Can't Wait, page 5
Just thinking about her tightened his body until he was hard and aching for her. The clock read the same time he got up most nights. Two twenty-two.
Awake, but tired to the bone, he’d never get back to sleep. He dragged on sweats, a t-shirt, socks, and shoes, and grabbed his jacket. Quiet and deliberate, he moved through the house and went out the kitchen door and down the path toward the front of the house. He veered right and took the path to the cabin, but didn’t go too close. Instead, he went around back and stood in his usual spot on the bank of the creek and listened to the rushing water. For whatever reason, the monotonous tone soothed his mind and evened out his heart and breathing. Okay, he also had secretly hoped for weeks that Summer would find him out here and they’d . . . well, he’d be warm in her bed and not freezing his ass off right now.
I better buy one of those noise machines before I’m walking hip-deep through snow to an iced-over creek.
He let the quiet night clear his mind and reminded himself he’d left that life behind for something better.
Yeah, your something better is in that cabin and you’re out here in the cold.
He couldn’t believe Jack gave him the all-clear. He’d waited months to be with her; he could wait until tomorrow, explain what happened with Jack and Sam, and ask her for a date.
Cold, exhausted, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts of Summer and war, he turned to stare at the cabin and sort out his thoughts about his future—with her. It had to be with her, because he just couldn’t go on without her. The minute Jack and Sam didn’t freak about him with their sister, he realized he’d have been back for her. No amount of time or distance would ever let him forget her, or allow him any kind of peace.
At first, he didn’t believe his eyes. He thought her a golden dream in the midst of his nightly wandering, but there she stood on the back porch, blond hair haloing her beautiful face and floating around her back and shoulders on the wind. She held her arms wrapped around her middle, warding off the cold. He liked her in nothing but a t-shirt and pajama bottoms, bare feet poking out the bottoms. She shivered, her nipples standing out against the cotton t-shirt.
She reached out one hand to him, palm up, offering for him to take it. He didn’t need any more invitation than that and closed the distance between them with quick, long strides. He took the five steps up to the deck, took her hand, pulled her into his chest, and wrapped his arms around her.
“Aren’t you cold, sweetheart?”
“Aren’t you tired?” Her arms held him tight, and he squeezed her back, needing her comfort. Tired of the nightmares, fighting his need for her, tired of being without her.
“You’re out here almost every night, lost and alone and hurting.”
“You knew?”
“You never once came to the cabin.”
“I couldn’t.”
“You know I’m here. I left the door open, hoping you’d want to be with me, but you never came.”
“So, tonight you came to get me.”
“You’re leaving. I don’t care if we only have this one night. Isn’t it better than spending the rest of our lives wondering what we might have shared?”
“We don’t have one night.”
She pulled out of his arms and stared up at him with eyes so filled with hurt, his chest tightened and his throat ached.
“You’re really going to leave and that’s it. I have no say. My feelings don’t matter. Caleb, please, stay with me.”
“Okay,” he interrupted, but she kept talking over him.
“We can work this out. Jack will understand.”
“He does.”
“Wait, did you say okay?”
“Come inside. We need to talk.”
“Talk now.”
“You’re freezing. In another minute, you’ll have frostbitten toes.”
“I don’t care. Tell me what you mean.”
Talking wasn’t his strong suit, so he wrapped one arm around her back and dragged her body against his. He took her mouth in a passionate, possessive kiss that spoke far better than any words. He brushed the hair from her face and buried his fingers in the mass of golden silk. He slid his tongue over hers, tasting her sweetness and filling up his heart and soul with her love. He didn’t need the words to know. He felt it in the way she returned his kiss, pouring everything she was into telling him how much she needed and wanted him. Her body molded to his and she rocked her hips against his hard cock pressed to her belly. A deep moan escaped him to match the soft one she let loose when he tilted her head and took the kiss deeper.
He could take her to bed right now, love her into the night, and seal the bond they’d shared since the moment he met her, but he owed her more than that. He needed her to understand why he’d kept her at arm’s length all this time. He needed to find a way to tell her how much she meant to him. He loved her, and she deserved to be told in the most perfect way.
With a heavy heart and deep reluctance, he broke the kiss, stroking his fingers lightly over her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open, filled with passion.
“We need to talk, sweetheart.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
She went back up on tiptoe and kissed him, her arms locked around his neck. “Take me to bed,” she said against his lips.
He’d like nothing better, and would probably kick his own ass tomorrow for not doing it, but he wanted to do this right.
He backed her toward the door without breaking the kiss. Careful of her toes, he stepped cautiously on the outside of her feet, which only brought her soft, lovely body closer to his. Such sweet torture. He indulged himself with the feel of her against him as he reached for the doorknob and walked her into the warm cabin and shut out the cold.
