The Hearts We Break (The Alphaletes Book 3), page 7
Erica is a painter, a damn good one at that. Though Seb is about the least artistic person out there, he supports his wife so wholly. They are basically couple goals. I mean, Declan and Vi definitely give them a run for their money in that department, though. Those two are perfection together.
“Thanks for watching them, again,” Erica says as she pulls me in for a hug. “Did they give you any trouble going down? Rosie has been fighting us tooth and nail when it comes to brushing her teeth lately.”
I smile and shake my head. “Daphne wanted to wait for you guys to get home, so of course Rosie agreed. We almost had a mutiny, but I promised to take them out for ice cream next week, and it was smooth sailing from there.”
Seb chuckles as he kisses the side of Erica’s head before nodding at me as he makes his way into the kitchen.
“Thanks, Scarlett. I’m gonna go check on the girls before I get the bath ready,” Seb says as he gives a smoldering look to his wife that turns her face about as red as her hair.
“Well, looks like you’re about to have a fun night,” I tease as Erica smacks my arm.
“Shut up. How’s Slater doing?”
“Good,” I nod, my mind instantly flashing back to that moment we had in his workout room. It was a moment, right? I’ve fantasized about Slater plenty over my life, but that wasn’t a fantasy. That happened. Didn’t it?
Erica is unfortunately too perceptive as her eyes narrow on me suspiciously.
“What happened?”
“Nothing!” I defend quickly, causing my voice to squeak.
Erica’s mouth drops open as her eyes widen.
“Oh my god! You guys hooked up, didn’t you?”
“What?” I scoff. “What world are you living in? No, definitely not.”
Her expression falls as she tilts her head to the side curiously.
“But something did happen?”
My eyes flick to the staircase that Seb just disappeared up before I lower my voice.
“We almost kissed,” I whisper. “I mean, I think we did. I don’t know. Maybe I was just fabricating things.”
“What do you mean almost? What happened?”
I flick my eyes to her. “A certain redhead called my phone and when it rang he backed up like he couldn’t get away fast enough.”
“Fuckkk. I’m sorry.”
I shrug as my eyes begin to water. “It’s fine. He couldn’t even look me in the eye after so maybe it’s good that it didn’t happen. Not sure how I could handle it if Slater kissed me and then looked at me with regret.”
She gives me a sympathetic frown as she pulls me in for a hug.
“Do you think you and Slater working together so closely is such a good idea? At least right now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean, emotions are running a little high right now. Slater’s career is hanging on by a couple of repaired ligaments, literally. His wife just left him, and he’s now having to resonate with the fact that she only ever wanted him for what he could give her. That’s a lot of change for one man. Throw you into the mix, and I’m not sure either of you are in a good place to be supporting the other.”
I shake my head. “I need to be there for Slater. He doesn’t have anyone else to lean on.”
“He has plenty of people to lean on, he just doesn’t want to lean on anyone but you.”
I shrug as I glance at my shoes for a moment as I soften my voice.
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“No, babe. I’m just saying that Slater is in a vulnerable state right now and considering the feelings you have had and continue to have for him…I’m just worried about your heart.”
I don’t say anything to that, part of me is more than a little concerned for the reasons she is saying. I’ve been in love with the man for two decades. His life is in shambles, and if he used me to numb the pain for a bit, I’d let him, in a heartbeat. But then where would that leave us?
Nothing quite scares me like finally admitting to Slater how much I love him, how much I always have, and him not reciprocating those feelings. It would shatter me. Twenty years of friendship be damned, I don’t think anything could survive a blowout like that. I need to let go of my hopes of a future with Slater, for good. If we were meant to be, we would have been by now. But we haven’t, and I need to find a way to deal with that. For my own sake, I have to let it go.
Slater
Scar: Hey, I think we should give you an extra rest day. We will start again on Monday.
That’s all her message said. At first, I was confused because Scar never lets me off the hook that easily, but then, I just felt relieved. I’ve never not wanted to be around Scar, but yesterday has my head all fucked up.
I almost kissed my best friend. For half a second, I almost forgot who we were to each other, where we were, all of it. All I could focus on was the comforting scent of cocoa butter that practically surrounded us as I got lost in those kaleidoscope eyes.
It’s been years since I’ve even contemplated crossing that line with Scar. We never talked about that night, maybe she never even thinks about it, but I used to, a lot.
Still do occasionally.
“I can’t believe I’m about to be a D1 athlete. It’s fucking surreal,” I say as I stare into the bonfire in front of Scar and me.
I leave for Brighton University in the morning. A ritzy D1 school with one of the best football programs in the country. And they picked me. Not just picked me, they gave me a scholarship. Full ride. I’m sure as a freshman I won’t start right off the bat, but I’m determined to take my place as starting running back.
“I can,” Scar says with a sweet smile. “I’ve always believed in you. You’re gonna be amazing, Slate.”
