Valley of Secrets, page 8
A knock at her door made her jump back to the present. Wiping the last of her tears away, she went to answer it, hoping her eyes weren’t puffy.
“Hi,” Sarah Shaw said, looking terrified yet as desperate to feel wanted as Anna felt. She frowned. “Are you okay?”
Anna pushed her door open wide. “Hi yourself, and no, I’m not okay. You have no idea how happy I am to see you right now.” She’d just met Sarah and would probably push her away with how needy she sounded, but the poor girl had caught her at a vulnerable moment. A moment where she had decided she was done with biting her lip and holding anything back.
“Really?” Sarah blinked in awe, not appearing scared off in the least. In fact, she seemed relieved that Anna wasn’t as put together as she must have first appeared to her when she’d met her at the store. “I don’t know anyone who’s ever been really happy to see me, except my son, of course. And for the record,” she said shyly, “I’m not okay either.”
Anna nodded once, in affirmation of their shared pain, and then peeked around her. “Speaking of your son, where is he?”
“Preschool,” Sarah said proudly. “He’s a smart cookie. A lot smarter than me.” She wilted a bit. “It’s my lunch break at the store, and well, you said you’d love to have company. I thought maybe you’d want to have that coffee break now, but I can totally leave if you don’t. It was probably a stupid idea.” She started to back away.
“It was not a stupid idea,” Anna blurted, wanting her to stay, “and I would love the coffee break. You are a lifesaver, Sarah Shaw.”
“I am?” She looked wide-eyed and innocent and shocked and heartbreakingly wounded.
“Yes, you are. I am in dire need of a friend right now. Think you can handle it?”
Sarah closed her mouth, squared her shoulders, and lifted her chin. “Absolutely. Lead the way, Miss Wilks, and I’ll follow.”
“It’s Anna, and I don’t need you to follow me, Sarah. I need you to be right by my side. If that’s okay with you. I don’t know about you, but I am so unbelievably tired of following people, following what they want, following what I’m told to do. Sometimes I just want to scream.”
“Me too.” Sarah smiled a smile so full of compassion and understanding, Anna felt a connection as though they were kindred spirits. And then Sarah said the most remarkable thing. “Maybe we can scream together, because I am ridiculously tired of screaming on the inside alone.”
8
Sully went home for lunch for the first time in ages. He stood outside the low, broad-framed, one-and-a-half story, ancient, white wooden Cape Cod house he’d grown up in. It had a steep pitched roof with end gables and a large central chimney, with two multi-paned windows on each side of a central front door. He really needed to paint the outside again, but unlike Miss Anna Wilks, he would do it himself. His lips turned down as he took in his mother’s flower beds, thinking she would turn over in her grave if she saw the state he’d left them in. That was one area he knew he needed help in. No book or Internet could cure his lack of a green thumb.
Unlocking the door, he stepped inside and tossed his keys on the antique secretary by the coat tree. The house was smaller than a traditional colonial, with the upstairs half-floor containing small bedrooms because the roof was so steep, making the ceilings slanted instead of square. But he had been an only child, so the layout had suited him just fine. His parents’ bedroom had been on the first floor, leaving the upstairs to him, with a guest bedroom to spare.
Now that he was an adult, he had moved into the downstairs master bedroom, and the upstairs had pretty much remained empty. He literally had to be the only person in Mystic Valley who locked his doors. After living in the city and abroad, old habits were hard to break. The rest of the world wasn’t like Mystic Valley. It was filled with danger and cynicism and disrespect and criminals. People had tried to get him to believe for years that this town was his, and these were his people. This place was different. But he knew better.
Cindy Taylor’s disappearance had taught him that much.
He wandered into the kitchen and looked in the fridge, realizing he needed groceries. Other than coffee, he didn’t keep much food in the place. He normally ate out, but after running into Anna at Deb’s Diner and at her house and then at The Country Store, he didn’t want to take the chance of seeing her again anytime soon. In a town this size, that meant going to work and staying home as much as possible. The woman was small and quiet and incompetent and so not his type, yet she’d occupied far too much of his mind lately.
Why?
No woman since Cindy had been on his mind this much. Sure, he’d had lovers. He was a healthy male with needs, but he wasn’t a masochist. He didn’t enjoy inflicting himself with pain and avoided it at all costs. Why was he letting Anna Wilks torment him? She was way the hell too needy, yet those goddamn eyes had burned a path straight to his heart.
“Christ!” He punched a pillow as he walked by the couch.
He did not need this shit right now. For the first time in forever he was making progress on solving Cindy’s missing persons case. Chief Tess Fitz had been amazing so far. She’d jumped into this case with such passion, she almost seemed more obsessed than he was to finally gain some answers. Something more than justice was driving her, but Sully didn’t really care what her reasons were. He was grateful to have someone, anyone, on his side after all this time.
Of course, they still hadn’t found Cindy. They’d scoured the woods again, and searched every area of the rock quarry and beyond, but still hadn’t found any further leads beyond the jacket she’d had on the day she’d gone missing. Tess had even broadened the search into nearby towns, while Sully kept using his media contacts, hoping someone somewhere would know something.
