Falling Over You, page 12
"Are you all right?" he asked tentatively, pushing his brow up to indicate that he was genuinely concerned about her.
Lara nodded, though her eyes conveyed a familiar sadness, as if she should have realized something like this was bound to happen. "Yeah," she said softly. "Yeah, it's really nothing...." She let her voice trail off, and for whatever reason, she decided to tell Mike what happened, despite his obvious dislike of her fiancé. "Brett just canceled a dance lesson we had scheduled today. I mean, he canceled it and then told me he canceled it." She furrowed her brow, obviously frustrated. "But he knows how to dance. His mother had him take dance lessons when he was in junior high, but you really don't need to know that." Her face crimsoned when she realized she had been babbling, and then shook her head slightly, staring at the tile on the kitchen floor rather than at Mike.
Mike watched her for a moment and slowly walked over to Lara. He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, tilting her head up so that she was locking eyes with him once again. "So what you're saying," he began slowly, trying to ignore the tingly feeling he was getting due to the fact that his skin was touching hers, "is that you don't know how to dance."
Lara opened her mouth to refute such a claim but she stopped herself, captivated by his eyes. "I suppose that is what I'm saying," she drawled, relenting.
Mike felt his lips quirk up into a soft smile. "Well," he said, his thumb lightly brushing her cheekbone, "luckily for you my own mother made me take dancing lessons during my time in high school. So while I didn't have a social life for those four years, I am light on my feet, if I do say so myself." He dropped his hand from her face, only to offer it to her. "I do not mind offering my services to you if you are in need of such lessons yourself."
Lara couldn't help her own smile at his words, and the way Mike's black eyes were sparkling.... Well, she knew she couldn't say no, and found that she didn't want to. She nodded once, letting him know that she did want to learn and that she wanted him to teach her, and Mike nodded back. Without saying a word, he reached out and interlocked his fingers with hers before slowly pulling her from the kitchen and into the living room, where there was more space and fewer things to bump into.
It was the first physical contact they had had in a while, and the feeling was electric.
"Okay," Mike began, his voice low, almost as though he had dropped it to a husk. But even if he had, it wasn't his fault. The two were standing rather close together, centimeters apart from each other. They could actually feel their body heat intertwining, much like their fingers were. "So, what's going to happen first is we need to get our frames correctly." He slid off his trench coat and tossed it on the couch, knowing that for the time being it was unnecessary. "Here...." At first, it was awkward, releasing her hand only to grab it again. With his other hand, he grabbed her fingers and lifted her arm up until he placed it on his shoulder, her fingers very lightly caressing the nape of his neck without Lara's knowledge. He took his leg and placed it between both of Lara's, edging them out so they were shoulder-width apart, before finishing the setup by placing his hand on the small of her back and pulling her even closer to him. "Are you comfortable?"
Lara found herself amused by the hesitant question, and her lips quirked up as she regarded the man in front of her before she nodded. "Of course I am," she murmured. I always feel safe in your arms, she wanted to finish, but couldn't bring herself to say it.
"Okay, I guess the biggest, most important thing you need to know is to make sure the man leads," he told her in the same silky voice, his black eyes pooling into hers. "And since I'm that person...." He let his voice trail off before shaking his head. "And there's nothing to worry about, really. You have to remember that dancing is a manner of steps...."
And then he began to lead her around the living room. The first couple of times, Lara tripped over herself or accidentally stepped on Mike's foot, but he laughed and brushed it off, promising that happened to absolutely everybody who started out. Lara knew that if it was Brett, he would get impatient with her, and maybe even yell at her for stepping on his six hundred dollar shoes. Why was she marrying him again?
It took a while, but Lara slowly began to feel herself getting used to the waltz Mike was teaching her, and soon, the steps became natural. In fact, Lara couldn't say for sure how long they had been dancing, but knew that she didn't want it to stop anytime soon. Just the feel of Mike holding her so intimately.... Without warning, Lara tilted her head forward and rested it on Mike's shoulder. She had no idea what she was doing and didn't want to think about it. Mike felt his whole body tense, but he kept dancing, and soon, he rested his chin gently on the top of her head.
Both had their eyes closed, and both were pretending that this was something else, that Lara wasn't dancing with Mike because she was getting married to somebody else, but rather, because she was getting married to Mike.
But that wasn't happening. And both of them had to remember it.
26
It was a day that she should feel like celebrating, more so than any other day, and yet, Lara couldn't even bring herself to fake a smile. In her hand was a glass of untouched champagne—she didn't drink anything with carbonation and yet Brett had simply forgotten to get water bottles. Although, Lara knew that drinking from water bottles wasn't that good for the environment, and instead of counting down the reasons of why she loved the man she was going to marry, she was contemplating whether or not she should dump the expensive drink into the sink and refill her glass with tap water.
