Hooked On You, page 4
Sweet, fancy Moses.
The thrill those words—and that tiny pause!—set off in Judah almost sent the hanks of yarn in his hands cascading to the floor. Connor was not about to have a baby with someone else. The man didn’t even have a partner for fuck’s sake, and it was all Judah could do to keep a straight face and simply nod. He didn’t dare look at his mom, though, or the smirk he was certain she’d be wearing.
“This is on me, too,” Judah said. He gave Connor what he hoped was an easy smile. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything when you told me about wanting to knit a baby blanket the other night, so, I’m sorry as well.”
“Pfft, neither of you should be apologizing” Unmistakable glee filled Molly’s face when Judah and Connor turned her way. “It was a simple misunderstanding and it’s been cleared up just like that!” she said with a snap of her fingers that Judah thought sounded very loud.
That was the moment he noticed the exchange among Connor, Molly, and himself had drawn the attention of the other students from knitting class, all of whom were watching the interplay from their positions around the shop, expressions ranging from amused to curious. Fighting off an impulse to retreat to the basement himself, Judah hoped with all his might that Connor didn’t catch on because the big guy might die of embarrassment.
“Do you have everything you need to make your blanket, Connor?” Molly asked.
“Err.” Connor glanced down at the wool and needles he’d chosen from Judah’s stash. “I think so?”
“Yep, you should be good.” Moving quickly, Judah walked out from behind the counter to one of the cubbies hanging on the wall. “I just want to grab a few more hanks before I ring it all up.”
“Excellent.” Molly beamed at him. “After you do that, Jude, I’m going to need a favor, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course,” Judah said on his way to the counter. “What can I do for you, Ms. Abrams?” he asked, purposely drawing out the ‘z’ sound in Ms.
His mom rolled her eyes and laughed. “Oh, you. I made the mistake of putting out the whole box of pastry for class,” she said, “including the cookies your pops and I can eat. That leaves us with nothing for dessert tonight, so would you mind running over to the Public Market and grabbing another box?”
Judah wagged a finger at her. “That was a rookie move, Mom, especially after all this time. But sure, I’d be happy to. Let me just get Connor’s stuff straightened out and I’ll be on my way.”
“Thank you, sweetie. And instead of cookies, how about cupcakes instead? Your pops’ birthday is in a few days and I thought we’d celebrate while we’re all together.
“Have you tried the treats at the vegan bakery in Boston Public Market?” she asked Connor. “They’re really quite delicious. Judah can point you toward the ones that taste best,” she added, “including a lemon raspberry creme cookie that I swear is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.”
Relentless as the tides.
Caught between amusement and exasperation at his mother’s blatant matchmaking, Judah bit back a smile, though he felt tremendous sympathy for the shy man who’d become the object of her attention. As Molly’s son, Judah was accustomed to her cheerfully bulldozing into social situations as she saw fit. Connor was a virtual stranger, however, not to mention a customer, a combination that made Judah hurry as he rang up the yarn and needles, intent on rescuing the poor guy before he decided to take his business elsewhere.
Or so Judah told himself, anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Judah said as he and Connor finally emerged from Hook Me a long ten minutes later. “My mother is sort of a force of nature. I’ve learned to just kind of roll with whatever wave she throws out, even when it might not make a whole lot of sense.”
“I really didn’t mind.” Connor glanced back at the shop’s door with a half-smile, his obvious bemusement tempered with something more mellow and almost pleased. “Your mom’s nice and fun to talk to.”
Judah swallowed a sigh. What a sweetheart.
“Be careful how loudly you say that,” he teased. “Pretty sure Mom would set her mind on adopting you if she thought you’d let her.”
Connor hummed. “Worse things could happen.” He gestured to the bright, rainbow-striped gloves and scarf Judah had pulled from his pocket. “Did you make those?”
“I did!” Judah wound the scarf around his neck. “There’s a matching hat, of course, but it’s nice enough today that I don’t need it. Which way are you headed?” he asked.
