Dinosaur Disaster, page 4
11:27 p.m.
We’re in! The guards finally moved out of sight, moaning and muttering, giving us enough time to figure out how to use the keys I swiped from Gloria last night.
It took Odin ages to find the right one and get it turned in the lock, but eventually we made it fit and opened the door.
Then, it was just a case of retracing our steps, through the rooms and corridors until we found it again… THE GREAT HALL OF BONES!
It smells even better than it did yesterday and we’re all desperate to chow down on some Triassic treats… but first we have to wait for Duchess to arrive so we can trap that cunning canine…
11:31 p.m.
Still no sign of Princess Prim… Where is she?
11:45 p.m.
Still nothing…
11:51 p.m.
Maybe the pampered poodle finally admitted to herself that there’s no way she could outsmart Junior and his AMAZING pooch-pals and has given up? Ha! I bet that’s it… she’s probably back in her kennel sulking as we speak.
11:57 p.m.
I spoke too soon, my furless friend. Just as we were starting to think Duchess definitely wasn’t coming, we heard a creak coming from the ventilation grate.
11:58 p.m.
Hold your breath, my person-pal. DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE! Duchess has just jumped down to the polished wooden floor and she’s here in the GREAT HALL OF BONES with us! It’s now or never if we’re going to stop this canine criminal. This is waggy-tailed warfare!
I need to think of something quick… ummm… think!
I… well… errr… oh no! If Duchess takes two steps closer, she’ll sniff out our hiding place and she’ll have the upper hand… THE UPPER PAW!
12:14 a.m.
HA HA! Well, okay… I may not have been too fast-thinking back there, but… ummm… it’s not my fault. Y’see, I… I was overexcited and I hadn’t eaten my usual pre-bedtime snack of Crunchy-Lumps followed by a Denta-Toothy chew.
Anyway, before I had time to concoct the perfect plan and Duchess even knew what hit her, my BRILLIANT pooch-pals, Odin and Diego, came to the rescue.
In all my fussing about the paw-fect plan, I hadn’t even noticed those two sneaking over to the wall by the TREAT-CERATOPS and…
It was TERRIFIC, my furless friend! The drenched dog landed right in the middle of the grand entrance hall like a flailing, flopping poodle-puddle!
Of course, it alerted Albert and Gloria, but I don’t even mind! We managed to escape back the way we’d come, and we watched from the bushes with glee as Iona Stricker showed up to collect her misbehaving mutt. The guards must have found her number on Duchess’s collar. HA HA!
That was probably the best thing I have ever seen in my life! So, we didn’t get to have Lola’s birthday feast on her actual birthday, but we’ll come back tomorrow, and this time there’ll be no Duchess to spoil our fun. There’s no way Stricker will be letting her prize poodle out of the house for about a gazillion years!
Friday
11:30 p.m.
Check! Check! Special Agent Junior and his secret pooch-pack are back again, my furless friend, and this time, we’re not leaving without our monstrous meal!
I swear I’ve been yipping and yapping with laughter all day about last night’s craziness. I bet Ruff thinks I’ve gone bonkers… Ha ha! It was just so FANTASTIC knowing that Duchess didn’t get away with her traitorous trouble for once. It’ll teach her for trying to ruin our feast, the mutt-meanie.
If the humans in your neighborhood are anything like the ones in Hills Village, they will love a good gossip, and Duchess was all everybody was talking about at the dog park today… HA HA! Iona Stricker didn’t show her face, but she’s going to be hopping mad when she finds out her obedient-babykins is the talk of the town!
So, we’re back again at the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM?, my person-pal, and Duchess won’t be able to sneak out tonight after getting caught. Stricker will probably have locked up their kennel tighter than POOCH PRISON! We’ll be free to snaffle and snack our way through the GREAT HALL OF BONES without any horrible hounds to bother us… so long as we can stay out of Albert and Gloria’s way, but that shouldn’t be too tricky.
THIS IS IT! We’re finally going to feast! Brace yourself for the most SNACK-TASTIC night of your life, my furless friend!
11:57 p.m.
AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!
I can’t believe it, my person pal! THOSE STINKERS HAVE CHANGED THE LOCKS!!!
Our one way of getting into the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? has been taken away from us!
We tried all the keys in all the doors, but NONE OF THEM WORK!
Not only that, the place is CRAWLING with guards. Hundreds of them! Albert and Gloria must have called their guardy-guy-and-gal-pals for backup. We were only outside for a few minutes before we heard humans running our way and had to scamper into the bushes.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?!?!
Saturday
10:27 a.m.
Last night was just the worst, my person-pal. I could hardly sleep… I just couldn’t stop thinking about being denied our delicious dino-feast.
This morning I was so exhausted and stressed that I only ate ONE breakfast!
Ruff and I are just getting ready to go to the dog park. I’ll have to find the energy to try to lift the spirits of my mutt-mates. Especially Lola… she must be so disappointed to not get her birthday bonanza.
Maybe I’ll take her the old sock I found in the junkyard. It might make up for not filling our bellies with delicious dino-treats… It might…
11:53 a.m.
