Slash, page 7
Todd was sure the boys had had a few beers before slipping into the hospital. There had been a lot of tasteless jokes, giggling and macho grandstanding. They were too wound up to pussy out and not open the door. After a bit of idiotic teen cajoling, one of the boys opened the unlocked door. Inside was a solid wall of pitch black. Just as they were about to enter, a blurry shape ran across the doorway. The boys started screaming and running, the rest of the video too nauseating to watch as it bounced around, flashes of the floor and ceiling filling the frame.
When Todd watched it, he assumed the teens had disturbed a homeless person living in the basement. To Ash and Sheri, the boys had stumbled upon a ghost. They were hooked from that moment on. The very next week, they’d pried the boards off an abandoned house on Cedar Street and filmed themselves going from floor to floor. They found porno mags, dirty mattresses, beer cans and an old photo album left behind by the final tenants. There were no ghosts, other than the remnants of the lives that had left long ago.
As the years went on, Ash and Sheri’s urban exploration crew would expand and contract as others, intrigued by their stories, came on to break into abandoned department stores, amusement parks, hotels, motels, asylums and residential homes. Ash’s fascination grew into an obsession. When she wasn’t traipsing through crumbling structures, she was studying from those who’d gone before her. She grew more safety-conscious, wary of rotting floorboards and asbestos. The kits she brought helped her account for just about every situation.
Everything but a crazed killer.
Todd wrote down the things he remembered Ash taking on that last trip. There were flashlights, of course, and rope, an air filtration mask for asbestos and mold, pocket knife, long-sleeved shirts and jeans, good boots, water, energy bars, video camera and so much more. The necessities were spread out amongst the team so the burden didn’t make getting around cumbersome.
He wished now he’d gone with her at least once. When they were dating in high school, she picked up urbex just as they were breaking up. She had a very good reason to dive headlong into her new hobby, especially after what he’d done. They hadn’t seen each other until a few days before she went to the Hayden.
That was one thing the news had wrong. They were not dating when he agreed to drive her and her friends to the Catskills and he had not come to save her. Todd had dared to comment on one of her pictures on Facebook, an old photo of their sophomore year squad hanging out at the mall. He figured she would ignore him at best, curse him out for daring to sneak around her Facebook page at worst. To his surprise, she sent him a private message, asking him how he’d been and what he was up to. They started talking, at least through direct messages, from there.
He had planned to come back to New York to see his mother, and Ash suggested they meet for coffee. When she saw the minivan he was driving – a loan from his mother – she asked if he would take her and her friends to the Hayden so they could do some exploring. He was mildly shocked that urbex was still a thing for her. Weren’t they too old for that kind of stuff? At their age, trespassing meant jail, not a slap on the wrist for being an uninformed teen.
Still, he’d agreed, if only not to ruin the rebuilding of at least their friendship. Truth be told, he thought he’d have to suffer a far greater penance. When she’d held his hand as they walked down the fading main street in Topperville, he’d been shocked, his heart skipping more than a few beats. He realized then, standing outside a hardware store, that he still loved her. That love was only overshadowed by his shame.
Todd dropped his pencil, rubbing his eyes. He didn’t want to think about that.
Instead, he reread the note.
He paused when he came to the lines: I can’t tell you exactly what happened that night, though some images that are coming up are too brutal to bear. They’re a trail of horrible breadcrumbs, but I can’t make myself follow it to the end.
Breadcrumbs.
Was she trying to tell him something?
He practically leaped from the couch.
Of course she was!
Ash and her puzzles. He did his very best to indulge her, especially since working out a puzzle or mystery took her mind off that night. It would only make sense that as bits and pieces came back to her, she would leave her own trail of breadcrumbs, puzzle pieces for Todd to put together.
“Where did you put them, honey?”
He scanned the living room, his hands on his hips, searching for hiding places. Just like the note she left under the mattress, he was positive she’d secreted something else behind.
Now it was only a matter of finding it.
Chapter Nine
“What the hell happened in here?”
Heather paused in the doorway. Vince must have still been in the car, most likely juggling trays of food and bottles of wine. The couple always came ready to feed an army. Todd waved her inside. He hadn’t changed his clothes in two days and he knew he stunk.
“I’ve been looking for breadcrumbs,” he said sheepishly.
“I don’t understand,” she said, mild shock on her face. “It looks like vandals were set loose in here.”
He couldn’t deny that. All of the furniture had been upturned. He’d unzipped couch cushions, emptied drawers on the floor, uprooted potted plants and ransacked his way through every cabinet.
“I prefer to think it looks like an earthquake hit,” he joked, but it fell flat. “I’m not crazy, Heather.”
She took a tentative step inside, looking down to avoid stepping on something. “I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“No. I think you’re grieving. You haven’t lost your mind.”
“But I have lost my housekeeping senses.” He used his foot to clear a path from the front door to the dining room. At least the table and chairs in there were still upright.
Heather grinned but he couldn’t tell whether it was genuine or forced. “You never had much to begin with.”
