Secret Crush Seduction, page 16
“No, Michael. Please.”
“If you stay with me, you’ll lose everything that matters to you.”
“What are you hiding? Please tell me. We can figure this out together.”
“You don’t want to be with me.” He took a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to be with you.”
“You’re a horrible liar, Michael Reynolds.”
“Adelaide, I—”
“That’s enough. I hear you loud and clear. I don’t know what you’re hiding. Or why you’re so afraid. But I hear you.” Adelaide took a step away from him, then another. “You just broke us. Not this relationship or our hearts. But us. You and I will never be the same again. Whatever you’re hiding from—whatever you’re protecting yourself from—I hope it’s worth it.”
She’d had enough; his lies were hurting him as much as they were hurting her. And there was the one truth that had never changed. He might’ve loved her, but he didn’t trust her. She was still a helpless little girl to him. A burden. Not a partner. Never a partner.
Her soul exhaled a weary sigh and lay down on the cold ruins of her heart, and Adelaide left without a backward glance. Without tears.
* * *
The next morning, Adelaide didn’t bother getting out of bed. The fashion show was done, and her design team was probably packing their things from the studio and saying goodbyes. Adelaide’s goodbyes would have to wait. She deserved a day to wallow in her suffering.
The intense pain had faded now into a dull ache, and she could live with that. It seemed as though that was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life. She’d lost Michael, but she would get Hansol. The fashion show couldn’t have been a bigger success. She had accomplished what she’d set out to do. Like Grandmother, she would devote her life to Hansol and somehow fill the void inside her.
Adelaide stared up at the ceiling. It was white. She was glad she’d kept it white, while she had the rest of her bedroom painted a light jade green. The emptiness of the white ceiling felt familiar and undemanding, and it calmed her.
Liliana walked into her room after a soft knock. She bore a cup of milk and a slice of toast. The softness of her gaze, the concern in her expression, were a lot harder to look at than the ceiling. Much harder.
“Adelaide, dear. Mrs. Song wishes to see you. Do you think you could eat a few bites of this and head down?”
“No, thank you.”
“I’m so sorry, but I can’t leave your room until you do.” She sighed quietly and sat on the edge of her bed. “We know something happened a couple days ago. You’ve been dragging yourself around like a ghost. It’s a wonder how well you held yourself together for the fashion show.”
“It just hurts.”
“Oh, my dear.” Liliana squeezed her hand gently. “Maybe your grandmother can help. She has experience in how to put one step in front of another until the pain becomes bearable.”
“Okay, but no food.”
“All right. Let me help you.”
The room spun when she stood, but Liliana wrapped her arm around her shoulder as she guided her down the stairs to Grandmother’s room. With each step, Adelaide found the strength to stand on her own. By the time she was at her grandmother’s door, she felt strong. And furious.
She pushed open the door without a knock and kneeled on the bang-suk. The floor mat felt like blocks of wood against her knees this morning.
“You summoned me, Grandmother?”
“Adelaide, look at me.”
She raised her eyes, and let all her resentment and anger spill out through them. “Are you disappointed in me for taking the day off, Hal-muh-nee? Should I be sitting in my studio, waiting for my department to be formed?”
“Ah-ga.”
“Stop. Not now. I am not your baby. I am a grown woman. Can you ever accept that?”
She was being unimaginably rude to her elder for no good reason. Why did Adelaide feel so angry with her grandmother? Why did she want to lash out at her?
“I haven’t been keeping you out of Hansol because I thought you wouldn’t be able to handle it. It was because I knew you would do only too well. You and I are so much alike. That’s what made me afraid. I chose to dedicate myself to Hansol when your grandfather died, and I neglected every other aspect of my life. Even you children.”
“No, that’s not—”
“Listen, child. I let my ambition blind me, but the company wasn’t enough to make me whole. I needed my children and grandchildren. Our family. Each and every one of you matter more than the world. But I nearly lost sight of that, and trapped myself in a lonely cell of my creation.” Her grandmother reached for Adelaide’s hand. “I didn’t want that for you. I couldn’t want that for you. I thought if I dissuaded you from working at the company, you would find your own life. Pursue your own dream. But now I know—Hansol is your dream. Besides, you’re stronger than me. You would use that clever brain of yours to figure out how to balance your life. I am so proud of the woman you’ve become.”
“Oh, Hal-muh-nee. All this time, I believed you didn’t think I was good enough.”
“I know. I know, ah-ga, and I’m so sorry for trying to relive my life through yours.”
“I... I have something to tell you. I’m in love with Michael, but he left me, and it hurts more than I can bear.” Adelaide laid her head on her grandmother’s leg, curling up on the floor. “He doesn’t see me for the woman I’ve become, but as a burden. He loves me and I love him more than life, but he doesn’t trust me with his heart.”
“I suspected,” she spoke under her breath, “but I didn’t know it had come so far.”
“I’m sorry I kept it from you. I stupidly thought I could let him go when the time came, but I couldn’t. I tried to hang on to him...”
“Oh, my sweet child. He sees you and loves you as much as a man could ever love a woman.” She smoothed her hand over Adelaide’s bent head. “Don’t give up on him.”
