Her Sexiest Mistake (The Sexiest Series Book 1), page 18
“So, you just happened to fall in love with someone else?” That selfish part of him lashed out, wanting to hurt her as much as he hurt. Love, he was quickly learning, wasn’t always a pretty emotion. “That’s pretty damned convenient, wouldn’t you say?”
Her face flushed and she suddenly looked every bit as furious as he was. And deeper, he saw the hurt. Curiously it gave him little satisfaction.
“I didn’t fall in love with anyone else.” Her voice was low and modulated.
He laughed, a mocking sound. “I guess that just goes to show you that you don’t always need love to get married, do you?”
“I’m not married,” she snapped, then gasped in shock at her confession.
He blinked, and like a cold dose of reality, her words seeped through the haze of anger blinding him to all the obvious signs. His gaze narrowed, and he took a closer look at Mariah and the changes in her body. He knew little to nothing about pregnant women, but gut instinct gnawed at him. Apprehension and fear mingled, along with a greater emotion he couldn’t put a name to.
She placed a possessive hand on her stomach, her expression reflecting her panic. “Grey, I have to go,” she said abruptly and turned toward the bar to retrieve her sister.
Without a thought, he grabbed her arm, stalling her. His heart pounded so hard he could hear each drumming pulse in his ears.
She tugged on her arm, but his grasp was strong. “Let me go.”
“Whose baby is it?” he asked, his voice as tight as the pressure banding his chest.
“Mine,” she said fiercely.
He ground his teeth. “Dammit, Mariah, who is the father?”
“It’s none of your business!”
He leaned close. “I’m making it my business!”
Tears filled her eyes and her bottom lip trembled. With great effort, he resisted the urge to pull her into his arms, comfort her, and apologize for his callous behavior.
He wasn’t sorry. And he wanted answers. He didn’t question why the need was so strong, only knew that he couldn’t let her go without knowing the truth.
“Mariah,” he said, his low voice vibrating with warning. “There are tests to prove paternity.”
Dismay flitted across her face and shimmered in her gaze. “Why do you care?” she cried.
Because I love you. That’s the only explanation his heart and mind would allow, and he didn’t fight it. “Answer me,” he said harshly.
She closed her eyes, and when they opened again, he saw, as well as felt, her defeat. “You, Grey,” she whispered in a choked voice as a single tear trickled down her cheek. “You’re the baby’s father.”
Stunned, he let go of her arm and felt himself sway backward. He tried to drag a breath of air into his lungs, but oxygen suddenly seemed in short supply.
You, Grey. You’re the baby’s father. Her words reached him on some distant plane. He was going to be a dad. He gave his head a shake and attempted to push aside the terror crashing over him. Oh, God, he couldn’t be a dad. He didn’t know how to be a dad. What if he failed? What if he was as rotten as his own father had been? The prospect was so frightening, so overwhelming in its capacity, that he felt ill.
Mariah pushed past him and out the door, snapping him out of his dark thoughts. He went after her, catching her halfway down the walkway leading to the parking lot. “Dammit, Mariah,” he said, standing in front of her and forcing her to stop. “I’m not done talking to you!”
She lifted that stubborn chin of hers. Sunlight danced in her soft, silky hair, and fire flashed in her eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
He begged to differ. “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby when you found out you were pregnant?” he asked with more calm than he felt.
“Because you were better off not knowing,” she said bluntly.
He flinched as if she’d physically slapped him. What kind of monster did she think he was—to think he didn’t care about her welfare? “Since I’m the father, I have a responsibility to that child.”
“A responsibility you’ve made more than clear you don’t want,” she argued heatedly.
His jaw clenched in aggravation. “But mine nonetheless.”
“I don’t want or expect anything from you. I’m fully prepared to raise this child on my own.” She laid a possessive hand over the swell of her belly, a protective instinct as old as time. “I don’t want this baby to be some great, noble sacrifice for you. An obligation. I deserve better than that, and so does your child.”
Her words felt like a double punch to the stomach. Oh, Lord, she was right. She did deserve better, so much better. And so did their child. The thought made his heart twist peculiarly. But the irrefutable truth was, the baby she carried was better off not having him as a father. He knew nothing but the worst about raising a child and being a dad, and he didn’t think there was a sufficient manual on the how-tos of fatherhood for him, either.
A strange sense of despair wrapped around him. Fear clashed with regret, and added to the muddled mess was the deep longing of the confused, mistreated youth he’d been.
But he was a grown man, shaped by his childhood and educated through the school of hard knocks, his teacher a cruel, bitter man who’d taught his son humiliation and the worst kind of degradation.
He gulped in a breath. There was one last selfless act he could do for his child. It killed him to turn and walk away, made a part of his soul shrivel and die, but he did just that.
There was no way he would ever subject a child to the kind of hell he’d been through.
Chapter Eleven
Grey glanced at his watch as he cut through the courtyard located in the center of the Wilshire Plaza and picked up his step. He was nearly half an hour late for the final fitting appointment with his tailor for the custom-made suits he’d ordered.
