Misadventures of the Laundry Hag series Box Set, page 37
part #1 of Misadventures of the Laundry Hag Series
Neil squeezed my hand in silent apology. “So, if you were really Candie…?”
“I’d kill the creep. Well, maybe not, but I’d do my damndest to ruin him. And I’m pretty sure she’d do the same.”
“That’s a big assumption. What do you have backing it up?”
“Amelia Kettering, first of all. What are the chances I get dragged to a luncheon and happen to run into Candie’s former lover, and not only the meeting but coping to the relationship?”
“Pretty slim,” Neil nodded. “Go on.”
“That encounter always bugged me. I mean, Markus is a control freak, but no way could he keep Candie from contacting Amelia if she really wanted. And don’t forget, she’s holding all the money, doling it out to his company as she sees fit. No, Candie is no shrinking violet, no matter what I thought at first. Money equals power, right?”
“In most cases,” Neil confirmed.
“So maybe the bird was a test. Like one last chance for Markus to come through for her, to ride to her rescue. She sets it up so I’m involved by using my logo, just to ensure she’ll have a witness there. Then, when he brushes her off in front of us, she feels justified to do whatever she pleases.”
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But what about the fax?”
“She wasn’t in the house with me when it came through. Supposedly, she’d gone to a spinning class, but how hard would it have been to fax it from the nearest Kinkos?”
“So, you think she set up the entire stalker thing, the phoenix, the dead bird, her own kidnapping, all to teach Markus a lesson?”
“At first perhaps. She knew he was stressed, late with the deadline for his new project. Remember, Leo said Richard claimed that someone was slipping him the Safari information online? I bet you anything it was Candie. So, when it comes to light that Richard had all this insider information, Markus is the top suspect. It’s his wife that’s missing, his company the deceased was monitoring. Who else could it be?” I dusted my hands off.
“She didn’t count on you, on Markus setting you up for extortion. Maybe she found out about that and that’s why she set the fire.”
“Which means she has help. Someone who’s monitoring Valentino for her. And not Amelia Kettering. Markus wouldn’t let her within fifty yards of anything he owns.”
“Someone who could be bought.”
Our gazes locked and Neil banged a U-turn at the next light.
A rusty red Ford pick-up was parked in Lucas Sloan’s driveway. Neil parked my Mini on the street and we both stared at the house.
“Call Detective Capri, we have no authority here,” Neil said as my feet hit the ground.
“We’re not going to make a citizen’s arrest or anything. I only want to talk to him. Besides, he owes me for cleaning this heap.” I chucked a thumb at the decrepit ranch.
“It’s still nicer than our first place together, look at the bump-out bay window. You’ve got to admit, it holds potential.”
I raised one eyebrow at him. “Someone’s been watching Trading Spaces again.”
Neil started up the path toward the side door. “I refuse to either confirm or deny, seeing as how it will incriminate me.”
I crunched after him. “Sheesh,” I muttered. “What’s with all the kitty litter?”
“It absorbs the water, from the melted ice.” Neil waited to escort me up the stone steps. “Sand and Salt work for melting the initial ice, but water tends to migrate downhill and another sharp drop in temperature will cause refreeze. The Kitty litter absorbs the water. I guess it’s better than a yard full of tampons.”
“Well thank you, Mr. Wizard. And I do know about black ice. I meant, what’s with the dump truck’s worth of kitty litter?” I gestured to the heaping mounds of it, more even as we approached the side door.
Neil jerked to a stop. His good shoulder nudged me off to the side. “What does that look like to you?” He pointed to the front door.
“A pile of slush.”
“Slush is gray or maybe dirt brown, not reddish-brown.” He caught my gaze. “Go call 911.”
I latched onto his coat sleeve. “Nuh, uh. Not unless you’re coming with me. No way in the seventh circle of hell will I let you charge into another potential crime scene alone.”
A muscle jumped in Neil’s jaw. “I’m not the suspect at this point. Someone could be hurt in there; I might be able to help.”