Caleb kicked the door shut behind them. Those strong yet gentle hands swept down her neck to her shoulders where he pushed her away, breaking the kiss at the last second when she couldn’t reach him anymore, and he held her at arm’s length, sucking in one deep breath after another to calm himself. She had to admit, she needed a minute, too. If they kept this up, they’d set the cabin ablaze.
“I need to talk to you.”
This time, the deep richness of his voice penetrated. Whatever he had to say was more important than sating their shared hunger for each other.
She took his hand and led him to the sofa. He fell into it, exhausted from too many nights without sleep. Still chilled, she went to the fireplace and lit a match to the paper. The kindling and logs crackled as the fire took hold and burned. She held her frozen hands to the warmth and gave Caleb a minute to collect himself.
She turned and found his gaze had been plastered to her ass. She gave him a knowing smile.
“You are so beautiful.”
She appreciated the compliment because the words didn’t come easy for him. He didn’t toss out flattery just to flirt. He meant it.
“Yeah, it’s unfortunate you got stuck with that handsome face and rock-hard body,” she teased.
“I like kissing you even more.”
“Then why are we wasting what little time we have left together talking?”
“We have all the time in the world. I’m not leaving. Well, not without you.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No.”
She opened her mouth to question him, but he held his hand up to stop her.
“I’m sorry. I’m not doing a very good job explaining.”
“Are you asking me to move to Montana with you?”
“I think we should live here. This is your home, the place you love most, and I want to keep working with Jack.”
“When you say we should live here, you mean the way things have been?”
“No, the way I think we both want it to be.”
Hope rose up so swift, her throat ached. Her eyes filled with unshed tears and she prayed he meant what she thought he said, but she didn’t say. She’d spent too many days and weeks hoping for this.
“What are you saying exactly?”
“I talked to Jack and Sam today. Well, yesterday at this point. I told them I have feelings for you. Deep feelings, and I want to be with you.”
“You do?”
“More than anything, but you already know that.”
“And my meddling brothers gave you their blessing?”
“Sam already knew how we felt about each other.”
“He’s an FBI agent. Nothing much gets past him.”
“Jack didn’t take it as well at first.”
“But he’s your friend and knows you aren’t messing around.”
“I’m not messing around,” he confirmed, giving her one of those deep, penetrating stares that said so much when they’d been unable to speak to each other about how they really felt. He didn’t want a casual affair, dating just to have fun with no strings attached.
“This is serious.”
“Yes,” he confirmed.
Her stomach did a flip-flop. She held back the joyful squeal. He looked far too serious for her to go all girly on him.
“How serious?”
“We’ve wasted so much time already, and while I want to do this right, I don’t want to draw this out for months.”
So the man took all this time to finally come around and now he was in a hurry to bind her to him.
“We’re on the same page.” She hid another secret smile. Oh, he might think he had this all planned out, but she had plans for him, too.
It hurt her to see him dig the heels of his hands into his tired eyes and exhale so deeply she felt his relief.
She went to him, stood between his knees, and combed her fingers through his short brown hair. “It’s okay, I’m not mad it took you forever to tell me you want to be with me.”
He laughed and wrapped his arms around her middle and rested his forehead to her belly. “You should be.”
“The point is, now we can be together and you have a clear conscience.”
“I wish I did.”
“I thought you said Jack is okay with our seeing each other.”
“He is. It’s not about him, but other stuff.”
“The stuff that keeps you from sleeping.”
He fell back against the couch and stared up at her, so much turmoil in his sad eyes. “The things I’ve seen, and even worse, done, haunt me. Maybe after everything I’ve been through, I’m not the right man for you, or anybody.”
“Caleb,” she whispered, “you are a good and decent man. It takes a brave and strong man to do the necessary things you did and survive.”
He reached for her hand and pulled her down on the couch next to him. He needed to talk about his time in Iraq and put it behind him.
“Tell me about your life over there. How did you and Jack spend your days?”
“You don’t want to hear about any of that.”
“I think you need to remember that there were moments when things were good.”
“Being here with you is good.”
“You will always be with me.”
“Do you mean that?”
“If it’s what you want.”
Caleb didn’t say anything, just reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand, his fingers sliding into her hair. She leaned into his touch and gave him a smile. Something he had a hard time doing most days.
“Did you and Jack live in a tent? How hot was it there?”
She hoped the innocuous questions would get him talking. Reluctantly, he gave her the answers. She waited patiently, and with a sigh, he elaborated and told her one story after another. He talked about the people, the children, and the markets. How he had to be on guard at all times against roadside IEDs and suicide bombers. He talked about Jack and the team of soldiers they worked with and the kind of work they did.
