Like Dragonflies, page 12
“A really cute guy tells me all the time,” she sasses back.
“Cute guy, huh? I’ll kick his ass,” I say, feigning a growl.
Her laughter fills my motherfucking soul as we make it into her house. Everything is pristine and clean. I immediately feel out of place.
“Come on,” she chirps, leading me toward the stairs. “We can watch a movie in the theater room.”
Theater room?
I try not to cringe as we climb the stairs. We pass by her room and she kicks off her slipper boots. Before she can drag me away, curiosity gets the best of me and I poke my head inside.
Her room is semi-controlled chaos, but everywhere you look, glimpses of her artsy side shine through. All along the far wall are paintings lined up. I’m no longer worried about the movie or the fact I’m in a big-ass house I don’t belong in. No, right now, all I care about is seeing this part of her.
“You like dragonflies,” I note, mimicking something she’s said to me before, as I kneel to inspect several paintings with dragonflies on them. “These are really good.”
“Thanks,” she says shyly as she kneels beside me.
“There’s paint on the carpet,” I say with a laugh, running my finger along the paint speckles. “I bet your mother hates that.”
“Oh, God. She totally does.”
Our eyes meet and her green ones shine with such emotion. An emotion that’s directed at me—meant only for me. An emotion I want to bottle up and then beg for her to paint onto a canvas so I can see what it means.
I slide my hand into her silky hair and kiss her lips I’ve missed. Her palms slip over my shoulders as I devour her sweet taste. Grabbing her ass, I haul her into my lap. Our kiss grows more heated as she grinds against the part of me that’s aching to be relieved by her.
“Mars,” she murmurs.
“Hmm?”
She moans when my lips trail down to her neck. My fingers find the front of her shirt and I start plucking through buttons eagerly.
“Mars…”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I need you.”
“I fucking need you too.”
Her breath hitches when I start sliding her shirt off her shoulders. It gets torn away and discarded. My finger and thumb make quick work of unhooking her bra, ridding her of that as well. As soon as it’s gone, I grip her hips, pulling her slightly away so I can admire her perfect tits. She lets out a mewl when I lean forward to kiss the soft, pale flesh. Her rosy pink nipples are peaked and begging for attention. I run my tongue in a circle around one of her nipples, loving the way she grips my hair. I tug at her nipple with my teeth, causing her to cry out.
“You taste so sweet,” I murmur before sucking her nipple into my mouth. I pop off her nipple with an obscenely loud sound. “I want to taste you everywhere.”
She scoots back until her bottom hits the carpet. Then, she lies back, her green eyes soft and inviting. “Take your hoodie off. I want to see you too.”
I rip away my hoodie and shirt. I’m craving to put my mouth on her everywhere.
“I’m going to need these,” I mutter, as I slide my palms up the outside of her thighs and under her skirt. I grab onto her panties and then peel them down her thighs. She allows me to pull them away. I flash her a wolfish grin before prowling over her body. She parts her thighs and I settle between them on my hunt for her sweet lips. We kiss hard. Her back arches up off the floor when I grind against her center. “I’m going to make love to you,” I tell her. “You want that?”
“Yes,” she breathes. “So much.”
I pull away from her and work at my belt. Her eyes are starved and her tits quiver with each shallow breath she takes. I unzip my jeans and am pushing my boxers down when we hear it.
“Sage?”
Her mouth gapes open in horror.
“Sage, honey? Whose car is in the driveway? We got halfway there and I realized I was wearing my blue pumps, not my black ones. Do you know how embarrassing that would have been?”
As her voice grows closer, we spring into action. I peel apart my shirt and hoodie, tossing the hoodie at her as I pull on my shirt. She scrambles to her feet, yanking the material over her head. I’ve barely got my zipper pulled up when the voice stops talking.
“Oh, dear God in heaven,” her mother chokes out. “Sage! What did I tell you?”
I can’t meet her mother’s horrified glare as I scramble to button my jeans and do up my belt. There’s no explaining away the fact, I was about to screw her daughter on the paint-splattered floor.
