Nabukko, page 14
“Raud’s your messy-bits guy. For whatever reason, you two have connected over sharing the things about yourself that no one else gets to see. No matter what problems he has of his own, that’s special.”
Gia finally looked over at me. “Thanks, Eff. No one’s really understood that before. All they see is Raud being an asshole. They don’t see the good he does for me.”
I smiled. “Oh, he’s definitely an asshole, and I’ll make a wish to Luna that you find someone better. But, I’m glad you have a special confidant until then.”
Gia shoved my arm. “I’m going to tell Raud that you called him an asshole,” she teased.
“Skegs, after what he said tonight? I’ll be dead by morning,” I joked back.
Gia’s smile slipped.
I stopped walking. “What?”
I could see her thoughts moving around in her head, but she just shook her head. “It’s nothing.”
“Gia . . .”
“Eff, what did I say in the mess hall? Don’t ask questions that I can’t answer.”
Gia had been pretty honest with me, and I didn’t want to ruin it by pushing any buttons. Yet.
“Okay,” I responded. I glanced around the camp to think of something else to say. I noticed two guards walking through the town center, but they didn’t act like they were returning from a shift. As I watched, sure enough, they marched north, back toward the Horticulture District instead of heading to the mess hall. It wasn’t until I saw another pair of guards marching from the front of the dorms toward the infirmary that I mentioned it to Gia.
“I get guards around the perimeter of the camp, especially at night, but why are they patrolling inside? Is that standard?”
Gia just grunted.
I frowned. “Is there something I should know, Gia?”
She looked at me and opened her mouth. But no sound came out. She snapped her mouth shut again and looked away from me.
“Um . . ."
“I can’t answer that. I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Something was definitely going on.
Chapter 12
The sunlight was green and languid, denser than air but not quite as thick as water. It spooled around us as we walked.
Us.
I glanced at the figure next to me. He had a good foot on me, and his hair was long and black as night. His hand held mine, his grip strong and calloused, but also tender. There was love in it.
We glided across a red, black, and purple field, baby tufts of pink and orange springing through wet grass as green light swirled around us.
We laughed, and I tried to look at him, to stare into his eyes. His face was blurry, but those eyes . . .
Those eyes contained distant mountains fading into blue, the skies marred and made more beautiful by violent thunderstorms.
I knew those eyes.
As I stared, spirts of the green sunlight leaked into my lover’s eyes, replacing the tenderness with fear. And there was nothing I could do but watch.
The green light shifted, becoming piercing and angry. The light pulsed in tune with a distant whirring noise, melding together into a mechanical heart that pumped erratically, frantically.
The sharp light wrapped around me, pinning me in place. Its touch was ice cold on every surface of my body. I realized with a start that I was naked. But I didn’t have time to dwell on it.
My lover was being tugged away by the light, and I desperately tried to reach out, to grab hold of his hand, but something was in the way! I couldn’t see it, only feel it. It was smooth like glass.
At some point the light had morphed into a blue the shade of the deep ocean sea, and it inspired the same feelings of panic as staring into a dark, watery abyss brimming with unknown terrors. And it felt as heavy as the ocean, pushing down on me from every angle.
I was being simultaneously frozen and crushed alive. I opened my mouth to scream, to shout out at the horror, but I was denied the chance. The thick light instantly shoved its way inside, filling my mouth, my lungs. Now I was drowning, too.
Black smudges creeped at my eyesight, while sheer terror flooded my body. I pounded at the invisible barrier in front of me, kicking and slamming it with my fists over and over again. I could hear someone screaming in the distance as I finally faded into the blackness . . .
I woke up with a jolt, sweat plastering my hair to my face, my breathing spiked and uneven. Even though I was still exhausted, I forced my eyes to stay open, to keep my mind from slipping back into the nightmare.
The final images replayed themselves across my vision until I mentally shoved them away, forcing different memories to take their place:
Me, finding the treasure trove of a pod in the plains.
My parents, returning from a weekend concert for one of their favorite operas.
Me, studying for an exam at the Academy.
Me, sitting at a table in Nabukko’s mess hall, laughing and joking with people I could almost call friends.
Leaf Man, relentlessly staring at me outside Merula’s office.
I gasped. “Europa’s Ice!”
The captivating eyes from my dream.
My lover’s eyes.
Leaf Man.
Now I recognized where I had seen those unnaturally blue eyes before. I shook my head, raising a palm to my eye sockets as I groaned.
Why in Luna’s name was Leaf Man in my dream? As my lover no less?
I must be really deprived of . . . certain human needs to be dreaming about him. Well, he had been part of my nightmare, so maybe it wasn’t desire but rather disgust at the thought of being with him.
I nearly snorted. I couldn’t even convince myself of the lie.
But I had hardly interacted with Leaf Man, and none of those interactions had been pleasant and heartfelt. So why had his eyes conveyed such tender emotions?
And . . . why hadn’t I dreamed of Eoghan? He was kind and definitely easy to look at. Where had he been?
I glanced over at the other bed in the room—and breathed a sigh of relief. It was empty.
