I closed my eyes and braced myself as the images flooded my mind. Keirn rolled over and kissed along my jawline before he brushed his lips over my eyelids.

  "I love you. I'm here for you," he whispered.

  I opened my eyes and met his gaze. "I... I have so much blood on my hands. I needed you back. I couldn't bear to lose you. Forgive me."

  He frowned, small creases forming between his brows and at the corners of his mouth.

  "Tell me," he pressed.

  "The Ceremonials made me bring through tattoos that could never be sustained. I warned them that they would never survive, but they pushed me to do it anyway. If I didn't, then they'd hurt or kill you. It was you or them, and I had to choose you."

  I swallowed down the emotions and watched Keirn's face. He gave me a gentle smile.

  "I understand how the Ceremonials work, Dacian, you have my forgiveness."

  I felt as though a physical weight had been lifted, but I had to tell him the rest. The words tumbled out of my mouth. It all came out as a flood of emotion, regret and guilt. I explained how I'd ended the familiars' lives, the people I'd hurt and killed all to make sure that I got him back.

  His smile never wavered, his eyes remaining soft and understanding. Whatever did I do to deserve him?

  33

  I woke up with Keirn in my arms and the sound of his soft breathing. I felt better than I had done in a long time. He had been completely understanding about what I'd done. He'd spent an hour making me tell him every little detail before he calmly explained that there was a good reason behind every death, every drop of blood on my hands. Of course, I hadn't entirely forgiven myself, that wasn't who I was, but I hadn't lost Keirn, and that was what mattered. The fox walked up the bed and flopped in front of Keirn's face with a melodramatic huff. I laughed and woke Keirn with a start. He tensed and muttered something in elvish at the fox. I kissed behind his ear, feeling on top of the world. A little thing like the fox being a nuisance wasn't going to ruin that mood.

  "He feels that I abandoned him and thus owe him a lot of nice food," Keirn grumbled.

  I laughed. That sounded exactly like something Kyra would have demanded. Right on cue, Kyra did press that she, too, deserved nice food, that she was wasting away in her tattoo, and I was being cruel by making her stay there.

  Keirn stretched, his leg pressing against mine as he did so. The moment was broken by a knocking on the door.

  "Come on, stop screwing, breakfast has been served," Luka said.

  I kissed Keirn's throat and climbed out of bed. The fresh change of clothes was sorely missing a good leather jacket, but the jeans were well-made, and the button-down shirt, while not my normal style, fit well and had the soft tingle of magic in it. I inspected the cuff, trying to figure out what type of magic it was.

  Keirn laughed at me. "It has defensive magic. It'll stop blades from penetrating it."

  He looked sexy as sin in his well-tailored black pants and slim-fit pale blue shirt. The shirt had a soft silver shimmer to it that really brought out his eyes. He rolled his eyes and laughed.

  "You heard Luka, and Kai’sha Za Lien is apparently going to faint if it doesn't get some duck in the next thirty seconds," he said as he raised an eyebrow at his fox.

  I put my arm around his waist, not wanting to lose contact with him. Over time, I'd relax and return to how things were, but I needed to heal and recover. Keirn leaned into me.

  "The Ceremonials didn't treat me too badly. I was in a small room with a rickety bed, and they gave me bland food three times a day. It was incredibly boring, but could have been far worse," he said as we stepped out into the hallway.

  I hung my head as I realised how selfish I'd been. I hadn't asked after his experience. Guilt gnawed at me.

  "I'm sorry," I said softly.

  Keirn smiled at me.

  "It's fine, I understand," he said as he ran his fingers over mine.

  "I don't deserve you," I said.

  He grinned at me. "Probably not."

  I laughed.

  Breakfast was conducted out in the main living area. Food had been placed out on tables that stood around the edges of the room. We wandered around and helped ourselves to what we wanted. Keirn and I made ourselves comfortable on a pale purple sofa with the cougars sitting opposite us. A familiar and a shadow walker got into a fight over the last blue pastry. No one batted an eye as they pummelled each other.

