The Wolf, page 30
“Me, too. I suck at math.”
In the silence that followed, she studied him closely—and knew she was trying to memorize what he looked like. She wanted to keep all the details of him with her for however long she was alive, from the way his blond-and-brown hair curled over his forehead, to how his lips were parted right now and the fact that with his eyes at half-mast, their color seemed more intense.
There were so many reasons to remember that she was a cop and he was part of a criminal enterprise and never the twain shall meet.
Much less make love.
Or, worse, catch feelings.
Still, she extended her hand across the space that separated them—and her fingers trembled ever so slightly as they made contact with the place right over his heart. His skin was warm, but not like it had been when she’d touched him to rouse him as she’d been checking to make sure he was still alive. He’d been running a fever, but now that was gone.
“I can feel you,” she whispered. “Therefore you exist—and you are not nothing.”
Luke looked down at her palm on his sternum, as if he couldn’t understand why it was there—or maybe couldn’t believe it. And in the pause that followed, she supposed that there were a lot of things he could do right now: He could kiss her. He could pull away. He could make a joke to try to lower the sudden intensity that was gripping her, and seemed to be gripping him.
Instead, he closed his eyes. And put his hand over hers.
“What are you thinking about,” she said, “with your eyes so closed.”
“That it’s been a long, long time since I didn’t hurt in the center of my chest.”
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
When Lucan eventually reopened his eyes, he found that Rio’s whole body was curved in toward him and her face was lifted to his. With their hands linked over his heart and the soft silence between them, he took a deep breath and wondered how he could explain how significant this moment was.
Then again, he wasn’t sure he wanted her to know the importance of it all.
But as a wolven who had been abandoned by his clan, he had been an orphan in the world for a very long time. With her now? He felt… claimed as family.
“I wish…” she whispered.
“What? What do you want.”
Rio eased back a little, and unfortunately, took her palm with her. As her eyes shifted away from him, he knew she was somewhere else in her mind—and he missed the contact of her flesh against his.
“I hate the idea of you hurting.” She shook her head. “I hate anyone in pain, actually. I’m a wuss.”
“You’ve got a good heart. Like that’s a bad thing?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Who left you,” she blurted. “Who was the person who made you feel like you were so unworthy.”
What did he say. What could he say? “It was a whole group of people. My family, actually.”
Her head tilted to one side. “What did they do to you?”
“They put me in here.” When she looked confused, he wanted to kick his own ass for forgetting all she didn’t know, couldn’t know. “I mean, I’m in this line of work because of them. It’s a long fucking story. Just know… I wouldn’t choose to be doing what I am if there were any other way for me. I would not be in this life except for everything that went down years ago.”
As she opened her mouth, he put his palm up. “And there’s no disrespect intended toward you. I don’t judge you or anybody else for the way they make their living. I am in no position to be critical.”
Her smile was tight. “Funny. You wouldn’t choose this life, and I… wouldn’t either in so many ways.”
“Tell me.”
“It wouldn’t make any sense.” Rio fell back on the bed and locked her eyes on the ceiling. Then her words came out in a rush. “My brother, Luis, died of an overdose at the age of sixteen. I was the one who found him. I was two years older.”
Lucan shook his head. “I am so sorry. Rio. That’s terrible—”
“But the destruction didn’t stop there. My mother started drinking after he passed. Hard. She collapsed from liver failure two years ago, got on dialysis, and died six months later. Not that we were close or anything. On my father’s end, he left town pretty soon after my brother’s funeral. Just took off. I have no idea where he is, and after all these years, it’s going to stay that way even if I find him, you know what I mean?”
“Wait… he just deserted his mate—wife, I mean? And you?”
“There was debt he couldn’t cover, he said. Money that was owed to people who were dangerous. Either he left or they were going to come and hurt me and Mom.” She glanced over with a hard expression. “But no one ever came looking for him, so maybe it was just a lie—something he told my mother to make himself feel better. I don’t know.”
After a moment, she covered her face with her hands, and he touched her knee. “So you have no bloodline, either.”
“It’s true, I’m alone. But it’s okay.”
“You’re not alone anymore.”
Lowering her arms, she stared across at him. “You don’t want me, Luke. You really don’t.”
He had to laugh at that. “The hell I don’t.”
Rio blushed in a way that made him fall for her even harder. “I don’t mean like that.”
“I’m not your brother, Rio. You don’t have to take care of me and you do not have to save me.”
“This isn’t about him.”
“I think it is. I think you’re trying to save all kinds of people, in all kinds of ways, because you couldn’t do it for him.” He shook his head again. “I just don’t know why you didn’t get out of this life altogether. I don’t get the logic. If drugs killed your brother, why are you doing this?”
Her eyes went back to the ceiling. “Like I said, it’s complicated.”