No Gia watching my fitful, restless sleep full of relentless nightmares. No Gia to witness my embarrassment at discovering I had dreamed about someone in the camp.
I shuddered. I needed to clear my head.
Gia’s bed was still made, so either she left early or never came back last night. I crawled out of bed, putting the same mediocre effort into making my bed today as I did yesterday.
Light trickled in through the room’s small window. I took quick inventory of the items in my pack and my new clothes, making a mental note to visit the wash house tonight. I’d—blessedly—showered last night after Gia had dropped me off at the dorms. Feeling wonderfully clean, I could finally don my new clothes. With great delight, I slipped on the jacket Ascelin had given me. It was warm and cozy but sturdy, too. It was perfect.
Ahh, what luxury. I could get used to this.
After yesterday, I felt like I could trust everyone enough to leave my pack in Gia’s room, but I still hesitated, the thought of leaving supplies behind a foreign concept to me. What if something happened while I was out, like a sudden storm, a twisted ankle, or a feisty wild animal?
I shook my head. Those things didn’t seem to apply in Nabukko. And even if something did happen, there were people around to help.
A very strange feeling, indeed.
I forced myself to let go of the bag, setting it on the floor beside my bed. Another act of trust. I hoped it wouldn’t backfire on me.
I couldn’t tell what time it was just from the light coming through the window, but I would bet that the mess hall already had the first meal of the day prepared. My stomach grumbled lightly, telling me that getting food was a fantastic plan.
I casually poked my head out of Gia’s room. It was strange to finally have a margin of autonomy in the camp. Although I could understand their reasons, it was nice to not have a constant escort.
On the other hand, I didn’t want to be stuck with my thoughts this morning. The newest development to my nightmare had been unsettling, and I didn’t want to dwell on it or try and understand its meanings.
I wanted a distraction.
I clamored down the stairs of the dorms but paused at the bottom. Did I want to take the quickest path to the mess hall? I glanced to my right where the guard station stood near the camp’s front entrance.
Perhaps Eoghan was still on duty?
I needed my brain to focus on something—or someone in this case—sweet and pleasant. Maybe that could douse the fuel for my nightmares. And remove a certain disconcerting person from them.
The glowing sunlight glinted off every surface, not a cloud in the sky, but the affectionate light was misleading. I shivered slightly in the chilly morning air. Yet, I could feel my own internal clouds clearing, the fresh air shoveling them out of my head. The world was clearer, crisper in the cold.
I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jacket as I sauntered toward the guard station, a light smile unconsciously attached to my lips.
I was strolling by the med tent when the entrance flap was tugged to one side, and a body shuffled backward through the doorway.
“—for saving the herbs! I’ll bring some replacement ones over later today.”
I stopped, smiling as I recognized both the voice and the pristinely combed blonde hair.
“Hey, Eoghan!” I called cheerfully.
Eoghan spun around, nearly dropping the small bundle he carried. “Eff! I—when did you—I mean . . . Hello!” he stuttered out.
I smirked. “Did I startle you? Aren’t you supposed to be observant of your surroundings, being a guard and all?”
He chuckled awkwardly as he closed the distance between us. With him standing next to me, I could see the dark rings under his eyes, the paleness of his skin.
My smirk evaporated. “Eoghan, are you all right?” I asked.
His skin seemed to regain some of its color at my concern.
“I look that bad, huh?” He chuckled again, rubbing the back of his neck. He seemed to lose his train of thought for a moment before remembering that we were standing here having a conversation.
“Eoghan?”
“Oh, sorry, Eff—I’m exhausted. I’m overdue for a very long nap in my room.”
“Did you have a shift all night or something?”
He nodded. “Usually Nahova doesn’t give me such a brutal schedule, but I think he was feeling ornery because of Merula.” His eyes widened. “But don’t tell him I said that!”
I smiled. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
He smiled back. His eyes were warm, taking the chill out of the air.
“So, did anything eventful happen last night? Or just getting your steps in?” I asked.
Eoghan chuckled. “No, it was, unfortunately for me, a very boring evening.”
“Has anything eventful ever happened?” I asked, thinking of the guards I saw patrolling the camp last night.
Eoghan hesitated, his eyes flitting to the Government building for a second before plunking themselves on the ground.
“No, not really,” he said. “Just wild animals sometimes.” He glanced up at me. “But it’s unknown territory and all, so we have to be prepared for anything, of course!”
I raised my brow at him. Eoghan sounded resigned, but also . . . strangely infused with excitement. Maybe he was just exhausted, like he had said. I gave the Government building an appraising view. Or, maybe Eoghan wasn’t allowed to say anything more.
What secrets was Merula still hiding?
I was about to pester Eoghan about it more when his attention snagged on something over my shoulder. I followed his gaze.
Not a something. A someone. Actually, several someones.
Gia and Leaf Man were walking together away from the showers. Both had wet hair and wore fresh clothing. Leaf Man was running a hand through his hair to shake out the water.
They walked awfully close together, and Gia kept glancing at him. Did they just happen to meet up at the showers, or did they go . . . together?
I mentally chastised myself. It was none of my business what their relationship was, or how Raud might be involved. Or not involved.