  "Sleep ok?" Shadow asked around a bite of sausage.

  I couldn't keep the stupid smile off my face. The cougars laughed and shook their heads.

  "We're planning on getting the shadow orb back after breakfast. Fein had to get some more information, as it’s currently in transit," Luka said.

  The fox hopped into my lap and rolled over onto its back, looking for belly rubs.

  "You spoiled him," Keirn said with a smile.

  "He was all I had of you," I said softly.

  Keirn grazed my earlobe with his teeth.

  "Are you getting soft on me, Dacian?" he whispered.

  I turned away - was that an insult? I didn't know if I was being ridiculous and making a fool of myself. Relationships like this were still foreign and strange to me. I'd seen the cougars being so affectionate for months that I hadn't thought it bizarre to be the same with Keirn.

  Keirn hooked his finger under my chin and made me look at him.

  "I was joking. I'm glad you're finally comfortable enough to be affectionate. I've waited a long time for this," he said with a smile.

  I relaxed and finished my breakfast while giving the fox belly rubs. The shadow walker and familiar both lost when Rex casually wandered over and stole the pastry they'd been fighting over. He joined the cougars on their couch.

  "Looks like it'll be a quiet day for you guys, or morning at least. We need to look at transport plans and other boring shit this morning. They're moving the shadow orb - Fein and a few others are getting all the necessary details about that right now. You're ok to make a fake orb using ink magic, Dacian, right?" Rex asked.

  I shrugged.

  "Sure, how hard could it be?" I asked.

  I had no idea what I was doing or if it was something I was capable of, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from getting Vyx back.

  "Did you have contact with Vyx while you were there?" I asked Keirn.

  "I heard the shouts from the guards when she bit them," Keirn said with a laugh.

  "So, she still has her fire, then," I said.

  "She put up a good fight and cursed them at every possibly opportunity. There were a few guards who refused to go near her cell."

  I couldn't help but feel a little proud of the vixen. She was small, but what she lacked in size, she more than made up for with fire and determination.

  34

  I was glad to be left out of the planning for the retrieval of the shadow orb. It sounded tedious, and I wanted to have a little more time with Keirn. Everything felt fresh and new again. It was as though I saw him with fresh eyes, and I didn't want to miss anything. We remained on the small sofa we'd eaten breakfast on and watched the room around us in a comfortable silence. Keirn leaned against me and rested his head on my shoulder, our fingers entwined in his lap. The fox had curled up on the other side of me and was peacefully snoring. It was really quite idyllic, if you ignored the fact that we were in a room under the city surrounded by criminals and outcasts.

  The witches had all left; I hadn't seen a single one all morning. A small group of familiars remained, but they huddled in a corner and watched everyone with clear fear in their eyes. I didn't know what to do about them, and Fein was too busy with Ronan and a wolf feral as they planned out the shadow orb thing. Eventually, Shadow broke away from Fein's little group and went over to the familiars. He walked slowly with his hands at his sides and his shoulders slightly hunched. One of the tabby cat familiars shifted as he approached and cowered behind her friends. Shadow spoke in a calm slow voice that seemed to soothe them. They slowly stood a little taller and began to smile. I hoped that meant they were going to have better lives from there on out.

  A broad wolf feral with slate grey hair and bright amber eyes approached Keirn and me slowly. He ducked his head a little before he met my eyes.

  "You're the one that helped Tala."

  I smiled.

  "You knew him? He's got a good life with a hunter now," I said.

  The feral relaxed and smiled as he tucked his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

  "Yea, he told us. He was so proud, he raved about how good you were and how you saved his life. He made the pack swear to watch out for you. When Fein approached our community, we jumped at the chance. We're getting Vyx back, right? The vixen?" he asked.

  I didn't miss the way his eyes sparked a little at the thought of Vyx and how his smile broadened.