“It’s too late, because he’s given up on me. He’s given up on us.” Adelaide took a deep breath and raised herself into a sitting position. “I can’t be near him. I’m eager to do my part for Hansol, but please send me to New York. I could start my clothing line there. I can’t be here right now.”
“That isn’t difficult to arrange, but are you sure?”
“That is the only thing I’m sure of. I need to leave and move past this. I can’t let it destroy me. My new position will help me get through this. I’ll survive, Hal-muh-nee, but not here. Not like this.”
“Whatever you need, I will make happen. Remember, I am always here for you.”
* * *
Michael didn’t remember driving home from the fashion show, but he was inside his house. Everything looked different—drab and colorless—in the weak morning light. In fact, his house looked downright ugly. He hated it. He hated everything. Himself, most of all.
Michael glanced at the half-empty bottle of Scotch on the coffee table. He remembered now. He’d poured himself endless shots of the stuff and must’ve fallen asleep on the couch. Now morning was here, and he’d neglected his duties. The fashion show was an enormous success, but he should’ve been monitoring for unscrupulous bottom-feeders trying to taint Adelaide’s success with rumors about their night at the Ritz.
Belatedly, he picked up his phone and scrolled through his alerts. Autism awareness was still a trending topic among many of the influential attendees, including Mateo Sanchez and his daughter. And, luckily for him, the tabloids and gossip columns were otherwise occupied.
Michael laid his head back on the couch and covered his eyes with his hand. Where was Adelaide? How was she doing? Was she hurting as much as he was? God, he couldn’t bear to think that. He didn’t know losing her would hurt this much. As though his heart was torn out of him.
He’d hurt Adelaide to protect her in the only way he knew, but he needed to see her. Michael had no idea what he would say or do, but he had to see with his own eyes that she was okay. Or as okay as she could be after what he’d done to her. What could he do to ease her pain? He called her, but she’d blocked him on her cell. He called her office, but she didn’t pick up there, either. When he reached the receptionist, he was informed she wasn’t in.
Then she must be home. After a quick shower, he jumped in his fastest sports car. His heart bruising his rib cage, Michael broke every speed limit on his way to her house.
“Liliana, I need to see Adelaide,” he said as soon as the front door of the Song residence cracked open.
“Michael,” she said rather coldly. Then she continued with utmost politeness, “Why don’t you come in and I’ll let Mrs. Song know that you’re here. I have a feeling she might want to speak with you.”
“But Adelaide—”
“Don’t push your luck with me. I have never seen that dear child suffer so much.” She choked on a sob. “I don’t care what you did or why. Do not demand anything from me, because it’s all I can do not to slam the door in your face right now.”
That was enough to rob Michael of speech. The unflappable, mild-mannered Liliana was nowhere to be seen. To think he’d caused this change in her spoke volumes as to what state Adelaide was in. Oh, God. What have I done?
He followed her to the door of Mrs. Song’s room without another word, and stood still while she went inside to speak with the family matriarch. When she came out, she shot him another furious glance, as though she couldn’t bear even to look at his sorry mug.
“She’ll see you.”
“Thank you, Liliana.”
With a huff, she turned her back on him and disappeared down the hall. He entered Mrs. Song’s room and knelt on the bang-suk. “Good morning, Mrs. Song.”
“It’s well past noon and it isn’t a particularly good afternoon,” she replied stoically.
“You might not think I deserve to, but I need to see Adelaide. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
“No, you don’t deserve to see my granddaughter. And no, she is far from okay.”
“I’m so sorry.” He gulped down the lump in his throat. “Please, Mrs. Song. Could I see Adelaide even if it’s for the last time?”
She sighed, her iron mask softening as she looked closely at him. “What have you been doing to yourself?”
“It doesn’t matter. I broke her heart, and I let her down in the worst possible way. If I thought I didn’t deserve her before, this certainly confirms it. But still... I need to see her.”
“She’s already gone, Michael.”
Cold sweat broke out on his forehead. No. “Gone? Gone where?”
“She left for the airport half-an-hour ago to be with Garrett and Natalie. When she feels ready, she will work at the New York branch.”
“Was she so angry with me that she wanted to put the entire country between us?” He should be grateful that she hadn’t disappeared to another continent. Even he wished he could flee from himself, because being in his skin was nauseating.
“I don’t think she has room for anger in her devastation. The Song family’s biggest strength and weakness is that we love too deeply,” Grace Song said, looking out the window. “She loved you with all her heart, Michael. She wanted to be everything for you. When you pushed her away, she took that as her failure. She thinks she failed you, because she wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Her not good enough for me? You know I can’t give her children. Even if I was whole, I wouldn’t have deserved her. She is the most amazing woman I know.”
“She believes that you don’t trust her with your love. That you still see her as a helpless child. A burden.” His breath caught in his throat, and his eyes bugged with shock. A burden? But before he could utter a word, Mrs. Song continued, “Have you even tried telling her that you can’t have children? Did you ever think that it should be her choice to decide whether she wanted to stay with you or not? Do you even know if she wants children? If she’d want to adopt?”
