Forever Mason, page 18
For the past two months, I’ve lived with perpetual anger. I’m pissed because I feel like I’m walking on eggshells where Liam’s concerned. I know he regrets his choice of college and blames me. Hell, his father does and has let me know more times than I can count on how I’ve fucked up his son’s life. I’m sorry, but if Liam is going to make a life-altering decision based on one sentence, that’s on him. Not me. Anytime I brought up going to college together, my thoughts ended up under the rug. For as long as I live, I’ll never understand Liam. He could’ve easily told Sterling to take a long walk off the cliff, but Sterling holds all the cards. Liam doesn’t talk about it much, but he has a trust fund, and on more than one occasion, Sterling has threatened him with it. I guess money is more important than happiness.
With the college issue aside, I’m angry Liam and Josie were named prom king and queen. It’s not that I wanted the crown, but I wanted Katelyn to have it. Call me selfish, but after all these years, I want some acknowledgment. Honestly, I’m tired of being known as the guy on Liam’s left, his best friend, and the one who helped him break records. I’m bitter, and at eighteen, that’s the last emotion I should feel. Katelyn told me she was okay with Josie being queen, but the smudged make-up told me another story on the night of our last prom. She was hurt. Anyone could see it, but no one will ever know. Everyone at the dance probably assumed we got in a fight that night. Sometimes, I wonder if Liam and I need a break from each other, that maybe four years at different schools will make us stronger friends because right now, I’m not sure I can do another year. I know it’s what I wanted, but after this year, I’m not sure it’s the best thing for me.
Of course, there’s a strain on our relationship because of Nick. I get it. Liam doesn’t like him, but I do. The problem is, they’re both strong-willed, hard-headed people who go full force after what they want. Nick wants Josie. Liam has Josie. Liam feels Nick wants whatever he has. Liam is also jealous that Nick outplayed him when it came to baseball. It was Nick who won all-state honors, with Liam coming in second. It was Nick who pitched the no-hitter to win the state baseball title and who the scouts came to watch game after game. When he joined the football team, I thought Liam would lose his shit. Nick was Liam’s backup, and he made sure Nick knew it. They say rivalries are good for you, but not in this case. I sometimes wonder if Liam would be different if Nick hadn’t enrolled at Beaumont High.
And then, shit like graduation happens, and Liam’s parents don’t show up. What kind of parents don't show up for their son’s graduation? My mom wept for Liam when she saw the Westbury’s chairs remain unoccupied. Liam knew. Hell, everyone knew. I can’t imagine how he feels, and that’s when I feel the most for him. That’s when I can justify the shit that he does because he’s always hurting. To make graduation even worse, Josie’s parents didn’t invite him along to their family dinner, leaving him without anyone. He has always been welcomed at my house but would just never show up. Not on a day like that. Liam went where he could and ended up at Candy Appleton’s house. Not the best decision, but he wanted to forget, and free-flowing booze helps you do that.
The phone rings, and I extract myself from Katelyn. It’s a call I’ve been waiting for and something I need to discuss with my parents and with Katelyn. Since May, I’ve struggled with my decision to accept the offer from the University of Texas. I want to play football, but I’m not sure I want to do it so far from home. At night, when I’m alone, these are things I think about, and I ask myself if I’m doing the right thing for me. Of course, the thought of being away from Katelyn destroys me. I cry just thinking about not seeing her every day. I get this probably means we should spend some time away from each other, but that’s not how I see it. If thinking about her not being next to me all the time evokes that sort of emotion, why would I put myself in that situation? Leaving doesn’t seem logical.
After I hang up, I go back to Katelyn, intent on resuming my position, but she sits up, and my parents put their footrests closed. I have three sets of eyes on me, and I know without asking them why they’re staring at me, what they want.
“I’m going to take it,” I tell them.
Katelyn hugs me. My mom cries, and I’m not sure if they’re happy or sad tears, and my dad nods and returns to watching television. I’ve made a huge change, one that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life, and I can only hope it’s for the best.