All Lucan could do was nod. He sensed that there were things she was holding back, but considering the encyclopedia’s worth of shit he was keeping to himself? He wasn’t going to fault her for not filling him in on everything.
“I don’t want to talk anymore,” she said as she sat back up.
“I’m not judging you, Rio. Just know that. All the details don’t matter to me, and neither do your choices. They’re your own to make peace with, and God knows that life can put us in situations where there are nothing but rocks and hard places.”
She frowned and seemed to inspect her fingernails, as if she had a manicure even though she didn’t.
“You said that your family is making you do this,” she murmured. “Are you involved in the mob? I mean, given this operation’s size, I’m figuring it can’t be an isolated thing, you know? So many people, so many moving parts.”
“Call it whatever you will,” he hedged. If it was a truth that made sense to her as a human? She might as well believe it.
God, he hated all the lies he had going on.
But if she ever found out that he wasn’t one of her kind? Yeah, no. He wasn’t interested in seeing the horror in those eyes of hers.
“Who is it?” she prompted. “Who’s your family?”
* * *
As Rio tossed the question out there, she knew Luke wasn’t going to answer it. If he were a made man—and considering how comfortable he was around the dead bodies that had been in this room, and the shooting down in Caldwell, and all the other crap, she had to believe he was—he would never tell her.
She also knew she was in danger of blowing her cover. If she were actually involved in the drug trade at the level she supposedly was, she would never make that kind of inquiry. That was something a cop would do.
Surprise.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “That’s totally inappropriate. I’m not thinking straight.”
“It doesn’t matter who I’m affiliated with.”
“That’s right. All I care about is…”
Between one blink and the next, she was back on the floor of that filthy apartment, trussed like a deer, about to be really seriously hurt. And then that dog had come. And then Luke had magically appeared.
“Sure as if I summoned you.”
“I’m sorry?” he asked.
“Back at that trap house.” She didn’t bother to hide the fact that revisiting those memories made her shudder. “It was like I called your name and you came running.”
“It was a lucky break for the both of us.”
“All because you were there to see Mickie.”
As she made some kind of affirming noise in the back of her throat, she hated the fact that she was lying to him, that only she knew they were on opposite sides of things, and not in a way he would ever suspect. They weren’t supplier and dealer, staring across the proverbial negotiating table. They were cop and criminal—and the end result was going to be him behind bars, along with everyone else in here who was in charge. He was certainly facing decades for the dealing itself, as well as the money laundering that was inevitably going to be part of an enterprise this size. And then there was the human trafficking that she knew in her gut was going on.
Unless she’d thought all those cubicles, all those workstations, had been for something other than unpaid, coerced labor?
“What are you thinking about now?” he asked.
Nothing good. “Nothing, really.”
As she looked over, she stared into his eyes, his incredibly beautiful, yellow eyes. “Can I ask you something?” she said.
“Anything.”
“You really wouldn’t have chosen this life?”
It was a moment before he answered. And his expression became so grave, and his voice so deep, that she felt as though he were sharing some part of himself that he did not expect to get back.
“I hate it here.” His voice became hoarse. “I hate everything about this place. It’s cruel. It’s inhumane. This is not an existence anybody would ever want. The things I’ve seen… the things I’ve done… I was half dead when I was put in here—and I didn’t know how much further I’d sunk until I saw you standing under that fire escape.”
“I’m nothing special.”
“You are so wrong about that.” He laughed a little, and she had the sense he was trying to lighten the mood. “For one thing, I’ve watched you get hit by a car and walk away from it. That’s skills, right there. And now I know you’re good with a gun, but we don’t have to dwell on that.”
Her eyes shifted away to the bloodstain on the floor.
His finger, stroking lightly on her chin, brought her face back to his. “He more than deserved it. And not just for what he’d been about to do to you. He was a piece of evil on the earth, a sick, perverted murderer. Try not to think about it.”
“Why did you save my life so many times?”
“I didn’t have anything better to do.” He winked at her. “All three times.”
Rio had to laugh. “Stop it. I’m serious.”
“Okay, fine. I needed the exercise. How’s that.”
Covering her smile with her hand, she batted at his shoulder. “That is not funny—”
“I thought I could maybe fall in love with you, and I didn’t want a car, or a bullet, or any fucking thing in the world to get in the way of that. So there.”
Rio blinked, her heart stopping. “You don’t mean that.”
No more joking now; he became dead serious. “They’re my words. I picked them because I know what they mean.”
“You don’t know me.”
“And you don’t know me.”
Shooting him a stare, she pointed out, “Well, I didn’t just tell you I’d fallen in love with you.”
“I said I might be able to.”
Stop, she told herself. Stop this right now.
“Well… have you?” she breathed. But then she put her hand up. “Don’t answer that.”
“Why did you ask the question then.”
Rio looked away. Looked back. And then couldn’t stop herself from falling into a fantasy. “You could leave this life, you know. You don’t have to be here. I mean, you could… you could just go out that back door and never return. People disappear all the time. My father did it. You could do the same.”