A crease appeared between Connor’s eyebrows. “No way at all, really—this is my day off. You mind if I tag along with you? I didn’t get a chance to go grocery shopping this week and I figure I can pick up some food at one of the stalls in the Market and save it for dinner.”
“I don’t mind at all.” Hope leaped inside Judah again, though he did his best to shove it down as they began walking. Connor might be unattached but that didn’t mean he was interested. Especially in men, Judah reminded himself; Connor could very well be straight. Which just made the words Judah spoke next even more surprising, at least to himself.
“We could grab some hot mulled cider if you like,” he said, “since you’ve already said you’re not up for coffee.”
Connor’s eyes went wide for a second before he smiled. “Cider sounds nice.”
“Great! There’s also a kickass Vietnamese counter with some of the hottest chili sauce on the planet if you’re in the mood to set fire to your face.” His breath stuttered a little as Connor let out a belly laugh, the loudest noise he’d made around Judah yet.
“Spicy food and I do not mix.” Connor said. “I keep telling myself to try new things though, so maybe I can find something that won’t make my stomach angry.”
“‘Atta boy. So, you drive an ambulance, huh?”
“Yup. Though ‘drive’ can be a relative term when you up to your eyeballs in rush hour traffic.”
Judah chuckled at Judah’s dry tone. “Oh, man, I can’t even imagine!”
Chatting, they moved along Hanover Street, eventually leaving the North End neighborhood and crossing into Haymarket. The Public Market building was busy with tourists and locals alike, shopping at the artisan stalls as well as those selling prepared food and baked goods, and locally grown produce, meats, and fish. Connor bought a turkey sandwich for dinner and, after they’d picked up his hot cider and a coffee for Judah, they fell to window shopping as they talked.
Judah learned Connor was originally from a suburban area outside of Baltimore where his brother and sister-in-law still lived. He’d been in New England for five years total, having relocated first to Connecticut where he’d worked as an EMT for a private company while completing a course in paramedicine. Degree in hand, Connor had then applied to train with Boston EMS and moved to the area after being accepted by the academy.
“I got really lucky with a shot at a medic position after just two years,” Connor said. “Some EMTs have to wait a lot longer for a position to open up. The job kicks my ass every day, though, and I still feel like I’m figuring out how the city works, even now.”
“How so?” Judah asked.
“Well, Bostonians aren’t super friendly, and every day of the year is basically damp. And then there’s the sports thing, which states that if you’re not cheering for the home team, you may as well get lost. I actually get that a little because everyone I grew up with was a rabid Orioles fan.”
Amusement filtered through Judah. “I understand what you’re saying. I think it’s easy to find a place in this city, though, no matter what you might like. Well, unless you’re politically conservative, because this state votes pretty blue overall and I’m sure that gets aggravating.”
“Oh, I knew that before I’d even packed up my stuff. My brother James went off when I told him I’d be moving here.” Connor chuckled. “He doesn’t swear much, but he had some choice words for me about steering clear of crazy liberal Yankees who want to wreck our great American values. Seemed sure my moral compass would get all messed up purely by association.”
Oy.
Judah found himself wondering if Connor’s brother voted red as they stepped into the bakery line, and maybe if Connor did, too. And shit, he dreaded the answer so much, he couldn’t bring himself to ask. Besides, Connor had been nothing but friendly toward Judah despite his Pride pins (and awkward non-flirting).
“Another thing is that I’ve been in New England going on five years and haven’t experienced a blizzard,” Connor said then.
“Dude, this is not a thing to be sad about,” Judah replied, “though I’m not sure how that is possible? We got smacked with a storm right before St. Patrick’s Day last year and I swear it was like the shoveling was never going to end.”
“I was out of the town—went to see James and his wife.” Connor shrugged. “The snow piles were more than halfway melted by the time I got back, and there hasn’t been a big storm since. It’s been the same every year. Any time there’s a blizzard, I’m somehow out of town.”
