Did I have his intention wrong?

  Didn’t matter. I remembered that I had a second gun. I reached into my jacket, fumbled for a split-second, and pulled it out. Pointed it at Vic. Squeezed the trigger.

  Right in the fucking chin.

  Vic’s eyes went crossed as I followed that with a second shot that hit him in almost the same spot. He was handling things pretty well for a guy who kept getting shot in the face, but nevertheless, he was getting shot in the face a lot this evening, and I hoped it was starting to take its toll.

  I kept shooting until I was out of bullets again.

  Then I flung the gun at him.

  It struck him in the mouth and—I swear—stuck there, hanging in the strips of flesh that dangled from his face. The flesh tore, and the gun fell to the ground.

  Vic didn’t drop the axe.

  I still had mine. I jumped to my feet, hurting my back in the process, and took a swing. Missed. The axe popped out of my hand, maybe because my hand was all sweaty.

  I decided that the best tactic was to just go full-on raging animal on the guy. His advantage was that he was much bigger and stronger. My advantage was that I had not been shot twelve times in the face.

  I tried to tackle him like a football player. He swung the axe yet again, but hit me with the handle and not the blade. It still hurt.

  I reached for his mangled jaw, trying to dig my fingers into it. His tongue slithered across my fingers, but I was too focused on the task at hand to think about how gross that was. I was going to rip his jaw clean off his face.

  He bit down on my fingers. Hard. I mean, really hard. Though it wasn’t quite hard enough to actually bite off the digits, his teeth sunk in deep and drew blood. I screamed and tried to pull my fingers out of his mouth, but his dental grip was too tight.

  A nail struck him in the forehead.

  Then another.

  I didn’t have to look back to see that Quinn was using the nail gun. I was simultaneously happy for the distraction and upset that she was shooting nails so close to me. We had shot a couple of them earlier to make sure we knew how to use the thing, but there certainly hadn’t been any target practice involved.

  I yanked my fingers out from between Vic’s teeth, taking off a lot of skin in the process.

  Then I punched him in the stomach. This made him throw up whatever he’d eaten for dinner, mixed with plenty of blood. It splattered all over my jacket, but I was more pleased than disgusted.

  A nail swished dangerously close to my ear.

  “Stop it!” I shouted at Quinn.

  One of the nails had gone all the way into Vic’s head, but the other one had about an inch visible. I slammed my fist into it, trying to drive it in the rest of the way. That was quite a mistake. I howled in pain.

  A nail went into Vic’s eye. Okay, I was happy about that, even though I’d asked Quinn to stop shooting nails so close to me.

  I punched Vic again in the stomach. He dropped to his knees.

  I grabbed his bald head with both hands—this would’ve been easier if he had hair—and tugged him forward.

  Then I slammed his face into the fire.

  His entire body began to thrash around, but I climbed on his back and used every bit of strength I possessed to keep him in the flames.

  I’d heard Vic make a lot of agonized sounds since we first made our acquaintance. These were the worst by far. I almost—but not quite—felt bad. The fire was extremely uncomfortable for me as well, but some singed arms were worth it.

  Vic continued to scream and thrash.

  Then he stopped screaming and thrashed less violently.

  Then the thrashing became more of a twitching.

  I got off of him and stepped away from the fire.

  I assumed he wasn’t dead. Maybe the pain had been so intense that he passed out. I’d just leave him there and hope that it cooked him down to a hollow skull.

  We’d won.

  I mean, there were still a couple dozen demons to contend with, but for the next few seconds at least, we’d won.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Approximately three seconds later, people began to step out of the woods.

  They were all wearing devil masks, and their eyes glowed beneath them. I was right—this was much scarier in the darkness. They all carried weapons. I recognized many of the demons, and they all appeared to have completely healed from their injuries.

  This wasn’t ideal, obviously.

