Forever Mine (Whiskey Men), page 1
Forever Mine
Whiskey Men 4
Hope Ford
Contents
1. Natalie
2. Natalie
3. Beau
4. Natalie
5. Beau
6. Natalie
7. Beau
8. Natalie
9. Beau
10. Natalie
11. Beau
12. Natalie
13. Beau
14. Natalie
15. Beau
16. Natalie
17. Beau
18. Natalie
19. Beau
20. Natalie
Epilogue
Also by Hope Ford
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About the Author
Forever Mine © 2023 by Hope Ford
Editor: Kasi Alexander
Proofreader: Nicole Graf
Cover Design: Lori Jackson
Cover Models: Bryan Jordan & Meighan Wright
Image Photographer: CJC Photography
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Chapter 1
Natalie
I’m surrounded by the heat from Beau’s body, and I want to burrow deeper into him, but I don’t dare. I hope that he stays in bed a little longer. My leg is over his, and my arm is over his chest, while my face is buried into his neck. It’s like I’ve completely wrapped myself around him sometime in the night, and now I don’t want to move.
It’s in our bedroom where he’s most open to any kind of intimacy. If I start to move or shift in any way, he’ll find a reason to get out of bed and start his day.
So I lie here quietly, taking small breaths, making no sudden movements, and relishing the feel of him next to me.
I’m just hoping to get a few minutes of feeling his body next to mine. This is when I feel the closest to him. This is one of the reasons that I stay. It’s this side of him, behind closed doors when it’s just the two of us, that I feel loved by my husband. Any other time, I feel like I’m a roommate or even worse, sometimes a nuisance.
I take a deep breath, inhaling the woodsy scent of his aftershave that he put on after his shower last night. I try to commit everything to memory. The way he feels, the soft noises he makes in his sleep, the feel of his stubble against my cheek.
Can I really give this up? Later today, when I’m wide awake and am looking at the full picture, I know I will need to leave him. It’s time. Hell, it’s way past time. But when we’re like this and with his hand on my back, holding me to him like he can’t let me go, like he doesn’t want to let me go, well, I’m not so sure my plan to leave is the right thing to do.
I know the instant he wakes up because his body becomes tense, and he seems to hold his breath. I’m not ready for this to end. I need one last time with him, even though I know it’s shitty. I know it makes me an ass to ask him to make love to me when I know I’m asking him for a divorce later today, but I need to feel his love one more time. I need to get lost in his touch so I can carry it with me.
I slide my hand down his chest, past his belly and to the waistband of his underwear. Goosebumps rise on his arms, and when I dip my hand into his shorts, he grunts out my name. “Nat… argh.”
I smile against his neck and kiss him until he sucks in a breath and grips me tighter. If this is going to be our last time together, I want to make it good.
I kiss across his shoulder and down his chest. Going to my knees, I pull at his shorts, and he lifts his hips so I can pull them down. I kiss his navel, pressing my tongue to his hot skin before going down. I move over him until I’m sitting on my knees between his legs, and for the first time, I look into his eyes. “Morning,” I tell him with my sleep-laden voice.
He smiles at me. “And what a good morning, too.”
I look at the clock on the nightstand and take note that he has awhile before he has to leave for work. “You need to rush out of here?”
His head falls back, and he moans as my hands roam over his abdomen. “No. I got time… I’ll make time.”
I press my lips to him, savoring the taste of his skin.
My emotions surge, but I don’t relent. The early light is glaring through the curtains, and my body is on full display. Any other time, I’d be self-conscious, but knowing this will most likely be our last time together, I don't let myself feel any insecurities. I refuse to. Instead, I try to get lost in the moment and the way he makes me feel.
I need more, and I need it all. But at the same time, I don't want to rush things.
Beau reaches down between us and pulls at my lace panties. His thumb trails back and forth across my lower belly, causing me to suck in a gulp of air. “You like these panties?”
I shrug, gyrating my hips slowly across his belly. “Yes. Do you like them?”
He grunts his answer. “Yeah, but I would like them better off.”
I am about to lift up to take them off when both his hands grip my hips to hold me in place. “No, I got it.”
He grabs the lace in his hands and with a steady pull, he rips the string of my panties on first my right side and then my left. He grabs the shreds of material and tosses them on the floor. He reaches for the nightstand, and it takes everything in me to hold back. I want to tell him I’m on the pill, but he already knows that. I want to tell him that just once, I want to feel him bare, but it’s nothing that he hasn’t heard from me before. He doesn’t want children, and I didn’t find that out until after our wedding. But I did discover the lengths he’d go to make sure we don’t have any. He will do whatever’s necessary, even wearing a condom every time we’re together since my birth control isn’t one hundred percent effective.
He grabs the condom from the drawer and rips the wrapper, and I move back so that he can sheathe himself.