Late, his voice trailed off after a cute story about playing soccer with some of the local boys, and he and Jack coaxing some of the little girls to play, too.
She sat beside him, her head on his shoulder, listening and letting him talk about the ghosts he lived with. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.
“Now, when I sleep, I see nothing but the enemy coming at me through the dark, and my guard goes up and my heart pounds, and it’s all I can do not to sit watch with a gun in my hand praying for daylight.”
Those words tore her heart to shreds. After everything he’d been through, he couldn’t even find peace in sleep.
He went quiet after that, staring into the dying fire as the quiet wrapped around them. She shifted into the corner of the couch and pulled his hand to make him lie with her.
“I’ll squish you, sweetheart.”
“Tonight, I’ll keep watch and you sleep.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but she put her fingertips to his lips. “Just try.”
He settled onto the sofa, toeing off his shoes, and settling between her legs with his back to her chest and his head on her shoulder. She wrapped her legs around his waist, one arm over his chest, her hand over his heart. She brushed her fingers through his hair again and again. It took a few minutes before he relaxed into her and his breathing evened out. She leaned in and kissed his temple, still brushing her fingers through his hair. She stared at the flames in the fire and sighed.
“You’re safe with me,” she whispered.
His big hand covered hers on his chest. Within seconds, the tension in him gave way, and he fell asleep in her arms.
She stayed awake, watching over him until the predawn twilight broke the dark night. Sometime later, Caleb shifted to his stomach, dragging her beneath him. He slept with his head on her breasts and his arms wrapped around her.
That’s how Jack found them when he tapped her shoulder to wake her.
She squinted against the bright morning sun. Jack held up his hands in a gesture to ask. What’s up with Caleb?
She pointed to her forehead and then held her hand up with her index and thumb held up like a gun. That’s all Jack needed to understand Caleb couldn’t sleep because he’d been having nightmares. She wondered how many nights Jack lay awake at night, alone, and wishing for someone to protect and watch over him so he could find some peace.
Jack reached over to wake Caleb, but she grabbed hold of his wrist and held him off with a glare. He tried to pull free, but she gave him a dirty look, and he relented, so she released him.
“She’s fierce, isn’t she?” Caleb asked, opening his eyes and raising his head from her chest to stare up at Jack.
“She can be.”
Caleb rubbed at his eyes with one hand and met her gaze. He smiled. “Hey,” he said, looking rested and good.
“Good morning.”
“Yes, it is.” His gaze roamed down Summer’s face to her breasts. He shot Jack a sheepish look, but didn’t apologize for where he’d spent the night.
“I take it I’m late for work.”
“By more than four hours. It’s after ten.”
Surprised, Caleb met Summer’s steady gaze and silently thanked her with a look. She brushed her fingers through his hair as she’d done so many times last night that the gesture felt familiar now.
“Sorry, man, I overslept.”
Jack studied Caleb for a minute before he answered. “The point is, you slept.”
Caleb might have taken that answer to mean he’d slept and not spent the night making love to the woman underneath him. They didn’t often talk about it, but they shared the same experiences and suffered many of the same consequences.
“I have Summer to thank for that. She found me wandering outside last night.”
“Yeah, I heard you leave.”
Which meant Jack hadn’t slept either, and Caleb hadn’t made it out to help Jack with the horses this morning, leaving him to do all the work.
“Sorry. I’ll get dressed and be down to help you . . .”
“I’ll see you when you get there,” Jack said with an easy tone and turned and walked out the front door like nothing happened or mattered.
Caleb laid his head back on Summer’s breasts, indulging the raging beast inside him even as he ruthlessly beat him back from taking her right here on the couch. She’d saved him from another sleepless night, and he wouldn’t repay her generosity by forgoing all the things they’d denied each other these last months. She deserved better, and he’d give it to her no matter how hard his body protested the self-imposed celibacy. He’d gotten through it this long, he could hang on until they shared a few dates, cemented their relationship on solid ground, and solidified their bond to each other.
Her fingers worked through his hair in that hypnotic way that eased all his muscles and made all the thoughts in his head disappear.
“What time do you have to be at work?” he asked, wishing for more time to stay like this, but knowing they both had responsibilities.
“An hour ago.”
He shot up and leaned over her with his hands on both sides of her shoulders. “Ah, honey, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I fell asleep, too. Besides, you needed the rest.” Her hands came up to cup his face. “You look so good this morning.”
“How could I not, waking up with you?”
She smiled, leaned up, and kissed him. He kept things light, brushing his lips against hers like he had all the time in the world.
She fell back into the pillow and smiled up at him. “Want to play hooky with me today?”
“Yes, but . . .”
“You’re already late and you don’t want to give Jack any reason to think you and I seeing each other is a bad thing.”
“You know me so well.”