“You’re not a medic, Neil. And while we stand here, arguing, times a-wastin'. You jump, I jump, Jack.”
“Christ Almighty, save me from Titanic references.” He led the way back to the car though, pulling a satisfied laundry hag in his wake.
Chapter 37
Lucas Sloan was dead.
I knew the second the team of patrol officers, who’d responded to our 911 call, rushed out the front door and simultaneously vomited in the rhododendron bushes.
I hugged Neil’s arm as the sound of retching drifted toward us. “I’m really glad we didn’t go in there.”
“She got to him first,” Neil grumbled, watching another city vehicle roll to a stop.
“No way, it couldn’t have been Candie.” I did my best not to think about Sloan’s now fatherless children.
Neil turned and stared down at me. “I thought we were on the same page with this, Uncle Scrooge. Candie Valentino equals bad guy.”
“True, but think about it, Neil. Candie couldn’t just be waltzing around town in the middle of the day; every cop and his Uncle Fred are looking for her.”
Neil nodded slowly. “You’re right. So if not Candie…Amelia Kettering?”
I shook my head and pointed at the officer wiping his trembling mouth on his sleeve. “Not a woman. Women are sneaky, preferring to use poison over a gun. Whatever’s in there is grotesque enough to warrant the kitty litter to sop up blood, and is making the cops puke at the experience.”
Neil narrowed his eyes on me, then smiled. “Very good points all, but we’ll have to put the sleuthing on hold for today. School’s out in ten minutes.”
“One of us should stay here and talk to the homicide investigator.” I bounced up and down on my toes. “You go on and pick up the boys; don’t forget they have karate tonight.”
“Maggie, we should both go,” Neil bent over so he could speak directly into my ear. “Please, Uncle Scrooge, let’s go about our business. If the feds show up and find you here….”
He didn’t need to finish that statement. “Let me just make sure they don’t need to question us first.”
Walking over to the young officer unrolling yellow crime scene tape, I smiled, before realizing how ridiculous the gesture appeared under the circumstances. “Um, hi, my husband and I need to go pick up our kids from school. Is that all right?”
“Ummm,” the sweat on his upper lip and shifting gaze clearly marked him as a newbie. Many of the law enforcement officers at the Hudson P.D. were transfers from the much larger Boston police force, typically guys with families and had decided to get out of the trenches of the larger city. Apparently, this poor shmoe had never worked a crime scene before, didn’t know the procedure.
I used his ignorance to my advantage. “Here’s my card with my cell phone number, if anyone needs to ask any questions.”
He took the card, glanced at it, then back to me “Well, umm—”
“Thanks!” And I was off, bee-lining for the open passenger’s side door of the Mini.
“Let’s roll,” I said to Neil.
“That poor guy is going to be reamed a new one for letting us go.” Neil glanced into the rearview mirror.
“I don’t think he realized we made the call. There were plenty of neighbors goggling at the scene and quite a bit of traffic on the thru street. I left him my card, but I’ll call Capri as soon as we get home.”
“So, she can chew you out?”
“No smartass. Because we know whodunit. We solved the puzzle, let her wrap the case.”
“The feds won’t be happy.”
I shrugged, not giving two flying figs about what made Salazar and Feist happy, as long as the body count stopped.
Josh and Kenny were waiting at the curb in front of the middle school. I had to climb out so they and their bulging backpacks could squeeze into the backseat.
“How’d it go, today guys?” I pivoted on the seat so I could see them.
“Okay,” Josh said, immediately turning on his cell phone. The school prohibited text messaging and he was undoubtedly setting up a chat session with his pseudo girlfriend.
“Mom, can we get a dog?” Kenny asked all big-eyed pleading.
Neil shot me a look. This was a common question which usually sprang up every few months. Neil was pro canine and I straddled the fence. Before we’d moved to Hudson, I’d been able to deflect, claiming it wouldn’t be fair to adopt a pet right before a major transition. Now, though….
