And he was going to come back and find me dead and that bothered me the most – because I knew how he would feel. I knew deep down that however much of a screw-up I was, he loved me – and I loved him too, for real. Against all the odds, somehow, he felt the same way about me as I did him and it was ironically both the worst and the most wonderful feeling in the whole world because I wasn’t going to live long enough to enjoy what we could have had.

  “I’ve always hated him too,” I told dad, “because he killed my mother and I loved her.”

  “He killed everything,” He said, his voice flat and lifeless, “It just took me a while to figure that out.” He looked at me, straight in the eye and even before he did it, I kind of knew what he was going to do, but still, I watched, frozen, in horror, hearing a piercing scream and realising as if in a dream that it had come from my own mouth as he raised the knife. This was it – I was going to die at the hands of my father.

  “NO!”

  Dad turned. His eyes still wild and unfocused. I scrambled away as best I could and he turned back towards me, confused. “What?”

  I hadn’t said anything. Everything was utterly confusing.

  “You’ve done enough killing, Greg!” Toby shouted. “I’m not standing by while you let anyone else die.”

  Dad started laughing, “You think you can stop me?”

  My heart started to beat wildly in my chest and I noticed my sleeve was wet again. What was going on here? What did Uncle Toby mean? He was the killer of my mother – wasn’t he?

  Toby shrugged, “I’m doing time for murder, Gregory.” He said quietly, “It might as well be for something I’ve actually done this time.”

  I stared up at Toby, completely confused now, “You didn’t kill her?”

  “He’s lying.” Dad said through gritted teeth but I suddenly understood. It was Dad. He’d killed her – it all made perfect sense. The events had never really added up in my head but seeing him standing over me with the knife – well, Mum had been brutally stabbed to death, hadn’t she? I closed my eyes, exhaustion taking over again.

  “I’m not lying Benjamin,” Toby said, “I took the rap for my brother – but not anymore.” He stopped speaking to me and spoke to Dad instead, “Now that I can see what you’ve done. You’ve ruined everyone’s life you’ve ever touched.”

  “Go on then!” Dad roared, “Fucking shoot me! I’m done with living in this perpetual hell!”

  I opened my eyes and watched in horror as Uncle Toby raised his gun to eye level and squeezed the trigger. I lost consciousness before the real horror of the situation could fully register and I knew no more.

  Chapter 38 – Don’t leave me…

  Cade

  I pulled my mobile phone out of my top pocket. My fingers were shaking as I dialled the number.

  I ran up the drive and hammered on the door. Please let Dad be back, please. I was panicking because I knew he had a date tonight – it was late now, but they didn’t have to be back yet…

  I could have cried with relief when he answered the door. Dad stared at me momentarily before I spoke, “It’s Benny – he needs help!”

  I was still staring at him when I got my connection to the emergency services.

  “How may I help?”

  “Police please – there’s a domestic attack going on right now in the house next door. Please hurry – the man is dangerous and I’m afraid he’s going to hurt my friend.” I gave her the address and she assured me that they were on their way. I looked back up at my Dad. “Please help him, Dad – please, I love him.”

  Dad nodded. “I’ll do what I can, son.” He promised and tore past me.

  I followed after him. We were halfway across the street when the sound of a gunshot ripped through the night and stopped us in our tracks.

  Dad turned to me, horror-struck, “What the…?”

  I screamed and started running towards his house, “BENJAMIN!”

  Dad ran after me and caught my arm. “I’ll go in there first.” He said. I faltered and then nodded. If we were going to find something bad, maybe it was best I let him go in there first. Everything was eerily quiet as he pushed the door open.

  I walked slowly up the drive, wondering when the police were going to arrive.

  Dad came back to the door. “Call them again, Cade,” He said urgently. “We need an ambulance too.”

  I froze. Oh, my God! Not Benny....

  But I knew there was something terribly wrong with Benjamin. If he wasn’t hurt, he’d be at the door with Dad.

  I ran into the house. I had to see for myself. I thrust my phone at Dad. “Where is he?” I screamed.

  “In there – I don’t think you should…”

  I stood at the door and screamed. There was blood everywhere. Benjamin was slumped against the wall; his shoulder was at a funny angle and he had such severe bruising to the side of his face, it seemed to be twice the usual size. His father was slumped at a grotesque angle not very far away from him; his eyes were open and staring straight ahead. He had a bullet hole in the centre of his head and the bloodstain behind him made me want to vomit. I had to look away. He had a knife in his right hand and I wondered what damage he’d managed to do to Benjamin before he was shot. He was dead, that much was obvious. What wasn’t so obvious was how he’d died – or rather – who had shot him? It clearly wasn’t Benjamin, since he wasn’t even conscious. Oh God – he’d mentioned his uncle…

  I felt for a pulse. I could feel one, but it was faint. The sirens were still distant, “Benjamin?” I whispered his name close to his ear, “Benny? Can you hear me? I love you, please don’t leave me.”