“Mother,” Sage hisses as she tries to push her mother out the door, while pulling it closed behind her.
“No!” her mother bellows. “No!”
Fuck.
What is it with this woman hating my fucking guts so badly?
“We can talk about this later,” she shouts back to her mother.
Her mother lets out an anguished scream. “No, Sage. Afraid not. Looks like we have to talk about this right now. Before you ruin your life. It may even be too late.”
Go fuck yourself, Mrs. Emerson.
I’m the best thing in Sage’s life and damn if that doesn’t feel good.
Sage
When Mom barges in and starts spewing shit about Mars ruining my life, my heart sinks but then anger surges through me. I feel heat creep up my neck and settle on my cheeks. I know my ears are red like exclamation points punctuating my frustration.
Why does Mom hate Mars so much?
How can you hate a person you don’t even know?
“Sage, I told you to stay away from him. I told you.” She stresses every syllable and it saws away at my nerves. We’re standing in her and Dad’s bedroom, while she clutches the pair of black shoes she meant to grab.
“Why are you like this?” I toss my hand in the air. I can’t seem to pull in a full breath. I slow down my rapid breathing because I might pass out if I don’t calm down. I want to be able to look Mom in the face and tell her how wrong she is about Mars.
“Why can’t you just listen? I’m not whoever you think I am. I know you think I’m horrible and shallow and trying to fit in, but right now, I’m trying to literally save your life.” Her voice is raw and full of emotion. The pained look on her face sends a boulder into the pit of my stomach and it’s sinking rapidly.
Unease stretches over me, pulling at my resolve. I don’t understand what’s happening. This all seems too intense for her usual classist rhetoric. I fist my hands until my nails bite into my palm. Instead of focusing on the unease, I focus on the prickle of pain pushing through my skin.
“You’re not saving my life by trying to keep me from Mars. I love him.” The words come tumbling from my mouth, and I can’t pull them back. I don’t want to. I’m proud of how I feel about Mars.
“Love?” Mom chokes out the word and pinches the bridge of her nose. When she points her ice-blue stare at me, I see the stress of the moment taking its toll on her. Her usual smooth skin seems to age before my eyes. Skin crinkles around her eyes as she shakes her head vehemently.
“You can’t love him, Sage! I told you to stay away from him.”
“Why can’t I love him? What is so wrong with me finally being happy?” I wonder for a moment if Mom just doesn’t want me to be myself. I wonder if she wants me to be a robot, only moving when she says it’s okay.
The thought chokes me, forcing my lips to part so I can pull in a deep breath. I’m determined to live my own life the way I want to.
“You can’t be happy with him, and it’s not because he’s from Duncan or because he drives a piece of junk. It’s not even because I think he’s beneath you.” Her words hang in the air and it drives me insane. I need to know what the hell her issue with Mars is.
“Then what is it?” I dig my nails into the palms of my hands hard until I have to pause at the pain.
“He’s your brother!” she shouts at me, her face bright red and tears shimmering in her eyes.
I can’t breathe.
I can barely hear her over the roar in my ears.
No.
She’s lying.
I shake my head and take a step back from her. I can’t find the words to say, so silence settles in the jagged cracks left by the bomb she just dropped.
“You’re lying,” I stammer. My words are whispers because my throat is so thick and my chest is so tight. “You’re. Lying.” My voice is a little stronger even though it trembles.
She has to be lying. How could Mars be my brother? She’s trying to push me away from him by using whatever outlandish nonsense she can grasp at.
“Sage, you have to listen to me. I would not lie about something like this. You have to believe me, okay? Your life depends on it. Do you know what would happen to you if everyone found out what you’ve been doing with your own brother?”
“How?” I squeak out. “How is he my brother? Is Dad his father?” I ask, trying to put together pieces of this fucked up puzzle.