I smile at her, and when those hazel eyes land on me, my stomach twists as nerves begin to creep in. I’m not a nervous guy, far from. I’ve been with plenty of women and have no problem flirting. Except with Scar. Somewhere along the road, I started crushing on my best friend. I couldn’t tell you when it happened, maybe it was a slow building thing. All I know though is that since I graduated and have been getting ready to head off to college, I can’t help but think about what I’m leaving behind.
“I’m gonna miss this, Scar.”
“What?” she asks with a slight tilt to her head.
“This,” I say as I motion between us. “Just talking with you, hanging out. Everything is just easy with you.”
More wants to come out, but I stop myself. I’m conflicted. For months, I’ve gone back and forth whether I should shoot my shot with Scar or not. I care about her, obviously, and over the last year in particular, she has gotten so fucking gorgeous. Her legs go on for miles, her skin is always perfectly smooth, and her eyes could pin me in my place mid-field.
I’ve been worried it could mess up our friendship, though. To make a move and have her turn me down, say that she doesn’t see me that way. Something. But I watch as she nervously tucks a piece of hair behind her ear before trying to bite back her smile. A smile she only reserves for me.
Lifting her head, she faces the fire while I watch her before she speaks.
“Me too.”
Slowly, I lift my hand to grasp her chin, gently turning her until she is facing me. My eyes bounce across her face, hoping that I can somehow etch her beautiful face into my mind just from memory alone. Thanksgiving break is going to feel like forever when I’m over ten hours away. Sure there is FaceTime and shit, but it's not the same as being here with her, the smell of cocoa butter surrounding us as my fingers brush against her satin skin.
Without meaning to, my eyes dart down to her lips. For months now, I’ve wondered what they would taste like. Do they taste like the cherry flavored lip balm she has her dad buy practically in bulk? Would they taste like the beer we just stole from my parent’s fridge? Or would they taste like something totally unique? Something totally Scar.
My tongue runs along my lower lip in anticipation as my grip on her face tightens. Fuck this. I can’t leave for over three months and not know. To not try, even just once. I go to lean in when the worst possible sound comes from Scarlett’s house.
“Slater! You out there?” Ezra calls out.
Fuck.
Ezra would kill me if he knew I had a thing for his baby sister. When I started noticing Scar, really noticing her, I think Ezra picked up on it. Lately, he has been inserting himself between Scar and me whenever he gets the chance. Like he knows if we are left alone for too long something will happen. Like me grabbing her by the face and kissing her.
I pull back, and my chest squeezes as I see what looks like disappointment splash across Scar’s face as I do so.
“Yeah, man. Was just about to head in,” I shout out before I stand up and walk over to where Ezra is standing on their back porch.
I glance behind me to see that Scar is watching me go, but when we lock eyes, she quickly turns away and focuses on the dimming fire in front of her. Walking to step past Ezra and hang out in his room for a bit like we planned he stops me, his hand gripping my shoulder tighter than he ever has before.
“What was that?” he demands.
“What was what?” I ask, doing my best to maintain a casual indifference.
He narrows his eyes on me like he sees right through my shit. He probably does. Next to Scar, no one knows me like Ezra.
“Don’t go there, Slater,” he warns.
“Ezra, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say as I shrug off his hand and step around him. I only make it one more step before he speaks, quieter this time like he doesn’t want to be overheard.
“Don’t act like I’m fucking stupid. I have two eyes. I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
I pause, turning around to face him. I don’t say anything because really, what is there to say? Am I going to lie?
“You’re into Scarlett,” he states simply.
I blow out a breath and scratch the back of my head as I nod.
“Yeah, I am.”
“You’re going off to college hours away, tomorrow, Slate.”
“So?”
He lets out a short huff as he crosses his arms.
“So, she isn’t just some girl that you can mess around with just because you’re bored.”
I frown at that as I look at my friend and shake my head.
“Don’t you think I know that?”
Ezra stares at me for several seconds, seemingly weighing his words carefully before he speaks.
“Don’t go there, unless you are all in. If she isn’t your end game, then you better back the fuck off. She deserves better than to be your hometown side piece while you’re out living it up in college.”
His words have me pausing. I have never thought about Scar like that. Not once. He’s right. She isn’t just some girl, she is…everything. My biggest supporter, my loudest cheerleader, my best friend. I could never even think of treating Scar as someone who is dispensable, because she’s not. No one could ever replace her spot in my life.
Then, an old thought takes up residence in my head. What if you did shoot your shot, and things fell apart? What if you shoot your shot, it doesn’t work out the way you hoped and you lose your best friend in the fall out. That last thought is like a punch to the gut, and it’s what solidifies in my head that I’ve done the right thing fighting what I feel for her over these last few months. I’m not willing to gamble with losing Scar in my life. Even if I want to give us a shot, it isn’t worth the risk.
It was hard for the first few months at Brighton. Scar and I still talked consistently and being so far away from her was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Maybe it was because I saw the way she looked at me that night. How I could see plain as day that she wanted me too. Despite there being a lot of beautiful women at Brighton, none of them held my attention when I had Scar texting me from Seattle. Just before Thanksgiving break, I was ready to say the hell with it and tell her how I felt, make things work somehow and say fuck the consequences. But then, she told me about how Jeremy Burke asked her out and she said yes. It fucking hurt. I told her that I played with Burke on the football team, and he was a good guy, because he was. Didn’t mean I wasn’t tempted to drive the six hundred miles and kick his two front teeth in.