  I grabbed a tea towel and pressed it as gently and carefully as I could against the wound to his head. It didn’t look terribly serious, but there seemed to be a lot of blood. Surely the cut on his arm wasn’t still bleeding? I was frightened that there might be internal damage that I couldn’t see. He was so battered it was a distinct possibility. His father was completely mad. I felt a little guilty for being relieved that he was gone.

  The paramedics were on the scene in the next couple of minutes.

  They tended to Benjamin first. It was quite clear they were too late for his father.

  “Oh, my God,” I whispered, as they started to tend to him, “Benjamin…”

  “It’s alright, son,” the paramedic said soothingly, “it looks a lot worse than it is – I don’t think it’s anything we can’t fix. He might be a bit misshapen for a while but he looks like a fighter, this one.”

  I nodded. “You’ve no idea what he’s been through,” I murmured, “His father has been attacking him for years.”

  The paramedic nodded, “Well, it doesn’t look like he’s gonna hurt him again,” he said drily, glancing over at Benny’s Dad.

  “Yeah,” I agreed, not daring to look at Mr Kershaw again for fear of losing the contents of my stomach, “pity he had to almost kill his son first.”

  He nodded. “It’s usually the way it goes.” He said. I guessed he’d dealt with this sort of thing a few times.

  “Can I come with him?”

  “Of course,” he said glancing towards my dad who nodded his agreement. “He’ll need someone he loves and trusts when he comes around,” he smiled at me sympathetically, “this must have been a traumatic experience.”

  I nodded, taking a hold of Benny’s hand. Usually his hands were warm and soft but at that moment it was frighteningly cold and clammy in mine as I watched the paramedic work on him. He gave me a running commentary of everything he was doing for Benjamin. It was quite comforting in a way.

  “I’m just going to hook him up to a drip – he’ll likely need some fluids replacing if nothing else but I’m also going to give him a shot of painkiller – it’s not pleasant having your shoulder put back and we want him as stress-free and as comfortable as possible.”

  I nodded as I watched. He rolled up one of Benny’s sleeves to give him a shot. Since I was watching, I saw exactly what the paramedic also saw – the jagged scars on his wrists and up his arms of what looked like a good couple of years self-abuse and the most recent wound, which looked almost like he’d meant to finish himself off. I was horrified. I had no idea he was doing that to himself. I’d never seen them before – how had I never seen them before?

  Then it occurred to me that he was either always in sleeved shirts, or long-sleeved jerseys. He rarely wore tee shirts – and if he did, he always had those leather bracelets on, which I’d always thought were just a sexy accessory – or sweatbands – he wore them quite a lot too. It had never occurred to me that he was hiding something… Oh My God. How had I never noticed…?

  He looked up at me, scratching his neck he said, “He’s gonna need psychological help too – do you think you can handle that?”

  I nodded. “I’ll do anything to help him – he’s my best friend and I love him more than anything in the world.”

  He grinned at me, “He’s a lucky kid having you.” He replied.

  Dad came over and sat with me, his arm around my shoulder, “They’ve got a very special connection, these two,” he said, “He can come live with us.” He murmured. “We’ll put him back together, I promise.”

  The paramedic looked at us both, his face very serious, “He’s got to want to put himself back together,” he said, sombrely, “– you’ll have your work cut out with this.” He touched his arm.

  I wanted to cry. He’d been hurting himself all this time and I hadn’t even noticed, “I’ve got all the time in the world,” I said, “And I want to help him.”

  The flashing lights of the ambulance and the police cars bounced all around the street lighting up the windows of the surrounding houses. Faces were peeking out from behind curtains and some of the more curious were stood out on the street. I figured there would be the press around before long, too. It wasn’t every day someone was blown away by an escaped convict on a quiet suburban street.

  I glanced towards the police car and was surprised to see someone that looked remarkably like Benjamin’s dad sat in the back seat of the car calmly chatting to the police officer in the driving seat.

  I shuddered and turned back to the ambulance. I climbed in the back and sat down on the small seat at the side of Benjamin. He was still unconscious, his face pale and bruised. I kind of knew that he was going to be alright – well, he was going to live in any case. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever really be alright. I guess that was down to him…

  Chapter 39 – Recovery process

  Benjamin

  I didn’t know where I was when I finally woke up. My shoulder was unbearably painful and my chest and neck were covered in bandages. Holy shit, I was going to look a right fucking mess now…. Not that that was anything new… And I was used to bandages. I remembered bits and pieces of what had happened though – and that wasn’t really normal. Dad had really gone psycho – he surely couldn’t talk his way out of this one, this time, could he?

  I looked around, half-expecting him to be standing around somewhere chatting and laughing and making everyone believe his lies that I’d somehow got in the way of a chainsaw or something. He wasn’t here. My heart lifted. Maybe he’d been sent down this time.

  I relaxed a little. If he wasn’t here, he couldn’t hurt me for a while yet. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to take over but then I thought I heard something and my eyes flew open again. Cade? I waited with baited breath.

  “Can I see him?”

  I could hear him! That was Cade’s voice. Yes, he damn well could see me!

  “I’ll check on him first. We’d rather he didn’t have too many visitors to begin with…”

  I looked up. The nurse smiled as she came quietly into the room, “Oh, you’re awake then.”

