Zombie Theorem (Book 1): The Culling, page 8
I took the foil off the top of the bottle and sat staring at a cork. Brian started laughing at me then reached into his pocket and took the cork screw out of his pocket and flipped me off. I threw a pen at him, that he dodged easily. “I figured you would need it.” He pulled the cork out of my bottle then his and took a healthy swig.
I sat on my chair lit my cigar and put my feet on the desk. Took a puff, a big swig on my bottle of port and let all the day’s stress go. I looked over and saw Brian mimicking me.
“So Brian I never got a chance to know you very much till today. Did you join the military right out of high school?” I eyed him over my cigar.
Brian took another couple of puffs off his cigar and a big swig from his scotch. “I usually don’t talk much about my life.” He took another puff and stared at me for a hard five count. “My father was in the forces and we moved a lot. I was always getting in trouble because I was always the new kid. So my mom took me out of public school and home schooled me instead. I studied and learned more than I ever would have at school. When dad came home from work he would take me out shooting and took me to the base gym. He said other kids joined sports to stay in shape so dad had me lifting weights and running with him. By the time I was 13, I was running five miles a day keeping up with the old man. At 17 I had enough credits to graduate from homeschooling. I refused to take the SAT and instead had Dad sign a letter allowing me to join the Marines a year early.”
He stopped his story and took another big hit off his bottle and cigar. I could see a little glazing covering his eyes. “Since Dad trained me in military history, tactics, guns and physical training, I sailed through boot camp. Afterward I joined my platoon and was pretty much shipped out to Iraq. I trained with my team and did some things, was involved in some firefights. I came home, was promoted and given my own fire team and sent out to Afghanistan. While there we climbed through a bunch of mountains, explored some tunnels, shot some people, and got shot at. When I came home I took some college courses got my Bachelors in Project Management. I was tired of being shot at so I got my discharge, came here to San Fran and got this job. I know, not much detail. I really don’t like talking about my time over there.” He took some more puffs of cigar and drank more of the bottle.
I sat back and thought about what he said. “So you are really only like 26 or 27?”
“I’m 26, you are correct. I tend to read a lot and am pretty fast at learning.” He smiled and took another big swig of the bottle.
I had been taking drinks off the bottle of port and puffing my cigar. I was starting to feel very warm and had that wonderful buzz going on. I wasn’t a person who liked to talk about himself so I gave Brian a quick edited rundown of myself. “You told me so I’ll tell you. My dad worked for Lockheed and did some classified stuff there. Mom was the perfect mom that also worked at MCI when they were still relevant as a telecommunications company. I have a brother and sister who are professionals and don’t live here. While in college mom died of cancer and that’s when I took her advice and changed my life. I used to be kinda of a party guy and didn’t really have a direction. So I buckled down, got my degrees and well I work here. I never served and never even thought about serving. Never been married or even thought of it. All I do is work. Dad lives up in Spokane so I have no family here.”
I took a big swig of my port and puffed more on my cigar enjoying the taste and smoke. Brian opened the crackers and jelly beans and we enjoyed our feast. Seemed our pairing of alcohol and food worked just fine. We told stories and jokes and laughed. Just at the edge of our conversation was our situation which sat like a pregnant hippo. The last time I looked at the clock on the desk it showed 8pm.
I woke up with a headache and my eyes hurting. The office was bright and I felt stiff. I looked over and saw Brian holding his bottle of scotch like a teddy bear, lying back on his chair snoring so loudly I thought the windows were going to break. I got to my feet and bent over and tried to stretch and knuckle out the knots in my back.
“You are not a pretty sight to wake up to man. I feel like something shit in my mouth.” Brian had a grimace on his face as he stretched back on his chair.
I continued to stretch and work out the aches I had gained from sleeping in the chair. Brian finally gained his feet and was doing stretches getting limbered up. “I think I need to take a leak, you coming? I think wandering alone around this place is a stupid idea.”
