Feathers, page 8
I eventually did end up crawling in bed and trying to get some sleep. But my dreams were filled with strange things. I found myself standing in the dark woods, with the sounds of animals all around me. I wasn’t afraid though. Instead, I was looking around as though I was waiting for something. To my surprise, a white shape came out of the bushes nearby. It was as big as a man, and when it looked at me, I realized that it was a fox. In the moonlight filtering thru the trees, it practically glowed silver. I stood still as it came over to me. To my surprise, it gently nuzzled at my hand. The message was instant for me. It was very gentle. I slowly reached down and petted his snout. And before I woke up, I could hear his words.
“Please, forgive me. I’ll never hurt you again.”
Seven
I ended up going back to school on the following Monday anyways. It wasn’t really that I was scared anymore though. Instead, it was because of Raziel. He ended up sprouting his wings that very night. Like Michael’s, they were very beautiful. They were tinted with blue, and incredibly soft. I found him in a much better mood when I visited with him the follow day, though he admitted that his back was still a bit sore from them. It would take him a few days to get used to them as well, so that meant at least another week of him being out of school. Be as it may, he asked me to please appease Anna for that time. He felt bad that he couldn’t tell her the truth or let her see him. So I promised to do so once I got back. I’ll admit that I felt a bit bad though when I did. Anna was obviously a very unhappy girl that her boyfriend suddenly didn’t want her around for a while.
Sitting at the lunch table, I found myself looking around at the people as we talked. It would be another week before Raziel returned, and I was starting to feel it too. Maybe I was just too used to my cousin being around all the time now. Beside me, Anna twirled her straw in her milk. “I can’t believe it. I’m telling you, if he keeps this up, I’m going to dump him.” She said.
“Come on Anna. Raziel just doesn’t want to get you sick. That’s all.” I said. We’d been lying and saying that he had Mono. Of course, I don’t think she was really buying it.
“But he could still talk to me more. He used to talk to me all the time. I don’t get it.” Anna complained, putting her head down again.
I sighed to myself. She was depressed now. And depression and Anna didn’t seem to mix well. I wanted the funny girl I’d come to know back. But before I could say anything to it, Anna suddenly looked up. I followed her gaze, and was surprised to see Sean coming over to us. I hadn’t seen him since what had happened, and I’ll admit that this boldness surprised me. He wasn’t supposed to be near me. Michael had told me that much. But he came over and sat down anyways. “Hey.” He said casually.
“Hey Sean. What’s up?” Anna said, sounding pretty surprised herself.
“I was wondering if I could sit with you two. You don’t mind, do you?” Sean asked, glancing at me.
“No, that’s fine. Guess it’s easier with Raziel not around, huh?” Anna joked.
Sean just gave her a soft smile. “I suppose so.” He replied. He seemed happy enough, but I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes looked a little sad.
“So, what’s been up with you? You haven’t been in school lately either. Is everyone catching a bug or something?” Anna asked, glancing over at me.
Sean shrugged. “No. I just ended up having to help my mother with a few things, so I took a few days off. I noticed that Raziel has been out too though. Is he sick?” he asked.
“Yes. He’ll be out for at least two weeks.” Anna sighed.
“Really? What’s he got?” Sean asked, looking over at me.
“I was told it‘s Mono, but I‘m not completely sure.” I admitted. “I’m going to ask Michael if he’s heard when I get home.”
The truth was, I really didn’t know what Raziel was supposed to be sick with. Mono was the easiest to use for Anna. A part of me wondered if Sean suspected what it was though. Obviously, he knew somewhat about us. Maybe he knew that we changed eventually.
“So why the sudden visit with us Sean? I didn’t think you were that interested in talking to us before.” Anna said, eyeing him suspiciously.
“It’s nothing really. I just hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Mia before, so I thought I’d take it while Raziel was gone, beings he objects to my very presence.” Sean answered.