Gia grabbed Leaf Man’s hand, grasping it in both of hers. She leaned in, speaking softly to him. Eoghan and I were too far away to hear anything, which I was both thankful for and disappointed about.
Leaf Man stood there, listening to her for a moment before gently tugging his hand out of hers. He said something back to Gia before turning away and heading toward Engineering. Gia stared after him for several seconds. She was too far away for me to make out the expression on her face. Not that I wanted to see it, of course.
Gia finally shook her head and marched into the Government building.
Neither Gia nor Leaf Man had seen us watching them. Eoghan and I glanced at each other, mutual understanding between us.
I gave him an awkward grin. “I don’t think we should have been watching that.”
Eoghan laughed lightly. “No, probably not. But, they were out in the open. So, fair game, I say.”
I nudged my shoe into the dirt path, watching the pebbles move around my boot. “I might be stepping over a line here, but . . . well, I thought Gia was with Raud.”
Eoghan chuckled. “Oh, Gia is with Raud. But she would rather be dating Keir.”
“Oh!” was all I could say, a strange concoction of emotions mixing inside me.
“Keir won’t date Gia, though.”
And just like that my mix of emotions shifted into something that was lighter, but no less confusing.
“Oh?”
“I think it’s just because Keir isn’t a homewrecker. He’s probably waiting for Gia to break up with Raud first. Once that’s settled, he’ll probably dive right in.”
“Oh.”
Eoghan and I stood there, both of us slightly deflated and neither understanding why.
“I don’t think Gia will leave Raud. At least, not anytime soon,” I said a moment later.
Eoghan raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? Are you and Gia best friends now?” he said with a smile.
“No, I wouldn’t say that,” I said with a light laugh. “But she did admit that, although Raud’s a bit much at times, he’s always there for her. I think she values that too highly to let him go.”
Eoghan gave me an appraising look. “You’ve learned in a matter of days what it took me over a year to understand. It’s not fair, Eff,” he teased, but I could hear the ounce of truth in his words.
“Have you known Gia for long?”
“Five, six years? So, I’d say so, yes.”
“Have you always felt . . . overlooked by her?”
Eoghan glanced at me in surprise. I was worried I’d offended him.
“I’m sorry, I’ve overstepped!” I said, raising my hands, trying to backpedal my way out of my words.
He waved me off. “No, it’s fine, Eff. I just wasn’t—it was unexpected. A little too straightforward after a night of no sleep, but perhaps that’s for the best. No time to think about it . . .” He trailed off, lost in his thoughts.
A gentle breeze spun around the camp. A muted jostling of fabric and metal accompanied the crisp stream of air.
“I’m just not on her level,” he said softly. “I know her—her tendencies, her goals . . . but I think I’m more of a shadow to her than Raud is.”
I laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Causing Eoghan distress felt like I had just kicked a puppy.
He looked at me like he had suddenly remembered I was standing there. Color flushed his cheeks. “Eff . . . I, um. Listen, I don’t want you to think, that is—” He cleared his throat. “I’m not, Gia isn’t—well, you’re here and—” He paused, recollecting his thoughts. “I need to grab a few hours of shut-eye, but would you, perhaps, like to go to the river with me this afternoon?”
His eyes were earnest and full of embarrassed hope.
I hesitated, unsure of what I was feeling inside. Plus, I still didn’t know if I was going to find a way home anytime soon or be stuck here for the next twenty years. Which, if it was going to be the latter, then I certainly wouldn’t want to spend that time alone.
But I was still meeting people at the camp, and I didn’t know anyone well enough yet. And there were still secrets lurking beneath Nabukko. Really, I shouldn’t even consider getting close to someone like that.
Memories of my nightmare wiggled their way into my thoughts again.
On the other hand, I still needed a distraction from a certain person. And getting to know Eoghan better wasn’t committing to anything. Besides, I enjoyed Eoghan’s company, his lack of suspicion and general openness around me. What harm could come of it?
I opened my mouth to say yes, that I would love to, when I suddenly remembered my own duty shift for the day. I grimaced.
“Eoghan, I want to, but I’m signed up for scavenge inventory this afternoon.”
His shoulders sagged, and I worried that he thought I was making an excuse.
“But!” I added quickly, sprinkling in as much cheer as I could. “Can we go another time? If you’re free, I really would like for you to show me the river.”
He smiled at me, clearly pleased. “Of course. I’ll come find you.” His mouth distorted into a wide yawn.
“If you keep that up, you’re going to make me tired,” I teased.
He gave me a sloppy grin. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your day like that. Apparently some people around here actually work during the day?” he joked back.
“It’s monstrous, I know,” I said. “Off to bed with you. I’m getting sleepier by the second just looking at you!” I said as another yawn escaped from Eoghan.
“Until next time, Eff,” Eoghan said, turning away with a sweeping wave and an even bigger yawn.
I smiled after him, sinking my hands into my jacket pockets. My stomach grumbled again, and I decided that the shortest path to the mess hall was now my main goal.
My boots crunched on the dirt and pebbles beneath them as I whistled the tune to my favorite Italian opera.
I already felt a smidge more cheery.
