Andrew felt the dustpan going up, then it tilted. Andrew was sliding fast. Suddenly he felt his stomach fluttering into his mouth. They were falling into the garbage bag!

  Splat!

  “Oofers!” hollered Andrew as he belly-flopped onto a regular-sized pickle at the top of the bag.

  “Andrew?” Judy called sleepily from a soggy taco shell. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. “Where are we? It’s stinkier than a whale’s intestines.”

  “Um, we’re in a garbage bag,” said Andrew. “The Goa Constrictor shrunk us.”

  Judy rolled off her taco shell. “We’re shrunk again!” She crawled toward Andrew. “Wait till I get my hands on you!”

  Judy wiped a drop of hot sauce off her nose and shoved her face toward Andrew’s. “I should have kept my New Year’s resolution,” she said angrily.

  “What was that?” said Andrew.

  “To stay at least five miles away from you at all times,” said Judy.

  “Listen,” said Andrew. “As soon as I find the remote, we’ll get out of the bag, get into the Goa Constrictor’s mouth, and I’ll press the Reverse button. We’ll be right back to our normal size in no time.”

  Judy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right,” she said.

  The garbage tumbled. Someone was lifting the bag. A French fry crashed down on Andrew’s head. Judy got smacked in the face by a bow-tie noodle.

  “Toss that bag into the can,” said Frank.

  “Help!” yelled Judy.

  “They can’t hear us,” said Andrew.

  “HELP!” Judy screamed louder.

  But no one heard her tiny voice as their bag hit the bottom of the garbage can.

  FOUND … AND LOST

  Smush!

  Andrew’s brain kerchunked against his skull when they landed.

  Klunketa … klunketa … klunketa …

  Andrew poked his head through the opening at the top of the bag. He watched as Frank and Jeff dragged the can out of the classroom, down the hall, and out of the school.

  “What do we do now?” asked Judy.

  “We’ll find a way to get out of the bag and get back to the Goa Constrictor,” said Andrew. “But first I’ve got to find the remote.”

  Andrew dug down through a rotten lettuce leaf. Feels like Jell-O, he thought. He shoved away some green peas and crawled through a bite mark in a pizza crust.

  I wonder who chewed this, thought Andrew.

  meep … “Gotta call Uncle Al,” said Thudd. “He find way to help.”

  Uncle Al was Andrew and Judy’s uncle. He was also a super-smart scientist who invented Thudd.

  “Good idea, Thudd,” said Andrew. “But I think Uncle Al is still delivering all those prehistoric animals back to their own times and places.”

  Thudd pressed the big purple button in the middle of his chest. This sent a signal to Uncle Al’s Hologram Helper. The Hologram Helper allowed Uncle Al to get messages and to visit with people by hologram.

  Thudd’s purple button popped open and a beam of purple light flashed out.

  A see-through, slightly purple picture of Uncle Al floated at the end of the beam.

  “Hey there!” said the smiling see-through Uncle Al. “I’m away from my laboratory. Your message has reached my Hologram Helper. If you’re calling to have a friendly chat, please press one. If you have discovered life on another planet, please press two. If you’re calling to complain about the smells coming from my laboratory, please press three. If this is a purple-button emergency, please scream loudly. I will contact you as soon as possible.”

  “Yaaaaargh!” screamed Andrew. “We need help, Uncle Al!”

  Andrew dug his way through sticky spaghetti and climbed over a carrot.

  Andrew was crawling over an apple core when something caught his eye.

  “I found the remote!” he shouted.

  He reached for a dark object half hidden under a strand of spaghetti.

  “Then let’s get out of here,” yelled Judy.

  As Andrew reached for the dark thing, he saw what it really was.

  “Um, we can’t leave yet,” he said. “All I found was Germy’s Excuse-O-Matic.”

  Andrew put the gadget in his pants pocket.

  Suddenly their garbage bag was yanked up.

  “Toss ’er in!” said Frank.

  The bag flew through the air and flopped onto a heap of bags in the rear of the truck.

  “Yeeouch!” hollered Andrew. He tumbled over the sharp edge of an eggshell, fell into a blob of chocolate pudding, and got something hard stuck in his ear.

  Judy smacked into a bread crust, got a Cheerio stuck in her hair, and plopped next to Andrew in the pudding blob.

