Almost Beautiful, page 5
I turned to face my cousin, clenching my teeth. “What is wrong with you?” I said, under my breath.
Shepley paled. “Sorry, man. Poor choice of words. We’re not late. Class doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes. Why are you rushing?”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” I said, yanking open the door.
The hall was flooded with students coming and going, flowing past one another until they parted long enough to bypass an obstacle in the center of the walkway: a glass box sitting on top of a podium. Encased inside was a bust of Gerald P. Stymie, the former president of Eastern State, and former member of Sig Tau.
Dr. Stymie rushed Sig Tau with my dad and Uncle Jack, and I had many memories of him dropping by our house often during my formative years. He attended our holiday parties and my mother’s funeral.
He’d died four years after he retired, which was six years before my freshman year of college. I wondered if he would be more disappointed that I had helped orchestrate Eastern’s biggest tragedy or that I wasn’t owning up to my involvement.
The energy was so different from the week before spring break, when everyone was smiling and walked with a bounce in their step. Now the halls were quiet, the air heavy and somber. The girls were wiping away tears, the guys holding them close, all recognizing their own mortality—some for the first time.
“A lot on your mind?” Shepley asked, slipping inside the building behind me. “Like what? Oh. You mean the thing I don’t know about? Or did you just realize marriage is forever?”
I grabbed Shepley’s collar in both fists, shoving him against the nearest wall.
The breath was knocked out of him, and he stared at me, wide-eyed, with his hands up. “Hey!” he said, glowering at me. “I’m on your side!”
I slowly loosened my grip, aware of the curious eyes of passersby. I straightened Shepley’s shirt and patted his shoulder to apologize, and then took a deep breath. “This isn’t funny, Shepley. Any of it. And I’m hanging by a thread, here. Cut me some fuckin’ slack, would ya?”
Shepley took a quick glance around, and then leaned in, keeping his voice low. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Just trying to lighten your mood. But you need to keep a low profile, Travis. Now is not the time to draw attention to yourself.”
I looked over my shoulder at fellow students. Kids, young and stupid like me but without a wife or bills or detectives knocking on their door. Their biggest worries were grades and explaining the credit card bill to their parents.
Abby and I had those silly worries just a few days ago. The wedding had helped me pretend the fire hadn’t happened, but now the aftermath was staring me in the face. The worries of losing Abby to Parker seemed like a lifetime ago. Now, I could lose her for real ... forever.
“You’re right,” I said. I smoothed his shirt, and then patted his cheek, forcing a smile. “You’re right, buddy. I’m sorry.”
“Get to class, dick head,” Shepley said, readjusting his backpack before turning the corner to climb the stairs.
I walked to the end of the hall and ducked into class, nodding to my humanities professor before taking a seat. A couple of students from the previous lecture were still hanging around his desk, asking questions about the mid-term.
I glanced at my watch and then pulled out my phone, smiling when the display lit up. Abby’s gorgeous smile graced the screen, laughing at something from a simpler time. But my stomach did somersaults when I saw she’d texted me.
Hey <3
I smiled, tapping out a reply. WTF. How can I miss you already?
Three dots appeared—the manifestation of anticipation. Same.
I chuckled to myself. Abby was an enigma. I knew she loved me. Hell, she’d married me. But her short answers and refusal to get too emotional, other than to express frustration or anger, had me guessing most of the time. I loved that about her.
I loved how stubborn and even how petty she was. I loved how insane she made me feel, how unsure, how afraid. Surely that wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t fucking care. No one had dared make me feel those things before—at least, not on purpose.
I just wrote Abby Maddox on my notebook. With hearts. How lame am I?
A huge grin spread across my face. Finally.
Was that weird for you?
Nope. Gotta go. <3 you.
Professor Halsey stood from his seat and walked around to the front of his desk, leaning his ass against the wooden edge. He was a gangly thing. All arms, legs, and nose, his black, greasy hair styled over to one side to poorly hide the bald spot on the crown of his head. He fanned out his fingers and pressed the tips together, touching his pointers to his lips.