His entire life had become a blur since seeing Mariah again. He went through the motions of work and everyday life, but his brain was in a fog, unable to remember something as simple as an appointment or a business meeting. Thank God he had Jeanie to prod his memory and keep him from totally sinking into the depths of his misery.
A baby. They were going to have a baby, or rather, according to Mariah, she was going to have the baby. On her own. Without his help or input. She’d made it clear that she neither expected nor wanted anything from him.
And so, without a fight, he’d walked away from Mariah and their child and had spent every day since convincing himself he’d done the right thing. Both mother and child deserved better than what he could offer them, like emotional stability and a secure family environment filled with happiness and love. How could he give either when all he’d ever experienced was hostility, resentment, and neglect? The fear of failing as a husband and father was always at the surface, rearing its ugly head, taunting him with powerful, ugly memories he had no defense against.
So why couldn’t he shake the awful feeling that he was making the biggest mistake of his life?
Pushing that haunting question from his mind because he had no logical answer, he rounded a large fountain in the center of the courtyard and focused on the men’s department store within sight.
He heard a whimper and a gulping sob and automatically glanced around the area for the distraught sound while still keeping up his clipped pace. The courtyard was bordered with benches for weary shoppers to rest, and planter boxes with lush green foliage sectioned off individual alcoves. It was early afternoon on a weekday, and there was a sparse number of shoppers around the plaza. In fact, he didn’t see anyone in the courtyard.
The pitiful whimpering sobs reached him again, the sound soft but unmistakable. Frowning, he slowed his steps and glanced in the alcoves as he passed them. When he found the source of the distressing noise, he stopped but made no move to advance toward the little girl huddled into the corner between the bench and planter box. When she saw him, she pulled her legs up to her chin and wrapped her arms around her knees. She watched him warily, fearfully, as silent tears streamed down her smooth cheeks.
She was a little thing, he thought, with honey-brown hair that shimmered to her shoulders and big, watery blue eyes that grabbed at something deep inside him. Judging by her small size, he estimated her age between four and six.
She was obviously lost and scared. At the moment, he could relate. It was akin to how he felt—out of his element and antsy to be on his way.
But as uncomfortable as the situation made him feel, he couldn’t walk away and leave the little girl, hoping that whomever she belonged to eventually found her.
He took a tentative step toward the little girl. She shrank from him, her whole body trembling. Her whimpers increased, and his stomach twisted with dread. God, was he that threatening? He supposed to someone a third his size he’d seem like a giant. Or did children have a sixth sense about people who weren’t adept with kids?
The thought was disturbing.
Shoving his hands into his slacks’ pockets, he glanced around for help, but they were alone. Not a frantic mother in sight, or even a person of the female persuasion who’d know how to handle such a crisis. Since he couldn’t leave the little girl alone, he was on his own. He grappled for the appropriate resources in dealing with a lost child, and his mind drew a blank.
“Are you okay, honey?” he asked in a soft, gentle tone. Stupid question, considering the girl was clearly distraught, but it was all he could think of as an icebreaker.
“I want my mom,” she whimpered, her chin quivering.
He shifted casually, a subtle move that eased him closer. “Where is your mom?”
“I don’t know.” She sniffled, her expression bleak. “I only stopped at the toy store to look in the window, and when I looked back up, my mom wasn’t there.”
And most likely, the little girl’s mother had eventually glanced down expecting to find her daughter by her side and had been met with the shocking discovery that her little girl was gone. No doubt, her mother was hysterical with worry.
The little girl started crying again, making Grey feel helpless and way out of his element. The first thought that drifted through his mind was, what would Mariah do? The answer came easily. She’d comfort the little girl.
Forcing himself closer, despite how the girl’s sobs shook him up, he hunkered down in front of her. She was so little, so vulnerable. So sweet and innocent. Without thinking, he gently brushed a soft strand of hair from her face, startled by the odd protectiveness that rippled through him.
He swallowed hard. Oh, man, if he experienced such sensitivity and empathy with a child he didn’t even know, he could only imagine how much more powerful the emotion would be with his own child.
His child. The child Mariah carried. The revelation sent his mind reeling.
“My name is Grey,” he said, attempting to establish some familiarity between them and chase away her apprehension. “What’s your name?”
“B-B-Brandi,” she stuttered.
He smiled, the last of the tension easing from his body. “Well, that’s a beautiful name for such a pretty little girl. What do you say you come with me and we’ll go look for your mom?”
Her gaze turned skeptical, and she swiped her tears from her cheeks. “I’m not supposed to go anywhere with strangers.”
“That’s a very good rule,” he told her, knowing he’d want his own child to be just as educated. “But I don’t want to leave you here all by yourself. There’s an information booth a little ways from here, and I’m sure they can locate your mom for you, but you have to come with me.”
He straightened, held out his hand, and waited, knowing there was little he could do if Brandi refused to go with him. If she didn’t, he resolved to stay with her until someone found them.
Tentatively she reached out and placed her tiny, soft hand in his much larger one, believing his promise. Believing and accepting him. That first touch and the way she curled her fingers so hopefully around his hand made his heart catch in his chest. Those big blue eyes, just moments ago brimming with tears, now shone with a trust that nearly brought him to his knees. She was depending on him to deliver her safely to her mother. There was no way he was going to let her down.