He speaks so eloquently, I couldn’t help but think. The familiarity was almost comforting for me, considering Michael often spoke like that. But in the back of my mind, I kept having flashes of the week before. I felt myself move away a little unconsciously. “Uh Sean, I don’t think Raziel will take it well if he finds out about this.” I said. I was really trying to use a roundabout way to say that Michael wouldn’t like this.
“I know. But it doesn’t bother me.” Sean said.
Thankfully, the bell was ringing by then. Anna and I said our goodbyes, and quickly headed back inside to class. “That was weird.” Anna whispered as we got away.
“I know.” I admitted softly.
“You know what? I think he might actually like you.” Anna said.
I cringed in spite of myself. “Maybe.” I managed to say. But thankfully, I was coming to my classroom. So I quickly excused myself and went inside to my desk.
In all honesty, I couldn’t believe the audacity Sean Morrison had at lunch. All thru the class, I kept thinking about it. And when I got to English next, I found myself thinking about it some more. I even began jotting down notes in my notebook on my thoughts.
Fox attacks me.
Fox likes me.
Fox attacked me.
Now Fox likes me.
I shook my head as if I was going to shake those thoughts out. But Anna’s words seemed to be burned in there. Sean Morrison might actually like me. The thought itself was kind of scary. But also, it was kind of thrilling. If he actually did like me…
I shook my head again, putting it down on the desk. I must have been losing my mind. That was it. I was just having some sort of stupid nightmare. I’d have to wake up soon.
Finally, the bell rang. I quietly gathered up my books and the assignment to take to Raziel, then headed out to my locker. Maybe I should go visit him, I thought as I put my things away and grabbed my bag. But as I closed it, I was surprised to hear a voice near me.
“Mia.”
I cringed a little to myself again. I knew who would be standing there when I turned around. But I forced myself to anyways. “What do you want Sean?” I asked, trying to keep my cool. I was a Renaldi for crying out loud. I shouldn’t fear the likes of him now.
Sean just smiled slightly, though it wasn’t mean at all. Instead, it looking almost understanding. “I was wondering if we could talk for a bit.” He said.
I sighed. “You know my dad said for you to stay away from me.”
“I know.” Sean said, sighing himself. “But I just needed to speak to you. I promise, I’m not trying anything here. And we can do it in a public place if you like.”
I looked around at the other students heading out. “All right. Come on. We can talk in my car.” I said.
Looking back, I’m sure I must have been insane. But somehow, I felt like I could trust him. Besides, if I had him in my car where people were crowding the parking lot, he couldn’t really attempt anything. So the two of us quietly walked out there.
“Did you pick your own car?” Sean said as we got in.
“Yes, I did. Why?” I asked.
Sean just smiled. “It’s nice. Though I really don‘t think I would‘ve pegged you for the sports car type.” He answered.
I took a deep breath, looking back down at the stirring wheel so that he wouldn’t see my slight blush. “So what did you want to talk about? You know I don’t have a lot of time.” I said.
“I understand.” Sean said. He sighed before he continued. “Actually, I wanted a chance to apologize.”
“Apologize?” I repeated, feeling a bit more then surprised.
“Yes. I’ve been thinking about what happened ever since that day. And I know you probably don’t believe me, but I wanted to apologize to you myself. The truth is, I can’t really explain myself for all of that. The best I can say is that the fox within me just got the better of me. It did from time to time. But… it won’t anymore.” Sean explained softly.
“But how do you know that? Isn’t it part of your nature?” I asked. Needless to say, I really didn’t believe him.
Sean just looked back over at me. “Mia, I’m sure you don’t believe me, but I’m not really a mean person at heart. But, I’m really not a person who gets along well with others either. This double nature has always been so hard. And that afternoon, I lost myself again. But then… I don’t know how to explain it. It was like that part of me just shattered all at once. And when I realized what I’d almost done… I was horrified.”