“As I’m sure you’re all aware, the school has suffered a terrible loss this past weekend.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room, and students shifted in their seats. I sunk into my desk.
Halsey continued. “We’ve been instructed to inform you about the free on-campus counseling services provided for every student by Eastern State. Based on the numbers, I’m sure we have at least one person in this very classroom who knew someone who was injured, survived, or became a victim in the basement of Keaton. This can be a frightening, overwhelming time for anyone, whether you were close with one of the victims or not. So please ... don’t ignore any feelings you’re having trouble processing. We’re here to help.” He paused just long enough to let his words sink in, and then he continued with the lesson.
A girl or two sniffled a few times, but other than that, we proceeded as normal, taking notes and asking questions.
The moment he dismissed class, I bolted for the door, quickly making my way outside, and then breaking into a jog all the way to where Abby would be leaving class. She’d just stepped out of the doors, stopping when she saw me. I crashed into her, and she hooked her arm around my middle, guiding me down the steps and around the side of the building.
“What happened?” she said, keeping her voice quiet and calm.
My chest heaved as I gasped for breath. I shook my head, unable to answer.
“Travis, look at me,” she said, grabbing my jaw and lifting my head until my gaze met hers. “Talk.”
“They’re all dead. So many people are walking around without their friends, roommates ... family members.” I pointed at my chest. “I did that.”
“No. You didn’t.” She peeked over her shoulder, and then back at me. “It’s not your fault. We all made choices that night. It was an accident. A horrendous, nauseating accident. But—” She grabbed my jaw to face her. “Look at me. You need to get it together, Maddox. If people see you like this and tell the cops—”
“Maybe they should. Maybe I should turn myself in,” I said. No breath I took was deep enough. The more air I pulled in, the less satisfying it felt.
“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked. For the first time, she was struggling to retain her poker face. “You better listen to me.” She gripped the bottom hem of my shirt. “I’m not going to let them take you, and you’re not going to leave me willingly, do you hear me?”
“You think I want to?” I spat, flustered.
“They died, yes, and it is awful, yes, but you don’t get to leave me. You are going to pick your wife and your marriage over everything else from now on. You choose us over your guilt, over your goddamn morals, and you choose us even over the right thing to do! If that makes me selfish or a bad person, I accept that. I’ll take it, damn it! But they won’t understand that you didn’t mean for any of it to happen. They won’t care that you didn’t choose the building or put up the lanterns. They’ll arrest you, Travis. They’ll arrest you, and cuff you, and take you away from me, and ...” Her bottom lip began to quiver.
I pulled her into my chest, holding her as she trembled in my arms. “Baby,” I said, surprised. I’d never seen her so rattled.
She pushed me away, keeping hold of my T-shirt in her fist, pulling as she spoke. “Don’t do anything stupid, Travis. Don’t you fucking dare.” Frustrated, she tightened her free hand into a fist and hit my chest.
It didn’t hurt, but it was just hard enough to make a point.
Her eyes glossed over. “You’re the only family I’ve got. Do you hear me? If I lose you, I lose everything.”
“You always have Dad and my brothers, and Shep and America. Mark and Pam. Finch. You’re not alone, Pidge.”
“You, Travis”—she pointed to my chest—“I need you. You are the most important person in my life.” She shook her head and shrugged as she spoke. “I don’t want to do this without you. Don’t you ever talk like this again, do you hear me? You can’t turn yourself in. You can’t do that to me.”
“Okay,” I said, blinking. I pulled her in again, swaying a bit, trying to comfort her the best I could. I kissed her temple, cursing myself.
I knew I couldn’t leave her, even if it was to do the right thing. I’d just wanted her to tell me not to. Unloading something on her that I knew wasn’t going to happen was a dick thing to do. “You’re right. I wasn’t ... I don’t want to get arrested. I just needed to hear you say it, I guess.”
