Hidden Away, page 17
part #2 of Hearts of Montana Series
He tried to get control of his emotions. Think before he reacted. He looked into her eyes, wordlessly begging for her to give him some kind of response that made sense. That made all this go away. He shook his head in disbelief. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“What do want me to say?”
“How about I’m sorry. You could start with that.”
“I am sorry.”
It wasn’t enough. He needed to know why. “How about you tell me that you haven’t been lying to me for the past eight years. Tell me that you didn’t have our baby and give him up for adoption without ever even giving me a chance to know him. To have the option to take care of him. To take care of you both.”
A single tear rolled down her cheek. “You were gone. You left me. How could I tell you when you were gone?”
That was it? That was her explanation?
He slammed his fist down on the dresser. “This is my fault? Seriously? That’s what you want to lead with? That this is my fault because I left?”
She shrugged, her shoulders sinking inward.
“No. I don’t accept that. You could have tried to find me. My dad could have tracked me down. Why didn’t you even give me a chance?”
“I tried. I texted you after you left. I told you we needed to talk, and you said you needed time, then you never responded back to me.”
He stared at her, shock coursing through him. “You texted me? And said we needed to talk? How the hell was I supposed to translate ‘we need to talk’ into ‘I’m pregnant’?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It sounds stupid when you say it like that. And it was stupid. I was a stupid kid. And so were you. I didn’t know what else to do. You left. You made it clear that we were through, and that you were not interested in a future with me. I was alone, and I was scared. I was only seventeen.”
“You’re not seventeen now. You weren’t seventeen when we walked into Sam’s hospital room, and I met him for the first time. Why didn’t you tell me then?”
Cherry covered her face with her hands. “I don’t know. I was scared. I was in shock. Stacy was dead, and I couldn’t handle that and taking care of Sam and dealing with telling you the truth.”
“So, when were you planning to tell me? Never? Or maybe after we were married. After you’d already got your claws into me and committed me to marriage?”
“That’s not fair.”
“You’re damn right it isn’t fair.
“Besides, us getting married was your idea.”
“Well it evidently wasn’t one of my better ones.” He sunk down on the bed and scrubbed his hand across his face. “Damn it, Cherry. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
He felt a lump of emotion building in his throat, and he didn’t know if it was anger, fear, or sadness. Or a combination of all three.
What he did know was that he needed time to think. “Listen, I just need some time alone right now.”
She pushed off from the dresser and sneered at him, her voice filled with disdain. “You’re leaving? Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
How dare she get mad at him right now? “I didn’t say I was leaving. I said I needed some time to think. And I need to be alone to do that. Without you as a distraction.”
That probably came out wrong but holy crap, how was he supposed to figure out how he felt about all this when she was standing around in her underwear?
She grabbed a pair of jeans off the bed and stuffed her legs in to them. “Fine. Sam and I will go out to Tucked Away and stay with Charlie. Or we’ll stay at the motel in town. We sure as hell don’t want to be distractions.”
His stomach was in turmoil. He didn’t know if he really wanted her to stay or really wanted her to go.
He couldn’t seem to think straight. “Maybe that’s best.”
Her face fell.
She must have been wanting him to ask her to stay.
“Yeah, maybe it is best.” She crossed to the closet and pulled out the laundry basket filled with her clothes.
Tossing it on the bed, she swept across the room, grabbing for anything that belonged to her and throwing it toward the basket. “I figured this wouldn’t last. I knew you would do this.”
“You knew I would do what? Find out I had a child? A son that the love of my life chose to get rid of before she ever gave me a chance to be in his life. What exactly did you know, Cherry? Because right now, I feel like I don’t know anything. Especially you.”
“Maybe you don’t feel like you know me because you didn’t stick around long enough to find out.” She chucked a pair of flip flops into the basket. The ones that he had bought her.
Flashes of that day at the hospital came back to him. He had just wanted to help. He would have done anything for her.
This is what being a nice guy got him.
Well, screw that. “Lord, Cherry, cut me some slack. I was a kid. My mom had just died, and I was a mess. You and I had been fighting like crazy, and I just needed a way out.”
The bed was filling with piles of her things.
How could she have so much of her stuff here in such a short time? How could she have so completely taken up residence in his life?
He’d worked so hard to change his life, to not make rash decisions.
Except when it came to her. Then it seemed that he just jumped in with both feet. Jumped in without ever looking to see if there would be enough water below to catch him.
She turned to him, her eyes sparking with anger and the MSU shirt he’d given her to wear in her hand. “That’s right, Taylor. You needed a way out. Well, so did I. You left me alone, and I was pregnant and scared. I had no money, no offers for college. All I had was a future working in a diner in a small town in the middle of freaking Montana. Stacy was my best friend. She had everything. Everything except a baby. I didn’t know what else to do. It seemed like the best decision at the time. My baby would be raised in a loving home, and I would still get to see him. I didn’t know what else to do because I didn’t have you here to help me decide. Because you needed a way out.”