He flips me over until he’s hovering over top of me. He leans down and kisses my lips, down my throat and across my chest.
He takes a deep breath, gritting his teeth. He’s always been a man of restraint. He demands control in every situation. I slide my hands up his chest and hook them around his neck.
I should take what he’s willing to give me but even now, knowing this could be my last day with him, I’m going to challenge him. “You don’t always have to be in control, you know. You can do what you want to with me, Beau. Whatever you want, I’ll like it.”
He clenches his eyes shut tight and shakes his head. His whole body seems to swell over me, and a vein in his neck is vibrating. I squeeze his shoulders, wanting him to unleash, but he doesn’t. He pries his eyes open and stares down at me. “Damn, you’re so beautiful.”
My eyes widen in surprise, and all I can do is murmur, “Thank you.”
With a grunt, he asks, “What do you need, Nat? Because you feel so fucking good, I’m not going to last.”
I grab his hand and move it to my hip. “This. I need your hands on me, Beau. That’s it.”
He doesn’t disappoint. I’m ready, and I’ve been thinking about this for hours before he woke up. Before long, we’re both completely engulfed in a mutual earth-shattering, body-trembling climax. He grunts as he collapses on top of me. We’re both breathing heavily, and he’s holding his weight off me, but I wrap my legs around his waist, trying to pull him to me. I’m completely satisfied, but I’m not ready to let go.
He kisses my cheek. “I need to get up and get ready for work.”
When I don’t answer him, he tries to lift me off, but I stop him by holding my legs around him tighter.
He rears back to look at me with a small smirk on his face. “Nat? I need to get ready.”
There are a thousand things I want to say to him, but I know it’s not the time or the place. I’ll have to do that later. I’m not going to ruin this moment of what will possibly be our last time together, so I unlatch my legs from around him.
He climbs off the bed and walks straight into the bathroom without a second glance my way. “I love you,” I mutter into the empty room.
Chapter 2
Natalie
I stare at my phone, my finger hovering over the send button.
I typed out the four words, and this is the hardest text I’ve ever prepared to send. The longer I stare at the words on the phone, the more uneasy I get.
I know I just need to do it. I need to hit send and then deal with the consequences, but I can’t seem to make myself do it. I delete the text and then lay the phone down on the table in front of me.
I push myself away from the table and stand up. I need to think about it some more. At least consider my options. It’s a big decision, and it shouldn’t be made lightly.
I pace the length of the dining room. There are eight chairs surrounding the huge custom-made table. The hutch at the other end of the room is filled with expensive china, and the chandelier is worth more than both my parents make in a year. But it’s all too much, and I’m feeling claustrophobic.
I grab my phone off the table and my sweater off the back of the chair and make my way to the sliding doors that lead to the back yard.
As soon as I walk out into the open air, I take a deep breath and sit down on the chaise lounge. I watch as the lights surrounding the pool dance off the reflection of the water. There’s a light on at the pool house, but other than t
I think back through the last two years and wonder how I got it so wrong. I grew up with two parents completely in love. We didn’t have much, but our family never lacked love. I always hoped I would find a love like the one my parents have, and I thought I’d found it with Beau. I’m not sure what I did wrong. My stomach knots up just thinking about what I’m about to do.
I lean my head back and look up at the starry sky and get lost in thought. Beau was everything from the first moment I saw him. He would come into the diner I worked at in Jasper, and I knew immediately he was someone special. He came in every day, flirted with me, and left me big tips. I was completely won over by him and looking for him to come in every night. I thought it was innocent enough until he asked me out, and only then did I begin to hope that there could be something between us.
He was always guarded with his heart, but he showered me with gifts, and it was all a little overwhelming. Growing up, there was never any extra money. It never really bothered me until I was in high school. It was then my friends were getting cars when they turned 16 or brand-new dresses for prom or were able to go on fancy vacations while I stayed home in the summer and worked.
I met Beau when I was only 24, and when he spent money on me like it was no big deal, I felt loved. Even though now I realize that’s not what it was. It’s never been about love for Beau. At least on his side. For me, I fell hard and I fell fast. I saw the man behind the money, and even though I told him he didn’t have to spend money on me, he did anyway.
And when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I knew our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I was so in love there’s no way I would have considered saying no. I wanted to be Mrs. Beau Blaze more than anything, and even if sometimes I wondered if he truly loved me, I thought he wouldn’t have asked me if he didn’t. So I told him yes, and we planned out the most beautiful wedding Whiskey Run had ever seen.
And now, only two years later, I know that I was wrong. Does Beau care about me? Yes, he does. Does he love me? No, he doesn’t. At this point, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t need me either. We live completely separate lives, and the only time there is any intimacy between us is at night behind closed doors. And when that happens, I think that things are going to be different. He’s going to let his guard down and open his heart.
