Checked Out, page 9
Sucking in breath like a surfacing diver, Peri struggled against the onslaught. Brick by brick, and brick by brick. Counterintelligence training came back to her, and each brick was mortared to the next, brick by brick by brick.
I am the master of my own thoughts.
These are not my memories.
Sharp, like a needle in her mind, ::This is what you dared call nonsense.::
“What are you?”
The images in her head evaporated as if they’d never been there at all. Her heart was pounding like a terrified bird. Both hands were clenched in fists. A trickle of sweat ran into her injured eye.
There was a sense of regret and apology. ::I told you. I am the coin. I was made by a goddess to mark the beginning of Forever. I gave you the memory of the Beloved of Aphaea Artemis.::
“Anger and brutality?”
::Daughters of Artemis had been taken for sport and selling.::
She put a shaking hand to her forehead. A part of her recognized the rage — there was a whisper of it inside her, deeply banked. Its constant companion was despair. There was too much evil in the world in high and protected places, and if she let her rage out it would only burn her.
::Your fight is in a different way, against a different would-be captor. You share the same woven thread as the Beloved. You gave of yourself for others. She is strong in you.:: Very quietly, the voice added, ::I chose you, a warrior for a warrior.::
You chose me? What for?
::I am in the service of love.::
She struggled upright. The coin on the dresser was glowing as if heated in a fire. She scooped it up, fearing for the wood underneath. Heavier than it seemed like it ought to be, it was hot but not burning to the touch. I think I’m having a psychedelic dream.
::You are awake.::
She set the coin down and went into the bathroom to douse her head with water. It wasn’t until she reached for a towel that she realized her left arm had lifted. She tested the range of motion, elated and stunned. “Did you do that?”
::It’s not something I can do. I have only a small magic. I think that you did this.::
“You call that a small magic? What you did in my head? Without my permission?”
There was exasperation threaded into the voice now. ::All of you — I tell you only the truth, you do not believe me, and when I prove to you I am truthful, you resent being wrong.::
“You realize that was terrifying, right?”
Exasperation turned to sullenness. ::You called She who created me nonsense.::
“You have to admit I had reason to.”
::I admit nothing. You have to admit you were disrespectful because you were ignorant. That’s not how diplomacy works, is it?::
“I’m not a diplomat,” Peri muttered. “I’ve never aspired to be one. I didn’t get my mother’s patience.”
::Not that you’ve allowed yourself to see. I believe your Dr. Shrink would call that “arguing for your limitations.”::
The smugness was galling.
::No, the fact that I’m right is what you find galling.::
“Now who’s being pompous?”
Something like a snort sounded in her mind. ::Which of us was forged by a goddess?::
Peri gripped the sink and grimaced into the mirror. “If you knew my mother and grandmother, you’d know we were both forged by goddesses.”
After a shocked pause, something like a tingling bell glistened behind her eyes. Laughter?
::Very good. You are right, of course.:: With grudging admiration, the voice went on. ::You are very strong.::
“You’re kidding, right? I’ve nearly fainted three times in just the past few days.”
::None of you really accepts how strong you are, as if it’s a secret.::
How long had this… this thing been whispering in her head?
::I pass from hand to hand easily these days. Almost no one looks at coins anymore. In your case, I observed you having soup in that eatery and made sure I became your change.::
The idea was absurd. “You’re lucky I didn’t use a credit card.”
The smugness was back. ::Hmm. I wonder why you didn’t.::
She yawned at her reflection and began the process of brushing her teeth. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m exhausted and can’t worry about it until I get some rest.
::Isn’t it too early?::
“It’s about right.”
Almost as if it could be a memory or desire of her own, a misty image teased at the edge of her awareness of Wynona Earp aiming Peacemaker at a Hell-bound demon.
::One more episode?::
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MONDAY MORNING WAS OCCUPIED at first by sorting through paperwork and incident reports from over the weekend. About halfway down Lisette paused and couldn’t help but smile. An application for a temporary library card had been filled out and card number assigned. She studied the neat, mixed-caps printing.
She was sorry she hadn’t been here to help Peri herself.
Oh stop, she told herself. You’ve got a busy day, and no time for this. Peri Garritsen is here temporarily. It says so right on the piece of paper in your hand.
She wasn’t proud of what she did next, but she couldn’t help herself. It only took a few clicks to see the borrowing record for Peri’s new card. Another mystery — and three books on how to bake and decorate cookies.
She blushed, deeply pleased, and cleared the screen, all the while telling herself she’d learned nothing important.
“You look like you’re having a good day.” Sansa, in jeans and a thick silk and wool sweater, was leaning in her doorway.
“I am, for a Monday.”
“Got time for lunch?”
“I’d love to, but I have a lunch meeting with a committee. A board committee.”
“Drats.” Sansa perched in the chair facing Lisette’s desk. “Listen, I just wanted to say sorry about Chelsea’s overactive matchmaking. She didn’t know that was a government agent, and she doesn’t know anything about what happened the last time one of them showed up.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She visualized Peri in the cold morning air at the Market, looking long-legged in sweats, her face alight as they discussed the vital importance of cheese. “It was awkward, but it’s a lesbian pastime, sapphic side sport, fixing our friends up with anyone who looks eligible. Chelsea is good at it.”