“No.” Mom swallows and folds her hands in her lap. She studies them like anything is better than looking at me and telling me the truth. “Mars’s father is Nathan McKinney. He was friends with my brother, who lived a few trailers down from him, and I was friends with Sunny. Nathan was overcome with grief when Sunny died and was battling depression, so I went over to comfort him. He was lonely and I was young. We ended up fooling around several times about a month after she died and…” Mom’s words stop abruptly when her phone dings in her purse. She fishes it out and steadies her emotions before looking at the screen.
“I have to go. Your father is waiting for me.”
“You can’t just leave after telling me something like that, Mom!” I’m frantic. I need to hear the rest of her story.
“We’ll talk when I get home later. I want him out of this house though. Hopefully now, you’ll stay away from him.” She grabs a few tissues from the bedside table and dabs at her perfectly lined eyes before looking in the mirror.
Just like that, her mask is back on and she’s able to walk out of the house like she didn’t just destroy my world. When I hear the front door close, I race back to my room where Mars is sitting on my bed, his head hung low.
I hate the scratchy feeling all over me as I approach him. I look at his face when he stares at me. I look for similarities that I pray I don’t find. I’ve never wanted my mother to be a liar more than I do right now.
Right now I need for her antics to be a manipulative ploy and not truth.
Mars is silent while I study his face. The same face I’d studied hundreds of times before. His brows are dark like mine and they frame blue eyes.
Blue. Not green.
Then I see the gray flecks in his denim blue eyes and remember his father’s mean green stare.
Green. Green. Green.
“Sage, what’s wrong?” Mars finally speaks and I begin unraveling, fraying at the seams as Mom’s words sink into the crevices of my mind.
“Mars,” I croak. In the next second he’s on his feet, holding me tight, because he knows I need him. I need his bravery and strength because I don’t have any. It’s been siphoned away. Now I’m weak and afraid.
“Sage, you’re scaring me, baby. What happened?” He brushes loose strands of hair from my face, and all I can concentrate on is how my hair is unruly, just like his. So many similarities that make us so perfect for each other.
“I have to ask you something,” I say, my voice trembling just as bad as my hands.
“What is it?” We sit on the bed and Mars holds my shaky hands in his.
“Is your dad’s name Nathan?”
“Yeah, how’d you know?”
I don’t answer him yet. I can’t. Instead, I ask, “Did he go to Duncan City High School?”
Mars nods his head in response and I feel my chest constrict. My stomach twists and I want this moment to vanish. “You wanna tell me what’s making you ask all these questions about my dad? Does your mom know him or something?” I can see his wheels spinning wildly trying to make connections.
“Yeah. They went to high school together. He was a grade ahead and…” I swallow back my nerves and squeeze his hand. I have to tell him. If I don’t, he’ll find out some other way and I can’t have that. I want it to come from me.
“And what? You’re killing me here,” he groans.
“They fooled around after your mom died.” I see Mars’s eyes narrow a bit. He’s moving things into place, I can tell. “She said you’re my…” Tears leak from my eyes, racing down my hot cheeks. “She said you’re my brother.” I have to bite the words out through clenched teeth. I can’t bring myself to look at Mars right now because I don’t want to see the confusion.
“What?” He laughs as though it’s the funniest thing in the world. I wish I thought it were funny. I wish I thought it was a joke, but I can feel the weight of truth sinking into my bones.
“Sage, you don’t believe that shit, do you?”
“I don’t know what to believe.” I pick at the sleeves of Mars’s hoodie and stare at the paint-speckled carpet under my feet. Now Mars is quiet too. It feels like the entire world is quiet.
“Maybe…” His words fade as quickly as they start. “Maybe that’s why Dad looked so spooked when he saw you.” He pushes to his feet and paces the floor. He stops and our eyes lock.
That’s when I see it.
I see all the confusion and anguish I didn’t want to see.
He believes it too.