  "Yes, we are. Assuming she doesn't break herself out first," I said with a laugh.

  "She's been good to us. She's been helping a few of us get jobs so we can have a better life. She got Cass a job in a bakery; she's being trained and everything. I'm hoping she can help me get a job with Rex, or in the weapon shop at least."

  I smiled. "I'm sure she'll do her best. Have you spoken to Rex?"

  The feral wrinkled his nose and looked away.

  "He's a Cu Sidhe," he whispered.

  I laughed. "I had noticed. He's a cool guy, really, go and talk to him."

  "He might steal my soul..."

  I tried to hold back my laugh. I didn't mean to be cruel. Rex was certainly terrifying when he really got into a fight, but he wasn't going to steal the poor feral's soul.

  "Fein will stop him from doing anything like that. Seriously, talk to him when he's free for a moment."

  The feral smiled and sat down on the sofa opposite us.

  “People say you’re Fein’s personal tattoo magician; how’d you get mixed up with the Ceremonials?” the feral asked.

  I shrugged.

  “What can I say? They just really wanted some tattoos,” I said with a grin.

  The feral laughed. A trio of wolf ferals came over and joined him on the sofa.

  “You’re that ink magician, aren’t you? The one who’s supposed to work with the gods to save the city,” a younger feral with red and cream streaked hair said.

  I had nothing. My jaw threatened to fall open at the very thought of working with the gods, let alone to save the city.

  “I, er… I think you have a different ink magician,” I said with a half-smile.

  “But there’s only one. That’s how it works. One ambassador per magic type,” the older female with bright yellow eyes and long black hair said.

  I didn’t like where this conversation was heading.

  “Me and the gods don’t get along, so I don’t see there being any collaborations any time soon. And I’m not a hero,” I said.

  “You were Tala’s hero,” the original feral said.

  I looked to Keirn, hoping he’d have something helpful to add to the increasingly awkward situation.

  “Where did you hear about this ink magician that will save the city?” Keirn asked.

  The ferals looked at each other and whispered between themselves for a minute before the original feral spoke.

  “The pixies spread the word, but we think it started with the Sidhe and maybe the priestesses.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You believe something the pixies said?”

  The feral shrugged.

  “The priestesses said it, too; they’re tied to the gods,” he said.

  “You said ‘maybe’ the priestesses said it, not that they definitely did,” I said.

  “What’s so bad about being a hero?” the red and cream haired one asked.

  I shook my head.

  “I like my quiet life. Being a hero sounds hectic and dangerous.”

  “You call being blackmailed by Ceremonials and breaking out your husband a quiet life…?” the original said.

  He had me there.

  35

  I stole Keirn away to our private room not long after the ferals' revelation about my being some hero connected to the gods. I shut the door behind us and dragged my fingers through my hair. The fox climbed up my legs and licked at my fingers while Keirn caressed my cheek with his hand.

  "I'm not a hero, Snow..." I said, refusing to look into his eyes.

  He deserved a hero, and I just wasn't that guy. It wasn't who I was. The cougars could be heroes, they dove into danger and kicked ass without fear or concern. I was selfish. I wanted to protect my loved ones and call it good.

  "Are you sure about that?" Keirn asked gently.

  I looked into his face to see the gentle smile.

  "You saved Tala and Vyx. You desperately wanted to save those familiars."

  I frowned.

  "That's different. That was just common decency."

  "Is it?"

  "Sure, I mean they were suffering, I couldn't just stand by and let them continue to suffer."

  Keirn's smile widened.

  "Sounds like a hero to me. You put aside your life, your concerns, to help other people. Tell me how that's not a hero."

  "Ok, fine, so I'm maybe a small-time hero. I can't save the whole city, though!"

  "Why not?"

  "I'm just one man, I have no idea where I'd even start, and I don't want to endanger you and Vyx. The cougars can look after themselves, but you're... I love you, both of you. I can't go through this again, it'd kill me."

  Keirn shook his head.