She threw the shirt at him, and it fell at his feet. “Well, there’s the door, Taylor Johnson. That’s the easiest way out, and nobody is asking you to stay. All you have to do is walk out. Walk away. It’s what you’re good at it. So leave. Get the hell out of here. And don’t worry, I’ll be gone by the time you get back.”
Anger and hurt bubbled inside of him. How the hell could she be this pissed at him? He was the one who should be pissed. And he had every right to be.
He narrowed his eyes at her. Pink bursts of color flushed her cheeks, and her hair was wild around her head. He’d seen her mad before, and he knew it wouldn’t do any good to argue with her now.
Besides, if he didn’t get out of here, he might say something he would regret later.
And right now, he was thinking a lot of things that wouldn’t help anyone if he said them out loud. “Fine.”
He grabbed his badge off the dresser and crossed to the bedroom door.
Waves of anger filled him. His voice rose as he turned back to her. “You can be pissed off all you want, Cherry. But you should save a little bit of that pissed for yourself. I’m not saying I did everything right, but you’re the one who decided to give Sam up for adoption without giving me a choice to be in his life. I was his father. You should have at least given me a chance to do the right thing.”
He turned his back to her and left the room.
His dad was standing in the living room as he crossed through, and Taylor held up his hand. The last thing he wanted right now was a lecture. “Not now, Dad.”
He slammed the front door of the house and headed for his truck. He had to get out of there.
He needed some air and a minute to catch his breath and think this through. He had a son and an obligation to the boy.
And whether he liked it or not, he had an obligation to Cherry as well.
The Hill family was not going away, and if they found out Cherry had given Sam away once, they could use that against her to try to take Sam.
Too many thoughts were racing through his head. Too many emotions. He was mad and sad and overwhelmed.
He just needed to think.
To think about what the hell he was going to do now.
Chapter Nineteen
Cherry flung herself onto the bed. She landed on the piles of clothes she’d been tossing around.
She choked back a sob. What the hell did I just do?
Why did she always let her temper get in the way of her good sense? She could have just talked to Taylor. Like civilized human beings. He had every right to be mad. But so did she.
He said he wanted time to think. He didn’t say he was leaving.
But she knew he was. She knew he wouldn’t be able to take it. When times get too tough, that’s when Taylor Johnson took off.
If she’d been smart, she would have insisted that she and Sam stay here. Insisted that they try to work it out.
But she’d never been known for making great decisions.
And now she was in a freaking fine kettle of fish. She’d told Taylor that she could go out to Tucked Away and stay with Charlie, but she’d never impose on her friend like that. She might not have a lot of money, but she still had her pride. Besides, she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened with Taylor, and she knew Charlie would want to hear every detail.
Plus, this is what being a mom was about. It was about digging in and doing what she needed to do to take care of Sam. Having friends to count on was important, but she needed to do this on her own. Prove that she could take care of her son, without anyone else’s help.
She and Sam would stay in a motel. There was only one in town.
With all the expenses of the fire, her one credit card was close to its max limit, but she could cover them for a week or so, then hopefully her apartment would be ready to move back in to.
What a mess.
How had she let her life get so out of control?
And how had she let herself believe that things could work out with Taylor? That they could be a family. A normal family.
Yeah, right. When had anything in her life been normal?
The only constant she’d had her whole life had been her grandparents and Stacy. And now they were gone.
Stacy was the smart one. She always had a solution for everything. Stacy was the one she went to when she was in trouble or had a problem.
Well, she had a whole mess of problems now. All she wanted to do was call Stacy and let her cousin tease her and joke her out of the disarray she had caused in her life.
But she couldn’t call Stacy. She couldn’t ever call her again.
How could Stacy be gone?
The tears she’d been trying to hold back broke free. She pressed her face into Taylor’s pillow as she let loose and cried.
She jumped as a small hand touched her shoulder.
“Are you okay, Cherry?” Sam stood next to her bed.
She hadn’t heard him come in. Sitting up, she swiped at the tears on her cheeks, then held her arms open.
Sam scrambled into her lap. Rex jumped onto the bed and settled against her leg. The boy looked up at her, hurt evident in his blue eyes. “Are you really my mom?”
Pain squeezed at her heart. She didn’t want to hurt Sam, but obviously he’d heard her and Taylor talking. It wouldn’t do any good to lie now.
She nodded. “Yes, I am.”
“And Taylor is my dad?”
She swallowed. “Yeah, he is.”
He didn’t say anything, and she could tell he was thinking it through. For only being eight years old, Sam had a way of reflecting over his circumstances that was wise beyond his years.
Cherry wished she had that skill. He must not have gotten that from her. “What do you think about that? Are you okay with it?”
He screwed up his face, and his eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know. I love Taylor. He took me fishing. And I’ve always loved you. I want to be happy that you guys are gonna be my mom and dad, but I don’t want to hurt my real mom and dad’s feelings.”
She couldn’t speak over the emotion clogging her throat.
A look of pain and confusion crossed Sam’s face. “Does that mean that they aren’t my real parents anymore?”