I studied him for a moment. He looked so sincere. But I still knew the warnings I’d been given. And Michael himself had told me how tricky foxes could be. We’d had nice long talk about them before I came back to school, just to give me a little more understanding about what had happened with Sean before. “I guess. But that still doesn’t change what happened you know.” I said.
“I know. And I won’t ask you to forgive me for it. All I really want right now is to apologize and hope that maybe someday you will. I won’t lie to you about what I am or what I’ve done before. I’m anything but a good person. But I want to be able to be around you. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known before. And I want to know you very badly.” Sean confessed.
I couldn’t help but sigh. The truth was, I wanted to know him too. But I just couldn’t trust him yet. “Sean, I’m glad to know that you won’t hurt me, but it’s going to take me some time.” I said.
“I’m aware of that.” Sean said. He glanced at the clock in my car. “It’s getting late now. I should probably go. But please, consider my words. And if you need someone to talk to, I’ll listen. I hope we can be friends someday.”
“Sure.” I said quietly as he handed me a folded small piece of paper. I kept my head down as he got out. That was incredibly hard. But in a way, it was freeing too. Sean Morrison wasn’t an enemy anymore. I think in my heart I knew that for certain. But I wasn’t about to trust him yet either. Maybe I’d call him in a few months and try to talk more of it out.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I debated on where to go. I could head home. But I really didn’t want to. I was far too worked up to be alone right then. So I decided to drop by and visit Raziel. He could probably use the company.
But as I parked at the house, I found myself debating on whether I should tell Raziel about the conversation I’d just had. If I didn’t, he’d probably never know. I knew of course that Anna may call him and tell him about lunch time, but that was really nothing when it came down to it. Sean had approached me with her and other people around. The one on one talk was a whole other story. I decided it was probably better if I didn’t mention it, so I hid the paper in the console of my car before I got out.
Raziel was up and about in his room when I came in there. In fact, he was standing in front of his long mirror and playing with his wings when I came in. “Enjoying your new accessories?” I teased.
“Very funny.” Raziel teased back. “I guess you had a decent day.”
“It’s was okay. A little boring though. All the teachers are doing right now is reviewing for tests.” I said, sitting on the side of the bed.
“Did Morrison show back up today?” Raziel asked, still flexing his wings.
I sighed. I knew he was going to ask. He‘d been asking for the last few days. “Yes. But he left me alone.” I said.
“Guess he finally felt like he could show his face now. Wish I’d been there to see it. I would’ve knocked his lights out.” Raziel said.
“Raziel, just let it go. It’s over now, and he’s not bothering me.” I begged.
Raziel shrugged. “I guess.” he muttered.
“Please Raziel. No trouble, right?” I continued. I wanted a promise from him now.
“Okay, okay. By the way, how was Anna today?” Raziel asked.
“She was okay, though I think she misses you already. I didn’t know what to tell her that you had though, so I just said Mono.” I admitted.
Raziel shrugged, flexing his wings again. “I guess that should work then.” he said.
I reached over and touched one of his wings. “Do they feel any different?” I asked.
“A little. I can feel them on my back, but they’re really not heavy. I’ve learned to fly a little too. That’s kinda fun.” Raziel admitted.
“I bet.” I laughed.
“Any sign of yours yet?” Raziel asked.
I sighed, shrugging slightly. “No. I haven’t felt any different. It’s kind of weird. I always thought we were so much like twins with things.” I admitted.
“We are.” Raziel replied. “I guess we’ll just get these at different times. Besides, at least you get to be normal for a little longer. I can see myself trying to explain these scars that are coming to Anna in the future.”
“You’re really going to stay with her, aren’t you?” I guessed.
“I plan to, unless she dumps me. Damn, I hope not. That would be really bad.” Raziel said.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t think she’ll do that Raziel. She really likes you. And she’s worrying a lot about you now.” I said.
“Seriously Mia, are you gonna get boyfriend soon or what?” Raziel suddenly asked.
“What?” I said in surprise.