  When Andrew reached to pull the hard thing out of his ear, its shape felt familiar.

  “The remote!” shouted Andrew. “I found it!”

  “So how are we going to get back to school and get ourselves unshrunk now, Bug-Brain?” asked Judy.

  Andrew looked around. He went over to the eggshell and broke off a piece.

  “This shell has a sharp edge,” he said. “We can use it to cut a hole in the bag and get out.”

  The doors of the garbage truck slammed.

  meep … “Garbage truck can carry as much weight as six big elephants.”

  “Don’t waste your batteries on elephants, Thudd,” said Judy crossly. “Figure out how to get us unshrunk and unstinky.”

  meep … “Garbage stinky cuz little bacteria eat it,” said Thudd. “Poop out stuff that make food for plants. Burp up stinky gas. If bacteria and fungus not eat garbage, earth be piled high, high, high with garbage and dead stuff.”

  Judy rolled her eyes.

  “Okay, Frank,” said Jeff, his voice drifting through the open windows of the truck’s cab. “On to the dump.”

  A VERY UN-“HAPPY MEAL”

  As the truck rumbled along the road, Andrew tried to saw through the plastic bag with a sliver of eggshell.

  “If we can get out of the bag,” he said, “we can find a place to stay on the truck till it goes back to school.”

  Andrew lurched as the garbage truck turned onto a narrow road. Through the clear plastic bag he could see a sign. It said CITY DUMP. An arrow pointed straight ahead.

  Soon the truck pulled up alongside a strange building. Its walls were made of tires stacked on top of each other. A sign in front read:

  STOP HERE BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE DUMP.

  THANK YOU!

  HUGO WILSON, MANAGER

  The yard in front of the tire building was covered with furniture and toys—rocking chairs, rocking horses, tables, mirror frames, and swings. And they were all made from tires!

  “What a weird place!” said Judy.

  meep … “Hugo Wilson famous,” said Thudd. “Come up with lotsa ways to use old stuff.”

  “Mr. Wilson is friends with Uncle Al,” said Andrew. “Uncle Al told me they’ve been figuring out how many ways they could recycle old tires.

  “They chop up tires and use them to cover playgrounds with soft stuff so kids don’t get hurt. They make floor tiles out of tires. They shred tires and mix them with cement to pave roads so that they aren’t slippery in the rain and snow. Mr. Wilson is a neat guy.”

  Near the door of the tire building were piles and piles of tires. There were regular-sized tires from cars, big tires from trucks and buses, and huge tires from tractors.

  A tall man wearing a leather apron was cutting up a tire with an electric saw. A one-legged seagull was perched on his shoulder.

  “G’day, mates!” the man called out. He turned off his saw.

  “Hey, Hugo,” said Jeff. “Want you to meet my new partner, Frank.”

  Hugo stretched out a big, strong hand to Frank.

  “What are you up to here, Hugo?” asked Frank, waving his hand at the yard.

  “Comin’ up with ways to use old tires, mate,” said Hugo. “Every year, we toss out a billion tires. If we lined ’em up, they’d circle the earth four times. They’d reach halfway to the moon. Can’t have that!”

  Hugo checked his watch. “It’s feedin’ time at the zoo. Have you got somethin’ for my guys?”

  “Something real juicy,” said Jeff.

  Judy peered through the garbage bag. “He’s coming this way,” she said. “Hurry up with that cutting!”

  But it was too late. Andrew and Judy were tossed like a garbage salad as Jeff yanked their bag off the top of the pile.

  “Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!” Judy griped as the bag bounced with Jeff’s hurried steps. Jeff caught up with Hugo on the shady side of the tire building and handed him the bag.

  “Thanks, mate,” said Hugo. “First, I’d better feed Matilda so she won’t be feasting on the zoo.”

  Hugo reached into his pocket and pulled out a peanut.

  “Heads up, Matilda!” he said.

  He tossed the peanut high into the air. The seagull caught it in her beak.

  “Funny thing,” said Hugo. “She doesn’t eat the peanuts straightaway. Keeps ’em in her beak and flies off to the dump across the road. Bet she’s got a nest there.”

  Jeff glanced at his watch. “Don’t have time to visit the zoo today, Hugo,” said Jeff. “We’d better unload and take off.”