“Fuck.” He slides his fingers through his hair repeatedly, but it keeps sweeping his forehead. “This is so messed up. How is that even possible? Why wouldn’t she tell you something like that? Who keeps shit like this a secret?” Tension makes his muscles tight. “Why wouldn’t my dad tell me I had a…sister?” The word makes his top lip curl in disgust as if it’s toxic on his tongue.
My stomach flops and I turn my head. I can’t keep looking at him. All I can see are all the times we kissed and all the places his hands have touched me. My traitorous body reacts to the memories.
How would I have known though? I had no way of knowing I was falling for my brother.
Mars’s voice yanks me from my thoughts. “I gotta go, Sage. I need time to think.” His guard is up and I hate it. It feels like a punch to the gut. I know he needs time to uncoil. He needs time to ask questions and let the confusion have its way with his thoughts, but I hate that it means he’ll leave.
Then I’ll be alone with my own thoughts.
“Mars…” I don’t know why I call out to him but I do.
“I don’t want to talk right now. I just need to figure some things out and get answers.” His voice is cold, and even if it’s not aimed at me, it still hurts like hell. The pain in his eyes drives the knife deeper into my chest. “I’ll text you,” he says before leaving my room. I don’t have the heart to follow him and watch as he leaves out of the front door. I’m too weighed down by everything.
My head is spinning. I’m still trying to find any way possible for what Mom said to be a lie. I want to ignore my gut feeling. Those things aren’t always right. They can’t be.
This can’t be.
I hear Mars speed away from my house and I shatter in a million pieces.
Tears roll freely down my cheeks while a sob catches in my throat. I rub my chest as if I can physically soothe away the pain in my heart. I know better though.
There’s no way to fix the fact the boy I love, the one who makes me feel normal and safe, is also my brother.
My brain is spent. I can’t handle another thought so I cry myself to sleep. Closing my eyes feels much better than dealing with the agony that’s waiting for me when I open them.
I awake with a start when light slices through the darkness. When I open my eyes, it’s pitch-dark outside, but Mom has just turned on the light in my room. I squint when I look at her.
For just a brief moment, I pray everything was a nightmare. I pray none of it was real. Mom closes and locks my bedroom door behind her and sits at the foot of my bed. She regards me with a pained look and I know in this instant it is real.
My heart hurts again.
Before Mom opens her mouth, I check my phone to see if Mars has reached out to me. I have zero notifications. I blink back the sad tears burning my eyes and draw my knees to my chest.
“We need to finish talking, Sage.”
I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t even want to look at you.
“Okay,” I mutter instead.
“I know you’ve had time to think, and hopefully, you realize what I said is true. Mars is your half brother. You two share the same father. You have to understand why I never told you.” Her eyes plead with me.
“No, Mom. I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you could keep something like this from me my entire life. So…Dad isn’t my father?” I have to hear her say it again.
“He will always be your father, Sage. You know how much he loves you.”
“You know what I mean. He’s not my biological father.” I hate saying those words out loud. There’s nobody else I could ever imagine being my father, especially not the drunk bully with the mean green stare.
Mom is quiet. She looks at her hands and shrugs her shoulders. “I did what I had to do to make sure you had the best life possible. I was only seventeen, Sage.”
“How do you know Mars’s dad is my dad? Maybe you were mistaken and maybe Dad is really…”
“Sage, Nathan took my virginity. I got pregnant right afterward. There’s no question.”
“Why didn’t he say anything when he saw me?” I ask bitterly.
“Saw you?” Her brows draw together to a single point on her forehead as she regards me. “You saw Nathan?”
“I was at Mars’s house and he barged in on us.”
“Tell me you two weren’t…Sage, you didn’t have sex with him, did you?”
“Even if I did, it’s none of your business,” I snap at her, holding my knees tighter. “If he knows I’m his daughter, why didn’t he say anything when he saw me?”
“Nathan doesn’t know,” Mom says quietly. “I never told him. My parents didn’t want me involved with him. Nathan already had a baby. Mars was still little at the time. He wasn’t but a couple of months old. They wanted me to move to Ashton Hills and find a nice boy.”