Judah eyed him askance. “Again, with the tone of disappointment. Honestly, being stuck inside gets old pretty quick, especially when you find yourself rationing coffee creamer because you don’t know when you’ll be able to get out again.”
“Hah, point taken.”
“Now that you’re learning to knit, you’ll have a hobby to fall back on when the time comes and you do get snowed in, though. What made you want to try knitting, anyway?”
“It was Olivia’s suggestion,” Connor said. “I’ve been working on being less stressed and she read somewhere that needlework can be helpful. She thought it’d be good for me.”
Judah nodded. This man really was full of surprises. “My mom swears the same,” he said. “She started the social circle to give people a chance to enjoy the combination of crafting and community because it’s a fantastic way to get your brain producing the hormones that make you cheerful.” He smiled at Connor’s raised eyebrow. “I’m sure it sounds hokey to a medical professional, but people seem so relaxed after the classes and social circles. Provided we don’t run out of cookies, of course.”
A thoughtful look crossed Connor’s face and Judah thought he was probably examining his own reactions to his first knitting lesson. Connor didn’t say anything more on the subject though, and simply glanced over the bake shop’s display case as he and Judah approached the head of the line.
“Does your whole family eat vegan or is it just your mom?” he asked. “I noticed you ordered a latte with cow’s milk, so I wasn’t sure if maybe you were cheating or what.”
“I can’t even imagine what that woman would do to me if she caught me cheating at anything.” Judah sipped the last of his coffee. “But no, none of us is actually vegan. My mom and stepdad keep kosher, though, which means they’re not allowed to have dairy and meat together. So, we usually just buy or make a good vegan dessert they can eat.” He watched Connor nod, his eyebrows drawn together again as if he were puzzling out a problem.
Oh, hell. Maybe I should have clued him in on the Jewishness.
Judah huffed to himself. Before he could speak again, however, a familiar voice rose above the crowd.
“Judah!”
And suddenly Judah had an armful of man and cello case, Seb’s eyes looking extra dark in contrast with his ice blue hair and megawatt smile.
“Hey, player.” Judah exchanged cheek kisses with his friend and leaned into the hug for a second before he let Seb go. “Are you on your way to rehearsal? And how the hell do you look even more tan than the last time I saw you?”
“I was born tan, you dork,” Seb said with a laugh, “thanks to my Filipino parents, of course. And yeah, I’m headed there now. I just stopped in for a bite on my way across town.” A subtle movement from Connor caught Seb’s attention and he did a totally obvious double-take when he realized just how tall the man beside Judah stood. “Holy hot Christmas cake, wow.”
Oh, man.
Judah pressed his lips together against a laugh, but Seb had already recovered his composure and grinned as he stuck a hand out toward Connor.
“Hi!” he said, voice a shade too loud. “I’m Seb, Judah’s friend and still favorite pain in the ass.”
Connor took the hand and shook it just once. “Connor,” he replied in a tone so clipped Judah literally blinked.
Who the hell was this surly stranger?
“Um. Connor lives in the North End,” Judah said to Seb, who eyed Connor with blatant interest. “I roped him into sitting through a Knitting 101 class today.”
Seb rolled his eyes at Judah. “Ugh. You just made a stupid yarn pun, didn’t you?” An impish air fell over him as he looked back to Connor. “Don’t let this guy talk shop, big Con, because nothing says unromantic like business chatter on a date and once Judah starts in on hanks and skeins and Amazon ads, good luck getting him to stop.”
Judah stifled a groan. Connor’s spine had gone ramrod straight and his demeanor even more stony and at the very idea he and Judah might be together, and hot damn if that didn’t sting Judah more than he’d ever admit.
Smile serene, Seb hiked his cello case a bit higher onto his shoulders. “I’ve gotta go, babe,” he said to Judah, “but let’s catch up sometime this week over foods, yes?” He leaned in for another kiss then headed off, his cheery “Give my love to the fam!” trailing into the strange, charged silence that hung over the men he’d left behind at the bakery counter.