With everything loaded into the back of my truck, Katelyn and I head out of town. The four of us are going camping. This will be the last time, at least until next summer, that we’ll be together. We have five nights of being in the woods ahead of us, telling ghost stories, talking about the stupid things we’ve done over the past three years, and thinking about our futures. Weeks ago, when I went hiking with Nick, I found this place and thought it would be perfect for Liam, the girls, and me to spend some quality time together.
Liam and Josie follow behind us. Every so often, Katelyn looks over her shoulder to make sure they’re still there. Unfortunately, they hit a rough patch and almost broke up because Josie thought Liam cheated on her. Liam and I may not see eye-to-eye on many things lately, but he would never do something like that to Josie. What he went through with graduation really did a number on his psyche, and I think he just needed someone other than me to talk to, and Candy was there. Liam says nothing happened, and I believe him, and Katelyn believes Josie. I told Katelyn that our friends' issues are not ours, and we need to keep it that way.
The four of us work to get our campsite in working order. Once we’ve pitched the tents and gathered firewood, we meet near the campfire, where Katelyn has set up four chairs.
“I can’t believe this is it. Our last hurrah.” Liam points his freshly opened bottle of beer toward me. Josie leans into him, and Katelyn squeezes my hand, reminding me that I have something to tell him. I clear my throat and kick the dirt in front of me. It’s a stall tactic if anything.
“What’s up, man?” Liam asks as he sets his bottle of beer on the ground. He knows.
I shrug, and for the life of me, I don’t understand why. “I have something to tell you.”
“What’s up?” Liam sounds like a broken record, and I know I’m the reason for it.
Katelyn kisses my shoulder. It’s supposed to be a confidence booster, but now I’m second-guessing everything. Why did I wait so long to tell him? “I’ve decided to stay and go to school with Katelyn,” I blurt out as fast as I can, hoping my words are jumbled, and Liam doesn’t understand me. I want this to be the case so I can speak with more conviction.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to leave, Katelyn.” My words are weak and softly spoken. Not how I imagined any of this would go.
“So, you just. . .” Liam looks at me, Josie, and then Katelyn, and then leans forward. I hear him ask Josie if she knew but don’t hear or see her respond to him. Katelyn promised me she wouldn’t tell Josie, and I trusted her to keep my secret.
“Liam –”
He holds his hand up, clearly not ready to let me explain. Liam inhales deeply and then says, “I chose the University of Texas because of you, and now you’re not going?” His words have so much bite that he sounds like Sterling.
“I’m in love.” It’s not the best answer, but it’s the one I have right now. Love should be enough, but so should friendship.
“And you don’t think I am? I was going to ask Josie to go to school with me until you told me about Texas. I had an offer from them and thought you’d appreciate us playing together. I wanted to take her out of Beaumont and never return but didn’t ask her because I didn’t want Katelyn to be alone.”
“Thanks –” Katelyn starts to say, but he cuts her off.
“Just stop, both of you. Why couldn’t you tell me this before we got here? Afraid I’d bail?” Liam stands and glares at me. I deserve it and wish like hell I could stand up for myself with him.
“Liam –”
“What, Mason? What on earth do you have to say? Is it that you didn’t want me to go to college with you? Because if that’s the case, you should’ve fucking said something when you barged into my hotel room. Do you really think I want to go to Texas? Fuck no. I did it for you, so you wouldn’t be alone because you kept going on and on about your damn scholarship, and I thought if I were there to help and support you, things would be okay. But, boy, was I fucking wrong?” Liam grabs his hair and starts pulling. He screams. It’s hard, bone-chilling, and full of anguish. It’s pain that I’ve caused him. I’m no better than Sterling at this moment. I’ve let him down when I’m the one person he could always count on. He bends at his waist and tries to catch his breath. “And to think I could’ve had a decent fucking home life these past few months had I chosen the right school, but who the hell gives a shit about that?”