Sansa’s seriousness eased into teasing. “She is. She read you both very easily.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” She found a memo on her desk that needed to be read at that very moment.
“You were tempted to teach her how to make cookies, weren’t you?”
Lisette knew she wouldn’t fool Sansa, but she tried. “Of course not.”
“Liar. I bet if she comes here you’ll be happy to show her where the cookbooks are.”
“I’m happy to show anyone. That’s my job.” Damn it, she could feel her cheeks burning.
“What happened? She already did?”
She did not glance at the pile of paperwork on her desk. “How would I know? I was off yesterday.”
Sansa twirled her hair around one finger, which meant she was bored and would be hard to budge. “What’d you do? And don’t forget Thursday we’re doing the grand shopping trip and Friday is Long Kiss Goodnight and bagging up party favors.”
“I haven’t forgotten, as if. Yesterday? I cleaned. Kind of. Updated the shopping list. Stopped myself from going back to the Holiday Market for more cheese. I blew my budget, you know. Your party may only be getting cheddar and jack cubes with Wheat Thins.”
The prospect didn’t distract Sansa. “What would it have hurt, coaching her on how to make cookies?”
Lisette glowered. “This is not about cookies, and you know it.”
Sansa sat up straight. “So there is something there.”
“Why are you trying to fix me up?” Lisette lowered her voice. “I am perfectly happy.”
“Can’t you be happier? Intimacy is nice.”
“Maybe. But there is nothing wrong with me or my life if I’m not having sex five times a week.”
Sansa smirked. “Once a day, on average.”
Lisette waved off the words, but it was too late. “Why do you tell me these things?”
“To inspire you?”
She lowered her voice. “Whatever, I’m happy for you and Chelsea. That’s got nothing to do with me and my love life where I get to say what makes me happy and if I feel like having sex.”
“Do you have any idea how long it’s been?”
“I am fine flying solo, and that keeps me from thinking with my lady bits. You’re the one who’s always been bunny on the job.”
Sansa laughed. “Bunny on the job?”
“You know what I mean, Ms. Once-A-Day-On-Average. Besides, having gotten a good look at the damage, Peri’s not up to having torrid sex. She’s kind of frail.”
“It doesn’t have to be torrid. It could be really wonderful cuddling. Literal Netflix and chill.” Sansa leaned forward, her face filled with genuine concern. “Lissy, aren’t you ever lonely?”
She didn’t even have to think about it. “No. And if I were, or I wanted to do—” She paused to smile at a staff member passing her door. “To do, you know, it wouldn’t be with someone from the government. She’s all frail now, but she could turn into an officious, manipulative, soul-sucking asshat like the last one was.”
“I guess.” Sansa stood up. “Fine. I’m having lunch by myself.”
“It’s so hard to be you.” Doing anything by herself would be torture. Lisette considered herself fairly extroverted, but Sansa was even more so. “Get out of my office.”
“It’s not hard to be me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I just wish you were too.”
“What makes you think I’m not?”
“Because you’re afraid to make cookies with someone interesting.”
“A Homeland Security agent.”
“I know, and yes, that FBI agent was a total asshat.”
“It still hurts. Every once in a while I think about the time I could have had with my mother, and it aches. All because of an officious little man with a big badge, tiny you-know-what, and a gun.”
“What do you think your mom would want for you?” Sansa drifted toward the door. “Will you promise me you’ll think about that?”
Lisette glanced beyond Sansa. “City councilwoman on your six. And a board member. Great, they’re frowning at the Lucky Day display.”
Sansa gave her a brightly innocent, utterly perky smile. “Have a terrific meeting.”
Lisette pushed her glasses up her nose with her middle finger. “Love you too.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE LOUDEST SOUND IN her ears was her beating heart. Too fast, too loud. It drowned out the shouts of the others searching the rooftop.
She checked her watch. Fifteen seconds.
The latch on the air conditioning vent wouldn’t move. She tore at it with her hands. A sharp gash in one thumb dotted the black tar roof with bright red.
She checked her watch. Fifteen seconds.
Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo…
Her heartbeat was now so loud she couldn’t tell if anyone else had yelled that they’d found it.
The latch gave way.
The vent cover lifted enough to see the blinking red display 00:15.
She checked her watch. Fifteen seconds.
Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliette…
The vent cover finally came off. All she had to do was pull the detonator off the container. She froze. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t warn anyone.
She checked her watch. Fifteen seconds.
Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec…
::Wake up!::
The sheets were drenched. Peri kicked off the covers and pressed a hand to her forehead. The light pressure helped her focus on the checklist that Dr. Shrink had given her.
She finished the international radio code words from Romeo to Zulu. Reminded herself that rooftop video had shown, without question, that she’d disconnected the detonator, shoved the pile of explosives deeper into the vent, and had enough time to start running from the blast when the detonator went off. She’d been waving her arms like a madman, and at least six people had had the chance to put more distance between themselves and the concussion radius.