“Yeah I need to piss like a race horse, grab your bat. If it’s ok though, I’d rather not use that private bathroom next door. The dead guy might spoil the mood.” I suggested.
“I totally agree man.” He grabbed his bat and walked to the door.
I was looking at his arm as we walked to the door, his wound seemed to have stopped bleeding at some point. “That looks a little better.” I said pointing at his arm.
“It feels a little better. But I am bringing the rest of scotch as a rudimentary antiseptic. I have more gauze in my pocket to give it a fresh bandage.” He opened the door and stuck his bat into the hallway. Then his head came out as he looked around. “All clear, let’s hurry though before I end up pissing in my pants.” He walked away with the bat on his shoulder looking more like a major baseball player.
I followed in his wake nursing my new and improved migraine. I only got hangovers from fricking wine so I guess that’s what port is made out of then. I massaged my neck with my free hand then thought better of it, since I was walking with my head down. We got to the office that had been locked the day before and glanced inside. The place was a blood bath; there was blood on the walls and window and some even on the ceiling. I walked in to look around; all of a sudden having to pee was just not a high priority anymore.
I found three dead men and one woman, well dead as in being in pieces. The woman had the most damage to her body, her pelvis and abdomen were basically eaten down to the bone. Her spine and hips could be seen, half of her chest and most of her face had also been eaten. The three men had their faces, chest, and abdomen also eaten through to their spine. These four just didn’t have much left on them to become mobile enough to be part of the attack yesterday. I had forgotten my spike so I took my bat and bashed in the head of the male zombie, who was trying to crawl toward me. I looked over and Brian had used his bat to take out one of the other men. I turned toward the woman and watched as Brian moved toward the last male. We took them out quickly.
“Looks like they were trying to hide in here but one of them must’ve been bit. You ever notice how some are really slow while others move very fast? I think it has to do with how badly they are messed up. At least I’m hoping that’s it. I really don’t want to worry about too many of them being fast and strong. Now can we please go take that piss?” He walked out the door without checking to see if I was coming.
I followed him as fast as my aching back would allow. We got to the lobby doors and found one side open all the way. “Wow I must’ve been in a hurry yesterday because I never secured them. Whoops.”
“I think the floor was secure, so no harm no foul.” Brian said as he took off jogging toward the bathroom.
I got there and opened the door just as it was closing. I could hear Brian already relieving himself so I stood there holding the door open, keeping watch on the hallway.
“Oh that feels so much better.” He finished up and came toward the door. “If you can wait a second I’ll go grab something to prop the door open.”
I nodded my agreement and did the pee pee dance while waiting for Brian to come back. Finally, after what felt like ages, Brian appeared with another rubber door stopper from the lobby and shoved it under the bathroom door to keep it open. Once he did I ran to the urinals and barely got my zipper down in time. I reached out to flush and Brian interrupted me. “Just in case we only have a limited amount of water pressure left, let’s use it for cleaning up and drinking.”
I zipped up and moved toward the sinks. Brian handed me a nice clean white cotton towel. I looked at him questioning. “While I was grabbing the stopper I ran to that guy’s private bathroom and grabbed these towels that I saw yesterday.”
I turned on the faucet and was rewarded with some water. I quickly whipped my shirt off and splashed water on my chest, arms, face and neck. I pumped at the soap dispenser and worked up a lather on my exposed skin. I quickly rinsed off and cupped my hands to drink my fill of water. The water felt great going down my throat. I filled my belly and then put my shirt into the sink and using some soap, started washing it. I looked over and saw Brian had his shirt off and was doing the same things. His chest, stomach, and arm muscles bulged as he worked, along with thick scars on his stomach and back.
“Dude put your shirt back on, your making me feel very self-conscious.” I said while wringing my shirt out. I was thinking of doing my underwear next, sweaty unwashed undies are gross.
“Not my fault you are a girlie man. You are so pale I could use you as a way to reflect the sun next time we enter a dark room. Now shut up and clean your crap.” He laughed and finished wringing out his shirt.