Liam kicks his chair into the fire. Josie and Katelyn jump, and I lunge for the chair, pulling it out of the flames before they engulf it. He stalks off into the woods, leaving the three of us there.
“How could you?” Josie asks.
I shake my head slowly. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me,” she demands. “Help me understand why you turned your back on him when he chose the school because of you.”
“Liam, and I, we don’t want the same things out of life. I’m going to college to get an education, so I can get a job and marry Katelyn. I don’t care anymore about titles or records or whether the NFL is watching what I do out there. That’s the life you and Liam want, and you should go get it. You should go to school with Liam. You should be there for him.”
Josie doesn’t say anything. Instead, she gets up and heads into the woods, following the same path Liam took.
“Am I wrong?”
“No,” Katelyn says. “They’re different from us.”
“I feel like no matter what I do, I’m making a mistake.”
Katelyn cups my cheek. “Not with me, you’re not. I love you, Mason. I want to build a life with you. If you’re in Texas, there’s a good chance I’m following you, and we both know I can’t afford that.” I hate that her parents will only help her if she stays local. She kisses me. “If you need to be with Liam, I understand.”
I kiss her back. “I need to be with you.”
Liam and Josie don’t return to the campground when we go to bed, and when we wake in the morning, their tent is gone. Katelyn cries, and I’m not sure if it’s because our friendships are ruined or because this all could’ve been avoided. In hindsight, I should’ve never suggested Liam and I go to the same school and taken the hint last fall when I realized it was a long shot that I’d ever play on his left again.
Katelyn and I camp for another night and then decide to head home. I drop her off at Josie’s and then search the town for Liam. I find him at the water tower by himself. I climb the ladder, sit down next to him, and clear my throat.
“I was—”
Liam stands and looks down at me. “Fuck off and go to hell.”
My mouth opens to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. Never has he ever said anything like this to me in all the years that I’ve known him. Liam climbs down the ladder and gets into this truck. My throat tightens, and the realization that my friendship with Liam is over settles onto me.
I have ruined everything.
Twenty-Seven
This is it. The last time we’ll all be together before college. We’re all meeting at the tower before we go our separate ways. Sure, some of us aren’t going far, but many are leaving the state. It’s going to be a long four months until we can meet up again for a night of debauchery at the water tower. It’s my last attempt at reconciling with Liam before we each leave for college. Two days ago, he said things I know he didn’t mean, and I plan to grovel at his feet to forgive me. I know I blindsided him, but deep down, I suspect he knows I’ve made the right decision. He’s going to flourish in Texas, and I’m going to be his biggest fan, rooting as loud as I can each weekend. It’ll suck when our games are at the same time, but I suspect I’ll be able to watch at least half of them.
Katelyn’s leaning into me when we pull into the parking area. She’s been quiet, and a bit sad after everything went down between Liam and me. There’s a massive bonfire, a ton of cars and trucks, and someone has music booming through their audio system. As soon as we get out, I kiss her and say, “I’m going to go find Liam and make things right.”
“Good luck,” she says. The past couple of days haven’t been easy on her either. Josie hasn’t answered any of Katelyn’s calls and isn’t home when she goes over to see her. I get that what I did messed with everyone’s plans, but I’ve apologized, and there isn’t anything I can do to change what has happened. I have to do what’s best for me, and I feel that going to school with Katelyn is it.
I don’t know how long I search through the crowd, the faces sitting on the tower's walkway, and through the woods surrounding the area, looking for Liam. I finally give up and head toward the bonfire and find Katelyn, who happens to be standing next to Josie. They have their arms wrapped around each other.
“Hey.” I kiss Katelyn on her cheek. “Where’s Liam?”
Josie wipes at her eyes. “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean?”
“He already left for school.” She says this, and my heart sinks. He can’t have left already. Tomorrow was the day we planned to leave.
“What? Why?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, something about quarterbacks getting there a couple of days early.”