“You heard me. I think you should find yourself a boyfriend.” Raziel said.
“Why do I need a boyfriend? I‘m perfectly happy on my own.” I retorted. Really, this was getting old now. Anna tended to do the same thing to me here and there. Why was having a guy such a big deal?
Raziel just laughed at me. “Calm down. You know I’m just teasing. But you should at least try. You are sixteen now.” He said.
I looked down, blushing a little. The truth was, I’d never had a boyfriend before. I supposed it was because I‘d never really tried. As funny as it seemed, I’d never had a real interest in guys before. At least, not until I met Sean…
“Hey Raziel, do you really think all the ones like Sean are dangerous?” I asked softly.
“Huh? What do you mean?” Raziel asked, looking over at me. He was clearly surprised now.
I shifted a little uncomfortably. “I know everyone is saying that now, and I know what almost happened to me. But I don’t know anything about foxes myself, or the things like them. I actually feel a little lost on all of this. I didn’t even know what we were until last week.” I admitted.
Raziel sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t know if I could answer that for you. My dad knows more about it all then I do. I think he’s been studying those things for a long time now. Even when I was a little kid, this was a common thing to me, even though I could never talk about it to anyone else. And they asked me a long time ago not to mention it to you right away. I don’t know why. Maybe Michael was worried about something with it.” He said.
“Maybe.” I said softly.
At that, Raziel wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Hey, don’t worry so much about it. Nothing’s going to happen to you now. We’ll make sure of it.” He promised.
At that time, I really wanted to believe his words. I think I knew that they would all protect me no matter what. Yet, I was finding that my mind was in a catch 22 as well over Sean Morrison. If I was to become an angel, so to speak, where would that leave him if I really did like him? It would be a question I would find myself thinking about for a long time to come.
Eight
Raziel ended up coming back to school about two weeks later. But it was right after he did that I noticed that Sean was nowhere around once again. At first, Raziel had thought that perhaps he was trying to avoid him because of his new wings. As for myself, I wasn’t too sure about that. Truthfully, I was kind of worried. Even with what Sean was, it seemed a bit odd that he’d suddenly disappear. Raziel and I eventually went to Jameson to check as well, but Sara had said that he wasn’t there. She claimed he’d be coming back eventually, but wouldn’t say where he’d went. This was a bit frustrating to Raziel and I both, but there wasn’t much we could say to it either. So we let it go with her for the time being.
I eventually did ask Michael about it though. But he said that he really wasn’t too surprised. Sean had disappeared from time to time, according to Sara. He’d probably just crossed himself over into the Spirit Realms to get away for a while. For something like him, that was normal behavior. Still, it bothered me on some deeper level. I wanted to see him again. Even if no one liked it.
I couldn’t say for sure when I first began realizing how much I was coming to think about Sean Morrison. Maybe this had been brewing from the moment we met. Maybe that was why it hurt to think that we really hadn’t spoken since the day he’d made his first apology in person to me. A part of me had thought that maybe he’d attempt to speak to me more, even if he had to get past Raziel a bit. What a disappointment it was.
Eventually, Spring Break would come and go. But on that Tuesday back, I found that it was just me returning. Raziel himself had warned me the night before that he was skipping that day. Being off from Spring Break, he decided he wasn’t quite ready to be back yet. Yes, it was the lamest excuse I’d ever heard. But it seemed like Raphael was going to let him get away with it anyways. As for Anna, she was out sick. She had a bad sinus infection. To be completely honest, I almost was feeling lost that morning without them. But also, pulling into the parking lot, I saw opportunity now. Sean’s Jeep was there. He’d come back. And with neither Raziel nor Anna there, I knew what that meant. I could talk to him without worrying about interference. Of course, that was if I could find him. I knew that Michael probably wouldn’t say anything to it. He’d told me before that it was my choice if I wanted to acknowledge Sean Morrison at school. So I decided to take my chances.