Adjusting his long stride to meet her much shorter one, he walked with her to the information booth and reported the incident to the young woman working there. The woman assured him that the little girl had been reported missing, and that security and the girl’s mother were searching the plaza. Picking up a cell phone, she called off the pursuit.
“They’re at the other end of the plaza,” the young woman said. “As soon as they locate Brandi’s mother, they’ll be here.” She glanced over the counter at the little girl clinging to Grey’s side. “Would you like to sit behind the counter with me until your mother gets here?”
Brandi shook her head and curled her fingers tight around Grey’s hand. “No, I want to stay with Mr. Grey.”
The woman glanced at Grey, and deciding he met with her approval, she smiled. “Very well.”
Spotting an ice cream shop across from the information booth, Grey glanced back at Brandi and said spontaneously, “What do you say we get an ice cream while we’re waiting?”
A beatific smile wreathed the little girl’s face, and she nodded eagerly. “I like chocolate,” she announced.
Grey laughed. “Then chocolate it is.”
Minutes later they were sitting side by side on a wooden bench next to the information booth, each holding a single-scoop chocolate ice cream cone. The simplicity of the situation seeped through him, warm as sunshine. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten an ice cream cone, and that he was doing so with a child, and enjoying it, bewildered and delighted him.
I’m going to be a dad. The startling thought rushed out of nowhere, but it came with an abundance of emotion and a yearning he’d tried his best to ignore since learning Mariah was pregnant with their baby. A child conceived out of the love he and Mariah shared.
The longing for the impossible grew stronger with each passing day. Today it had surpassed anything he’d ever experienced, all because of a lost little girl. To help her, he’d played a role, a parental role he hadn’t believed himself capable of. He’d been gentle and patient, despite his fears. And once they’d gotten over their initial wariness of one another, the rest had come naturally.
The prospect of raising a child made his insides clench with apprehension, but the thought of missing the opportunity to share in special moments like this with his son or daughter hurt much, much more. His own childhood had been less than ideal, full of painful memories that he’d never forget, that would always be a part of who he was. But as a result of what he’d experienced, he never, ever wanted his child to feel the kind of hurt and disillusionment he had. Never wanted his son or daughter to think he didn’t love them.
And he would love them, he realized with startling clarity. Already did. He wanted to experience their smiles and laughter. To play ball with a son or attend his daughter’s ballet recital. Dammit, he wanted to be a part of their lives on a daily basis and share every stage of their development.
He wanted to make a difference to them, just as he’d made a difference to this little girl who’d so openly trusted and accepted him.
You’re a better man than your father ever was. You’re kind, gentle, and loving… Mariah’s words whispered through him, soothing the last of his doubts. She believed in him. She was strong, nothing even remotely close to his weak, spineless mother. Mariah loved fully, without reservation, without conditions.
And she loved him. How could he fail with her by his side, guiding him and learning the ropes of parenthood right along with him?
He’d been a fool to walk away. What Mariah wanted was so simple, and something he’d yearned for his entire life but had done his best to deny: to be part of a family, one filled with hopes and heartaches, good times and bad, respect and trust…and love.
He wanted it all. But would Mariah forgive him for being such an idiot and not realizing sooner that everything he’d ever wanted in his life started and ended with her?
Brandi patted his arm to get his attention, and he glanced from the chocolate handprint on his sleeve to the little girl’s face, smudged with sticky ice cream. He waited for a spark of irritation over the stain she’d left on his shirt, something to indicate he truly was his father’s son and had a temper to match, but the only thought that came to mind was that his shirt was washable.
Pure relief flooded him, and at that moment, he knew he’d fight until his last breath for Mariah and his child.
“Thank you, Mr. Grey,” Brandi said softly, gazing up at him with something akin to adoration. “You’re very nice, and I like you a lot.”
A lump the size of a baseball lodged in his throat, and he cleared it away before he embarrassed himself. “And you’re the sweetest little girl I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.” He tapped his finger on the tip of her nose, and when she giggled, he melted inside.
“Brandi!”
The frantic cry caught both Grey and Brandi’s attention. When Brandi saw her mother running toward her, she scrambled off the bench and flew into her mother’s arms.
The woman was crying and squeezing the little girl fiercely, protectively. “Thank you so much for taking care of my baby,” she said, meeting Grey’s gaze over her daughter’s head. “One minute she was right next to me, and the next, she was gone. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life!”
Grey smiled, clearly picturing how he’d first found Brandi, crying and so frightened. “I think the feeling was mutual.”
The reunion was sweet. And so were the strange but wonderful emotions sweeping through Grey. He knew he’d never see the little girl again, but he would never forget her.
* * *
“Buckle up.”
Mariah cast Grey an annoyed look but did as he requested, considering he was already backing his SUV out of the parking spot next to her BMW. She never knew what to expect from him anymore, since the day he’d barged into her office two weeks ago demanding she allow him to be a part of his child’s life. She couldn’t help but wonder what had brought about the sudden change of mind.