A sense of foreboding had buried itself deep in her heart, but she didn't quite understand why it was there in the first place. She had already made up her mind; she was going to marry Brett, and that was that. She had made a commitment to him after all, and Lara had been raised to never give up, to never quit, no matter how badly she might want to. And, if she was being honest, Brett wasn't that bad of a boyfriend. Sure, he worked all the time and he came home late, and okay, so he made her cook him dinner and wouldn't even consider moving out to California, where she grew up and was hoping to raise a family, and there was that one time when he came home with suspicious glitter on his neck, but Lara knew he wasn't all that bad. There were times when he would surprise her for no reason and take her dancing, and times when they made love, he would make sure she received pleasure before he did. And he would talk about the kids he wanted to have, and he supported her dream of writing, which was why he thought New York would be perfect for her. And sometimes, on the weekend, he would take her shopping for no reason. Brett wasn't that bad of a person, and he would probably make a great husband. If anything, Lara knew that she would be taken care of when it came to Brett, but....
But it didn't matter.
Mike was...Mike was everything she ever wanted, even more so than Brett. At least, that was what she felt. She was immediately physically attracted to him; there was no denying how attractive he was in a boyish sort of way. And Lara loved that he was so tall. Mike’s voice sent shivers down her spine, and he was always so considerate. He knew her better than she realized and noticed everything about her, even little things. And she knew she could love him with all her heart if simply given the chance. Somewhere inside of her, she knew that he felt the same way as she did. The only thing stopping them was the fact that she was marrying Brett.
Don't even think about it, a voice inside her head chided that sounded suspiciously like her mother's. He's a ghost. Nobody can see him. Think rationally about this for one minute. Even if you did break up with Brett and go for this guy, you are the only person who would be able to see him. People would think you would be an old maid for the rest of your life, and FORGET about having children.
"We could adopt," Lara snapped under her breath, sloshing the amber liquid in the glass cup as she shook her mother's voice out of her head.
Yes, okay, so he was a ghost. They could work out the kinks. The kinks didn't matter, did they? As long as they loved each other....
Lara knew that was bullshit. Yes, she was a romantic, but love did not conquer all, no matter how badly she might want it to. She didn't even know Mike as a lover, as a boyfriend. Was Brett really worth giving up, on the mere chance that she and Mike were meant to be together? But then, what about her and Brett? Didn't she feel as though they were meant to be?
Lara knew that it was improbable that there was such a thing as one true love when there were practically six billion people on the planet. But somewhere inside of her she still believed in such a concept, and that piece of her told her that while she and Brett might be compatible, they weren't exactly meant to be together.
The thing was, she had made a commitment.
Lara had to get out of this room. Brett was surrounded by his football buddies from USC, and that witch he called a mother was prowling Lara's living room, no doubt waiting to find Lara in order to give her a lecture about the dress she had worn tonight, or the way she had worn her hair, or even the fact that she was marrying her son. Lara hated that woman. She also knew her family was there as well, along with her friends, socializing. In fact, Lara had no doubt that they were most likely looking for her, wanting to chat about her upcoming nuptials.
Lara had to get out of there. She didn't want to deal with this when her head and her heart were in different places. Setting down her champagne on a waiter's tray, Lara discreetly disappeared from the engagement party and silently headed up the stairs into her room. She closed and locked the door, and without warning, the tears began to fall. It was fast and hard; she was actually near sobbing, her makeup no doubt ruined.
Why did she have to meet Mike? Why did she have to feel such turmoil? And why couldn't the choice be obvious? Yes, she could marry Brett, but if she was being honest, she wanted nothing more than to be with Mike.
"Hey," a soft, familiar voice greeted.
There he was, standing in front of her as though he had heard her call him. He was wearing a dark suit, though she had no idea why. It wasn't as though anyone could see him, except her.
Mike knelt down in front of her, staring into her eyes for a moment. Besides his initial greeting, there were no words that passed between them. Mike reached out and cupped her cheeks within his palms, his thumbs lightly caressing her cheeks, outlining the black mascara that littered her face. Even now, he couldn't believe just how beautiful she was. He had a burning desire to kiss her, to claim her lips as his own, even if it was just this one time....
And so he did. Mike had no idea how she would react, but if she really was going to marry Brett, if she really was going to be with him, he needed to feel her, taste her just once, however brief it might be. He tilted her head to the side, and oddly enough, though Lara knew what he was doing, she had yet to actually push him away.
When his lips finally met hers, Lara finally realized what it meant to see fireworks, to feel the world fade away save for the man in front of her. Initially, the kiss was soft, like the flapping wings of the butterfly, but soon, neither of them could hold back any longer. Lara raised her arms so she could wrap them securely around Mike's neck and bring him closer to her as he deepened the kiss, wanting to memorize the taste of her mouth, the warmth of it. Lara ran her fingers through his dark hair, something she had wanted to do for a long while now, and took advantage of it now. Yes, she knew that what she was doing was wrong, but she couldn't help herself. She had ached for this so badly, and now that she had it....
Breathing became a necessity, at least for Lara, and so she broke apart from him, while simultaneously trying to catch her breath. Mike refused to let go of her, however. He didn't want this moment to end.
A sudden bout of confidence surged through him, and before he could stop himself, he tilted his head up so she locked eyes with him. There was nothing more he wanted than to kiss her once again, but he had to restrain himself. At least for now. "You," he began, stopping himself to ensure that what he said was true, that the words came out right. "You must know how I feel. And somewhere inside of you, I know that you feel the same way for me." He paused and then swallowed, preparing to say what he had known for a while. "I love you."