Vince came strolling inside, his hands full, and blurted, “Holy shit, were you robbed?”
It wasn’t a stretch. They had all worried about the final girl followers breaking in to snatch a memento of Ashley. Girls and boys, men and women were still cruising by the house, dropping things off and peeking in the windows. Todd was sure a few of them had watched him ransack the place. He had no desire to scan the web for blog posts or images about Ash’s insane fiancé ransacking their home.
“You don’t like my feng shui?”
Vince’s mouth dropped open. “To be honest? No.” He put the food and wine on the table and slumped into a chair. “Care to tell me what you’re up to now?”
Heather pulled Todd in for a hug. She smelled like lilacs. Ash loved lilac body wash. He held onto her a little longer than usual, fighting back a sudden swell of emotion. It was bad enough they had walked into his handiwork. He didn’t want to break down in front of them too.
“He’s looking for breadcrumbs,” she said to her bewildered husband.
“Have a seat and I’ll show you,” he said. It took some time to get to the bedroom and find the note. He brought it back to Heather. “I found this the night Vince slept over. Please, read it.”
Vince found the corkscrew at his feet. “I think I’ll just drink straight from the bottle.” While Heather read the note, Todd found three unmatched glasses in the dishwasher and Vince poured.
There was a sheen of tears in Heather’s eyes when she was finished. “Poor Ash,” she mumbled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “But Todd, I don’t get it. What are you really looking for?”
He ran his hand through his greasy hair, wishing he’d known they were coming so he could have either said he’d meet them somewhere else or at least showered and changed. His balance was off too, thanks to lack of sleep. “I think she was telling me she’d left the parts she remembered behind. I…I need to find them.”
Vince took a long sip of his wine and then said, “Buddy, I can understand your wanting to search the Hayden because of what she said. But I don’t see the mystery here.”
“That’s because you didn’t know her like I did!” Todd snapped and was instantly sorry. In a much softer tone, he added, “Everything to her was a kind of mystery. She liked them before, but after, especially when it was quiet in the house, it’s what kept her sane. She always wanted me to help her figure these things out, and I tried, but you know me. I like beer and action flicks. I’m not big on problem-solving. Not that kind, anyway. I know how her mind worked, and this—” he pointed at the note, “—was both her goodbye and a clue.”
They were distracted by the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Todd looked out the window and saw a twenty-something guy and two girls get out of a white Nissan. They took a couple of selfies with the house as a backdrop. Todd knocked hard on the window, startling the trio. They dove back into the car and peeled out of the driveway.
“Jerkoffs,” Todd said.
Heather found the plates on the counter under a mound of knickknacks and spooned out a healthy portion of baked ziti and urged him to sit down. “I don’t want to hear another word until you eat.”
“I promise, I’ll eat later. I have a few more things to check.”
She put a firm hand on his shoulder, pushing him toward the chair. “Unfortunately, I don’t believe you. So now you have to eat.”
He looked at her and realized resistance was futile. “Fine.”
“And after we eat, we’re all going to put this place back together,” she said.
Vince shook his head. “Why do I have to clean? He made the mess.”
Heather shot him a look that made him throw up his hands and apologize. When Heather turned her back to fill two more plates, Vince said to Todd under his breath, “Thanks a lot, buddy.”
“You heard Mom,” Todd said, the small joke relieving some of the mounting pressure that had kept his head and body buzzing for days now. He didn’t know he was hungry until the first forkful of ziti and sausage hit his tongue. It took all his will not to inhale everything on his plate.
There was no small talk while they ate. It seemed inappropriate when surrounded by the disaster of his fervor. Heather filled his plate a second time without his needing to ask. The food and wine helped to fill and relax him. He dropped his crumpled napkin on his plate and sat back. “Stick in the fork. I’m done. That was amazing, Heather. Thank you. For the food and for making me eat.”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re welcome. I’ll wrap up the rest and put it in the fridge.”
Vince said, “You know, when we came here, I thought for sure you’d have all these plans laid out to rope us into breaking into the Hayden. I’m not sure which I prefer.”
“Oh, that’s coming. But first, I need to find where Ash left everything.”
“Getting arrested is not in my future plans.”
“You saw how the cops treated me once they knew who I was. We won’t get arrested,” Todd said. He got up and stared at the chaos of his living room.
“Maybe not you, but I don’t have the same clout.”
Heather closed the refrigerator door. “Sure we do. It’s called clout by association.”
Todd slowly turned to face her, not sure he heard her correctly. “What do you mean we?”
She smiled. “It means I’m going with you. Ever since Vince told me, I can’t stop thinking about it. We can’t let what she hid there get destroyed. We have to at least try.”
“This is news to me,” Vince said.
“Yeah, well, now it’s out there and you’re not going to change my mind.”
“The place is a wreck. It’ll be dangerous. You could get hurt,” Todd said.
“If I do, you two will be there to take care of me.” She finished her wine in one long gulp. “So, where should we start cleaning up this mess?”