But the very next minute, when he refuses to cuddle or even hold me afterwards, I know that nothing has changed.
And I hate myself for it.
I thought it was enough and that I could keep going like we were.
I’ve settled for a marriage with hardly any intimacy, taking what I can get from him. Any amount of time he’ll give me, I’ve taken it. He bought me the gym I own downtown where I teach. He makes sure that I drive a new car. I have new clothes and jewelry and can do whatever I want to. He’s made it that I want for nothing, at least material-wise… but it’s not enough.
Because the truth is, I want more. I deserve more, and I’m not going to settle for anything less. Not anymore.
Everything he gives me is nice, but I can do without all of it because the only thing I truly want he can’t give me.
He has his heart guarded, and after two years of marriage, he hasn’t wavered at all. He’s held me at arm’s length, and no matter how hard I try or how much I want it, I can't get any closer.
I open the messaging app on my phone. It’s ridiculous to text him knowing he’s right inside, but this is the best way to get his attention. I could walk into his home office, but he wouldn’t even lift his head to look at me. He’d be completely focused on the computer screen in front of him, and I’d feel like I’m an intruder in my own home.
No, this is the way I need to do it. He may read it tonight or not until tomorrow, but I know I need to get it out. I type the words, taking a breath between each one. I want a divorce.
I stare at the black letters and try to imagine my life without Beau. It’s not any kind of life I want, but I need to do this.
I hit send and wait for relief, grief, or whatever it is to hit me. For just a minute, I panic. My heart races, I feel heat rush through my body, and I second-guess myself, but just as quickly, the feeling disappears, and in its place comes acceptance. I had to do this. I had to. Deep down, I know that I won’t be truly happy going on the way we are.
I lay the phone in my lap and lean my head back. Instead of looking up at the stars, I close my eyes and try to think about what I need to do next. And maybe there’s just a small part of me that hopes my husband is going to fight for me… for us.
Chapter 3
Beau
My phone buzzes, and instead of looking at it, I take my glasses off and rub my eyes. I worked all day at the office, came home and had dinner with Nat, and then excused myself to my office at the house. I’m caught up with the day, but there’s always something that I need to read or stay on top of. Maybe Nat and I could watch a television show tonight. We haven’t done that in a while.
My phone dings again with the two-minute reminder that I had a text.
I let out a sigh, put my glasses back on, grab my phone, and see there’s a text from Natalie. I smile instantly, because this is how she gets my attention sometimes. Maybe she wants to watch a movie too. Heck, maybe she wants a replay from this morning.
I open the message, and my whole world shifts. I stand up but instantly get a little woozy. With my hands on the desk in front of me, I lean over, and my eyes never leave the four words that Natalie sent me. I want a divorce.
I shouldn’t be surprised. I knew two years ago when she agreed to marry me that it wouldn’t be forever. I knew she would eventually leave me. I had hoped she wouldn’t and that maybe she’d come to love me, but that’s not the case.
I try to get my bearings. I want to be mad and throw things, but that’s not who I am. I’m the Blaze brother that is always in control. Well, normally anyway, not counting a few nights ago when I got drunk as hell and Ford and Huddy had to bring my ass home. Shit. I run my hands through my hair and try to pull myself together. I knew this was coming. The signs were all there. We normally spend the evenings together, but she’s been more distant than usual.
Fuck, I guess I need to face the music.
I leave my phone on the desk and walk through the house. First stop is the living room. It’s immaculate, not one thing out of place. It almost looks sterile with the white walls, carpet, and show pieces. I make my way to the kitchen, and it’s empty too. I think about earlier when Nat and I worked side by side to clean up the dirty dishes from dinner. There was no big indication that the night would end with her asking for a divorce.
I make my way back to the middle of the house about to go upstairs, and that’s when I notice the screen door leading outside is halfway open. There’s a knot in the pit of my stomach as I make my way toward the door. Peeking out the window, I see her sitting in her favorite lounge chair with her head tilted back and her eyes closed. I stay here for just a minute, taking her in. She’s beautiful. Her blond hair is spread out like a halo under her head. Without even seeing them, I can picture her blue eyes that sparkle every time she looks at me. My eyes travel down the length of her body, and instantly I’m hard. Since the day I first laid eyes on her, I’ve had this reaction. She’s curvy, and her body is what dreams are made of. So many times I’ve had to hold back and not let her see how completely consumed I am by her. Every thought I have about her has my blood racing south. What am I going to do without her? How can I let her just leave me?
I know I can’t stand here all night, just stalking her.
I slide the door open the rest of the way and step through. I know the instant she knows I’ve joined her because her body tenses. I move to sit in the lounge chair next to her. With my feet on the ground between us, I lean forward, resting my arms on my legs. To her, I probably appear calm when in fact I’m anything but. I know my life is about to be turned upside down, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