Lara's face paled substantially, and she stood, disentangling herself from Mike's grasp, no matter how badly she wanted to stay within his warmth. "It doesn't matter how I feel," Lara said, her voice slightly shaky. "There's no way we could be together." Mike knew she didn't mean it, that she wanted to be with him rather than Brett, but that didn't make her words hurt any less. "I'm marrying Brett, and that's that."
Mike stood there for a long moment before finally nodding. "Okay," he whispered before disappearing.
And for Lara, the tears came once again.
27
It was a week before her wedding, and Lara wasn't as excited as she probably should be. Currently, she was walking through the neighborhood, as though she was looking for something that wasn't there. By now, it was mid-October. Back in southern California, she was sure that it was still eighty degrees and her friends were still in their flip flops and shorts. Hell, some might even still be at the beach. A sad smile touched her lips as the rain began to fall. It was only sprinkling, but she knew if she was home, literally every local news station would be claiming storm watch. The thought made her chuckle and wince at the same time.
She missed home. Lara missed being able to have her car and driving down the block to the local Starbucks. The guy at the counter—Bert, his name was—knew her by heart and whenever she came in, would give her a free bagel. She missed the fact that she had been so lazy; her mother would always tell her if it wasn't five minutes away, Lara refused to walk to it. Yes, it was so silly, but it was something she missed. She missed the warmth, the sunshine. In southern California, everything felt happy. Everything felt laidback, and the whole vibe there was, "Don't worry. You're in SoCal. Where else would you want to be?"
Well, there was one place she would rather be, even more than her home. If a genie popped up and asked her if she had three wishes, Lara would shake her head. She only had one, and that was to be with Mike. No matter what it took, she wanted nothing more than to be with him.
If you want to be with him so badly, then why haven't you called off your wedding to Brett? a voice asked Lara in her thoughts. You cannot possibly believe that you would get married to one man you care about while giving up a man you care about even more, would you?
Oh, it was so much more complicated than that. He was a ghost. A ghost! How could anything work out between them? No one else could see him or hear him or feel him. No one would be able to see them together, to smile at them as they walked hand in hand through a park while they got older—would Mike even get older? —and even more in love. They, more likely than not, couldn't have kids because he was dead and she wasn't. They couldn't get married publically.
But did that even matter in the long run? the same voice asked in a slightly taunting voice, as though it was trying to get Lara to think more clearly about her current predicament. Did those things that society deemed traditional or necessary actually matter when you loved someone? What about sexual orientation? Gay people can't get married yet except in a couple of places but they still want to be in a relationship. They're not going to let that stop them from being happy.
"Yeah," Lara murmured to herself, knowing if anyone saw her, they probably would think she was crazy because she decided not to use the pretext of having a phone to her ear. "Yeah, but people can see gay people. They can't see Mike."
Who cares?! the voice asked, getting frustrated with Lara. Does that even matter? You can see him. You can hear him. You can touch him. That's all that matters. If you want it badly enough, and you have faith, nothing can stop you. And you shouldn't let people stop you. That's an excuse, and you know it.
"Okay, okay, okay," Lara said, tilting her head. As a result, the raindrops plopped messily on her face. There was a storm coming; that much she was sure of, and yet, she didn't mind. She actually loved the rain – one thing southern California couldn't provide her with in abundance. So she cherished every drop here. "Even if I give into this notion that somehow, all the pieces of this will fall into place—that somehow, Mike and I will be together one way or another—I completely ruined things between us. You must know this. Obviously, you were there. He told me that he loved me; he knows that I love him too. And yet...I still pushed him away. What if he doesn't love me anymore?"
You have to take that chance, the voice told her. Haven't you ever seen a decent romance movie? The two main characters go through a bunch of ups and downs, building up the sexual tension between them until that Pivotal Moment where the cards are finally placed on the table. And then either the guy or the girl goes and tries to confront their counterpart, taking a big risk.
"Life isn't like the movies," Lara said, cutting in and narrowing her eyes as she walked, even though she really had no one to narrow her eyes at. "I take this big risk, and there's a fifty-fifty chance I'm going to fall flat on my face with no one around to pick me up."
Pick yourself up, the voice said. And by the way, that is the entire definition of a risk. But one way or the other, you'll find something out. Either Mike really does love you and doesn't want to lose you, or he does and just doesn't want to be with you anymore. If it is love—if he really loves you—he won't simply fall out of it. Love isn't that easy. Mike took a risk by admitting his feelings for you, and you left him to pick himself up. Don't you think that he deserves the same thing from you? If he truly loves you, he'll pick you up. And if he doesn't, you can marry Brett without any doubt.
Lara was still doubtful, and she paused in her walk to nowhere, deciding to take a moment to simply look. She had managed to stop at the neighborhood park, and despite the rain, there were a couple of kids still outside playing under the watchful eyes of their parents. Her eyes, instead of looking at the children, looked at the parents. They still seemed to be in love, holding hands, whispering to each other, simply smiling. She wanted that, and without a doubt, she wanted that with Mike.