  I nodded, “Yeah,” I said, “Did I hear Cade?”

  She smiled and nodded, “Yes, would you like to see him?”

  I struggled to a better sitting position and nodded, “Yes, I really would.” I said sincerely. I couldn’t wait to see him – to thank him for everything. If he hadn’t come by when he had, I might not be here.

  The nurse bustled around checking my temperature and giving me my meds and all sorts of other unnecessary little jobs while I waited impatiently. Finally, she said she’d go and get Cade…

  Chapter 40 – Facing the truth

  Cade

  Jack burst through the doors, his eyes wide with fear as he looked around. His eyes met with mine and I shot out of my chair and threw myself into his arms.

  “Oh, God, Cade – how is he?” he asked as he gave me a hug.

  I pulled away and sat back down, “He’s going to be okay I think,” I bit my lip. It wasn’t his immediate injuries I was so concerned about – it was the fact that he’d been cutting himself and I’d had no idea… “Did you notice anything when he was living with you…?”

  Jack sat down opposite me and frowned at me in confusion, “Like what?”

  “Like… Did he ever…?” Oh God this was so hard.

  Jack was staring at me, an alarmed look on his face, “Cade – tell me. Whatever it is – just tell me.”

  “He’s been cutting himself.” I blurted out.

  Jack looked over my head at the wall and sucked in a sharp breath. Wrapping his arms around himself, he leaned forward and squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck,” He muttered, shaking his head, “I knew it…”

  My heart dropped in my chest, “You knew?” I asked incredulously. How come he knew and I didn’t? I felt absolutely terrible that he’d noticed and I hadn’t.

  He shook his head again, “No… Yes… Not really.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “I had my suspicions…” Opening his eyes again, he looked at me sadly, “Oh, God, Cade – I feel like I’ve really let him down.”

  He did? I was his boyfriend. Well, kind of… I nodded, “I know – me too. I should have told Dad or something. I knew his dad was beating him up months ago – years even...”

  We sat in silence. Both of us lost in our own horrible memories and thoughts that we should have done something – something more…

  The doors burst open again. Jack and I looked up. Darren was stood there, eyes wide and looking scared.

  I stood up, “Hey, Darren.”

  He came over and stood next to Jack looking awkward. “Hi,” he mumbled, “How’s Benny?”

  I nodded, feeling a little like the nominated speaker, “He’s going to be okay.”

  Jack looked up, “No thanks to us.” He added mournfully.

  Darren sat down next to him and took his hand, “You didn’t know this was gonna happen.” He said to him softly.

  Jack shook his head and tears fell down his face, “I told him to fuck off, Darren,” He sobbed, “It was my fault he was there at all.”

  Darren gathered him into his arms and rocked him. “He’ll understand,” he said quietly, “Benjamin really likes you man, he’s a cool guy.”

  I watched them, feeling that I was missing something about their relationship. I’d have to ask Jack later.

  Darren looked across at me, “Are you okay?” He asked.

  I nodded and tried to smile. I’m not convinced it actually reached my face but still, that didn’t really matter right now, “I’m fine,” I said, “I just feel really bad that I didn’t do enough.”

  He nodded, “Oh, God – me too.” He said, “I should have known something wasn’t right ages ago. When we first joined Broad Ridge 6th form from school, things kicked off.”

  I looked at him curiously, “Oh, right?” I asked.

  “Well, a bunch of us decided it’d be a good idea to have a getting-to-know-you party. Well, I’m sure Jack will tell you that I’m a bit of practical joker. I hijacked his Facebook page and invited a load of people to a party at his house. I knew I’d dropped a major bollock when he went into total meltdown about it – honestly, he was crying and everything. I felt like such a twat. I’d never seen anyone so panicked in all my life…”

  My heart about cracked hearing that but he hadn’t finished. His face paled and got a look in his eye that made my blood run cold, “I’ve even seen his dad hit him.”

  My stomach dropped, “You what?”

  He nodded, shamefaced, “I’ve been there when he’s smacked him around the head. I didn’t think much of it but then when I put it all together… Fuck, man – he’s been living in hell…”

  Jack sobbed again and I gave Darren a warning look to stop telling us stuff. He nodded and put his arm back around Jack and shushed him. I totally got the feeling that they were closer than they were letting on.

  I stood up and pasted on a bright smile, “Well, I’m hoping to be allowed to see him soon. Do you two want to hang around and see him too?”

  Darren nodded, “If we’re allowed – definitely.” He said, “But where’s the psycho dad?” he looked worried, “I don’t think I could handle trying to act like nothing’s going on…”

  I blanched, “Oh, God. I’m sorry. I never said – he’s dead.”

  Darren’s eyes widened, “How?” By the look on his face, I got the feeling he thought his best friend had killed his own dad.

  “His uncle turned up. There was a struggle and he got shot somehow or other,” I said hurriedly, “After he’d beaten Benny almost to death, that was.”

  “Shit,” Darren murmured, running his hand through his hair, “This is heavy stuff.”

  Damned right it was… he was going to need counselling for sure.

  I looked up as the nurse came towards us with a smile. “Cade?”

 

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