“Fine. I’ll say it as many times as you need me to. I’ll say it ten times a day. I will take the blame, guilt trip you, beg you, whatever it takes, but you can’t leave me.”
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Jesus, I can’t believe I just did that to you, I’m so sorry, I panicked.”
She lifted her chin, a tear escaping down her cheek. “I get it. It’s a lot. I don’t blame you for having weak moments. I just need you to promise me you will never stop fighting to stay with me. That you’ll never stop fighting for us.”
I choked down my emotions, clenching my teeth. She loved me as much as I loved her. I didn’t know that was possible. “Okay, Pidge. Okay ... I promise.”
She pressed her forehead against my chest, took in a deep breath, and then nodded. After taking a moment to gather herself, her eyes peered at the ground as she made the choice to trust me not to ruin her life. She wiped her eyes, turned on her heels, and walked away in the direction of her next class.
The smell of smoke still lingered in the air as she walked out of sight, leaving the ashes of my conscience in her wake.
Chapter Six
Truth
Travis
THE SOLES OF MY BOOTS squished against the wet steps that led to my apartment. The sky had been pissing on me off and on all day between classes. I was glad.
The grounds around Keaton Hall were still soaked from the deluge of water the fire hoses had poured into the building. The rain made the rest of the campus blend in with Keaton’s charred, saturated grass and sidewalks.
My keys jingled in my hand as I pulled them out to unlock the door. As soon as I touched the knob, I heard tiny scratching on the other side. I smiled and pushed, immediately leaning over to greet Toto.
His wiry dark fur brushed against my face as he covered me with puppy kisses. He’d already grown so much, but he squirmed, yelped, and bounced around like he did his first day in the apartment. He wouldn’t settle down, so I finally picked him up, holding him against my chest while he soaked my face with dog slobber. I lifted my chin so I didn't end up with puppy tongue in my mouth.
I took him outside and down the steps, setting him on the grass and then crossing my arms while I waited for him to do his business.
Brazil used the spare key to pick up Toto after we’d already left for the airport, and even though he’d agreed with no notice and no questions, Abby was more than just unhappy when we’d picked Toto up.
She’d given him a bath the moment we got home to wash away the stench of cigarettes and dirty socks. After she’d dried him off and made up for lost snuggle time, he’d curled up in a ball on his bed in the corner of our bedroom and slept the rest of the night. She’d reminded me that morning that I’d promised to talk to Brazil about it.
I tapped out the message on my phone.
Dude. I appreciate you picking up my dog, but if you didn’t want to take care of him, you should have just said so.
It didn’t take long for Brazil to respond. What do u mean?
He smelled like shit. You were smoking around him? I don’t even smoke around him. And he was comatose for 24 hrs after we got him home.
Sorry, man. I had a party. There was a fight in the front yard. I had to break it up. When I came back in, Jenks had let him out of my room and was trying to feed him beer. I made Jenks leave, but Toto wasn’t hurt or anything, I swear.
Remind me not to ask you for any more favors.
Won’t happen again, Travis. Sorry.
I called Toto inside, his nails clicking against the linoleum in the kitchen while I opened a can of his favorite food. I scrunched my face at the rancid smell, wondering how in God’s name any creature could eat something so revolting. The irony wasn’t lost on me that I was talking about Toto, who enjoyed licking his own asshole.
I poured the food into the orange ceramic bowl Abby had found online with Toto’s name on it, and added to his water bowl before returning my attention to my phone. I scrolled through my contacts until Brandon Kyle’s name appeared. My thumb hovered over the phone icon.
One of my frat brothers had given me Brandon’s contact information. He was the owner of Iron E, one of three off-campus gyms in Eakins. Two of those gyms were Brandon’s, and Iron E was his pride and joy: a newer gym on the eastside that was significantly more popular than the others because of the high number of coed memberships.