“I don’t know, sport, we’ve got a lot going on right now and a pet is a big responsibility.”
“Please, Mom, you won’t have to do anything, I’ll take care of him, I promise.”
Yeah, right. We’d never had a pet before, but I was sure I wasn’t the first mother in history to receive this sincere promise. No doubt, two weeks in the dog would be old hat and I’d be stuck walking and feeding and cleaning up after it.
“A dog might be good company for you during the day, Uncle Scrooge.” Neil pointed out. “And you’ll get more exercise because you’ll have to walk it several times a day.”
And scoop its poop. And spot treat the rug and chase it off the furniture, not to mention the additional vacuuming and dust mopping… Ugh. When had my eye begun twitching?
“A dog will just lie around all day, eating and sleeping and making a mess. I don’t need any more of that kind of company; I have Marty.”
Neil ignored my grumping. “What do you think, Josh? You want a dog?”
He didn’t look up from his phone. “Whatever. Not like it’ll happen, Mom always comes up with an excuse.”
His tone sounded borderline fresh to me. “You might want to rephrase that statement, Joshua.”
Green eyes rolled around in the kind of exaggeration only a pre-teen could manage. “’ Scuse me, what I meant was, Mom’s too busy being nosy and getting locked up to bother with an animal.”
“Hey! Now just wait a minute—” My protest was cut off as Neil slammed down on the brakes half a mile from our driveway. We all lurched forward and were held in the vehicle by seatbelts and God’s will.
“Maggie, drive Kenny home. Josh. Out. Now. We’re walking the rest of the way.” His cold tone brooked no argument.
“Neil, I can handle this,” I muttered as I circled the car.
“I know you can, and would, but Josh and I need to talk. We’ll see you at home.” Neil shut the door behind me and tugged Josh to the side of the road.
“Josh is gonna get it,” Kenny predicted from the back seat.
I was amazed at the changes in Josh, from even a few months ago. He’d gone from the little boy whose battles I’d readily fought, to a hormonal, snot-nosed pubescent young man in the blink of an eye. And I couldn’t help thinking that my preoccupation with both crime and cleaning was partially to blame for his attitude realignment.
Marty and Penny were parked on the living room sofa when I arrived home. Kenny tossed his backpack inside of the front door. “Hey Uncle Marty, do you wanna go lift weights in the garage with me?”
“Sure thing, tough guy.” Mary handed the remote to Penny and stood, stretching his back. “I could use a little action.”
“Keep it to half an hour; you have homework to do before dinner,” I said to Kenny. He raced down the hall to change out of his school clothes.
I turned to face my brother. “How did it go?”
“Well enough, I suppose. The lawyer said he’d get back to me in a few days.” Marty leaned down and pecked Penny on the cheek. “No worries, right?”
Penny offered him a wan smile and nodded. Seemingly satisfied, Marty left.
I searched out the front window for any sign of Neil and Josh. Fabric rustled as Penny shifted on the couch, cleared her throat.
“You could have told me, you know,” I said, not bothering to face Penny. “I’m sorry you felt like you had to keep the truth from me.”
“I’ll leave if you want.” Penny’s voice was small, reluctant. “I never meant to cause so much trouble.”
I glanced at her over my shoulder. “Don’t be stupid. You’re more than welcome to stay here.”
“But the baby’s not Marty’s. She’s not kin to you.”
I whirled on her. “Do you want my brother to be a father to your child?”
Shoulders slumped, she nodded.
“Then you and your child are kin to me. I have no idea what the two of you are planning, but you have family here, all right?”
“I’m so afraid Marty’s going to get into real trouble. He’s such a good guy and I couldn’t bear it if he….” She stared off into space.
I knelt down next to her. “Listen to me. Marty’s been in trouble before, and he’s always wormed his way out of it.” No need to point out that the team of Maggie and Neil usually had a hand in the extraction. “Everything will work out.”
I could read the disbelief in her eyes. I sighed and settled on the floor more comfortably. “Did Marty tell you that Josh and Kenny aren’t my biological children?”