He took the bottle of scotch opened it and took a small drink. He removed his bandaging and looked in the mirror at his wound. It looked encrusted but in certain places was still oozing blood. Brian took the bottle and while holding his arm over the sink poured some of the scotch onto his wound. He hissed and gritted his teeth. “Holy shit, that’ll wake you up in the morning also a great hangover cure.” I shook my head at him. He added more antibiotic cream to it and then dug the rest of the gauze and tape from his pocket and bandaged it.
“You are crazy; you know that right?” I walked away and popped into a stall where I removed my pants and underwear then popped my pants back on commando style. I exited and went to the sink to wash my boxers. Brian eyed me and started laughing. “You a little shy dropping trow in front of other men Boss? How did you shower in high school?” He laughed while taking off his pants.
“Oh man now you are gonna make me cry Brian. I don’t think we are this close man.” I averted my eyes to concentrate on washing my boxers.
Brian chuckled as he stood there, buck ass naked washing his boxers and pants in the sink. I just kept my eyes on my chore. “You are a giant idiot Boss. Do what I did, use the towel to cover yourself unless you like dirty bloody pants.” I looked over and that was exactly what he had done. My pants most definitely looked like they had seen better days. I took them off and covered myself with the towel and started washing my pants.
I was amazed the water was still on and said so to Brian. “Might be nobody else using the water since the pressure was built up; we might be good a little while longer. But drink as much as you can. Never know when we will find more.”
I finished washing my pants and wrung them out and then drank my fill again of water. Wish I had something to eat though. Brian gathered his clothes and started to walk away.
“Where are you going big man?”
“Going to hang my clothes by the nearest window and hope they dry a little before I put them back on.” He said over his shoulder.
I hurriedly grabbed my possessions and jogged to keep up. I could feel my towel trying to slip so I had to grab and hold onto it while also holding onto everything and jog. Finally, I found Brian in the lobby laying his stuff out on the couches. I followed his lead and watched amazed as he walked over and unlocked and rotated the two lobby windows open. “I didn’t know they did that!” I said amazed.
He gave me a strange look and shook his head.” How do you think they clean the windows? The slope outside is too sharp for them to use the sleds or swings.” He laughed at my expense again.
“Oh cool.” Was all I could manage to say as I lay my clothes out. The open window allowed the sun and breeze to dry our clothes. We went back to the office we were using as our temporary home. I sat behind the desk in my chair as Brian did the same in his chair.
“I think we need to plan out our next steps.” I said.
“I’ve been thinking about that. Since we have already moved up one floor why don’t we go through each floor one by one upward, till we hit the top. Then we can either go downward or stay up there depending what we find”, he concluded munching on a couple of crackers we had left.
I took a couple also and just stared at them as I spoke. “I can agree with that plan. Hopefully we get lucky and find some food for Matt and his merry band of office dwellers.” I crunched away on my breakfast. We sat in silence for the next 20 minutes or so lost in thought of happier times.
“As soon as our clothes are dry we will go ahead and move up to the next floor. We have the gun and our baseball bats. I wish we had a new way to gouge out eyes and mush the brains though. I don’t want to use the gun unless it is absolutely necessary since we have a limited number of bullets.” Brian concluded chewing on more crackers.
“I’ve got a great idea, follow me.” I jumped out of my chair and grabbed my towel before it could fall to the floor. I rushed to the door and down the hallway back toward the elevator lobby. To the right of the elevators, before you reached the stairway, was a narrow door the same color as the wall. I used my keys and opened it. Inside was the janitor’s closet full of chemicals, brooms, and mops. I grabbed a broom and handed it to Brian. “If you can break this in half we have two new spikes and we can break the mop and have another two as reserves.”
Brian looked at me for a second then flexed and broke the broom in half leaving jagged edges. “Sometimes Boss, you surprise me with your imagination.”