“Oh, baby. Of course not.” She pulled Sam into her arms and cradled him against her chest. “Stacy and Greg will always be your mom and dad. They loved you more than anything.”
Sam’s voice was soft as he asked her his next question. “Did you not love me very much then? Is that why you gave me away?”
Cherry’s heart shattered.
She pulled Sam tighter against her. “No. That wasn’t why. I gave you up because I loved you so much. I loved you more than anything else in the entire world. More than I loved myself. I wanted to keep you. But I knew that I couldn’t. I couldn’t give you the life I wanted you to have. I wanted to be selfish and keep you all to myself. But Stacy, your mom, wanted a baby so badly, and I knew that she would love you just as much as I did. And I knew if Stacy was your mom then I would get to stay in your life and be able to watch you grow up.”
She tipped Sam’s face up to hers, and the tears on his cheeks were like shards of glass in her already broken heart. “I loved you from the minute I knew you were inside of me. And I loved you enough to sacrifice my needs to make sure that you got a better life.”
Sam’s bottom lip quivered. Just enough to tear at her soul. “Are you able to keep me now? Or are you going to give me to another family?”
“Oh my gosh, no. I’m never giving you up again. Sam, I loved your mom, and I would give anything to have her back. But I believe in my heart that God has given me another chance to be your mom, and I am not ever letting you go again.”
“But what about Uncle Reed and Aunt Olivia? They said that you aren’t able to take care of me, and that I’m coming to live with them.”
Anger flared in her that Reed and Olivia had talked to Sam behind her back. “I don’t care what Uncle Reed and Aunt Olivia said, your mom and dad left instructions that if anything happened to them, that they wanted you to live with me. And I will fight with whatever I have to make sure that happens.”
Sam’s nose wrinkled. “Fight? You mean like you’re going to punch Uncle Reed?”
She grinned. What she wouldn’t give to punch Reed Hill right in his smug little self-righteous face.
Cherry jostled Sam in her lap and grinned down at him. “I might. I’ll punch anybody that gets in the way of us being together.”
Sam giggled, then his face sobered. “What about Taylor?”
Yes, she might like to punch Taylor right in the nose, too. “Oh honey, I can’t tell you what’s going to happen with Taylor right now. I never told him about you, so he’s just trying to figure everything out right now, just like you. He has a lot to think about, and I hurt his feelings pretty bad.”
“Can’t you just say that you’re sorry?”
Sometimes kids made it seem so easy.
If only her being sorry would be enough to take away the pain and the hurt that she knew he was going through. “I’m afraid that’s not enough right now. Taylor just needs some time to think.”
She lifted Sam off her lap and set him on the floor. “So, we’re going to go stay in a motel for a few days, just until my apartment above the diner is fixed.”
“But I like it here.”
An iron fist squeezed her heart. She liked it here, too. She liked it here in Taylor’s home. In Taylor’s bed.
In Taylor’s arms.
But there wasn’t anything she could do about that right now.
So she just had to suck it up and deal with it. Move on to Plan B. “I know, sugar. And maybe we can work it out for you to come back and visit Taylor real soon. But for now, we need to get your things together so we can get over to the motel.”
The last thing she wanted now was for Taylor to come back and find her still here.
She followed Sam into his room and helped him to fill his suitcase with his clothes and toys. He hadn’t brought that much with him and had only collected a few things since he’d been here.
Cherry was tempted to ask him to leave his rock collection here. But he had been so excited about finding each rock on the farm, and he’d explained to her and Taylor what made each rock special.
She drew the line at the dead frog carcass that Sam and Russ had found down by the pond last week. “Why don’t we leave the dead frog here? In case Russ wants to see it some more.”
Sam nodded, as if in agreement that Russ might actually be upset if they took the unique treasure with them.
Cherry pulled the guest bedroom door shut and wheeled Sam’s suitcase into the living room.
Russ stood in the kitchen doorway, a steaming cup of fresh coffee in his hand. “You don’t have to go.”
She hated the sadness on Russ’s face.
How many more casualties was she going to have to bear in this war of deception that she had started nine years ago. “Yeah, we do. Taylor needs some time to process all of this.”
She looked down at Sam. “Hey, sugar, can you go in my room and finish putting all of my things into the laundry basket? Just put whatever’s on the bed into it, okay?”
Sam shrugged. “Okay.”
Cherry watched him go through the bedroom door, then she stepped closer to Russ. “Did you hear us arguing? Do you know?”
Russ huffed out a breath. “I’ve known since the night you brought him home. I’m Taylor’s father, and that kid is the spitting image of Taylor when he was that age. I suspected it at first, but I knew for sure that night at dinner when Sam told us that he’d been adopted, and your face went white as a sheet.” He took a sip of coffee before he spoke again. “I just wish you would have come to me. Back then. I could have helped.”
She hung her head. “I know. I’m sorry. I was young and scared. I went to my cousin and my grandmother, and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I did the best I could.”
Russ nodded. “I understand.”
Cherry’s voice barely broke a whisper and she couldn’t look Taylor’s dad in the eye. “Do you hate me terribly?”