Since I was watching for it, I saw surprise flitter across her face. “It’s true. Neil was in the middle of an extremely hostile divorce from his first wife. I was hired on as their nanny.”
“How old were they?” Penny questioned so softly, I barely heard it over the erectile dysfunction commercial blaring from the television. I clicked the set off.
“Josh was two years, nine months and Kenny not even a year old. Their mother was….well, let’s say she was a piece of work and leave it at that. My mother raised me better than to speak ill of the dead.”
Penny sucked in a breath, clearly at a loss for words.
“Yeah, so there I am, never having been around babies before, not a clue in the world as to what I should do. Neil was a wreck; she’d really messed with his head, you know? And as a Navy SEAL the amount of time he was around the kids was already limited, never mind custody arrangements and restraining orders. So I literally had no clue, no help, nowhere to turn.”
She swallowed. “So, what did you do?”
I shrugged. “The only thing I could do, I dealt. “ I smiled, remembering. “Neil didn’t like me at first. In fact, he hated me.”
Penny’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding. You guys are, like, made for each other.”
“Thank you. But neither one of us realized it at the time.”
“So, what happened?”
The front door opened and a sullen Josh tramped through, followed by his equally perturbed father.
“That’s a story for another time,” I told Penny, rising to my feet.
Neil nudged his son into the room. Josh cast him a black look, then focused on his tattered shoelaces. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
“A man looks a person in the eye,” Neil informed him.
Josh looked up and I almost took a step back from the righteous indignation etched on his face. “I apologize for what I said earlier.”
Typically, my first instinct was to shout, but every so often cool reasoning triumphed. “You hurt my feelings.”
The cold look melted away and he shifted his weight.
“I think I’ll go get dinner started.” Penny stood with facile grace and made for shelter. I made a get outta here motion with my head to Neil and he nodded once before exiting silently.
“Talk to me, Josh. Did something happen at school?”
He didn’t respond, so I pulled him over to the couch. “I can’t defend myself if I don’t know what happened to set you off.”
His lip trembled and the words spilled out like a tsunami. “Sammy calls you Mother Mayhem. He said nothing bad ever happened until we moved here. Now, there’s all this stuff about people being killed or kidnapped and houses burning down and you’re always involved. I kept telling him it wasn’t your fault; that you just happened to be wherever and know whoever. And then you get arrested!” Betrayal glinted at me from his green eyes.
“Aw, crap.” I groaned and sat back. “Let me guess, Sammy’s dad is a police officer.”
Josh swiped at a few escaped tears. “His mom, too. So Sammy knows what he’s talking about.”
“Bull,” I told Josh. “He might have heard that I was involved with a few incidents but I’m absolutely positive stuff happened here before I made the scene. And I was working with the police, remember? I’ve been trying to help fight crime, just like your dad did.”
Inspiration struck. “Hey, pal, you know how Dad was always being sent to poverty riddled countries, places with terrorists and war all sorts of bad stuff? Did the whole country get together and say, “Hey, Neil Phillips is coming, let’s tear this place up!”
Josh giggled and sniffed. “That’s stupid.”
“Exactly. You can’t go blaming one person for the world’s problems. Well, I guess you could, but that means you’re delusional.”
This time the eye-roll was playfully exasperated. “Mo-om,”
“What I’m trying to explain here is that I’ve ticked off some people around here, Sammy’s folks among them. But is it right that they’re spending their time griping about me when there are real criminals out there?”
“No, it isn’t.” Josh scowled. “I’ll tell him that next time he opens his stupid mouth.”
“Nuh-uh. You’ll smile and walk away. Some people are just mean and petty and you can’t win with them. So don’t play his game, okay? You’re better than that.” I kissed his forehead. “And don’t say stupid.”
The doorbell chimed. “Why don’t you go get changed and start on your homework?”
Josh nodded and I pulled my coat on, pretty sure my house didn’t need another police interruption today.