“The dream is about the fear that you might have failed, and will fail again,” Dr. Shrink had told her. “You didn’t fail.”
I could have found it sooner. Also true that anyone else could have as well.
“We can’t control random events. There are forces outside us we have no say in — luck is one of them. You had bad luck to be in that building on the top floor making a courtesy call on an — Interpol liaison, right? — when the threat came in. Someone not you determined ten minutes could be spent on a search before you all had to evacuate. They were wrong. Nevertheless, you didn’t fail. And you have survived.”
Dr. Shrink had been firm, and she repeated herself patiently. Her voice and words were implanted in Peri’s brain when she was awake. It was the dreams that slithered past all the guards.
If she’d put the vent cover on the ground, it wouldn’t have been airborne and nearly sliced off her face. But if she’d done that, she likely wouldn’t have had time to detach the main payload from the detonator.
She finally sat up, wincing at the sharp pain that felt like a tiny demon with a jackhammer pounding on each rib all at once. A glance at her phone showed it was 5:02 a.m. She’d slept just over six hours. What had possessed her to spend two days glued to Wynona Earp?
The coin. That’s what had possessed her.
There wasn’t even a hint of dawn as she made her way into the kitchen. She stirred together a packet of plain oatmeal and boiling water and added a dollop of peanut butter along with diced slices from a mottled red heirloom apple she’d picked up at the Holiday Market on Sunday. The farmer promised it would eat just like apples that John Adams had enjoyed.
Once half the oatmeal was in her stomach she added ibuprofen. If the pain eased the way it had yesterday, she might only need a pain pill this evening.
She reflexively rolled her shoulder as she ate her breakfast. She still couldn’t get it all the way around, but she was able to shrug, and she could lift her left arm as high as her jaw. She felt a little bit more like herself.
She wanted her “normal” back. The confidence and competence. The sense of purpose, even if she was a small cog in a very complex machine.
::Is life in that machine the only way to feel normal?::
“You know what isn’t normal? A three-thousand-year-old coin obsessing about my love life.”
::I’m well aware.::
They’d struck an uneasy peace. In return for not bringing up Lisette, Peri agreed they would power-binge Wynona Earp. They were already up to season three. Peri was enjoying it, and her coin companion was enthralled. But the situation wasn’t sustainable. Eventually they’d run out of Wynona. Then the coin would go back to snarking about Peri’s choices, and she couldn’t envision how it could end short of dropping the coin in a donation cup or the nearest storm drain.
Which would unleash it on someone else. Not that she sensed it intended evil, but it was powerful. She was suspicious of powerful objects in the hands of people untrained to use them.
::I’m not in anyone’s hands. Only I can compel my power, and my power is for one thing only. In the serv—::
“The service of love, yes I know.”
::When will you accept that we have the same goal? You were already thinking about her when you came into the diner.::
“I didn’t come to small-town America to fall for someone.”
::You did not go up on that roof to get blown up either. Unexpected things happen.::
“I don’t even remember why I was at Interpol. Isn’t that strange? I made an appointment to see this woman, but I didn’t make any notes about why.”
::That is odd. You are methodical.::
“I don’t suppose you could have a look?”
::Your minds don’t work that way. I see what is on the surface, even when you do not. But memories are tricky things. You lock them up for no reason at all sometimes.::
“So how did you know about her? About Lisette?”
::The Beloved’s energy was on you. A bright flame that would fade away without my breath on the kindling. It shines out amidst all the noise. So much anger, hurt, despair, and worry. Joy and hope are beacons to me.::
Breakfast bowl rinsed, Peri began a survey of the kitchen for measuring cups and a mixer. “So, people are like Wi-Fi hotspots to you? You can see that they’re there, and read what’s on the top, and you’re hoping to find one with the right setup to let you in so you can run your code.”
The coin’s confusion sent a sensation like running water through Peri’s brain. ::I am not — I do not have code.::
“Yes you do. You were made by a programmer and given a code to run.”
A wordless gasp of outrage punched through Peri’s mind. ::Aphaea Artemis is a goddess!::
“It’s a metaphor. Given what you showed me, she was a very powerful programmer.”
::Is powerful.::
“She still exists?”
A throb of pain centered in the place Peri was associating with the coin’s presence. ::She is immortal, but she is no longer here. I was cast into the Icarian Sea and the gods have gone elsewhere. I remain.::
“Are there other things like you out there?” The thought was alarming. Well, a little intriguing.
::I do not know, but I have never felt the presence of one. I am fortunate to be a coin and endure, even a millennium and more in the sea.::
A thousand years under water? That explained some of the testiness.
::I am only testy when you are unnecessarily stubborn. I am your ally. I want to help you toward what you already want. Please do not discard me. There will come a time to part but allow me to have a say.::
“Deal.” As Peri made the promise she realized she had accepted the coin’s presence and provenance. Too, she recognized there was a feeling in her that had been buried for a long time — further back in time than the accident.
