrapped up in each other, but when our clothes start disappearing and I’m thrust well inside of her, I’m as high as River on Christmas Eve. Even after I clean us up and tuck her beside me, I nuzzle her nose before she tentatively wraps her arms around my bare skin. Moments of utter contentment pass, and I can feel myself relax for the first time in days. My girl was safe in my arms, and the entire world was locked far away from us right now. It was enough for me to be calm.
To be still.
“My mothers’ name was James.”
Her soft voice fills the comfortable silence causing me to pause the gentle caress of my fingers sliding down her spine. I glance down at her in question causing her to edge an uncomfortable cough low in her throat. She closes her eye wearily.
“Hendrix James. James was my mothers’ name. I wanted a new start when I came here because after that day, I couldn’t be Hendrix Ryan any longer. I couldn’t be tied to that monster of a man for the rest of my life, and I wanted a part of her with me. She was the only small part of my old life that I wanted to keep a piece of.”
I press a soft kiss on her forehead allowing her truths to settle for a moment before asking, “And where is she now? Your mother?”
She sighs tiredly, her head leaning heavier against my chest where my heart thumped loudly beneath her beautiful face just as her eyes grew heavy with sleep.
“She got away. That night I fought my father, was because I was stopping him from choking her Pax. She was so drugged up she barely fought back – but I couldn’t just let her die there. I couldn’t watch him steal the very life from her right in front of me. She’d been just as much of a prisoner in that life that I had been. I never blamed her, and it may be naïve or stupid of me, but she was my mother. So I fought him. I turned his attention to me when I shoved him as hard as I could until he rolled off of her. But when she came to, she saw me on my back in the same position she had just been, which was my father on top of me and his hands around my throat.”
I held my breath, trying desperately to stay strong as she too took a break.
“So, I did what I had to do in order to save her Pax. When her teary eyes met mine, I mouthed for her to run before my fingers found the edge of the lamp that I used to finally escape him.”
I let the silence swallow us once more, and continued the tender trace of my fingers down her delicate skin.
“And… and what happened?” I whisper, my heart frozen as I await her breathy reply.
She yawned. “She did I what I asked her to do. She ran, and I haven’t seen her since.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hendrix
I open my eyes, overcome with heat to find my room in darkness and the warm body I must’ve fallen asleep on, still sprawled beneath me. I snuggle closer, feeling Paxton glide his lips across my forehead at the same time his fingers trace a slow pattern up and down my spine. There was an openness between us now. I felt lighter, more-free somehow, knowing there was literally nothing between us. I relished the feeling of loving him and him loving me back, something so foreign to me because I’d never experienced it on this level before. I smile before pressing a soft kiss on his chest as my hands too, start wandering down his muscled stomach. Enjoying the slight fall and rise over every single chiselled ridge I could feel beneath the shirt he wore. He adjusts his position, so we are side by side now, but as his hips press closer to mine it was obvious how much my touch was affecting him.
Just the same as his touch was affecting me too.
“You’re still here?” I whisper, nuzzling my nose on his shirt and inhaling him deep into my lungs.
“I have to leave soon.”
“It’s still dark.”
“I got dressed to leave.”
“I fell asleep.”
“You did.”
We mutter to one another, as we explore each others bodies. The only sounds heard above the consistent beating in our chests were the heated breaths exhaling in and out, as we continued trailing the barest of kisses on one anothers skin.
“I’m sorry for falling asleep on you.”
He pauses, taking my face in his large hands. “You’re welcome to anytime.”
“But it means I’ve slept through the only time we can actually be together.”
He pulls back, the frown on his face in response to my solemn expression. “I promise it won’t be this way forever.”
I nod slowly, my hands grip his shirt tightly.
“Besides,” he adds, as he pulls me on top of him, so he is now lying on my bed beneath me. “It’s not dawn yet. We have time.”
My heart races, as I peer down at him. I take my bottom lip beneath my teeth, as my hands find the bare skin between his tee and jeans. I slowly trail my hands upwards, taking his shirt with me as I go. He throws it to the floor before my palms settle on his bare chest and he takes my mouth in his. When my sleep tank joins his discarded shirt, I feel his fingers dip inside the top of my panties. I pull back, seeing the haze of lust on his face, but there was also something more there too. Something... deeper.
“I love you. You know that right?”
I nod, sitting up so I can slide my panties all the way down my legs, and not once does Paxton take his gaze from my eyes. Eyes, that were conveying so much in this moment than I would’ve ever thought possible. I mean, how much more could I feel for this guy…? Because it was bursting to get out of me. The same way that I was bursting to show him what was simmering fiercely inside of me too. When I settle on top of him, my legs splayed on either side of his muscular thighs, the only thing separating us now were his jeans. The zipper, teasing my most sensitive area as I wanted nothing more than to sink down on him.
But I hesitated.
Whilst I knew he had seen my scars, it was still second nature to cross my arms over my stomach, as I realised I was sitting above him well on display. Whilst we’d done this before, this particular position of me in control was something I wasn’t familiar with. Suddenly I was overcome with worry that I wasn’t going to be able to take control of this with him. To make him lose control under my touch, the way he does so easily to me. That I was too on display for a guy like him who was the most perfectly sculpted specimen known to man.
His fingers tug my chin upward at the same time he frees my lip I had beneath my teeth. He trails his fingers to my forehead seemingly to smooth out the worry I so clearly had written there.
“Stop overthinking this. Like I said, you’re perfect.”
“I’ve never…” I start, noting the sincerity in his gaze.