HOLD EVERYTHING!
I have big news, my person-pal!
I was at the dog park earlier, trying to cheer up my pooch pals… not even the stinky old sock could raise a happy yip… when I found this stuck on a twig next to the gates where we pee.
I’d know that prissy paw print anywhere. It’s Duchess…
What is that devious dog up to?
11:57 p.m.
I thought about it all day, my furless friend, and I’m here at the dog park. I know you’re probably thinking that I’m being a foolhardy-hound and this is just another trap set by my archest of feasty enemies… but desperate times call for desperate measures, my person-pal. I’d never forgive myself if I don’t try everything to get Lola her belated birthday feast.
Plus… my pooch-pack is hiding out in the long grass and will spring out to rescue me if anything goes head-over-tail.
11:58 p.m.
Waiting… waiting… waiting…
11:59 p.m.
Starting to get nervous, my person-pal… What if we’re hanging around the jungle gym while Duchess is snaffling our prehistoric picnic? What if she’s laughing at us? What if…
Midnight
Just as my paws were getting sweaty and my tummy was groaning with nerves, my BRILLIANT ears heard a faint rustling from the flower beds near the restrooms.
You guessed it… Duchess has arrived.
WORK TOGETHER?!?! With that prim pampered poodle?!?! There’s no way! I wouldn’t dream of it! I could never stoop so low! I’d be the laughingstock of Hills Village! I’d be letting down my pooch-pack! I’d be…
Oh, no! She’s ri… she’s righ… I can barely bring myself to admit it, my furless friend, but Stricker’s precious pet is… is… RIGHT!
12:10 a.m.
You should have seen the looks on my pooch-pals’ faces when I told them the new plan.
12:27 a.m.
I swear, I never dreamed this would ever happen, my person-pal, but even I have to admit that Duchess is a master of sneakiness. If we’re going to get past the HUNDREDS of guards now patrolling the MMM! YOU SEE ‘EM?, we’re going to need her tricky talents.
We’re outside the building now and I can smell the WONDERFUL waft of BRONTO-PAW-RUS and TREAT-CERATOPS. Once we’ve made it inside we can decide how we’re going to share out the snacks (Duchess deserves a tiny portion, I think… SHHHH!).
I’ll let you know how it all goes, my fabulous furless friend.
The next time we speak, I’ll either be stuffed full and happier than a puppy at playtime, or caught red-pawed and on my way back to POOCH PRISON…
WISH ME LUCK!
Sunday
10:51 a.m.
SIGH! What can I say, my person-pal… you’ve got all the way to the end of my SIXTH mutt-manual and… I didn’t get my feast… not a crumb… nothing at all…
HA HA! I’M KIDDING! You don’t think that Junior Catch-A-Doggy-Bone didn’t win the day (or night) in the end, do you? OF COURSE, I DID!
It was spectacular! You won’t believe me when I tell you…
So…
You want to know all the details, huh? Well… Duchess showed us the way through the ventilation grate she’d been using. It was a complicated route through lots of pipes, but they were big enough even for Odin… just.
Once we were inside the GREAT HALL OF BONES, we saw there were even more guards patrolling around than there were on Friday night.
But… we had a plan for clearing them out… We waited a moment, then, on the count of three, we charged!
Once all the guards were dealt with, Duchess pressed the alarm, just like she had a few nights ago. In no time, the gates dropped over the doorways, shutting out all the guards. Then we were free to… well… you can guess the rest. HA HA!
My tinkly-tummy has never been so full, my person-pal. I can still taste every crumb of that crunchy, dusty, wafty, whiffly, lip-smacky, gullet-gulpy, muddy, dirty, slobber-licious, drooly, drippy dinner.
We all scoffed until we could hardly move… Lola even cried with jowly-joy!
AAAANNNDDD… there was enough to share with Duchess without us having to give up even a morsel of our own meals!
When we’d finally finished and clambered lazily out through the ventilation grate, there was a strange moment between Duchess and me. I knew we’d never have succeeded without her showing us her way into the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? and… I feel weird saying this… but I wanted to say thank you…
Ahhh, and everything was back to how it should be. We got our fabulous feast, Duchess is still the snob of the dog park, and the humans of Hills Village have no idea that someone has finally enjoyed the snacks of the MMM! YOU SEE ’EM? properly.
We did good, my person-pal! You’re an honorary MASTERFUL-MUTT for sure, and…
OH, LOOK! The mailman has just dropped the newsy-papery-thingy through our front door.
“Baffled!” Now, I’m no expert in the Peoplish language, but I’m pretty sure that word means “EXTREMELY EXCITED AND TEMPTED TO TRY A FEW STRAY TREATS THEMSELVES.”
What did I tell you, my furless friend? JOB WELL DONE! HA HA! See you on the next adventure, my person-pal!
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How to speak Doglish
A human’s essential guide to speaking paw-fect Doglish!
