San Antonio, page 8
Carla despised herself for being in a situation where someone’s salvation or famine might depend on her. She knew they were simply delaying the inevitable. Eventually, there would be nothing left for anyone except those favored by the mayor.
“So, you have a plan, don’t you?” Carson asked with a smile.
Carla attempted to stay pragmatic in the face of tremendous odds. “Well, there’s always the possibility of more salvaging. We expand out in search of more houses to see what we can find.”
“Carla, we’ve already checked through all the houses within a ten-block radius,” Carson remarked. “They contain nothing of worth. We’d be wasting our time. And you know how distracting it is to be with you out there, alone and all.”
“Then we'd have to move out and broaden our search even more,” she answered quickly, anxious to keep the conversation off the topic of ‘them.’
“If we do that, we could be walking into a lynching. We’ve avoided most of the danger by staying close. Out there, we have no idea what houses are empty, which ones are traps. Raiders practically control all the east side already. We show up on any of those guys’ turf, it’d be the same as asking them to kill us...or worse.”
She decided not to ask about what was worse. “Look, I won’t deny that it’s a risk, so why not do it in turns every night instead of doing it together? I go scouting one night, and you go scouting the next. That way...” she breathed in deeply, "...if one of us gets hurt or, you know...taken, the other will be safe.”
Carson shook his head as he restacked some of the food back into Carla’s box. “First and foremost, Carla, we have a greater chance together than apart. Second, if one of us dies—and I have no doubt you’ll try to help care for my family just as I would for yours. But how long could that last? I mean, we can barely feed ourselves now.
“Look, I love Chelsea, but let’s face it, she’s not a good mother. She never has been. I’ve come to realize she simply wanted a child because all her friends did. She scarcely pays attention to them anymore, leaving all mothering up to the NannyBot.”
Carson leaned back and stared out past Carla’s shoulder as if staring into a future none of them could see. “With me gone, I don’t see her suddenly becoming Mother of the Year or anything. And your family needs you. I mean, I would do my best for them. But I’m not familiar enough with Meredith’s sickness to know how to help her. Hell, Joshua is closer to them than I ever will be.”
It was a rare moment of truth from a man Carla had known for much of her adult life. Confession may be good for the soul, but his words were in no way comforting.
Carla looked out at the yard where her sister was entertaining both of Carson’s kids. It was rare to see her outside, but the scene brought a rare smile to her face.
“What about the mayor?” she asked. Carla would have turned down any option to work for the mayor in the past. But current circumstances might demand more desperate measures. “If we went to work for him…”
“Cleveland?” Carson stated flatly. “You know he set up his new office over in Lehigh. Problems in San Ant were just too much for them apparently.”
They both nodded in the direction of the old city center. No one wanted to go down there these days. Even the promise of life-saving supplies was not enough to take them into the heart of the city of the dead.
Carla nodded.
“Believe me, I’ve considered it,” Carson continued. “The mayor, I mean. But that would mean relocating over there. I’ve also heard he’s formed a militia, supposedly to keep the peace. But every day, they go out on recovery missions. I’ve heard some get pretty messy. And yeah, they may treat you well, feed you and shit, but can you truly say they’d make the same accommodations for our families?”
Carla stayed silent, every idea she had seemed doomed lately. And when the silence was broken once more, it wasn’t by Carla or Carson.
“And what are you two doing?”
Chelsea had entered and was inspecting the box of food now sitting on her kitchen table. “Someone’s been shopping,” she remarked dryly.
“I just got back from the food bank,” Carla revealed. It wasn’t exactly a closely guarded secret.
“All by yourself?” Chelsea asked. “I'm shocked. I thought you always had to have your sidekick.” She glared at her husband. “You two are like peas in a pod.”
“Drop it, Chelsea. I was busy, she did us a solid, okay?” Carson explained. “Carla went grocery shopping for both our families.”
“How very generous of her,” Chelsea remarked as she leaned in looking over the meager haul a bit closer. Carla detected the strong scent of alcohol coming off the woman.
“Is there something you’d like to say, Chelsea?” Carla, tired of the passive-aggressive jabs, squared off at the blonde.
Meredith walked into the kitchen before Chelsea could respond. Carla, grateful for the distraction, remarked, “Hey, Sis. I went out and found you some of those chips you love.” She grabbed a bag of the spicy vegan chips and handed them to Meredith.
Meredith, on the other hand, was not so excited. “You might as well get used to not having them. Having...any of this stuff.”
Carla exclaimed, “Meredith!”
“It's true,” Meredith answered in a tone devoid of real emotion. “We’re wasting so much time clinging to the life we once knew in the hope that we’ll get it back one day. But we never will. That time has passed. The sooner we accept this new reality, the sooner we can begin to cope with it.”
Chelsea rolled her eyes and gave a snort of derision, but Carson quickly stepped in. He wrapped his arms around Meredith and pulled her close. The other kids watching them could not avoid sensing the tension in the air as they strained to hear every word.
Carla exclaimed angrily, “Meredith! For God’s sake, stop scaring everyone!”