I reached in and pulled out a roll of silver duct tape and smiled. Brian reached behind me and pulled the mop out. Easily he snapped this in half, put the mop side against the wall and using his bare foot kicked the mop head off. I handed him the broom side and he did the same for it. We made our way over to the clothes, I sat in one of the lobby chairs and started using the tape to wind the smooth ends of the spikes, so we would have a better grip.
Brian checked the dryness of the clothes. “Hey your underwear is dry.” He threw my boxers and they landed on my head. I laughed and tugged my boxers on under my towel. Brian laughed, dropped his towel and slid his boxers on. “You are such a prude boss. The rest of the clothes are just damp but I think we need to put them on and get moving before we lose our light.”
I put my new weapons and tape down and followed suit pulling on my clothes and shoes. The pants were a little damp but the shirt was fine. Brian got all his clothes back on and his shoes tied. “I’ll be right back I’m going to go grab our supplies and stuff, why don’t you finish taping these up?”
“No problem and grab more alcohol from the bar and while you’re at it look for more cigars.”
I sat and folded the towel thinking of how I could bring it with me on our trip upstairs. I looked down the hallway and here came Brian pushing his executive chair with all our supplies on it. He got to me and smiled. “I found back packs in that guy’s office that we missed. Guess what is in them?” He threw a black one at my stomach knocking the air out of me. Quickly I unzipped the bag and looked inside, it was packed with protein bars and dried fruit and beef jerky. Pumping my fist in the air, I asked. “Where was he hiding these?”
“I decided to check under the bar for more liquor and found these two shoved behind some empty bottles of liquor. I think we need to make some room in the bags for some of our other supplies. Mainly the alcohol and these.” He picked up a small box off his chair and opened it, displaying a full box of the Cohibas we had smoked last night.
“Ok so I think we need to divide all this up to fit all our stuff in the bags.” I up ended the bag spilling its contents onto the couch. At the bottom of the bag was a small first aid kit. I picked it up and threw it at Brian. “Might want to keep this close just in case you get bit or shot again.” I laughed.
He gave me a blank look and dumped his bag out on the couch. He looked through the contents and started sorting it out putting them together into small piles. I sighed, mostly because he had not reacted to my little bit of sarcasm.
We worked quickly and had all the food in small sorted piles. I did the inventory and came up with 25 small bags of Jerky with a couple of pieces inside each, 45 Protein bars and 60 small bags of assorted dried fruit. We also had 2 small first aid kits. For alcohol we had a quarter bottle of scotch, 2 full bottles of some tequila I had never heard of, another bottle of port from the night before, and lastly a bottle of vodka. Our weapon inventory was four spikes, two baseball bats and one gun with 21 bullets. We both shared a package of jerky, snapped a protein bar in half, and devoured a package of dried fruit each.
“This is the best I have felt in a while. You ready to get moving?” Brian informed.
I tucked my spikes into my belt and shouldered my bat. I slung my bag onto my back and cinched it tight. I stared down at the left over straps hanging and walked over to the receptionist’s desk and dug around in her drawer to find a pair of scissors. I came back and I cut the excess strap because I didn’t want to leave anything that some dead fuck could grab onto. I handed the scissors to Brian and he did the same. Brian tucked the extra magazines into his pocket and the gun into the right side of his waistband.
Chapter 14
Brian untied the fire hose from the stairway door. I reached out towards the door handle and waited for Brian to give me the go signal. He looked at me gave me, a nod and I opened the door, held out my bat but it was all clear. Brian took lead and flipped out the little LED flashlight we had found. He narrowed the light to a tight narrow beam. I put my hand on his right shoulder so he knew where I was at all times. We slowly took the first three steps and stopped for a second. Brian shook his head and kept moving upward. Every time Brian’s foot left a stair I replaced it with one of mine. We made it to the first landing and I found I was stretching my senses to their limits trying to hear, feel, or see something coming our way. Brian stopped again and I looked forward where the light lit up a dead unmoving body, so much of it had been consumed that not much was left. We gave the body as much room as we could as we skirted by. The next set of stairs went quicker and easier. The next landing was empty but I squeezed Brian’s shoulder as I heard something below us.