“Not yet,” Todd said. “I can’t put everything back until I’ve found it. Whatever it is.”
Heather sighed and said, “What haven’t you checked yet?”
“I’ve gone through every room in the house, including the basement.” He hated being in the basement. He couldn’t stop furtively looking around down there, expecting to see Ash again, still hanging. The basement made him lightheaded and put a knot in his stomach.
A pile of rubble in the living room shifted and collapsed. Elvira popped out of the mess and picked her way to the kitchen.
“Did you check her grandfather clock?” Heather said.
“Of course I did. It was one of the first places I looked. There wasn’t anything in the lower door. I even checked to see if she stuck something behind the pendulum.”
“Did you check behind the clock face?”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, I’ll show you.”
Todd and Vince followed Heather into the bedroom. Each nearly took a header when the clutter on the floor shifted under their feet. Todd kicked the rest out of the way to make a clear path for Heather.
She opened the glass door to the clock face. She then gave the face a gentle push, and there was a click. Using her fingernail, she swung the clock face out. Inside was a small compartment that was empty save for one item.
“She never told me about this,” he said.
“All ladies need their secrets,” Heather said.
There was a folded pink bandana inside. The fabric was stiff with age. Todd’s fingers trembled as he removed it.
“What is it?” Vince said.
Todd felt weightless. “It was her bandana. She wore it the first day we met. I…I didn’t know she saved it.” He looked to Heather. “Did you know she held onto it?”
She nodded solemnly. “She showed it to me one day. Even after you broke up, that was a very special day for her. You were special.”
“Jesus.” Todd brought the bandana to his nose, hoping to inhale any remnant of her scent. Like her smile, it was gone. Their breakup right after graduation had been rough. As far as he knew, she’d thrown out everything that reminded her of him. When they got back together, she’d said many times that she’d never stopped loving him, but for some reason, this bandana spoke far more than words. He felt Heather’s hand at his back.
His eyes burned with tears he refused to allow to come to fruition.
It was then he felt something inside the bandana. He rubbed the thin, tiny square between his thumb and finger and knew instantly what it was.
“I don’t mean to be an asshole, but I think I just need some time to be alone now,” he said.
“We understand,” Heather said. She rested her cheek against the back of his shoulder and hugged him.
“You call us if you need anything,” Vince said.
“Thanks.”
He didn’t move again until he heard the front door close.
Todd unfurled the bandana, catching the memory card in his palm.
He should have been angry with Ash for hiding this from him. But he couldn’t stop thinking about her note and how she’d said she was trying to protect him. Right now, it wasn’t making any sense.
Try as he could, it was impossible to maintain even a shred of anger at her. No, he was disappointed with himself. He couldn’t unlock the mysteries within her when she was alive, her warm, comforting body beside him each night, listening to the ticking of her grandfather clock. He was more determined than ever now to follow the breadcrumbs she’d left and hoped that wherever she was, she could watch him and find peace.
Going back to the dining room, he found her video camera under a mound of haphazardly tossed clothes and powered it up. He slipped in the memory card, opened the video viewer and lost his ability to breathe when the screen was filled with her beautiful, haunted face.
Chapter Ten
Todd, you’re only outside in the yard right now and already I miss you. I can hear you trimming the hedges and I feel horrible for doing this with you so near, but if I don’t record this now, I don’t know if I’ll ever find the strength.
What I’m going to do – what I’ve done by the time you find this – wasn’t an act of cowardice. I know people say that about suicides all the time, but they’re wrong. At least in my case. I’m tired of living like a coward. So I have to be brave for the first time since that night and do what needs to be done.
Please don’t hate me. That’s always been my biggest fear. That we would grow old and you would look back and regret the life we spent together. I know you like to fix things. What if you looked at me when I’m eighty and still broken? Would you still love me then?
I know it’s going to hurt, but the pain will fade. I miss Sheri and Addie and Jamal and Fred every single day. It feels weird to say that the pain isn’t as sharp as it once was, but it’s the truth. You have a whole long, wonderful life ahead of you. Mine was taken from me five years ago. You don’t get to come back from the dead, despite all those horrible zombie films you made me watch.
But what I’ve learned is that memories you buried deep down inside can crawl back.
I was washing the dishes when the first images of that night came rushing back. I dropped a plate and when it smashed, it scared poor Elvira so much, she jumped about two feet. It was, it was like watching a movie reel where the editor just slapped random bits of the film together and sped up the playback. I don’t know what shook it all free and why it hit me like that. It was as if it came from someplace outside of myself. You asked me that night if I was okay and I told you I was fine, just the usual.
It wasn’t.
It was like a dam bursting. Suddenly, all these flashes of things that I had kept hidden from myself would hit me. They would come when I least expected it and each time it was like getting sideswiped by a tractor trailer. The only time I was free was when I was asleep, but you know how horrible a sleeper I’ve become. Basically, I’ve had nowhere to hide.
