Mr. Good Enough, page 29
Trent climbed to his feet. He tucked his hands in his pockets, because he wasn’t sure what else to do with them. “Hi.”
She’d gotten a haircut, and there was color in her cheeks. But her pale eyes darted around, looking anywhere but at him. “Ruby dropped me off. I didn’t know you were coming. I—I hid.”
“It’s okay.” He angled himself away from her and took a hesitant step away. “I can come back later.”
She drew in an audible breath and met his gaze. “You saved Reverend Mason.”
Once more, he’d done for others what he’d never been able to do for her.
She took a single step toward him. “Your father wouldn’t have done that.”
He shook his head.
“He was a bad man,” she said.
“He was,” Trent agreed.
Linda’s voice grew soft. “You were good with Andi.”
“She was like a sister to me,” he said.
Linda’s eyes darted toward the statue. “She was your sister.”
“I—she—what?”
“Your father was an evil son of a bitch.” Linda’s hands shook. A couple of flower petals drifted to the ground.
His sister. Not his cousin, his sister. A closer genetic match than he’d known.
“The Mason girl didn’t tell you?” Linda said warily.
Maddie knew? He shook his head. The world was spinning too fast, too loud.
Linda blew out a breath. “She’s a good girl. Ruby said she could keep a secret.”
Had his mother known? Could he have saved Andi after all? Why hadn’t Maddie told him?
Linda stood there, strong yet fragile, shattered but healing. This wasn’t about him or Maddie. It wasn’t about Andi. Knowing what his father had done wouldn’t have made it any easier to help Linda, and knowing wouldn’t have made it any easier to forgive himself.
It wouldn’t have changed the past. It wouldn’t have changed him. Not for the better, anyway.
Trent swallowed. “Linda, I’m sorry.” For a lot of things.
Damn good thing the bastard was already dead.
“My Andi was a good girl.” She picked at the flowers. “You grew into a good man. Long as there ain’t nothing left of that piece of shit in this world, I reckon I’m gonna keep on surviving.”
If she could, then Trent sure as hell could too. “It’d mean a lot to me if you did.”
Ruby had said the Linda he remembered might never come back, but the woman who stood before him was more than he remembered. After everything he’d learned about himself the last month, he could appreciate what she was going through.
She set the flowers at the base of the statue. “You should have children.”
Trent started to shake his head.
“Yes.” Linda’s voice cracked. “Get married. Have babies. Love them. Raise them around people who adore them and believe in them and would never, ever hurt them. My baby never asked to leave this world the way she did, but she never wished she hadn’t been brought into it. I never wished it either. Not one single day.”
His own voice wasn’t too steady. “But what if they turn out like him?”
She looked up at him. “You raise ’em not to. Don’t always work, but having good parents goes a long way to making good kids. When you left, I was glad you were gone, but not for me. For you. You always deserved better than what was here. Ruby’s real proud of what you made of yourself. Reckon it’s time I took some interest in that too, if you’ll have me.”
Just when he thought he didn’t have anything left, the world suddenly seemed like not such a bad place. He hadn’t been born into a good family, but he could make one of his own.
Give a kid a chance instead of writing them off for their genes. Hell, he was proof it could be okay, wasn’t he? Not perfect, but good enough for this world.
Linda coughed, and Trent was suddenly aware of the descending chill in the air. It was getting late. “Can I give you a ride somewhere?” he asked.
“D—do you have dinner plans?”
He hesitated. He’d almost forgotten it was Saturday.
Linda retreated into the shadow of the tree. “Never mind. You’re busy.”
“You come first,” he said. “What time?”
The wariness wasn’t entirely gone from her eyes. “After Ruby closes up.”
He smiled at her. “Perfect. I need to run an errand, but I’ll be there.”
Linda approached him with hesitant steps and took his hand. “Thank you for coming home.”
He squeezed back. “My pleasure.”
It truly, finally was.
IT WAS well past dark when Connor delivered Maddie to her house. She’d been up and down and inside out most of the day, and she was exhausted. But her dad would be okay. He’d pulled through surgery, and despite a litany of instructions from his doctors about diet and exercise, he would be fine.
And he’d forgiven her. Just like she knew he would. And gripping her hand in that horrible hospital room, he’d given her permission to forgive herself too.
Her life was turning back from a mustard yellow to that cheery purple she liked so much, and as an added blessing, her damn biological clock had been silent all day.
Still, the sight of her dark, empty house, with no silver truck waiting for her outside, managed to wrench another painful jolt out of her heart.
She trudged up her walkway, so mopey over who wasn’t there that she almost missed the flowers on her doorstep.
Connor didn’t, though. “Mad? Can I stay here tonight?” He plucked the card out of them and handed it over.
She nodded as she unlocked the door. She pushed through into the living room and dropped into her battered easy chair. Guilt pricked her conscience as Connor carried in her pink roses.
They were generic flowers, but it was nice that Mark had sent them. She should’ve been more appreciative.
Instead, she ignored them and gestured to the couch. “Need a blanket?”