“Truth is always scary,” Meredith stated solemnly. She then turned around and walked off.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Carla apologized to Chelsea. “My sister, she…”
“Just keep that freak away from my kids,” Chelsea snarled.
Carla tightened her fist. “That ‘freak’ has been the one watching your kids while you were off getting drunk, bitch.” Regardless of how much stress Meredith gave her, she was not one to take shit from anyone about her and was only a split second away from ramming Chelsea’s head through the wall.
Carson, correctly assessed the situation and told Chelsea, “I think you could probably use a nap, honey. Thanks again for the food, Carla.”
He escorted Chelsea toward their bedroom, leaving Carla alone in their kitchen with her thoughts. No good deed goes unpunished.
Chapter Ten
Days later, Carla and Carson were again both patrolling the familiar streets late at night. In the absence of any other options, they both reasoned that working the high-risk night shifts would allow them to earn even more credits, which was good since word had come down that rations were supposedly being restocked, but also that the value of the credits had been halved yet again. Of course, the new credits meant little if the food bank wasn’t restocked. This venture, like many things in this new world, was a gamble with no assurance of a payoff.
Carla briefly pulled her mask down. “It’s bad tonight.”
“The smell? Yeah...it is,” Carson agreed. The overwhelming smell of decay from the millions of dead downtown hung over the ruins like an ash cloud from a volcano. It was ever-present, even weeks after.
“It’s not going to get better, is it?”
Carson ignored her question. It was said as more of a statement anyway.
“We’re going to have to do something, Carson. We only have food for a few days. Others are desperate already”
They had seen more and more instances of how bad it had become. They’d spray painted numerous red Xs on the homes of suicide victims. None had been for a single person. Whole families ending it all together was the stylish new way to exit this world.
A Klaxon Drone had flown through the streets earlier that day, announcing a new, earlier curfew. This one included an even stricter penalty for violators. With each new statement, the mayor seemed to be projecting more and more control over the survivors. The curfew also seemed to be getting increasingly earlier. “At this point, we’ll soon be living inside our homes 24/7,” Carson joked.
They passed another home with the dreaded red X marked on the door with the number four underneath.
“Or not living in them,” she said morbidly. “Increasingly our homes are becoming our graves.”
“I don’t know how that would work,” Carson said, recalling Chelsea’s relentless verbal attacks on him and Carla and Meredith. I truly believe my wife would kill me before the first week was up. And then she’d come after you because...”
“Somehow I made her do it,” Carla finished the thought laughing. “That does sound like her doesn’t it? Can only imagine one of us dead and the other being falsely arrested for murder. Do they even hold prisoners anymore or have trials?”
“I’d probably be the one who ended up dead,” Carson said. “Her nails are sharp as daggers.” He paused before continuing. “I do have to say, my wife... she will be watching me even closer now. She’ll be stuck at home even more due to the curfew. When I leave the house, it’s always ‘Where are you going?’ or ‘How long are you going to be?’”
He pulled his shirt away from his body and fanned himself with it. “I tell you, if the mayor ever needs an interrogator, she’d be excellent for the job.”
Carla noticed he was no longer looking at her. She knew where this was headed.
“This means that our hookups will be much more limited.”
Maybe Carla should have been more concerned about Chelsea’s growing suspicion. Instead, she was simply relieved. “Perhaps it’s for the best,” she stated.
His eyes widened, the hurt obvious. “Ok, that’s not exactly the reaction I was expecting.”
Carla let out a sigh. She expected they’d have this conversation sooner or later, but she’d been mostly ignoring it. But maybe this was the right time to ‘lay the cards on the table’ as they say.
“Look, Carson, I have a good time with you. I enjoy your company, and I think it’s been good for us to have time with each other and get away from all of our obligations at home.”
“It has,” Carson agreed. “When I'm with you, I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. I can’t even recall the last time Chelsea touched me. But I feel like a million bucks when I’m with you. You’d be a better mother than she is. You are adored by my children. They’re growing up in a society where positive role models will be scarce. I’d much rather they behave like you than Chelsea.”
“What are you trying to say?” Carla asked. She was flattered by his words, but she wasn’t going to let it stop her. “She is still your wife. She’s Rachel and Ryan’s mom. There has to be a way for you to make things right with all of them. None of that includes me as anything but a friend.”
Carson sighed. “It’s not that easy. Our marriage is like a candle that flickers in its last signs of life. I wish it weren’t so, but is there just enough warmth left to keep it going? We’re essentially running on empty. To be honest, I wish you had entered my life sooner.”
“Look, Carson, we had a great time. But we both understood that was all there was to it. It was never intended to last.”
“Just for a little fun? Do you really believe that’s all you are to me?” he asked. “Just a little something on the side? Carla, I adore you!”
“Do you love me? Do you truly believe we have a chance? You have a wife and children. And what we’re doing is wrong, in every way possible, it is wrong.”
“Even if it’s wrong, that doesn’t mean it’s not real.” His words stabbed a dagger of truth deep into her own heart.
“If I did say it...if I told you I loved you, would it make a difference?”
“I’m not looking to hear the words, Carson. I want you to focus on your family...that's all.”