  Hugo nodded. “Yours is a special load, fellas,” he said. “It’s the very last one for this place.”

  Jeff and Frank walked off toward the truck.

  Lined up against the tire building were large plastic bins with lids. The lids were marked GIANT GIPPSLAND, TIGERS, OREGON GIANT, and RED WRIGGLERS.

  Hugo laid the garbage bag on top of a bin and lifted the lid labeled RED WRIGGLERS. Andrew saw that the open bin was filled almost to the top with dirt, shredded newspapers, and leaves.

  Hugo reached into the bin and pulled up a handful of squirming worms.

  “You’re lookin’ good!” he said. “It’s chow time!”

  “Chow time!” said Judy. “The chow must be us!”

  meep … “Oody and Drewd still too big for red wriggler worms to eat,” said Thudd. “Hugo use worms to turn stinky garbage into super plant food. Worms eat garbage and paper. In one day, worm eat as much as worm weigh! Worm poop out stuff called ‘castings.’ Super food for plants.”

  Hugo scooped a hole in the dirt mixture and laid the worms gently into the bin.

  The garbage bag jiggled. The tips of Hugo’s big fingers were heading for Andrew!

  “Yikes!” yelled Andrew.

  He hid under the eggshell. A slice of gooey brown banana slid over him.

  Kraaaack!

  Andrew’s eggshell snapped between Hugo’s fingers! Hugo was dragging him up with a handful of gross, disgusting garbage!

  Hugo examined what he had pulled up. “Ah, yes,” he said. “A ‘Happy Meal’ for worms—eggshells for calcium, greens for vitamins, bananas for dessert.”

  Andrew clawed frantically at the slimy banana slice. If I can get out from under this yucky banana, thought Andrew, Hugo will see me and not throw us to the worms.

  Suddenly Andrew was falling again.

  Splaaaaat!

  EAT DIRT!

  As Hugo dropped a handful of garbage into the bin, Andrew tumbled out of the eggshell and got smacked in the head by a green pea and slammed by a pickle.

  “Ooofers!” yelled Andrew as he landed on a shred of newspaper. A damp-cellar smell filled his nose—the smell of dirt.

  A shadow fell over the bin.

  Hugo’s big hands were heading down. They began to stir the garbage—and Andrew— into the dirt.

  Andrew flicked on his flashlight. What could protect him from getting crushed by those giant fingers?

  There’s a peanut shell! thought Andrew. He scrambled under the igloo shape and scraped the dirt away. The fingers were pushing his peanut shell down and down!

  Then the shell stopped moving. But other things were moving. It felt like rough hairbrushes were scratching Andrew’s arms and legs.

  Reddish brown worms that looked like bulgy garden hoses were tunneling through the garbage and dirt—and over Andrew!

  “Yowzers!” yelled Andrew. “These guys are scratchy!”

  meep … “Worms got bristles,” said Thudd. “Use bristles to dig through dirt. Help worm to stick in wormhole, not get pulled out by bird.”

  One of the worms stopped in front of Andrew.

  All Andrew could see was a brown flap.

  meep … “Head of worm,” said Thudd. “Worm not got eyes. Not got nose. Not got ears. But flap in front of mouth tell worm about light. Tell worm about smells. Worm feel stuff move.”

  The worm lifted its flap. Beneath was a mouth that looked like an inner tube. Dirt and bits of paper and lettuce were getting dragged into the mouth. It was like a vacuum cleaner!

  meep … “Worm suck in dirt,” said Thudd. “Eat bits of food and lotsa bacteria. Poop out castings.”

  Another worm wriggled up to Andrew’s face and lifted its flap. Andrew tried to squirm out of the way, but the worm pressed its slimy, rubbery mouth against Andrew’s nose.

  “Yuck!” shouted Andrew. He tried to shove the worm’s gooey flap away. “This worm is awfully strong!”

  meep … “Worm is all muscle,” said Thudd. “Worm lot stronger than same-sized human.”

  Thwap … thwap … thwap …

  Something was pounding on the other side of the peanut shell.

  “I hear you!” said a voice Andrew knew well.

  “Judy!” said Andrew. “I need a little help here.”

  Judy crept around to the inside of the shell.