“No, but Maddie, I need to tell you something.” Connor stood uncertainly in the middle of her living room, taking up more space than her baby brother had any right to as he rolled the simple vase between his palms, making the roses jiggle.
Maddie sighed. “Can it wait?”
He shook his head.
Of course it couldn’t. “Okay. Spill it.”
He ducked his head. “I launched the denial of service attack against the MisterGoodEnough.com server.”
Hadn’t they been through enough today? If he’d been caught, he could’ve been expelled. Or arrested. Her stomach dipped. Or maybe he had. Maybe he’d been expelled and he was waiting to tell them. “Are you in trouble?” she whispered.
Scared blue eyes met her gaze. “I…I don’t know. How mad are you?”
“Did you get caught?”
He jerked back. “Of course not. You think I’m an idiot?”
Her pulse settled into a fast but less chaotic rhythm. She tapped a foot against the floor and glared right back at him. He was the one who wanted to talk about this tonight, so that put him pretty close to idiot in her mind. “I don’t know, Connor, are you?”
He sunk down on the couch and dropped his hands between his knees, the roses brushing to the floor. “Right before I went back to school in August, I went over to Ruby’s one morning for breakfast, and she and Abel and Cheryl were talking about how sad it was that you were in a hurry to settle for a loser instead of trusting that the right guy was out there for you. I didn’t think you’d really do it, but Ruby said you were sitting on the universe’s shit-list, and you know how weird it is how she knows things? So I set up a program to launch the attack remotely. When Gina started talking about your profile on your birthday, I sorta decided it was time to act.”
Maddie gaped at him. “You can do that?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, Maddie, I’m smart enough to do that.”
She couldn’t decide if she wanted to hit him with a pillow or strangle him with her bare hands, so she settled for shrieking at him instead. “Why?!”
His cockiness faded to uncertainty. “To save you from yourself?”
She glared at him. “Next time, just throw a couple of spit-wads at me and make a few obscene comments about my choice in men, okay?”
“I tried. You gave me a noogie and still decided to settle.”
“For your information, my love life is great now.” She gestured to the roses. “See? Flowers. Everything’s fine.”
Connor groaned. “You wouldn’t really settle for a guy dumb enough to send you pink roses, would you? C’mon, Mad. That won’t make you happy.”
Maybe he was right, but her other option was to end up a lonely old maid, and not even a crazy-old-cat-lady kind of old maid. Maybe she’d try birds. They could live with her and talk to her and then peck her skin off of her bones when she died miserable and all alone. “Is that about it? I’m tired.”
“Mad, you know your kids are gonna grow up and leave you alone someday with whatever guy you pick. You’ve thought about that, right?”
A chill slithered down her spine. Nuh-uh. Her kids wouldn’t grow up. They’d stay small and live with her forever and—and she was a moron. She should’ve thought about what would happen twenty or thirty years down the line when her kids were grown and gone. What about ten years from now when she was juggling a business and school activities and babysitters and a husband? Or how about who she wanted holding her hand the first time she gazed down on her own flesh and blood?
If she couldn’t have the right man who didn’t want kids, could she honestly be satisfied with the wrong one who did? Or would she spend the rest of her life comparing the father of her children with the one man he would never measure up to?
Since when did her baby brother get to be smarter about life than she was?
Connor looked as though he had more to say, but he shook his head and turned toward the couch instead. “Hope you sleep well, Maddie. Thanks for letting me stay.”
She should’ve thanked him, but she’d had enough emotional stuff for one day. She grumbled something noncommittal and trudged to her bedroom. While she listened to the couch creaking and the sound of Connor’s shoes hitting the floor in the living room, she stared at her bed.
Then at her blank walls.
Then she thought about the one person in the world she wanted to see.
She turned around and headed back to the front door. Exhausted or not, she had something more important to do. If she’d learned anything at all today, it was the value of time.
MADDIE’S PARENTS’ house was mostly dark, but there was a light on in her parents’ bedroom when she pulled up to the curb. Just her parents’ bedroom, no other rooms.
No silver truck in the driveway.
With shaky fingers, she pushed the door open. There could be a million different places he needed to be tonight. No reason to panic.
But her lungs could barely hold enough air for her to breathe, much less talk. “Mom?” she whimpered softly.
Her mother appeared at the top of the steps. “Maddie? What’s wrong, hon?”
She gulped back the bile rising in her throat. “Is Trent here?”
Her mother’s chin wavered. It was all the answer Maddie needed. She sagged against the door, because her legs were too wobbly to hold her up.
She didn’t have to check the guest room to know it was empty. Trent’s things would be gone. Maybe he’d left a note, maybe he hadn’t. She didn’t know which was worse.
She’d finally found what she wanted, but he’d already done the one thing she kept asking him to do. He’d left.
Her mom descended the stairs to wrap her in a hug. “Oh, honey. Let’s go get some hot chocolate.”
He hated hospitals. Hated everything about them. But he’d been there today for her family.
For her.
And she’d sent him away.
Maddie buried her head in her mom’s shoulder and gripped her tight. The nauseating odor of antiseptic and bleach surrounded her, but her dad was okay, and her mom was okay. She wasn’t sure she was okay. She wasn’t sure Trent was okay either.