  I pointed to Vic’s body. “I beat him fair and square,” I announced, even though technically Quinn had given me an assist with the nail gun. “I shouldn’t be punished for this. I think this is deserving of your respect.”

  None of the demons said anything, so I continued speaking to fill the awkward silence.

  “He’s way bigger than me. And he has plenty of experience killing people. If he’s still alive, then I’ve technically never taken a human life. I’m an accountant. But I stepped up, and I vanquished my foe, and I honestly believe that you should congratulate me and go back to your lives.”

  The demon with the golden mask stepped forward. “That’s a very interesting argument,” he said.

  I almost said “Thank you” like a total dweeb, but I switched to “It’s the truth” at the last second.

  The demon removed his mask.

  Underneath, his face was blurry. Shifting. Melting.

  I think he was unaware that I’d seen a couple of the other demons without their masks and was trying to be really scary.

  “We reject your argument,” he said.

  Okay, well, I’d kind of suspected that. Worth a shot.

  I suppose that I could’ve taken that opportunity to try to flee into the woods, but they would’ve caught me and dragged me back to my inevitable fate. The only way Quinn and I were escaping that night was if we somehow got into the car and sped off without them stopping us, which was unlikely. And then, because they could apparently find us anywhere we went, they’d show up at our next hiding spot.

  We were utterly fucked.

  And the acceptance that you’re utterly fucked comes with a sort of freedom. If I was going to die tonight—or at least begin the process of a slow agonizing death—why not at least make it as difficult for these assholes as possible?

  I jumped into the air, landing on Vic’s skull with both feet. It crunched underneath me, but I jumped on it a few more times, making a horrible sizzling mess out of it. Then I kicked his bone chunks and brains, scattering them as far as I could.

  I stepped out of the fire. My shoes were ruined, and my legs felt like they had a really bad sunburn. “Maybe he can come back from that,” I said. “But I’m not going to make it easy for you to scoop him up.”

  “And are you planning to do that to all of us?” asked the demon.

  “If I have to.”

  “I look forward to your effort.”

  I picked up the axe, let out a cry of rage, and ran at him.

  I knew this wasn’t going to work, and it wasn’t my actual plan. As he braced himself for my arrival, I ran right past him and over to a large tree. I dropped to my knees and scooped up the ammo clip I’d hidden there earlier.

  Because I was so absurdly outnumbered and my opponents couldn’t be killed, I hoped the demons didn’t think of me as much of a threat.

  They didn’t just stand there and watch me, but they didn’t aggressively come after me while I snapped the new clip into the gun. Then I opened fire, hitting demon after demon. They all cried out in pain, though none of them fell.

  Quinn, who’d also apparently had an opportunity to reload her gun, began to fire.

  I hadn’t just hidden extra ammo by that tree. I picked up the cordless circular saw I’d purchased for $139. I knew from the test that it was extremely loud, so I said, “Come and get me, assholes!” before I turned it on.

  Then I proceeded to go batshit, bugfuck insane with it.

  I slammed it into the demon’s blurry face. His blood sure wasn’t blurry as it sprayed into the air.

  A demon tried to pull it out of my hand, and I sliced the spinning blade across his wrist. His hand flopped forward, spurting blood. He foolishly tried with the other hand, and an instant later that one was missing four of its five fingers. I kicked the fingers out of the way after they landed on the ground.

  I ran back to the fire and picked up the axe. Several demons followed me. I spun around and swung the axe with one hand while I thrust the circular saw with the other. I created deep gashes and cuts galore. Blood was spraying everywhere. And I was only getting started.

  I noticed one of them pointing a crossbow at me.

  An instant before he pulled the trigger, Quinn shot him in the head. The arrow pounded into the ground. I let out a battle cry and rushed at the archer, who held up his hands to defend himself. That was a mistake. Both hands, plus the crossbow, fell to the ground.

  I swung the axe at a demon. The blade slashed across both of his glowing eyes.