  "You don't save the city as a whole in one sweeping gesture. You continue doing what you're doing. You help people. Work with Fein, don't fight him, let him guide you."

  I growled and walked around him.

  "Fein's the real hero here. The crime lord with a heart who works with the god of balance."

  Keirn laughed. "Why does this thought scare you so badly?"

  "Because I'd fuck it up. And if I fuck it up, good people get hurt. I can't lose you, Keirn, I can't do it."

  "I can fight, so can Vyx. Do not let us hold you back from being something more. You have it in you, Dacian, stop holding yourself back." He pulled me into his arms. "Stop letting fear rule you. You're an incredible man, and I would love nothing more than to see you fulfil your potential. You were never meant to be just a tattoo magician. It's time to step up."

  I sighed and kissed the hollow of his throat.

  "I just can't."

  "No, you won't."

  He took my bottom lip between his teeth and bit down gently.

  "You are being weak, Dacian. Stop it now and prove that you're the man I think you are, the man I fell for. Was I wrong? Did I fall for a different man?"

  I swallowed down my fear and lifted my chin. A feeling of pride and strength swelled within me. I could be anything if I had Keirn at my side.

  We were summoned back out into the main living area for lunch. Fein, Ronan, and the others had settled on the best plan to steal the shadow orb back. That meant that I needed to make the fake orb. It was time to hope that I could do what I'd claimed I could do. It didn't help that I had no idea what the real shadow orb looked like, given that I was producing a replica that would have to look exactly the same.

  Ronan gave me a handful of photos of the orb from various angles that someone had taken when it was put on display in a museum in Berlin. I was then handed a glass orb that was the same size and density as the real shadow orb. All eyes were on me.

  I looked the photos over, picking out every little detail, from the way the colour had slight swirls of different shades of black within it to the way said swirls were in lazy curls rather than tighter spirals.

  "We don't have all night," Ronan grumbled after a while.

  "This needs to be perfect. Do you want me to throw something together and risk them spotting it’s a fake?"

  The shadow walker crossed his arms and huffed. I got it, he desperately wanted his magic back. It must have been agony to suffer with that hollow inside for as long as he had. That didn't mean that I could rush the process, though.

  The ink network surged forward when I pulled out a bottle of crisp black ink and placed it next to the glass orb. I held the image of the shadow orb in my mind and allowed the ink network into my hands. I hadn't done a huge amount with moving pure ink, so I had to work slower than everyone around me would have liked. The magic within the ink tingled in my fingers, and I felt some part of me connect with it. In my mind's eye, I pulled the ink out of the bottle and slowly pressed it through the glass to the inside. To my delight, the ink slowly moved out of the glass bottle in a slow ribbon of pitch that slipped into the orb before me.

  The room erupted into hushed whispers of awe, which Fein shut down.

  "He needs to focus," the elf growled.

  I appreciated it. The pressure of everyone watching me was enough without the background noise on top of it. The ink network crept up my arms as I slowly pushed the ink around the inside of the orb. The ink coated the inside of the glass, and I worked to recreate those slow languorous swirls within the darkness. I slowly pushed in more magic to give the colour the depth and spark that it needed to really feel like a magic orb. It was supposed to be packed with pure magic, but I couldn't afford to press too much magic into it, in case someone like a breaker got close to it. They'd be able to feel that it was ink and not shadow.

  The ink network had reached my elbows by the time I was satisfied that the orb was exactly as it needed to be. I drove the network back out of my hands and scolded it for pushing. It grasped onto my consciousness and dragged me into itself, where it berated me about my using it and how it was supposed to be a partnership. I squared my shoulders and told it that I was trying to be a goddamn hero and it was going to give me a break. It flickered soft silver before it formed the image of a woman.

  "Finally. I'm proud," it said before it dropped me back into the normal world with a thud.

  I shook my head to clear my vision and felt Keirn's arms around me.

  "Are you ok?" Rex asked.

  I grinned at him.

 

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