“I love him.”
“I know, Maddie. I know.”
She shouldn’t be here. Today her mom had faced losing the man she’d loved for thirty-five years. Maddie should’ve been able to handle a screwup with the man she’d finally found. But instead, she was crying on her mom’s shoulder, asking more of her on an already horrible day, and her mom was letting her.
Because that’s what moms did.
“Mom?” She sniffled and took a shaky breath. “Promise you won’t ever die. I need you too much.”
Her mother’s grip tightened. “It doesn’t work that way, sweetheart.”
It had to. It had to. “No. No. I need you.” She gulped for air. Hot flashes racked her body, and the more she talked, the more she shook. “I need you there when I get married. I need you when I have kids. I need you when I screw up, and I’ll need you whenever I finally figure out how to do something right. I need you—I need you to make my birthday cake. To be proud of me. I just need you. Please. Please don’t ever leave me. You can’t. Who’s going to love me once you’re gone?”
“Oh, Maddie.”
Despite being wrapped in her mother’s arms, she’d never felt so alone. This was what Trent had lived with for over a decade. For his whole life. She’d been scared, but more than that, she’d been cruel. She’d rejected the one guy who deserved it least of all, after everyone else in his life had done the same.
She didn’t deserve him.
She didn’t deserve her family either.
“Is that what all this GoodEnough nonsense is about?” her mom asked.
Maddie sniffled. She’d made a million excuses, rationalized her desire for kids, her desire to settle every way she could think of, but none of it mattered as much as knowing she’d always have someone who loved her. Someone who’d see past her hair and her house, someone who’d accept her and love her unconditionally for who she was, for who she’d always been.
Who else could do that but her parents?
Who else could teach her how to love her own children that way?
“Maddie. Honey, do you know why you’re still looking for the right man?”
“Because I have terrible taste?”
Her mom chuckled. “No, sweetie. It’s because you can’t rush love. When you find it, you’ll be so, so glad you didn’t settle for anything less, because it will make up for every painful mistake, every wrong step you’ve taken to get there. Life’s short. We all got a good reminder today. But I wouldn’t trade a second with your father for another man who’d live to be a hundred and twenty, and Lord help him if he’s ever thought of trading me in for a younger, healthier model.”
“But I think I lost him,” Maddie whimpered.
“That’s what phones are for.”
“But what if—”
“Sshh. No what-ifs. If he’s the man you think he is, you two will work this out.”
Maddie closed her eyes. “Mom? Do you think he is?”
“There are only two people who can answer that question, and I’m not one of them.” Her mom gave Maddie a kiss on the forehead, then pulled back. “But I can tell you things will look better after you get some sleep.”
“But—”
“Doctor’s orders.” Her mom smiled. “Trust me on this one.”
Maddie didn’t think she was capable of sleeping, but she managed a shaky nod. “Okay.”
But by the time she got home, she could barely keep her eyes open. With Connor snoring softly in the next room, she fell into her bed. She wrapped her arms around her pillow, pretended it was Trent, and hung on tight.
For now, it was all she had.
Chapter Twenty-Four
How do you know when it’s forever?
When I tell him it is.
If he proposes, I better take it, because I don’t know when I’ll get another offer.
If he’s survived with me this long, I guess I better keep him.
We’ve had our ups and downs, and we’re stronger together for it. Bring on the next challenge!
MADDIE WALKED into the hospital shortly after the sun came up Sunday morning. She’d slept better than she thought she would, but her courage had deserted her sometime in the middle of the night.
What if she called Trent and told him she loved him, and he told her where to shove it?
What if he was tired of giving her chances?
What if he’d been in a terrible accident and died and nobody had found him yet?
She blew out a slow breath and stepped into the elevator. The problem, she decided, was that she didn’t know how to show him that she loved him. She could tell him, but he deserved more. He deserved paint and VW vans and cornflowers. He deserved to know she’d rather spend her entire life with him than to have children with any other man on earth, but cutting out her uterus seemed extreme. After all the harping she’d done, she doubted whether he’d buy that she changed her mind overnight.
She had, but the peace that had come with the decision was all she needed to know she was finally doing what was right. Adoption, fostering, not having kids at all were all preferable to losing Trent.
The elevator dinged softly as the doors slid open on the fourth floor. Visiting hours didn’t technically start for another hour, but she wanted to see her dad. If he was sleeping, she wouldn’t disturb him.
Two doors down from his room, she heard voices. Her heart jumped up and let out a squeal of joy, but her feet stopped moving and refused to start up again.
Trent was there.
“She did great,” he was saying. “Kid’s got lungs. She yelled louder than the rest of the squad put together.”
Maddie’s breath caught in her throat. He’d gone to Tiffy’s game last night.
How many other things had he done for her family, for her, while she was too stupid to realize what she had?
“Gets that from her mother’s side,” her dad said.
Both men chuckled, and once again, Maddie’s personal waterworks threatened to start. Her dad sounded weak but happy. She leaned against the wall, ignoring the curious looks from the nurses, and listened.