  The demons were all starting to come at me at once. But I’d gone rather feral, and even though they were supernatural beings, it’s tough to subdue a crazed adrenaline-fueled guy going berserk with an axe. There weren’t enough severed body parts flying around for my liking, but there were plenty of wounds and there was blood galore.

  I still don’t believe they were actually trying to kill me. Right now I wasn’t worried about the hellish fate that was in store for me after I inevitably lost this battle.

  I got a demon in the face with the circular saw. His rubber mask fell off his face in two parts, as blood began to spray from his chin to his scalp. But then the saw got stuck in his skull. I tugged on it, and when it wouldn’t come free, I was forced to leave it behind.

  I chopped a demon’s arm completely off with one swing. Granted, she was a lady with thin arms, but I was proud of the accomplishment.

  “Eat my dick, Satan!” I shouted. I was less proud of that.

  I glanced back to check in on Quinn. She had a large pair of garden shears, and she was stabbing the shit out of them with it.

  I started to think that we might win this.

  Then I saw that there were still demons everywhere, and the only one I’d completely subdued was Vic. We were still totally screwed. We were simply trying to make things extremely unpleasant for the demons in the meantime.

  I spun around in circles, swinging the axe. I hit a couple of demons, but as I started to get dizzy I realized that this hadn’t been my most intelligent strategy. I stopped spinning and swung the axe at a pair of identical twin demons who I immediately realized was just one demon. But I hit him in the chest, and I think I splintered some of his ribs, so I was satisfied.

  “Why don’t you surrender?” a demon asked.

  “Why don’t you get a better mask, you cheap piece of shit?”

  The demon tapped the plastic mask. “This is vintage. These are impossible to find now. This cost way more than the rubber masks.”

  I slammed the axe into his vintage mask.

  Like the circular saw in the other demon’s face, the axe blade was buried so deep that I couldn’t wrench it out. I sprinted toward the cabin, hoping nobody would stop me before I made it to the rear of the structure. A demon ran at me, but I weaved at the last second. He crashed into the side of the building, and I honestly worried that the whole thing would come crashing down, but it stayed upright for now.

  I grabbed my tool, yanked the starter cord, and let out a primal whoop as it roared to life. That’s right, bitches, I had a chainsaw!

  I ran to the front of the cabin to introduce the demons to my new friend.

  I’d guess I was a frightening sight. A man whose last trace of sanity had fled his mind. I’m glad that no video exists, because I think it would be incredibly disturbing to see myself then. Crazy eyes for sure. Perhaps a deranged grin. These were cultists who’d struck some sort of bargain with the Prince of Darkness, but I’m sure they were thinking that there was something seriously wrong with me.

  I described my behavior with the circular saw as “batshit, bugfuck insane.” So I’m not entirely sure how to describe the escalation with the chainsaw. Batshittier, bugfuckier insane? I don’t know. Let’s just say that I wasn’t being shy.

  A very large number of body parts were hitting the ground. I’d become desensitized to carnage. Quite a bit of blood was getting in my mouth, because of all the mad laughing I was doing, and I swallowed it with glee.

  And then...a moment of lucidity.

  I was drenched in blood, waving around a chainsaw while cackling like a madman.

  What had I become?

  The moment of lucidity vanished, and I resumed the slaughter.

  I hoped Quinn was getting into this as much as I was.

  I was sawing a demon across the waist, his intestines unspooling out like...actually, I can’t think of a comparative description. If you’ve read this far, you probably can imagine what unspooling intestines look like. Anyway, as I was doing that, a demon smashed a spiked iron mace into my back.

  I fell forward, knocking the demon that was being chainsawed over. The chainsaw finished the process of cutting him in half before shutting off, but I couldn’t enjoy it, because the demon with the mace struck me again. I dropped to my knees.

  Quinn screamed.

  The demon raised the mace as if to bash in my skull, then changed his mind and lowered it. “Let’s take him inside,” he said.