“No, but it’s more than that.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers. “I didn’t believe you would allow Adelaide to marry me. You and James want her to have children of her own. I don’t blame you, but I couldn’t make Adelaide choose between me and her family. If she lost your support now, what would happen to her dream of joining Hansol?”
“Allow her to marry you? Hasn’t Garrett taught you anything? Us Songs are relentless when it comes to the people we love. I wouldn’t be able to stop Adelaide from choosing you even if I wanted to. And that brings us to the next point. How dare you assume I would hold your infertility against you? And how dare you assume I would be so unfair and unreasonable as to keep Adelaide out of Hansol after all she has accomplished?”
Michael felt the walls crashing in around him, and the sound of the truth rendered him temporarily mute. It was you. All this time, he had told himself it was Adelaide and Mrs. Song who stood in the way of their forever. But it had been him all along. He was afraid Adelaide would grow to resent him and leave him. Like Kathy had done. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, so he had chosen when and how they would end. When they didn’t have to end at all.
“Mrs. Song, I never believed you to be any of those things. Now I know that.”
“You were so entrenched in your own shame and guilt that you treated the woman you love like a thoughtless child.”
“I was wrong. So very wrong.” He had ruined the best thing in his life because of his fear and insecurities. “Do you think she’ll listen to me now? Am I too late?”
“How would I know that, child? What I’ve told you, I only know because she told me as she sobbed in my arms. I almost despised you in that moment. Do you know that?” He watched incredulously as the formidable Grace Song teared up in front of him. God, what have I done? “I’ve never seen my baby hurt so much. A part of her shattered, and it killed me to watch.”
“Please give me a chance to make it up to her, and to you,” Michael begged helplessly.
“If you weren’t like one of my own, I would banish you from my sight. But it’s too late for that. You’ve been mine for a long time now. If I could, I would still hide Adelaide from you, but you are hers to take or leave. She is her own person and it’s her decision. Not yours, and certainly not mine.” She took a deep breath and all signs of her prior vulnerability disappeared. “When you fight for her, you must fight with everything in you. Because both of you deserve to know once and for all whether you are worthy of her.”
Sixteen
“Are you sure there isn’t anything else I can get for you?” Natalie asked, tucking a blanket around Adelaide’s shoulders.
“I need you to stop fussing over me, preggers,” she said with a mock frown. “If you tire yourself out because of me, I’m checking myself into a hotel.”
Her sister-in-law gasped theatrically. “You would bring shame upon our family by leaving? We’ll be forever known as the heartless Korean-Americans who let their own sister sleep in a hotel.”
Adelaide laughed. It sounded hollow because of the gaping whole inside her, but it was genuine. Having Garrett, Natalie and Sophie around her made her as happy as she could be at the moment. She was lucky to have such great family. And being with her New York family felt a bit more freeing than being back in LA with her grandmother and dad.
But that didn’t mean she would let them coddle her. Adelaide planned on searching for her own place as soon as she secured a Realtor. She hadn’t come to New York to wallow like a jilted woman. She’d come to move on from her heartbreak, and focus on starting her new line at Hansol. If she kept moving, she wouldn’t have a chance to fall prey to her sorrow.
“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” Garrett poked his head into the family room, holding on to Sophie’s hand. The little girl grinned at her without a care in the world, and Adelaide loved her for it.
“Would both of you stop it now? I mean it. The last thing I need is to feel like a burden to you guys, too. Stop fussing. Now.”
“Okay, okay. Jeez, sis. You’re pretty scary when you put your foot down.” Her big brother grinned. She couldn’t help but notice how much he’d changed since he married Natalie, and felt a twinge of envy at their happiness. Which was small and ridiculous of her. Her own misery was just shadowing her thoughts. It wasn’t the real her.
As they settled into playing with Sophie, the door buzzer rang. Everyone in the room stilled. It could be anyone. Maybe someone delivering a package. When the buzzer rang again, and then again, becoming urgent, Garrett looked out the window to the front entrance of their brownstone.
“What the ever-loving hell?” he muttered under his breath, then shot a guilty glance at his daughter, who thankfully didn’t seem to have heard. “It’s Mike.”
Adelaide sucked in a sharp breath. Whatever Natalie saw on Adelaide’s face must’ve been alarming because she pulled her into her arms and started rocking her on the sofa.
“It’s okay, love. You’re safe. Garrett will send him on his way.”
She couldn’t answer so she let herself sink into her sister-in-law’s embrace and closed her eyes tight, as though that might stop the buzzing. She was ready to move on. Truly she was. But that didn’t mean she was ready to face Michael right this minute. Adelaide was strong, but she wasn’t a masochist.
Leaving Sophie in her mother’s care, Garrett stomped down the stairs like a giant in the clouds. The thump, thump, thump sounded so ominous that Adelaide felt a flash of fear for Michael. But before she could consider going downstairs, the door opened, then slammed shut after only a moment. She didn’t hear Michael’s voice, which she’d unconsciously been straining to hear. In fact, she didn’t hear a single word exchanged between the two men.
When Garrett came back upstairs, Natalie rushed to him. He was flexing his wrist and wincing, and his wife cradled his hand and blew on his bruised knuckles.