Carson paused in the street by the burned wreckage of a Mercedes aircar and stared at her. “What’s up with the sudden moral compass?” he asked, shining his flashlight in her direction. “As I recall, you were as excited about it as I was. I didn’t notice you protesting as you were removing my pants and about to jump my bones.”
Carla reddened, embarrassed by the memory. “I was mistaken. We were careless when we did it. We were under the impression that we had all the time in the world. We felt we were unbeatable. You are desirable, Carson, always have been, but then came the attack. I’m sorry…I …”
He nodded, understanding that things had changed, but he wasn’t ready to let go of one of the best things in his life. “We could try, Carla. I’m not saying it would be easy, but we’d be a team.”
She felt his emotional pivot propelling her from side chick to potential top billing. “And how are you going to explain that to your kids?” Carla asked. “I love them, but I can’t replace their mother.”
“You spend enough time doing that for your sister!” Carson said, immediately regretting his words. Carla’s pain echoed silently across the darkened streets.
She was quietly furious, unwilling to show that he’d scored an emotional hit. She forced herself to calm. “We need to take stock of what we have in our lives. And what we require. Your kids still need me, and I’ll be there for them in whatever way I can. But I’m only their babysitter. I can’t be anything else.”
“And my needs?” Carson pleaded.
“Are not my problem,” she snapped back.
Carson opened his mouth to say something, but he knew Carla had already heard everything he had to say. Nothing was going to change this outcome. Carla was unyielding when she set her mind to something.
“I still think you’re making a big mistake,” he grumbled as he walked away, leaving her alone in the dark.
Carla despised the fact that she had had to drive a stake into the heart of their relationship. But she knew she was doing the right thing, regardless of the pain.
Chapter Eleven
She’d made the correct decision. Carla kept telling herself this while she patrolled the streets alone.
Carson no longer went out on patrol after that night. They’d only spoken briefly a few times in his front yard. She knew he was hurt, but he claimed to be working on his marriage. He wanted to be more involved in his children’s lives while also seeing what could be done to repair the damage with Chelsea.
Unfortunately, Carson's timing couldn’t have been worse. The food banks were now closed more than they were open. Also, due to the growing scarcity, fewer and fewer patrol officers were showing up for assignments each day. No one wanted to work for free, most also preferred to protect what they had rather than risk losing them to the mobs of rioters.
Carla considered doing the same thing. However, staying at home meant doing nothing and being constantly exposed to the ravings of her sister and the sad decline in her abuela.
Carla’s latest problems began as she was doing her regular rounds in her local neighborhood, trying to ensure that at least the people on her street had what they needed to get through the day. Reluctantly, she forced herself to ask Chelsea if there was anything they needed, partly to bury the guilt over her affair with the woman’s husband.
It was obvious that Carson wasn’t around, and Chelsea seemed unnaturally calm. As they talked briefly in the driveway Meredith opened her bedroom window and shouted down at them.
"IT’S COMING...THE END DAYS ARE UPON US! I’VE SEEN THE WICKED, THE MONSTERS WITHIN US. YOU ALL HAVE NOTHING AHEAD BUT ROT AND RUIN!”
Chelsea growled an obscenity, then yelled her own insults as Carla dashed back to her house, wrestling Meredith to the ground, and closing the window. Meredith had struggled and shouted, fighting hard to get free, to finish her diatribe against humanity. She managed to get a sedative down Meredith’s throat and sat up with her until sleep mercifully took her.
The episode also set Maria off. Once again, she had suffered a total memory lapse. This one took her back to a time before the world ground to a halt. She wanted to go out front, to tend to her flowers and visit the neighbors. Carla tried in vain to prevent her. Each time she went out front was the same. “You don’t want to go out there,” Carla shouted, desperate to shield her from the ugly truth. The reality of the world as it was not the world in Maria’s memory.
But her grandmother was surprisingly strong, despite her frailty. And she shoved Carla out of the way and opened the front door…
It was a gradual build-up as she stepped outside, taking in the unfamiliarity, looking at the few houses that were still standing, seeing the city she loved in the hazy distance, now more a massive rubble pile than a shining metropolis. She saw some of the homeless wandering the streets, clothes like rags, haunted eyes, and the awful, relentless smell of death. Gunshots rang out in the distance, just another of the regular sounds of San Antonio.
Maria dropped slowly to her knees. With no memory of what had occurred, each time she did this, she experienced the loss of the world for the first time. Maria’s mournful wail for a world that ended was heartbreaking. She broke down into long, pitiful sobs. Carla tried to get her back inside, knowing this would last most of the day and likely not be the last time her grandmother suffered this same trauma.
“Bless you, my Santina.”
Carla needed to get out of the house. Most days, she was able to bear the difficulties and carry out her tasks. That’s what she kept telling herself while she patrolled the streets. Carla told herself she did it to make sure she could feed her family, but in reality, she was just happy for the space.
Today she knew she had to do something more for the people she loved. She needed to find medicines that would help Meredith and Maria deal with their difficulties. The two main hospitals downtown were both destroyed. Several others were farther out, but she doubted any were still functioning. She didn’t think it wise to try a trip that far away with her family in the shape they were in.