The depth of dejection that Judah felt honestly surprised him. Who the hell was Connor to him anyway? A customer, sure, and perhaps a nascent friend. But it was way too soon to call him anything more, so why did Judah feel like the floor had dropped out from beneath his feet?
Judah placed his cupcake order, then turned and faced Connor head on.
“Seb and I were together for two years,” he said, his tone even. “We broke up not long ago but stayed friends and my family is still very fond of him. He’s actually a really standup guy. I knew it while we were dating, of course, but I’ve come to appreciate him even more since we broke up. Like when Seb broke it off with a new guy he’d been seeing because the guy told him that having a Jewish friend was, and I quote, ‘deeply problematic.’”
Judah drew out his wallet as a bright purple bakery box was set in front of him. “I think everyone hopes their friends will rise to the occasion when you really need them, but it was still nice to get confirmation that Seb supports me, no questions asked.”
“Friends are important,” Connor said at last, his voice much quieter than Judah had expected. “And family. I’m glad you have them in your life, Judah.”
“Me too.”
After paying for the cupcakes, Judah picked up the box and headed for home, not sure what to make of the fact that Connor continued to walk beside him in silence. They’d made it all the way outside and halfway back to the North End before Judah found his tongue again, but he didn’t get a chance to ask Connor what the hell was going on because Connor stopped walking and faced Judah, his expression troubled.
“Do you … are you still in love with him?” Connor asked. “With Seb?”
“No. I loved him when we were together, though. Sometimes I even thought we’d make it long term.” Judah managed a smile. “Flowers and rings and kids—the big, romantic story with the happily ever after, et cetera. But Seb doesn’t want any of that. And I knew he didn’t. He was always candid with me about it and we tried to make it work, but finally decided to go back to being just friends. It was hard at first, but it’s been good for both of us.”
Judah swallowed past the butterflies that suddenly rose in his throat. “Does it bother you, Connor? Me being gay or Jewish? Because …” He huffed a breath through his nose. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but if you’re going to be in my shop once a week, I think I have a right to know if anything about who I am is going to be a problem for you.”
His head shake almost violent, Connor stepped closer. “No. Nothing about who you are is a problem for me, Judah. I’m not … I’m not that guy and I like you just fine.”
“Okay.” Judah frowned. “Then what was going on with you back there? Because, if you don’t mind me saying, the vibes coming off you when we were talking to Seb were the opposite of friendly.”
“I don’t … Damn it.” Connor hauled in a deep breath, his face twisting in the unforgiving glow of the streetlights. “I don’t know what that was. I don’t even know what was going through my head when Seb— God, this is so embarrassing.”
Judah had no idea what to make of how rattled Connor appeared. Without a second thought, he reached out and caught hold of Connor’s wrist, his stomach tumbling when he realized the big guy was trembling. “Whoa. Connor, come here for a minute.”
He led Connor through the park, his grasp firm around Connor’s wrist. Connor stayed silent. He pulled his arm free after a few steps, but then quickly took hold of Judah’s hand, his grip almost too tight. A knot formed in Judah’s chest.
What the hell had just happened?
They reached one of the long bench swings that hung along the edge of the park and only then did Connor let go of Judah’s hand. They sat, bakery box on the bench between them, and without a word, each pushed into the ground with their feet, setting the swing into lazy motion.
The longer Connor stayed quiet, the more concerned Judah became. Connor’s eyes had been blazing when they’d faced off outside the market building, emotions changing too rapidly for Judah to interpret, but he knew confusion and distress when he saw them, along with a healthy amount of fear. Connor had mentioned he was looking for ways to manage his stress, but this was something else entirely. Panic, maybe? And over what?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Judah asked and though Connor’s headshake didn’t surprise him, the words he spoke next did.
“I’m not sure I know how.” Connor took his bottom lip between his teeth for a beat. “The stress I mentioned before—it’s more than the usual everyday worrying.” He sighed, his voice strained when he continued. “I’m sure you figured that out on your own.”