“It’s not that simple,” he said in a hollow voice.
Shit, was she actively encouraging him to become a fugitive from the law?
She gathered his hands in her own. “Listen, you could escape all this, and just—I don’t know—you could even go to the police. You could tell them all you know in exchange for immunity and a witness protection program—”
“Why are you trying to get me out when you need me to make a deal with you?”
Rio blinked and realized she might have just given herself away. “Because I’d rather do business with someone I can be objective around. And that’s next to impossible with you.”
His smile was slow. Sexy. “Are you saying you feel the same way I do?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Rio took a deep breath. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do.” When Luke leaned into her, his cologne—that damned cologne, that he maintained was not cologne—got into her nose… and went right to her blood. “And I think you want exactly what I do right now.”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Rio’s face was so close to his that all Lucan would have to do to kiss her was tilt in a little farther—and he knew if they got started with that shit, it wasn’t going to stop there. Her scent had changed, the arousal she was feeling rising to match his own.
And fucking hell, he wanted her.
“Are we going to do this?” she whispered.
“Yeah, we are.”
There was no hesitation on her side when he closed the distance between their mouths, and as he pressed his lips to hers, he had to hold back—or her clothes were going to be ripped beyond repair. As it was, he was already easing her back on the bed, moving over her, pinning her with his weight—
Goddamn, she was gripping his bare back with her hands, digging her fingers into his skin—and he wished she had longer nails so she could scratch him properly, draw blood, make him moan from the combination of pleasure and pain. And there were other good things happening for him. As she shifted so she was under him properly, his arousal made its own way between her thighs.
Screw the nails. He wanted her hot softness more.
As he penetrated her mouth with his tongue, he rolled to the side and swept his hand along her waist, up to her ribs, around the side of her breast. With a restless surge, she twisted her torso—
And put herself right in his palm.
Through her shirt and her bra, he rubbed her nipple with his thumb—and as she moaned in response, she became like water beneath him, fluid and graceful. She was also demanding, though, and very, very hungry.
“I want to be naked,” she said urgently.
Well, didn’t that make two of them. He wanted to get her naked, too.
Lucan eased back. “Gimme one second.”
He kissed her again. Kissed her a third time. Then knew that if he was going to pull out of this, of her, for anything longer than taking his own pants off, he better do it now.
“I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t be gone long,” she whispered.
“I won’t be. Trust me on that.”
With a leap that was worthy of a flying tackle, he launched himself at the door out into the hall. As he entered the code, he punched in the number sequence like he was jabbing the eyes of an enemy. Yanking the way open—
Mayhem stepped into his face. “What’s wrong? Has she—”
“I need some privacy.”
For a guy who tended to be pretty relaxed, even in a dog fight, Mayhem stayed stressed. “For what?”
“Really.”
The other guy blinked like he didn’t underst— “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Lucan looked down the hall. “Anything brewing?”
“Apex went down to check on Kane because mess is opening up downstairs—the coast is going to stay clear for a little longer. Like thirty minutes or so? The guards are about to change, though. You may want to hold off on your privacy shit.”
Fucking hell. “Just knock if you need to come in. And wait for a second.”
“Lucan.”
“What.”
Mayhem glanced away. “How much do you know about her?”
“Excuse me?” As the other prisoner just continued to stare off into space, Lucan went palms up, are-you-stupid. “I know she volunteered to help Kane. I know she dragged me back indoors when I was dying in the sunshine. What the hell else do I have to know about her.”
As the bonded male in him started to prowl around inside his skin, he had to cut that possessive crap quick. His wolf was a hair trigger when it came to defending territory to begin with. Throw in his sexual attraction for Rio?
He might as well have been a bomb waiting to go off.
“Watch yourself with her,” Mayhem muttered. “That’s all I’m saying.”
“And I’ll give you a piece of advice. Don’t talk about my female to anybody—and that includes me. You’re not going to like where it lands you.”
Mayhem shook his head and stared down the empty hallway with its closed doors and its dim lighting.
“Fine, you got it,” was all he said.
Good decision, Lucan thought as he went back into the quarters. Good fucking decision.
* * *
As Luke stepped out into the hall, Rio covered her face with her palms even though she was alone. Was she really going to do this? Really?
Dropping her arms, she rolled over onto her stomach and wondered what Luke was saying to either Mayhem or Apex. He was propping the door open with his foot, but his voice was low so she couldn’t tell the words. Beyond the conversation, though, in terms of the rest of the place getting busy… she heard nothing in particular, which she took to mean that any uprising was either contained or yet to come—
Abruptly, Luke pivoted back around, took a step forward, and shut the door. As his eyes met hers, she felt like there was a mask over his facial features, but his eyes. Oh, yes, his eyes. There was no masking what was in them.