Cindy’s parents weren’t the only ones who needed closure; therefore, Tess was the only woman Sully should be thinking about these days. Yet one auburn-haired, green-eyed petite woman, with curves he longed to run his hands over, refused to leave his brain. No matter how harsh he was toward her, she stared at him with compassion and wonder and understanding, as though she could see straight through his façade into his goddamned soul.
This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not after so long of searching for answers. Why would the universe throw this temptation in his path when finding the truth about his past had been his only obsession for so many years? He didn’t have time for this distraction, and he certainly didn’t have time to feel, no matter how much he wanted to scoop the little imp up in his big strong arms and make her believe everything was going to be okay. That’s why he was eating lunch at home today. He couldn’t risk seeing her again.
He stared at the kitchen table, his mother’s favorite place in the house. She’d always said the kitchen table should be a place for families to connect and talk about their day. Talk about their hopes and dreams. Just talk. Sully had many talks with his mother at this table over the years, while his father had always been at work. He’d come home late, and his mother would heat up the dinner plate she’d prepared for him, but even then he hadn’t talked. Said he was too tired. He would eat and go to bed, leaving her to clean up his mess. She’d spent her life cleaning up his mess. Sully couldn’t stop the memories from flooding back.
“Clay, sweetie, I am so glad to have you home,” his mother had said. “I worried so much about you when you were off covering the war and so many parts of the world that were, well, just plain scary.”
“I’m here now, Mom,” he’d said.
“I know. I just missed you, is all,” she’d replied while making him lunch.
He’d pitched in to help, thinking she looked smaller than he remembered. Frail, even, as though the world had beaten her down. He felt bad about leaving her, but he’d been so desperate to get away back then. Had needed to find himself, was what he’d said. In reality he’d needed to escape. Run away from his father. Run away from the condemning town. Run away from his guilt. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t have come back sooner for her. Like a stubborn coward, he’d waited until his father had died and his mother had needed him before he’d returned.
“Your father wasn’t all bad, you know,” she’d added quietly.
Clay had grunted. That was all his father had deserved in his book.
“He really didn’t know how to handle you,” she went on. “You were a free spirit. He was practical. You wanted to conquer the world. He wanted to survive it. He didn’t mean to ignore you. He just didn’t know how to be anything else other than what he was, which was a worker. Put on this earth to provide for his family. He was a worker bee, while you were a seeker. Venturing out into the world, looking for something sweeter. Some excitement. You were a real trailblazer. That doesn’t mean he didn’t love you, or me, for that matter. I think he never learned how to show it. He worked to pay the bills, while you worked to change the world.”
Clay remembered her touching his arm back then until he’d looked at her. Really looked at her so he would see the sincerity in eyes so like his own. He was big like his father, but he had his mother’s soul, and she’d wanted him to know it as she’d said, “I was so happy when you got out and left. I’m only sorry you had to come back for me. Don’t let this place suck the life out of you.”
“Don’t be silly, Mom,” Clay had said, shrugging off her acceptance. He didn’t want her to make everything okay. He needed his guilt so it would remind him he was no good. He might have her soul, but his was destined to go straight to Hell. She was the good one. “I would do anything for you. You’re my angel. Always have been.”
That was one of the last conversations he’d had with his mother. His father had died of a massive heart attack, gone in an instant. Lucky bastard didn’t deserve to go that quickly. Meanwhile his kind-hearted, sweetest-person-he’d-ever-met of a mother had to suffer a long, slow death from breast cancer. She’d said she preferred it that way. That it had given her more time with her son to say goodbye. She’d never given up on him. She had made him promise before she’d died that when this was all over, he would either sell the house and leave, or find some peace and find something or someone who made him truly happy.
The problem was, Sully didn’t know how to be happy.
All he knew was that he couldn’t go on the way he was. The first step to peace was in finding out what had happened to Cindy Taylor. Maybe then he would be able to move on and live. No matter the cost to his heart, he had to remain focused and stick to his destiny. That meant sticking close to Chief Fitz. These days she was the only woman who should count in his book. The only woman who should matter at all.
So why the hell was he still thinking about Anna Wilks?
“Do you have a problem with me re-opening the Cindy Taylor case?” Chief Fitz asked Officer Jones, standing less than a foot in front of his clean-shaven, chiseled face.
She’d called Drew into her office, shutting the door behind him, and then squaring off against him. She’d learned a long time ago to stand tall and strong in the face of opposition. She’d just never imagined that opposition would come from her Drew. Of course, she couldn’t think of him as her anything because they worked together, and she’d been down that dangerous road before. They stood nearly the same height, yet he still made her feel petite and feminine, and that was half the problem. She needed to feel strong. She bit back a groan. Why did he have to smell amazing, like fresh mountain air, soap, and a hint of chocolate chip cookies.
There had been tension between them ever since she’d made the announcement about reopening Cindy’s case at City Hall. He was a good cop. He had great instincts, wasn’t opposed to hard work, hadn’t balked at wearing a uniform instead of street clothes, and kept his hair cut to precision. She’d really thought he would be her ally, her right-hand man. Especially since Pam made a point of letting everyone know she had it out for Tess, and Randy was... well... Randy. Wet behind the ears and as green as they came.