Every time I’d lifted there, Brandon had approached me with some kind of offer to hang out. Concert tickets, trips to watch a myriad of professional sports teams. He’d even invited me to Dubai. He was nice enough, in an annoying, superficial way, but he had a pregnant wife and more than one side chick—not someone I could stomach calling a friend.
I pressed the button and held the phone to my ear. It rang a few times, but then I heard a click followed by the screeching, banging, and intermittent yelling I’d expect if Brandon was still at the gym—and he always was.
“Brandon Kyle,” he answered. Pompous prick.
I couldn’t stand the kind of people who used their name instead of a greeting.
“Hey. It’s Travis Maddox. I heard you were looking for a part-time trainer.”
“Maddox! It’s about time you called. I’ve only given you my number a half dozen times. I was just at the Nickelback concert with Ty and Chuck. They told me you were thinking about the position. It’s not what you know but who you know, am I right? Man ... we’d love to have you on the team. Especially Chuck. He’s been watching you and says you know your shit. I agree. And holy God, would you bring in the ladies. Come get an application and I’ll show you around. We’ll discuss details and then we can decide if it’s something we both still wanna do.”
“Uh ...” I wasn’t expecting his response. “When do you want me to come in? Today is my early day from classes, but I have to go pick up my wife and ...”
“Wife?” Brandon laughed. “Since when?”
“Since last weekend.”
“Oh!” he said, his voice muffled. He was likely holding his fist over his mouth the way I’d seen him do before when he made fun of people. “Damn. Did you knock her up?”
“What did you just say?” I asked, feeling my blood boil. I turned on my heels, realizing I was pacing with my free hand balled into a fist.
“Nothin’ ... Nothin’. Just fuckin’ with ya, man! Is it that the Abigail chick I saw you with at The Red?”
“Abby Maddox.”
“Really?” He paused. “I saw you with her but hey, you’re always surrounded by pussy. You were all over her on the dance floor one night. She’s hot as fuck. I’m glad I didn’t approach her like I was going to. I didn’t know you two were that serious. But, yeah! Come on in! I’ll see you then.”
I stretched my neck before answering, trying to calm down instead of threatening his life before I asked him for a job. “So,” I blew out a breath. “Just whenever?”
“This is a pretty slow week. All the fatties have given up on their New Year’s resolutions. My schedule is open until Thursday. Weekends are too busy for administrative bullshit. You know how it is up here.”
I told him thanks through clenched teeth, and then hung up. There was no way I could work for that tweedle dick. I’d assault him on my first day.
Toto finished his lunch, and I put him in the green plaid sweater Abby had bought him. He pawed at the door, wanting out again. With some effort, I hooked his leash on his collar while he tried to lick my hand, and then led him outside.
We walked to the far end of the complex, and then began to walk back. His little legs trotted three to four steps to my one, and he was panting by the time we reached the bottom of the apartment steps.
Just as I turned to go in, a shiny Porsche rolled up, parking parallel behind my Harley. The window rolled down, revealing Parker’s smug smile.
“Maddox! Heard you’re in some trouble with the local authorities. And the non-local authorities.”
“Lick my nuts, Hayes.”
Parker’s expression turned serious. “Is it also true ... about Abby and you?”
“Didn’t she kick you to the curb for me? Twice?”
Parker frowned. “Is it true or not?”
“Of course it’s true. You didn’t think you really had a chance with her, did you?”
He waited a beat before speaking, his jaw tensing beneath the skin. He was a spoiled, entitled, rich, little fuck who wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted. He was subduing a full-blown tantrum. “You don’t deserve her, Maddox. You have to know that.”
“Abby thinks I do, and her opinion is the only one I care about. So you can eat shit and die, Parker, because no one here cares what you think. You were a distraction. A commercial. She was never going to end up with you. It’s fucking pathetic that you tried.”
“I didn’t try that hard. If I had, you wouldn’t be married.”
I tilted my chin down, glowering. “Get out of your pussy car and come say that to my face.”