This can’t be. Liam never mentioned having to report to campus before the rest of the team when we made plans to leave together. Did he leave because of me? What in the hell have I done?
“I’m sorry, Josie.”
“Right, so you’ve said.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Katelyn barks out. “Mason has always been by your side, Josie. You’ve complained to him about everything, referred to him as your best friend, and begged him to help Liam notice you. You don’t get to be a jerk to him because your boyfriend left early for college, and you don’t get to be an ass because my boyfriend decided to stay with me. Liam could’ve stayed, and he could’ve taken you with him. So, if you’re going to be a bitch, do it someplace else because I’m over the drama. Life happens. Mason made a choice, and you don’t have to like it, but you have to respect it because he’s always respected your decisions.”
Wow. Pissed off Katelyn is a sight to behold. I’ve never seen her snap at anyone before and sort of wish I had it on video to watch this moment again. She glances at me, and I smile, letting her know I appreciate everything she said.
Josie nods but says nothing. She rests her head on Katelyn’s shoulder, and that’s my cue to leave them alone. They need their girl time, and honestly, I need some time with the guys. I start to climb the ladder and realize I’ve never been up there without Liam, and it doesn’t feel right. In fact, none of us should be here without him. He found this place, and none of us would know about it if it weren't for him. Except, he’s supposed to be here. He planned this going away party or whatever it is.
The girls are huddled together when I make my way toward them. Instead of stopping, I head to my truck and grab the wool blanket Katelyn uses to cover her legs when the heater isn’t working correctly. I drape it around their shoulders, and they both turn to look at me. “I don’t want my girls to freeze,” I tell them. Katelyn and Josie lean into me, and I keep my arms on their shoulders. Liam should be here. He should be standing next to me, holding his girl, while I hold mine.
The party is in full swing when Nick shows up. Everyone is happy to see him since he left a day after graduation to continue his studies. “Hey, man,” I say when he reaches us. “How’s college life?”
“Hard,” he says. “Sometimes I think I’m crazy, but I want to get this shit done. When do you leave for Texas?”
“Ah, I’m not.” I motion for him to follow me to the back of my truck, where we grab a couple of beers. “I decided to stay here. I’ll play for State, get an education, and marry Katelyn.”
“Still planning to marry her, huh?”
I nod. “Yep. That’s probably the only thing I haven’t wavered on. I’d marry her tomorrow if she’d allow it, but she says she’s too young and she really needs her parents’ help with school. They’d cut her off.”
“That’s messed up.”
“It is. So, we’ll wait. I get it. I have someone funding my expenses, and she’s on her own. Even Josie’s parents are paying for her schooling.”
Nick lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a drink. “Is she still with Liam?”
“Yeah.” I honestly don’t see them lasting four years unless she goes to Texas to be with him. They’re incredibly jealous, and I suspect Liam will wonder what the hell she’s doing without him, and Josie will wonder if Liam’s talking to other girls. If high school has shown us anything, we know women like to chase Liam, and most don’t give a rat’s ass if he has a girlfriend.
“What about you?” Nick and the college girl he hooked up with didn’t last more than a couple of months, which seems par for the course for him.
“Nope. There have been a couple of coeds but nothing serious.”
“Just enough to get your mind off school?”
Nick laughs. “That’s exactly it.”
We make our way back to the girls, and as I suspect, Nick stands next to Josie. I know he’s cementing his next-in-line status for all those guys who are sniffing around her, but I hope for his sake, he’s willing to wait because I don’t see Josie giving him the time of day. At least, not as long as Liam is in the picture.
When the night starts to wind down, Nick suggests we head to the top of the tower for one last beer toss, but I decline. I have no intentions of ever going up there again until Liam and I have patched things up. Hopefully, by Thanksgiving, and if not, we’ll hash it out at Christmas. Either way, I’m not letting him hold this against me for long. We just need a little time away from each other, and then we’ll be fine.