Being a cop and having all brothers, Tess was used to not having many girlfriends. But she’d kind of hoped Drew would fill that role. Letting him fill any other role was out of the question, no matter how many nights she lay awake thinking about him. He was manly and gorgeous and just plain good. That’s why it killed her that he was acting so standoffish around her. It wasn’t that she needed for everyone to like her. She just needed for him to, especially when she didn’t understand what had gone wrong.
“No, ma’am,” he said through clenched teeth, standing at attention and looking over her shoulder straight at the wall. “Opening Cindy’s case was the right thing to do, ma’am.”
“Ma’am? Seriously?” She clenched her own teeth now, and resisted the urge to ball her fists. “Would you stop being so formal?”
“Sure, Chief,” he said, still not looking at her, but a muscle in his jaw pulsed.
“Goddammit, Drew, I need you to be on my side! What the hell is your problem?” She did clench her fist this time and pounded it on her desk, then stiffened her arm and winced as she grabbed her shoulder. Shit! Dammit all to hell, he was the only one who made her act unprofessional and lose control.
He automatically reached for her, his large hand covering hers and his face softening instantly as he looked her in the eye for the first time in days. Really looked at her, like there was so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t know where to start. She sucked in a breath and quickly stepped back from all she saw shining within his compassionate hazel gaze, until his hand fell away.
“That is my problem,” he ground out with uncharacteristic anger, frustration evident in his expression, posture, and tone of voice.
“What, my injury? It doesn’t make me less of a cop,” she said defensively, hating that she felt the urge to explain herself to anyone.
He took a moment to compose himself and breathe deeply before responding in a quieter, less antagonistic tone. “No, it doesn’t. You’re a fantastic cop. Smart, tough, fearless... beautiful.” His eyes met hers and held her captive this time. He wasn’t like most men she knew. He tended to wear his heart on his sleeve, leaving no doubt to what he was thinking or feeling, unlike Sully who hid behind a brooding wall, making it hard as hell to read him. “I would stand proud by your side anytime, anywhere,” Drew went on. “My problem isn’t with your injury. My problem is with you.”
“Me?” She gasped. “Why?”
“You’re trying so hard to prove you’re worthy of being our chief. We all know that, believe me. What you fail to realize is that we are a team. This is not the city. This is a small town. You are our chief. We would follow you anywhere. Even Pam. You just have to start letting us in, instead of ordering everyone around and riding us so hard. I don’t know what happened to you, but you can’t keep pushing us away.” He leaned into her meaningfully. “You can’t keep pushing me away.”
“I don’t do that,” she said defensively. “I’m just establishing boundaries. Making sure you realize I’m your boss.” She didn’t say the words, but she knew he heard her silent nothing more.
He shook his head almost sadly. “Oh, don’t worry,” he said with a scoff. “You’ve made that perfectly clear.” His tone gentled as he continued with, “What you don’t realize is that we’re here for you anyway. Especially me!”
He stared at her long and hard with such passion and emotion, she almost fell into his arms and let him push every worry she’d ever had away. But she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t do that. She had to stay focused. Stop thinking of herself and what she really wanted, because all that got anyone was a world of pain. No, it was better this way. She had to think of the job and the department and her career.
“Let me help you. Is that so hard?” He finished with such raw emotion she almost caved.
“Yes,” she said without hesitation, swallowing the lump in her throat. Damn him for seeing through to the real her. The vulnerable her. The her she didn’t want anyone to notice.
“Well, that’s a start, then,” he said and looked at her with such beautiful, understanding eyes, she wanted to cry. She wanted to fall into his big strong arms and let him take care of her.
But she didn’t.
That would show weakness, and that was something she just couldn’t allow. Weakness would be her undoing. She knew from experience she couldn’t rely on anyone but herself, and she would never ever put anyone she cared about in harm’s way again. Drew had no idea how much she’d come to care about him already.
Enough to know when to back the fuck away and run.
“It’s not a start,” she said matter-of-factly, squaring her shoulders. “It’s not anything. We have work to do.”
“Agreed.” He sighed and let it go for now. Something told her he wouldn’t forever. “We also have an obligation to this town. The dairy festival is this weekend. The revenue it brings in is just as important as keeping the citizens of Mystic Valley safe. I think we can take a little break, don’t you? Show our support as members of this town and not simply officers of the law. Connect with the people. Cindy and Mr. Sullivan aren’t the only ones who deserve our time and attention. After all, my family’s livelihood depends on this festival.”
“Fine.” Tess nodded, keeping things all business. “Good call.”
“Great.” He grinned. “Pick you up at noon?”
She blinked. Oh, he was a sneaky one. She’d almost said yes without even thinking. “Um, I’ll meet you there. I have a few things to wrap up with Mr. Sullivan before taking a weekend off.”
“I’m sure you do.” Drew’s grin dimmed a little.
“I said I would be there, and I will. Then first thing Monday morning I expect you all to clock in on time, no excuses. Are we understood?”