  Some demons—and I’m pleased to say that it took four of them—carried me into the cabin. I struggled as violently as I could, although I’ll admit that being bludgeoned with a spiked iron mace twice had taken away some of my vigor.

  Once inside the cabin, they dropped me onto the floor. I didn’t break through the floorboards, so apparently the cabin was much sturdier than I’d thought, and I owed the construction team an apology.

  Several demons were holding Quinn down on the floor.

  One of them popped the inflatable mattress with a pitchfork, presumably just to be a dick.

  I’d known it was going to come to this. At least a lot of the demons were in really sorry shape, and maybe I’d be dead before they healed up.

  I accepted my fate, and I was at peace.

  Very briefly.

  The peaceful acceptance of my fate transformed into sheer terror and panic. No! No! I wasn’t ready! I didn’t even want a merciful axe blow to the head, much less an eternity of torment.

  Quinn let out a shriek, as one of the demons slammed a knife into her ankle.

  “Leave her alone!” I shouted.

  The demon laughed. “Oh, this is just the beginning. This is nothing. Whittling her foot down to the bone is the easy part.”

  “Worry about your own problems,” a demon told me, bashing my head against the floor. “Your life, what little is left of it, is about to become nothing but pain.”

  “And do you want to know the irony?” asked another demon. He took off his rubber devil mask and tossed it aside. “You were so close to stopping this. You quit at dismemberment, but Vic couldn’t have recited the incantation to summon us if you’d destroyed his head. Think about that while you’re suffering a fate worse than a thousand deaths. It didn’t have to work out like this.”

  Quinn continued to shriek as they sliced off an inch-thick strip of flesh from the bottom of her foot.

  “I said, leave her alone!” I screamed.

  “Seriously, Corey, you have no concept of how bad things are going to get for you. The knife work is nothing.”

  Quinn screamed and sobbed and begged for mercy.

  I was sure I’d be doing that soon. But, God, her screams were unbearable to hear. I didn’t even like Quinn very much at this point, but still...

  “Let her go,” I said. “Take me instead.”

  Several of the demons laughed.

  “I mean it! This was all my fault! I’m the one who attacked Vic! I’m the one who should suffer! Let Quinn go and drag me to Hell instead of her!”

  “We’re already taking both of you.”

  “So make my fate twice as bad!”

  More laughter from the demons.

  “I’m serious!” I screamed. “She was going along with Vic! She was helping him! I’m the one who went after him! Leave her alone! Leave her alone! Goddamn it, leave her alone!”

  I was crying now. Ugly crying, with snot and everything.

  The demons thought this was absolutely hilarious. I didn’t care.

  They sliced off another strip of flesh from Quinn’s foot. The demon who cut it off crawled over to me and dangled it above my mouth. “Open wide!”

  “Leave her alone!” I screamed. “It was all me! Leave her alone! Leave her—”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The demons froze.

  The room turned dark red.

  Somebody—something—hovered above me.

  “Why?” asked a low, rumbling voice that I may have only heard in my head.

  I didn’t know how to answer. My entire body was trembling in fear.

  “Why?” the voice repeated. The thing above me was ever-shifting, but I could almost see a face, one that looked like a combination of all the devil masks.

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Unbearable misery. Incomprehensible agony. Why offer yourself?”

  “She doesn’t deserve it.”

  “Do you?”

  “No.”

  The thing was silent.

  “Are you Satan?”

  “I am not. I am close enough.”

  More silence.

  “I don’t like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “Sacrifice.”

  “Oh.”

  “I see you. I see inside you. You meant what you said.”

  I did. I truly did. Although the madness I was experiencing may also have played a part.

  “Putting others above yourself. Those who join me do not behave this way. My realm is filled with those who are selfish. Cowards. I do not want you there.”

  Suddenly the cabin was back to its normal lighting. The demons, seeing the floating figure, all dropped to a prone position.

  “You have served well,” the thing told them. “Yet it is the wrong prey.”

 

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