The night of Scar’s date with him was the first night I hooked up with someone in close to six months. It was the first time I had hooked up with someone since admitting to myself that I had a thing for my best friend. When I took that blonde to bed, I forced myself to shut down all thoughts of Scar in that way. Forced myself to bury the feelings that I had and focus on the best friendship I ever had and would ever have.
I fumbled a bit here and there, occasionally thinking about her but each time I found a new girl to lose myself in and it all got a little easier until the feelings were nearly muted. When I came back up to Seattle to help Dad take care of Mom, I almost caved again. Scar was a sophomore at Seattle U, and I transferred in for my junior year. We were practically inseparable, the fear over Mom’s cancer binding us together in a way stronger than ever before. Until one night Scar had to work, and I was desperate to drown out the noise in my head, the fear and doubts about my mom, about football, about Scar all running rampant. I grabbed the cute blonde girl that my friend Violet had introduced me to and dragged her into the closest bedroom before letting out all of my stress and frustrations on her.
We started seeing each other casually for a few weeks before becoming official and getting married a few years after that. I thought that it all ended up working kinda perfect. I got to fall in love, have a smoking hot wife who loved and cared about me, and I got to keep my friendship with Scar perfectly preserved. Never even able to risk a chance of ruining it because we would never cross that line. I could keep her by my side forever.
That foolproof plan is beginning to crack at the seams, though. I just hope to god I can keep it together, for both our sakes.
Scarlett
I’m sitting outside Coach Aberton’s office waiting for him to wrap up a call with Collin on my right and Slater on my left. We have a meeting today to go over Slater’s progress, how he’s feeling, and what we think this season is going to look like for him. Letting Slater have Friday was probably for the best, considering he has barely said two words to me since he got here.
Maybe he is confused or freaked out that we almost crossed a line? Maybe he is sitting here feeling guilty because he just doesn’t see me that way and he’s worried about hurting me? Whatever the case is, I hate it. For twenty years I’ve lived in the friend zone, and though it sucks, at least I had my best friend. Can’t say the same right now. The air around us is thick with tension, so thick even Collin can tell if his frequent side eyes between the two of us are anything to go off of.
The door finally opens, and Aberton greets us all, ushering us into the office before we all take our seats.
“So, how you doing, Santos?” Aberton asks as he leans forward into his chair, his fingers tented on top of his desk.
The offensive and defensive coaches are also in here, watching us carefully as we all get settled. Slater makes direct eye contact with Coach and gives him one of the most convincing smiles I’ve ever seen anyone pull off.
“I’m feeling good, Coach. I’m already back at my regular warm up routine and improving every day,” he says with ease like he wasn’t rolling his eyes at me days ago when I said the same thing.
Aberton raises an eyebrow at him like he doesn’t quite believe him before swinging his gaze to Collin.
“What do you think?”
Collin nods. “Scarlett and I have been going over Slater’s training plan, and he is progressing well. As long as he doesn’t face any hiccups in his recovery, I’d be confident to say he should be able to return to regular practice in July.”
Slater smiles at that, a genuine one this time. So does every coach in the room before Aberton nods.
“Good, that’s just what we wanted to hear. Keep up the good work, Santos. And you both will be keeping me updated,” he says as he looks between Collin and me.
We both nod wordlessly as he claps his hands together and stands.
“Good to hear.”
We all stand and shake hands before Collin, Slater, and I file out of the room. Collin glances down at his phone before quickly responding to a text.
“The wife?” I guess.
He smiles at me and nods. “Apparently she’s craving clam chowder and Doritos,” he says with a shake of his head.
I bark out a laugh. “That sounds truthfully disgusting. How much longer until she’s due?”
“Six weeks, unfortunately. Meredith is so ready to not be pregnant anymore.”
I smile sympathetically and nod. “He’ll be here before you two know it. In the meantime, you better make a run to Ivar’s.”
Collin runs a hand over his jaw and laughs before waving goodbye. He and his wife are so cute. Obviously, I only joined the team two years ago, but I’ve met Meredith a handful of times and she is so sweet. They are adorable together, like the picture perfect doting husband and loving wife. A pang runs through me at that, like maybe I’m missing out. Who am I kidding? I know that I’m missing out. I’ve spent practically my entire life hung up on one of the only men in this life that I can never have. I’m not sure I’ve ever properly seen anyone but Slater. It’s always been him, but if the other day was anything to go off, I definitely need to put that fantasy to rest once and for all and move on.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I dream of having a family one day. I want to have a husband who is madly in love with me, a few kids, and the whole white picket fence dream. I know twenty-seven isn’t exactly the age where I should be worried if that’s going to happen for me or not yet, but when I start to look around at all of my friends who are married with kids or expecting, it makes me feel like somehow I’m behind. Like I’m late to the game of musical chairs and if I don’t pick soon, I’ll be left standing when the music stops.