PEOPLE
Peoplish Doglish
Owner Pet human
Mom Mom-Lady
Georgia Jawjaw
Rafe Ruff
Khatchadorian Catch-A-Doggy-Bone
Grandma Grandmoo
THINGS
Peoplish Doglish
TV Picture box
Sofa Comfy squishy thing
Keys Jangle-keys
Telephone Chatty-ear-stick
Car Moving people-box on wheels
Movie Moving picture
Clock Time-circle
FOOD
Peoplish Doglish
Maple syrup Moo-poo syrup
Scrambled eggs Scrumbled oggs
Bacon Piggy strips
Waffles Wifflies
PLACES
Peoplish Doglish
House Kennel
Bedroom Sleep Room
Kitchen Food Room
Bathroom Rainy Poop Room
Hills Village
Dog Shelter Pooch prison
Museum MMM! YOU SEE ‘EM?
DINOSAURS
Peoplish Doglish
Dinosaur Dino-roar
Tyrannosaurus Rex Terrier-saurus Rex
Brontosaurus Bronto-paw-rus
Triceratops Treat-ceratops
Pterodactyl Tongue-y-dactyl
About the Authors
JAMES PAT-MY-HEAD-ERSON is the international bestselling author of the poochilicious Max Einstein, Middle School, I Funny, Jacky Ha-Ha, Treasure Hunters, and House of Robots series, as well as Word of Mouse, Pottymouth and Stoopid, and Laugh Out Loud. James Patterson’s books have sold more than 400 million copies kennel-wide, making him one of the biggest-selling GOOD BOYS of all time. He lives in Florida.
Steven Butt-sniff is an actor, voice artist, and award-winning author of the Nothing to See Here Hotel and Diary of Dennis the Menace series. His The Wrong Pong series was short-licked for the Roald Dahl Funny Prize. He is also the host of World Bark Day’s The Biggest Book Show on Earth.
Richard Watson is a Labra-doodler based in North Lincolnshire, England, and has been working on puppies’ books since graduating obedience class in 2003 with a DOG-ree in doodling from the University of Lincoln. A few of his other interests include watching the moving-picture box, wildlife (RACCOONS!), and music.
JIMMY PATTERSON BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS BY JAMES PATTERSON
ALI CROSS
Ali Cross
Ali Cross: Like Father, Like Son
DANIEL X
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X
Daniel X: Watch the Skies
Daniel X: Demons and Druids
Daniel X: Game Over
Daniel X: Armageddon
Daniel X: Lights Out
DOG DIARIES
Dog Diaries
Dog Diaries: Happy Howlidays
Dog Diaries: Mission Impawsible
Dog Diaries: Curse of the Mystery Mutt
Dog Diaries: Ruffing It
Dog Diaries: Dinosaur Disaster
HOUSE OF ROBOTS
House of Robots
House of Robots: Robots Go Wild!
House of Robots: Robot Revolution
I FUNNY
I Funny
I Even Funnier
I Totally Funniest
I Funny TV
I Funny: School of Laughs
The Nerdiest, Wimpiest, Dorkiest I Funny Ever
JACKY HA-HA
Jacky Ha-Ha
Jacky Ha-Ha: My Life Is a Joke
Jacky Ha-Ha: A Graphic Novel
Jacky Ha-Ha: My Life Is a Joke (A Graphic Novel)
KATT VS. DOGG
Katt vs. Dogg
Katt Loves Dogg
MAX EINSTEIN
Max Einstein: The Genius Experiment
Max Einstein: Rebels with a Cause
Max Einstein Saves the Future
World Champions! A Max Einstein Adventure
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life
Middle School: Get Me Out of Here!
Middle School: Big Fat Liar
Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill
Middle School: Ultimate Showdown
Middle School: Save Rafe!
Middle School: Just My Rotten Luck
Middle School: Dog’s Best Friend
Middle School: Escape to Australia
Middle School: From Hero to Zero
Middle School: Born to Rock
Middle School: Master of Disaster
Middle School: Field Trip Fiasco
Middle School: It’s a Zoo in Here
TREASURE HUNTERS
Treasure Hunters
Treasure Hunters: Danger Down the Nile
Treasure Hunters: Secret of the Forbidden City
Treasure Hunters: Peril at the Top of the World
Treasure Hunters: Quest for the City of Gold
Treasure Hunters: All-American Adventure
Treasure Hunters: The Plunder Down Under
Becoming Muhammad Ali (cowritten with Kwame Alexander)
Best Nerds Forever
Laugh Out Loud
Not So Normal Norbert
Pottymouth and Stoopid
Public School Superhero
Scaredy Cat
Unbelievably Boring Bart
Word of Mouse
For exclusives, trailers, and other information, visit jimmypatterson.org.
Praise for JAMES PATTERSON
“All Patterson’s success stems from one simple root: his love of telling stories.”
—Washington Post
“James Patterson’s books for young people are wildly popular for a reason—the author has an almost uncanny knack for understanding exactly what his readers want and serving it up in a way that feels fresh and new every time. Daft jokes, familiar settings, and memorable characters… but Patterson is not in the business of serving up literary junk food—his stories always bring real substance to the table.”