  “Eeeuw!” she said when she saw the worm sucking Andrew’s nose. “It loves you!”

  “Matilda, NO!” Andrew heard Hugo yell.

  Suddenly something latched on to the peanut shell and shook it. The worm came loose from Andrew’s nose. Andrew and Judy pulled the shell over themselves.

  A fishy stink mixed with the smell of garbage and dirt. The peanut shell was going up like a fast elevator. The beam of Andrew’s flashlight showed they were in a small space with curving yellow walls.

  “Matilda!” shouted Hugo. “Hope you’re not eatin’ my hardworkin’ worms! That’s why I feed ya peanuts!”

  But the seagull paid no attention to Hugo’s shouts. It was flying off—with Andrew and Judy in its beak!

  TWO WAYS TO GET DOWN IN THE DUMPS

  “We’ll be bird poop!” said Judy.

  “Matilda hasn’t swallowed us yet,” said Andrew. “Maybe she’ll figure out we’re not a peanut.”

  meep … “Seagull got red spot on side of beak,” said Thudd.

  “Cheese Louise!” said Judy. “This is no time for seagull trivia, Thudd!”

  meep … “Spot on beak help us get out, maybe,” said Thudd. “When baby seagull want to eat, it peck at red spot on beak of big seagull. Make big seagull throw up food for baby bird to eat. If Drewd and Oody pound on inside of beak, maybe make seagull throw us up!”

  “Super idea, Thudd!” said Andrew.

  “Eeeeeuw!” said Judy. “Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up!”

  Andrew put his arm around Judy. “It’s either that or end up as bird poop on the windshield of someone’s car,” he said.

  Andrew and Judy leaned as the seagull turned. It was flying slower. Their peanut shell smacked the front of the beak as the seagull landed at the dump.

  meep … “Pound on side of beak!” squeaked Thudd. “Use shell!”

  Andrew stepped onto the seagull’s hard tongue.

  “Grab the shell, Judy,” said Andrew. “One … two … three!”

  They slammed the peanut shell into the beak again and again.

  There was rumbling down below. The beak cracked open.

  Suddenly a wave of warm, lumpy, fishy soup tossed them out of the beak.

  The seagull hopped into the air, spread its wings, and flew off.

  “Oofers!” hollered Andrew. He landed on a jelly doughnut with bite marks.

  “Aaaack!” yelled Judy. She tumbled onto the petal of a plastic daisy.

  Judy sat up and spit stuff out of her mouth. “Ploof! Ploof! PLOOOF!”

  She wiped her face with her sleeve. But since she was entirely soaked with seagull vomit, it didn’t help.

  “What did you say?” asked Andrew.

  “Can’t hear what you’re saying!” shouted Judy, pulling bits of fish out of her hair. “It’s so loud here!”

  The air was stuffed with sound. A spiral of screaming seagulls filled the afternoon sky. Crickets were making such a racket, Andrew felt he had crickets in his ears. Flies whizzed and whined like small airplanes above their heads.

  A fly circled Andrew’s doughnut and came in for a landing. The fly’s dark eyes covered most of its head like two big helmets. Each eye looked like it was made up of thousands of tiny tiles. The fly crept over the doughnut in slow circles.

  meep … “Fly taste stuff with feet,” said Thudd.

  A shadow passed over the doughnut. A black crow, looking as big as a jet plane, swooped low. The fly zoomed off.

  An explosion of umbrella shapes shot off the ground, whizzed high into the air, and rained back down.

  meep … “Springtail bug!” said Thudd. “Got springs under back legs. Jump high, high, high! Like human jumping over ten-story building!”

  “Holy moly!” yelled Andrew as a fuzzy-headed gray springtail landed on his shoulder. It looked like a big parrot. The prickly antennas between its bumpy black eyes tickled Andrew’s ear. Through his shirt, Andrew felt the spring-tail’s feet clawing his back.

  As Andrew struggled to shove the bug off, another one landed in his lap.

  “Yaaaaah!” screamed Judy, fighting off the springtails that had rained down on her.

  Trying to get away, she fell off her petal and onto the ground.

  “YAAAAAAAAH!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “It’s horrible down here!”

  BEETLE-MANIA!

  Andrew fought off the springtails and crept to the edge of the doughnut.

 

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